During my soujourn on the other side of the pond, I was delighted to score an early drive in the new CL550. Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was somewhat blunted by the French Mercedes salesman’s incessant questioning. He kept interrupting my concentration to ask me how to adjust his seat massage system. Then, thanks to his oafish fiddling with the car's COMAND navigation system, I was distracted by a computerized frenchwoman ordering me to make a U-turn s’il possible. I contemplated pulling over sur le grand-rue to garrote both of my companions, but I couldn’t find a Parisian parking space of sufficient enormity to berth the German dreadnought. Tant pis pour moi.
America used to build gigantic Eldorado and Continental coupes like this: impossibly large luxobarges with rocker panels suitable for a secret stash. No more. The list of modern coupes just under 200 inches long begins and ends with the CL550. While the mighty Merc shrinks when you weigh anchor, we’re still talking about a two-door that’s only slightly larger than a Range Rover. Aside from Darth Vader’s Maybach-derived Exelero, automotive size-queens have found their car.
Of course, coupes of all dimensions generally succeed on their appearance. Although there's more than a touch of CLS to the rear, the CL550’s got so much snout you’d be forgiven for thinking that mon ami photographed the test car with a porno lens. Still, props where props are due: the latest CL is sexy in a German Cabaret sort of way: projecting a mix of brand appropriate aristocratic arrogance and unabashed kink. In fact, I suspect more than a few Parisian pedestrians thought my nearasdammit $100k ride deserved immediate immolation.
Luckily, California hasn’t had a proper riot for years. And anyway, the monster Merc is an inside out kinda car, reserving most of its delights for the cabin’s residents. Of course, all the luxury toys are present and accounted for. The materials may be a bit serious minded, but they're well up to the Bentley benchmark. On the downside, despite winning a gong from a German authority on seating comfort (the mind boggles), I couldn’t find a comfortable sitting position– no matter how much I tilted, squabbed and lumbared. Clearly, the CL550's chairs were designed for drivers whose girth matches their motor’s.
Big yes, but this behemoth can boogie. To make Merc’s two-and-a-quarter-ton two-door handle like a car rather than, say, a tank, Munich’s boffins deployed second generation ABC (Active Body Control). The faster acting hydraulic servos transform the elephantine CL550 into something approximating an anti-gravity device. Roll, dive and/or squat are virtually nonexistent, at any speed, during any maneuver. Grip is available in appropriately large doses. Of course, with the sound insulation, the CL550’s tires could have been squealing like teenage girls at an Orlando Bloom film festival for all I know.
That’s the penalty for the poise: a dearth of dynamic feedback. Not only is your body isolated from anything other than graduated G-forces, but the CL550’s steering (complete with bus-like helm) is too slow and numb for rewarding control. Mercedes’ seven speed transmission, rightly and universally praised for its seamless cog swapping, adds to the non-sense of isolation. In fact, with Mercedes' ever-improving sound system cranking out insufferable Europop, the CL550 could well be the world’s fastest driving simulator– if you know what I mean.
If only the video screens windows provided a better image view. The CL550’s front windscreen is a bit of a bunker slit, the rear pillar is to three quarter visibility what sweatshirts are to bikini tops, and the back bumper is a few klicks to the rear. Good thing Merc provides CL550 pilots with parking aids fore and aft, night vision assist and Distronic plus radar-guided cruise control. While the technology protects against inflating insurance premiums, it adds to the feeling that the owner’s role in the erstwhile driving experience could be a little, um, superfluous.
Disengage cruise control, depress the go-pedal and there’s a large measure of hanging on involved. The CL550 sprints from rest to sixty in 5.4 seconds. The top end is electronically limited to 155mph– the exact point at which the heavy machine begins to feel nimble. Unless you’ve done serious circus time as human cannonball or the automotive equivalent thereof (i.e. own a Brabus-fettled Merc), the CL550’s in-gear acceleration doesn’t disappoint. The brakes are formidable! Or so the salesmen said when I avoided squishing an old Peugeot like a new accordion.
As I returned the CL550’s key fob to the friendly Frenchman, I wondered who’d end up owning the car. Back when I was an aspiring plutocrat, I found the last generation CL hugely appealing. Now that most of the plutocratic population is either behind bars or awaiting sentencing, this group’s sway over the buying habits of the upwardly mobile has diminished. These days it’s bling avant tout. (Hence the CLS550.) Still, there’s a soft spot in my heart– and an empty spot in my garage– for this extravagent teleportation chamber. Sometimes getting there is more than half the fun.
Shoemaker: Most of what you wrote about applies also to the old W125 CL, but how did the driving dynamics and comfort compare? Is the 2nd gen ABC really superior in the real world? I too love big luxo-performance coupes. I grew up with all the domestic behemoths, and have lamented their gradual decline. Great article….can't wait to try out the new CL600 on our shores.
i have never been a fan of MB. to my eye the only diff is size and the letters/numbers glue to the back. nice cars. nice performance. but they are a snooze to look at.
yawn…. I saw one of these on my way to work a couple weeks ago. I didn’t care for the front end at all, the rest of the enormity was pretty typical MB coupe . I periodically catch pre-production MB cars without badges or in all black paint with black wheels and agian without badges or with other details intentionally obscured. This CL, the GL, smart coupe, A class etc… shame I dont dig the MB thing and carry a camera.
In Europe, the CL550 is still called CL500. The same goes for all the other old 500 new (in America) 550 models. Only for marketing reasons I guess, because it’s basically the same engine.
If anything is changed at all it’ll only be for emission standards. That’s also why every European BMW has a little more HP than it’s American counterpart. Not that this all changes anything in respect to the review :)
2006300c:
You realize that the car being reviewed is German, not French?
Just like your 300C — German.
It’s nice that they beefed up the new car’s proportions over the last S-Class coupe (CL).
The predecessor (the double headlamped W215 that debuted in 2000) was a svelte car with classic C-pillar lines that harkened back to the swinging 60s.
The front of the car was a bit too mouse-ish, however, and lacked the préstance of its forebear the W140 SEC/CL of the 1990s.
As svelte and techy as this new CL is, it is unlikely to make (and hasn’t) the kind of sensational waves that the W126 500/560SEC made in the 1980s. That car started as an instant classic and has remained thus ever since. This CL will age about as well as a Lexus ES350.
Jonny,
Correction: only 20% German, the rest built right here in the good ol’ U. S. of — wait a minute, Canada?
The driving dynamics of the new CL are virtually identical to the new S Class, a bit of a disappointment to me. In the previous generation CL, it had more of its own, and more sporting, personality. As is the case with most of the Mercedes line these days, it is important to spec out a car with the sport package to enhance road feel. All in all, the driving experience is too isolated for my taste, something I suspect the boys from AMG will rectify.
Munich??? was it a Bimmer or a Merc…
I’ve found that the “old media” consistently overrates MB vehicles. Could it be the press junkets ? In any case, Jay’s insight into MB’s products are always entertaining and appreciated.
I tried to get invited to a press junket but the Mercedes folks told me they had so many new car introductions this year that they had no money left for the CL. I held my own personal junket at L’ami Louis and am still recovering.
Im sure that no one from Munich had anything to do with the design and engineering of this car…
BTW Jay,
It’s either “Bling avant tout” or my favourite: Bling”über alles” ;-)
Jonny:
You do realize the evaluation took place in France right?
For the last time. DCX is a multinational organization. Chrysler is its American wing and Mercedes is it’s German one. It has DUAL headquarters in Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg and Auburn Hills, Michigan.
As for being built in Canada, Canada is to the USA what Austria is to Germany so …yeah. Also, many BMWs and Mercedes Benzes are built in Alabama, does that make them redneckien? Git R done yuppies!!!!!
the 300x is MBs left overs, thrown into the microwave for alittle to long. dont bitter about it. its still a MB.
Thanks Jonny…I never turn down a free drink (unless I’m driving). I don’t consider myself a huge fan of beer, but still have one on occasion to see if my taste buds are changing.
Jay: For this test, do the salesman generally understand that you are test driving for a review? I’ve always wanted to test drive a MB…but since I’m not seriously in the market for one, I’ve never wanted to waste the salesmans time. I’m glad I can live vicariously through you all!
Jim,
I just bottled a Belgian that weighs in at 16.9% abv.
Much more like a port than a beer.
…so how big is the trunk?
I think it’s about 16 cu ft.
“the rear pillar is to three quarter visibility what sweatshirts are to bikini tops”
Huh?
Picture a woman in a sweatshirt.
Now picture her in a bikini
See the difference?
Yeah, but what does that have to with a C pillar blind spot?
The blind spot is bad because the pillar is thick (like a sweatshirt) which obstructs rear vision and sightlines. The chop top look on my car causes the same problem.
“Is the 2nd gen ABC really superior in the real world?”
No. One of my friends managed to get half the ABC system to lift one side of the car higher than the other at a dead stop.
Blessed be those who imbibe my wines.
Dammit, I’d hate for a C pillar to get in the way of seeing that cute brunette in a bikini!
Ahem, not that I ever take my eyes off the road…
I have removed the anti-French comments under this article and the replies to same. (Please note: Mr. Shoemaker was not attacking the French in general.) Also, while I will allow political discussions relating to the issues raised by TTAC's reviews and rants, there are limits. Here are the basic rules, in case you've forgotten. 1. No accusations of anti-domestic bias against this site, its authors or commentators. Any such comments can be sent directly to me at robertfarago@thetruthaboutcars.com. 2. No personal attacks. 3. No bad language. OK, limited bad language. 3. Nothing exceedingly off topic.
“While the mighty Merc shrinks when you cast anchor…”
So you’re saying that it shrinks when you stop?
I would think it seemed smaller from the drivers seat while underway, which would mean you had “weighed anchor”.
Sorry, I am in the Navy, so I couldn’t let it pass.