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Obviously, we're all here reading TTAC because we fell in love with Farago's vision of what an automotive publication should be; honest, funny, insightful and when necessary, brutal. While our dear leader is on the mend — and he is on the mend — the staff here at TTAC has decided to conduct a "best of" post, compiled by you, our readers. If the mood strikes you, please post your favorite TTAC car review, rant or podcast and then explain why. Bonus points will be awarded for selecting the correct answer (hint: Flying Vagina!).
30 Comments on “QOTD: Let The Inmates Get Some...”
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Subaru B9 TriBeCa.
Best lede and one sentence-summary of a car: “I probably shouldn’t admit to auditory hallucinations, but every time I sat behind the new Civic’s diminutive silver and black steering wheel, I heard the Star Wars theme welling-up inside my head.”
The first 2 things I read when I found this site by chance in October of 2005, were the “truth about oil” and “truth about gas” articles, in the wake of $3.50/gal prices from Katrina.
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=1457
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=1685
They were quite well written, and it drew me in further – I bookmarked and kept coming back for Cap’n Farago’s endlessly entertaining and informative GM Deathwatch Series…then I started reading the car reviews. Beautiful.
Since then I’ve become a loyal reader…but I’m having trouble deciding on a fave review or article…too many stand out.
The whole GM Death Watch is the main reason I started to read TTC
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=48
“Press the right pedal and the British-made SUV doesn’t administer the G-force jolt pistonheads crave. Instead, it unleashes something just as intoxicating: a seamless surge of forward progress known to the luxury-class cognoscenti as “imperious wafting”. Within minutes, driving slowly is as sensually satisfying as lying in a hot tub after a long day’s work. Ten minutes later and the “go-faster” part of your brain goes numb.”
One of my favorite Farago quotes. Makes me almost want an LR3, but for the crappy mileage, questionable styling, horrific repair record (Discovery), and expense!
The Pontiac Comp G was my personal favorite.
“The instant I mashed the go pedal I realized that a Comp G at full chat handles just like a Ferrari. Not the car; the logo. The one with the rearing stallion…. Once the Comp G’s front hooves found purchase, once the ironically named StabiliTrak system tamed the torque steer tsunami, the Comp G rocketed forward with welcome determination… The Comp G’s front end is its only distinctive feature. It resembles nothing so much as a slightly demented Pokemon character.”
Classic stuff
I love this line from Jay Shoemaker’s review of the Aston Martin DB9 just a few weeks ago:
“A little message appears on the dashboard display: ???Power, Beauty, Soul!??? If the DB9 conformed to the UK???s truth in advertising laws, it would???ve read: ???Ponderous, Expensive, Fragile!??? I should have revved the motor a few times, switched off the car, got out and stared at it some more.”
An office neighbour wondered what the guffaw was about when I read that line. I’m glad I didn’t have a mouthful of coffee at the time. I also enjoyed the first line, wherein the scribe didn’t know whether to drive the car or sleep with it. Where else but TTAC will you find that kind of writing?
Here’s mine…
Mitsubishi Eclipse GT
“It’s been a while since I’ve driven a death car.”
Priceless.
Indeed — the Eclipse review is fantastic
“But here’s the problem: an enthusiast can no more resist giving the Eclipse GT’s go pedal a proper pasting than they can avoid thumbing through sleazy car mags at a drug store.”
Ooh, that’s a hard one. The Pontiac GT review made me a fan for life. The WRX STi and Tribeca reviews were fantastic, and the Civic Hybrid review had me on the floor. And then you’ve got lines like, “To put it bluntly, the Boxster’s a blowjob with wheels,” and it’s companion quote regarding “more cargasms per mile.” I don’t know where you guys come up with this stuff.
I think my all-time fave might have to be the Honda Odyssey review though… “Where Aston’s GT accelerates from 0 to 60 in less than five seconds, Honda’s grand tourer seats one to seven children in less than two arguments.” And, “While I wouldn’t choose an Odyssey for pure kinetic pleasure, it’s the only minivan that doesn’t make me wish I’d had a vasectomy.” *wipes tear from eye* Good times, good times.
I had not read that Eclipse review before…but it surely is a goldmine…
“In short, the Mitsubishi Eclipse GT is the kind of car Prince Charles would have bought his ex-wife if she’d survived her Parisian jaunt that fateful August morning.”
The Subaru review has to be the top. Any article that mentions flying vagina and fallopian tube dash gets my vote.
Yah, I snorked out loud when I read that one – I was currently keeping company with the Tribeca at the time.
Although, damn, I don’t know what (or whose?) he was looking at to be so inspired.
The man lives with five females.
And they all look like that?
Oy!
Bently Boyz
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=499
“F*** them ol’ Bentleys and Lamborghinis, all that ol’ foreign shit. You can pull into the neighborhood and nobody knows what the f*** it is. Meanwhile, I can pull up right next to that n***a in a stocked-out, candy-kitted Cadillac and the whole hood will light up.”
Subaru WRX STi
“Goad the riot pedal, and passers-by stare. Car alarms chirrup nervously. BP hurriedly erects another gas station.”
Good stuff.
If we’re the inmates, does that make Lieberman…….. Nurse Ratched ?
The BMW M5 review.
“Why BMW would give one of the world’s fastest sedans the world’s worst gearbox is a question almost as difficult as finding a suitable way to use the damn thing”
That required a lot of guts to say that, when 99% of the automotive press is happy to kiss BMW’s ass.
TTAC paid the price for that kind of honesty, but earned the reputation as “the real deal”.
Johnny Canada — I prefer to think of myself as that large Indian fellow.
Personally, I loved the KBB “cool cars” podcast. That wound up being a complete clash of two incompatible mindsets.
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/?p=1626
The Death Watch is what hooked me originally, though, and it’s what has kept me coming back.
The Tribeca review made me laugh, but the IS350 and Ford Sportrac reviews were needlessly harsh and pissed me off.
Though not the greatest review available here, my favorite review is the one that converted me to TTAC, that of the Scion tC. A few excerpts:
“Inside, the tC is even less Scionly. The traditional-looking gauges are traditionally mounted (the xA and xB have funky dials mounted in the center of the dash; perhaps they move left when the cars hit puberty).”
“The all-season Pirellis wrapped around the tC’s optional 18″ Enkeis provide less feedback than a 20-watt guitar amp.”
“Speed does not equal soul.”
Genital jokes, musical reference, and deep truth. Despite telling myself that I had outgrown my taste for the first, the quote really did keep me chuckling for the next few days. Also, the whole affair with the cargo cover (too long to quote here) was very funny.
Kamikaze — Sport Trac? There wasn’t anything good about the vehicle.
Interior was bad, utility was bad, ride was bad, gas mileage was abysmal…
What should I have said? I liked the paint job?
(I didn’t)
Johnny don’t get me wrong here, the ST is not a great vehicle, but it’s not nearly as bad as you make it out to be. The majority of the people out there don’t want a full size truck for daily use. They want to avoid parking a giant rig, and they want it to fit in the garage. A full size F-150 or Avalanche simply won’t.
Further your comments about your passenger almost “busting an axle” was ridiculous. I would hope that as an automotive “authority” you”d know most 4x4s require at least a few steps in order to get the vehicle into 4×4 low.
FYI:
Shifting to/from 4X4 LOW (4WD Low)
1. Bring the vehicle to a complete stop
2. Depress the brake.
3. Place the transmission in N (Neutral).
4. Press the desired 4WD position.
– If shifting into 4X4 Low (4WD Low), wait for the 4X4 LOW light in the instrument cluster to turn on indicateing the shift is complete.
I liked Sajeev Mehta’s review of the Mighty Mighty Grand Marquis. It was well-written, fair, and funny. Does the fact that I own two brick house Grandmas influence my preference? No way!
Ya know, that was a great car to review. The car’s inherent value, rich history and wholesome auto-goodness wrote the article by itself. Every time I see a Panther chassis (that isn’t a cop) I hear the intro to that song. Sweetness.
I like Jay’s review of the latest S-class…the intro paragraph pretty much said it all.
I vote for two by Bob Eaton: his piece on the “car of the future” wherein which he substantiated his case for the internal combustion engine’s continued use (near term of the next 20 years or so) and his piece on why Lincoln, by going “downscale,” was emulating the error(s) made by the late, great marque of Packard.
Opinions are indeed like derrieres and everybody has them. Bob Eaton gives opinions with solid facts and historical context. His writing helps balance out some of the more whimsical stuff at this site. Whimsy is good but like Joe Friday might have said, facts are even better.
C Douglas Weir
“The HHR’s body roll is epic; like turning a bass boat sideways to a howling gale.”
The HHR was the first product to get me to test-drive a chevy in 10 years, and it was just as I remembered Chevys being. Underpowered, understopped, and sloppy cornering. When I think of a regular chevy’s performance (i.e., not the Corvette), I think of driving a bowl of grits.
my fav and the one that got me hooked was of the Chrysler 300 SRT8. “Did I mention that the 300C SRT-8 doesn’t like to let go of its revs? Lift off the gas and there’s no danger of engine braking; starving the 6.1-liter Hemi of dead dinoflagellates has about as much immediate effect as switching off the afterburners on an F15. Not to put too fine a point on it, the 300C SRT-8 is a blat – coast – blat kinda car. Oh, and the five-speed gearbox (a Mercedes E-Class hand-me-down) is as fond of kickdown as the Toyota Prius is of low revs. The big Chrysler can resist anything except acceleration.” haha. great stuff. and the following papragraph is real nice too.
“Right. Where were we? Oh yes, in dire need of stoppage. And stop we shall. If a car is only as good as its brakes, Chrysler’s flagship muscle car is a match for the very best. Both the SRT-8 and BMW’s M5 require only 110 feet of pavement to slow themselves from sixty to zero. While the SRT-8’s left pedal doesn’t offer much in the way of initial feel, the massive anchors are powerful enough to yank you out of the trouble that the steroidal engine can oh-so-easily put you in”.