Unlike the vast majority of their American counterparts, auto scribes scribbling in The Land of Hope and Glory are not shy about coming forward when they test a car that sucks. As American fans of Jeremy Clarkson will tell you, built-in ethnocentrism only makes things worse (better?). In this case, Mr. Clarkson's colleague at The Times, Andrew Frankel, rises to the rhetorical challenge of ripping Chrysler's new Grand Voyager (in Euro-spec diesel trim) a new one. First the good news: "Not only has it been renamed the Grand Voyager, it is also longer than a Mercedes S-class. And provided you don’t make the mistake of driving it anywhere, it’s really rather wonderful." After chronicling the toys lurking within Mr. Nardelli's Wonder Emporium, Frankel gets the party started. "If I tell you the engine is a close relative of that used by London taxis, you’ll perhaps see where the problems start. Chrysler won’t release any performance figures for this car and, frankly, nor would I… That’s not the only problem. The engine is clattery and unrefined, even at the modest speeds at which the Grand Voyager can be persuaded to cruise. And while Chrysler’s engineers seem pleased with the new suspension they designed for the car, its handling is vague and ponderous… Yes, the Grand Voyager can swallow all the people and possessions you could possibly want to throw through its electrically sliding doors. The only problem is that once they’re in, you’re not going to want to take them anywhere." Ow.
Find Reviews by Make:
Read all comments
Posted in error.
Speaking of Jeremy Clarkson and Chrysler vans, he recently wrote a funny article panning the Dodge Grand Caravan that he rented:
http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article2361393.ece
I hope manufacturers begin to realize that for many people, their experiences with a rental can also reflect on their purchasing decisions. I recently rented a Nissan Versa while on a business trip, because I was interested in checking it out after seeing positive reviews about it on the net. I’m not sure if the car I rented is the same version that gets sold to the general market, but I ended up driving a heaping pile of rubbish that felt as if Nissan just went out and copied the design from Daewoo to save money. I think I enjoyed my recent trip to the dentist more than driving the darned thing through the mountains of BC. While driving the Versa was about as much fun as having my teeth drilled, at least the staff at the dentist’s office was a hell of a lot better looking.
Needless to say, I’m no longer interested in any Nissan products.
I love British humor and they way they just rip things up. Some of the funniest things I’ve ever read were Brits complaining about something. Totally mastery of the language, hands down.
It is hard to imagine a vehicle less suited to traveling around the UK than a Chrysler minivan.
Sometimes just throwing in a diesel engine is NOT the answer.
I’ve never quite understood the phenomenon of having a car reviewer (who is presumably a sports car or racing car enthusiast) review a mundane people mover or pickup truck and then have him rip it to shreds on its supposed lack of performance or refinment. It seems a little like shooting fish in a barrel.
It’s a mini van, for God’s sake! Criticizing a minivan because it’s not fun to drive is like criticizing a Porsche 911 because it doesn’t have a 3rd row seat or twenty cup holders. Similarly, complaining that a pickup truck has a harsh ride or corners like a grocery cart is like complaining that a corvette doesn’t have 10″ of ground clearance and locking differentials front and rear.
You might as well ask the NY times theater critic to critique a kindergarten Christmas play. I’m sure he could write a devastatingly nasty column about missed lines, poor acting skills and bad direction.
What Martin said goes for me too.
I love this comment about the Aston V8 Vantage Roadster by Clarkson:
“[]worrying about any of them [he had some issues with small odds and ends] in a pretty car like the Vantage is like climbing into bed with a supermodel and noticing she has slightly unruly pubes.”
Try imagining them printing THAT in Car and Driver…
For what it’s worth, Clarkson really likes the Ford S-Max and the Skoda roomster. Reviews of people movers is completely appropriate. Are they expected to be performance vehicles? No. But that doesn’t mean they have to have coarse powerless engines, atrocious handling and crap interiors. Plenty to review.
I hate to say it, but Clarkson’s reviews seem a bit…formulaic. He spends the first half talking about…something, I’m not sure. It sure as shootin’ isn’t the car. Then, in about two paragraphs he either canonizes it or blows it up, sets it on fire, buries it with a bomb, and pees on the grave before blowing it up again. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground with some reviewers.
What on earth are “unruly pubes”? Clarkson claims to be English? Even I can use the English language better than that. From Merriam-Webster, “Unruly: not readily ruled, disciplined or managed.”
Hairy nipples works.
Try imagining them printing THAT in Car and Driver…
C&D had a modicum of wit back in the David E. Davis era, but it seems to have been bleached out years ago by the suffocating blandness of corporate micromanagement.
I wish the US mags had the opinionated guts of their UK counterparts. Not long ago, CAR Magazine had a full-page illustrated cartoon on the subject of Daimler Chrysler’s CEO, titled,
“Juergen Schremmp, The World’s Worst Auto Executive”!
Not totally true. A couple of years ago, Automobile Magazine had a cover line under some Ford concept car, “Proof That Ford Has Run Entirely Out of Ideas.”
Unfortunately, for the most part Automobile is the worst written and blandest of the “big 4” US auto rags, with MT a very close second. Is Sports Car International a US magazine? They actually had the gall to say that the Solstice is rather lousy, which none of the other mags would even go near. Greatest car ever!