Ladies' Home Journal, Parenting, Better Homes & Gardens, In Style, Cookie Magazine, Cooking Light, Domino, Health, Home, Nick Jr. Magazine, Pregnancy, Self, Working Mother and Babytalk. In case you were thinking Mr. Karesh's review of the new all-new Dodge Caravan indicated that Chrysler is targeting its Man-Van at a male demographic, those are the mags that will feature ads for the people mover. And yet, this Sunday, right in the heart of NFL TV time, The Dodge Boys are running ads showing Man-Van family bonding (with Dad at the helm) to entice "young families" into their Caravan of love. Is Dodge having problems with its sexuality? Perhaps. Remember the brouhaha about the Dodge Caliber, the fairy and the [alleged] fairy? Another clue: at the same time it's rolling out it's Man-Van, Dodge is introducing their new tagline. They're trading "Grab Your Package And Drive a Muy Macho Dodge You Horny Bastard" (or something like that) to the deeply androgynous "Grab Life." Yes, and then what?

Whatever you think about the evils of apartheid, the transition from Rhodesia to Robert Mugabeland has seen one of Africa's wealthiest, best-organized free market economies slide into corruption, shortages and misery. To wit: allAfrica.com's report on the Minister of Energy and Power Development's remarks at the opening of a National Oil Company of Zimbabwe (Noczim) service station in Matshobana. "The country is facing critical fuel shortages," Mike Nyambuya admitted "As [the] government, we encourage all Zimbabweans to reduce the number of cars on the country's roads and walk to save the scarce fuel we have." No surprise there; the shortages have been ongoing since 1999. As Mugabe has frozen gas prices and awarded Noczim exclusive rights to import fuel into the country, nothing much is about to change. But just in case you thought Nyambuya was expressing solidarity with Zim's long-suffering motorists, he played the class warfare card. "In most developed countries, especially in Western countries company executives wearing expensive suits use public transport or walk to work but here in Zimbabwe one person wants to have 10 cars on the road each day." Fat chance.

The Detroit News reports that Chrysler is setting-up a mean, green "skunk works" team. Their mission: accelerate the automaker's [previously non-existent] efforts to produce brand spanking new hybrid vehicles. Chrysler's spokesman confirmed our suspicions that the ADD-speak name of the new unit– ENVI– reflects an ongoing lack of focus at the Crisis Corportation. "It's always been our position that we have our fingers on everything," Nick Cappa revealed, continuity-wise. "It's important to have a lot of resources in all the technologies, especially something as hot as hybrids." Just so. Chrysler will also continue its push for diesel powerplants, and roll-out two-mode hybrid versions of the decidedly Dodgy Chrysler Aspen and its Durango donor. So how soon will ENVI's cardinal sins hit the market? Cappa will only say that product development will be "fast." No joke; the clock is ticking. 

India's Economic Times is reporting that automaker Mahindra & Mahindra (M&M) has decided not to buy the British bits of Ford's floundering folly, the Premium Automotive Group. According to The Times, unnamed "investment banking executives" say concerns about Ford's ability to supply competitive powertrains for future Landies and Jags gave the Indian suitor cold feet. In other words, new EU CO2 regulations will force the companies to ditch their current engine lineup for more efficient powerplants. This increasingly central concern suggests that Land Rover and Jaguar would be safer in the hands of an automaker ready to make the switch than the former FoMoCo-led private equity groups looking to buy the Brits. That could only be India's Tata Motors, whose partner FIAT says it's ready to provide "technical support" for Tata's overseas adventure. Still, at the end of the proverbial English day, Ford will most probably sell its damaged brands to… the highest bidder.

My initial reaction to the 2008 Dodge Grand Caravan: “What were you guys thinking?” The new minivan’s boxy, big-nosed exterior flies in the face of two decades of design evolution. The equally artless interior is awash in plastic that looks as hard as it feels and feels as hard as it looks. But then, while driving one, it hit me: Chrysler is targeting men. Not metrosexuals. Not pistonheads. They’re looking to lure manly men: the kind of guys who buy pickup trucks (real pickups, not the ones with fancy trimmings). Aesthetically as well as functionally, the new Grand Caravan is the work truck of minivans.

Sorry; I went off on a major tangent. Let's try the on-message thing again. So… the podcast focused on Newsweek's list of eight vehicles Chrysler should kill. Me, I'm Machiavellian. Cut more deeply than you have to. So I'd terminate everything Chrysler makes except the 300. If you must, keep the Town and Country minivan. But make it the world's fanciest minivan. Move both models WAY upmarket. Why not? Who's representing American luxury? Caddy doesn't get it. Lincoln's dead. Once more into the breach, dear Chrysler! Dodge? If their current passenger car lineup proves anything, it's that Dodge can't build a competitive small or mid-sized car. No way Jose (or the Chinese equivalent). Just drop it. Build pickup trucks. Three sizes: small (remember small?), medium and friggin' gigantic. Done. Jeep? Kill everything except the Wrangler (two sizes) and the Grand Cherokee. Sound risky? Never was anything great achieved without danger. Anyway, who cares about cars, minivans or trucks? Boot'em Bob's first job should be booting them. Why is LaSorda still in situ? Why is Nardelli embarking on a full court press when he hasn't retired the losing team members? In fact, why haven't thousands of Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep white collar workers been fired? It's completely obvious to me– and Nicolo– that the only way to "cure" a diseased corporate culture is to leave it knee deep in blood. If Bob isn't true to his moniker, mark my words, all will be lost, both for Chrysler and Nardelli. As Big Mac said, "it is much more secure to be feared than to be loved."

GM vs. Toyota over alt. propulsion. Now it's Time vs. Newsweek over crap cars. Not to be outdone by Dan Neil's selection of the 50 Worst Cars of All Time for Time, Newsweek's Keith Naughton got a list of 8 Chryslers That've Outlived their Time. After an excellent article on Chrysler CEO Boot'em Bob Nardelli's speech at the Detroit Athletic Club ("Speaking without cue cards to a room full of automotive reporters, he was heavy on GE-speak, waxing on about his 'vertical learning curve' and 'granularity.'"), Naughton gets out the automotive cyanide. The models Naughton– I mean "industry analysts" would send to the crusher are the TTAC TWAT-winning Chrysler Aspen and Jeep Compass; the Jeep Liberty, Dodge Magnum, Nitro and Dakota; Chrysler Pacifica and Sebring. How many of these will make this year's TWATs? Stay tuned.

According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, most new cars contain data recorders. While the information captured by the box (speed, direction, etc.) could work in your favor after an accident, things could just as easily go the other way. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) gets it, calling data recorders the “spy in your car.” According to the ACLU’s privacy director in Seattle, "It's my information not public information." Insurance companies and the police beg to differ. While that battle plays out, the public at large remains ignorant of their hidden homie. “Not one driver I interviewed knew they had a silent witness on board,” says KOMO TV reporter Michelle Esteban. As of 2011, automakers must notify car owners they’ve got a flight recorder on board. Be sure to check page 374 of your owner’s manual.

Bad branding was one of the prominent themes of TTAC’s 2006 Ten Worst Automobiles Today (TWAT) awards. No fewer than four vehicles on the list were derided for their corrosive effect on their brand. Ahead of our ’07 rundown (so to speak), RF has thrown a spear at Lexus’ decision to launch a performance-oriented F-Series sub-brand. The publisher claims a hot shit Lexus derivative is bad branding on wheels. So will a Lexus’ F-Series eventually find a place in TTAC’s Hall of Shame, or is it simply a case of line extension done right? 

Regular readers of this site will know we've been monitoring the UK government's anti-car stance closely. But we didn't see this coming. After an article in the medical journal Lancet concluded that London would need to be completely car-free to meet its CO2 reduction goals, the idea has started to gain traction amongst British environmental groups and politicians. The report's author, James Woodcock of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, says the numbers don't lie. "Aside from cutting transportation emissions across London by 72 percent, shunning car journeys would decrease the risk of premature death in certain people by as much as 40 percent." At a press conference attended by Bloomberg, Woodcock's colleague Andrew Prentice suggested extending the scope of London's congestion charge zone into outer boroughs. He also recommended upping the charge to 50 or 100 pounds ($100 or $200) "to show people what the city would be like without traffic.'' The BBC reports that London Green Party member Jenny Jones has another idea: "I have asked the London mayor to do a feasibility study into creating a car free pedestrian zone in central London linking all the main squares and parks." 

Leave it to the Germans to try to quantify driving pleasure. Gizmag tells of a project underway at Mercedes Benz to analyze the emotions felt by people as they drive and interact with their cars. Using a computer that interprets facial expressions as emotional responses, they videotaped eight different drivers as they piloted a new C-Class and a 1983 190E through a number of test courses. Preliminary statements made by participants indicated they thought vehicle control and safety– which the C-Class has in spades over the 190E thanks to modern electronics– were the main factors contributing to driving pleasure. However, when they analyzed the videos, they found something different: some participants "enjoyed driving the older car, smiling when the rear end drifted slightly on tight bends of the handling course." Mercedes plans to use the data gained through this research not only to make their cars safer, but "also develop cars with a greater level of agility and dynamism to enhance driver enjoyment." They could start by killing firing all their lawyers, and then returning full control of their cars' various electronic systems to the driver.

California-based utility Pacific Gas & Electric (PG&E ) has formed a partnership with aspiring electric automobile manufacturer Tesla Motors to "further evolve" vehicle-to-grid (V2G) recharging technology. Tesla's Chief Technology Officer JB Straubel announced a new piece of jargon– MotorsSmart charging– and quickly moved to quash any idea that Tesla recharging would be a two-way e-street. "The vehicle does not provide power back to the grid. Instead, the vehicle charging rate is controlled remotely in order to support the operation of the grid or to best match load to the availability of intermittent renewable energy resources such as wind and solar." Huh? Did he just say that Tesla Roadsters' recharging can be automatically restricted to those times when the California power grid is running on renewable resources? Yup. "Tesla Motors' goal in developing V2G is to eventually [our emphasis] provide our customers with an option that could reduce their cost of electricity for vehicle charging while supporting greater penetration of renewable energy on the grid." Promises, promises. Meanwhile, PG&E gets a way to restrict encourage company-compatible recharging timing so that their grid isn't overwhelmed by plug-in vehicles. As if. If only?

Carmakers spend millions of dollars on producing concept cars for the Frankfurt Auto Show et. al. But what is a concept car? Is it something a car company is going to do, wants to do, or might one day do? Yes. There are three main categories: teasers (cars that will eventually hit the market in castrated form), styling exercises (masturbatory, image-building efforts that showcase a carmaker's abilities) and science fiction (the shape of things not to come). Needless to say, teasers first.

The Detroit News reports that U.S. District Judge William K. Sessions III rejected automakers' attempt to keep Vermont and 10 other states from adopting California's stricter emission standards. Vermont's brief argued that the Mountain State needs the new standards to protect their maple syrup and skiing industries from the environmental impact of auto-related greenhouse gases. (No mention was made of the environmental impact of these two industries.) The automakers countered that meeting the standards would too costly, if not impossible. Sessions' ruling stated "The court remains unconvinced automakers cannot meet the challenge of Vermont and California's [greenhouse gas] regulations" because they "fail to demonstrate that the regulation is not feasible, given the flawed assumptions and overly conservative selection of technologies documented." Sierra Club lawyer David Bookbinder hailed the decision as a triumph over "another example of Detroit crying wolf." Incidentally, the court's decision was 240 pages long. One wonders how many trees were cut down to publish this ruling.

Speaking to the Detroit Free Press, Saturn brand manager Jill Lajdziak's threw down the gauntlet to Toyota (again), promising a "2009-ish" debut for a plug-in hybrid Vue. The new Vue's drivetrain will differ from the "mild hybrid" Vue currently on offer; it'll be based on the two-mode hybrid system debuting on the Tahoe. And guess what? She's [smack] talking lithium-ion batteries! The plug-in Vue will be limited to a 10-mile range in purely electric mode. In other news, Lajdziak hinted that Saturn may also offer some of the diesel engines found in the Rethink American brand's Opel doppelgängers. Referencing the engineering connection between the two brands, Lajdziak said "it's a natural for us to consider diesel." OK Toyota, time to talk about your Isuzu oil burners.