To paraphrase Mark Twain, rumors of Bob Lutz' retirement have been greatly exaggerated. Or at least that's what GM's septuagenarian product czar told Automotive News [sub] yesterday. In an email sent to the automotive publication he wrote, "Read my lips: I am not thinking retirement. The job is better than ever, and so is GM!!!!" He claims he told the AP that he would not retire before the Volt launches, but didn't say he was going to retire when it launched. AP's Detroit bureau chief, Charles Hill, stands by their story: "The context of the interview reported in our Dec. 11 story about Robert Lutz clearly was retirement. The story is an accurate account of the interview." Meanwhile, on the topic of retirement, Lutz asserts he'll "take it one year at at time." You can bet, though, with the precarious perch GM's sitting on, he's keeping that golden parachute within easy reach.

In a strident rebuttal of yesterday's GM Death Watch 157, the Detroit Free Press' Mark Phalen is singing GM's praises. The Motown scribe proclaims that GM supporters "can be reasonably confident the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train." Phalen bases this assessment on the fact that four of the six finalists for this year's 2008 North American Car and Truck of the Year (NACOTY) awards are from GM (Cadillac CTS, Chevy Malibu, Buick Enclave, and Chevy Tahoe Hybrid).  Forty-six journalists from the US and Canada (isn't Mexico still part of North America too?) will vote later this month on the continent's top car. The winner will be announced at the North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) next month, the annual PR-fest sponsored by the Detroit Area Dealer's Association, to which TTAC has been denied access.

CNNMoney's caught diesel fever, echoing "experts" predicting sales of oil burners stateside are set to rise by 300 percent over the next ten years. That's "partly because diesel engines generally deliver anywhere from 20 to 40 percent better fuel economy than gasoline-powered engines, depending on the vehicle and engine size." While we’re impressed by the assertion's qualifier count, and wonder what the other part of "partly" might be (it can't be diesel engines' higher production costs), the real mystery is how CNN could write such a blatantly pro-diesel piece without once mentioning the word "particulates." Or comparing European diesel tailpipe regs to California's (which sets the U.S. standard). Instead, we get the happy-clappies from Patrik Borenius, manager of advanced product planning for Mercedes. "The new clean-diesel engines provide three key benefits," Borenius opined. "It's a more fuel-efficient technology, so the customer gets better gas mileage; it offers environmental benefits by producing less carbon dioxide and greenhouse gasses, and it's one of the answers to the energy issue, in terms of reducing our dependence on foreign oil." So where are these Mercedes' clean diesels? Again, talk to California. And what of Honda's new clean diesel engine that meets the CA standards? Nothing. 

Each year, automobiles kill more people than malnutrition, war and stomach cancer. That’s not including drivers and passengers. Obviously, the automobile – pedestrian toll is greatest in developing nations, where road safety is a strictly Darwinian affair. But the industrial world’s pedestrian “ksi” (killed or seriously injured) statistics are also pretty grim. Legislators in Europe, Japan and Korea have decided to take action. They’ve all developed legislative initiatives to force car makers to introduce new technology for reducing pedestrian deaths and injuries. America has no plans to get with the program. Should it?

Last November, all GM’s eight U.S. brands lost ground. As the automaker’s pretty much shot its vehicular wad, the falling stats have convinced many industry observers that GM’s turnaround is back in turnaround. Of course, there isn’t a turnaround to turnaround. Not now, and not in the last forty years. Since the sixties, GM’s market share has been on a downwards trajectory. In 1962, The General owned over 52 percent of the U.S. new car market. Today, The Big 2.8 combined can’t muster a simple majority. There’s a reason for that.

I'm a big fan of Autoblog. While there are some who might suggest that there's a good reason that re-writing (or republishing) press releases is a lost art form, and that a 53 minute podcast is the pistonhead version of waterboarding, I don't count myself amongst them. At least not until now. In any case, there's no denying that Autoblog is, as Justin says, the newspaper of record. Equally clearly, TTAC is a bunch of cybernetic muckrakers who abide by Oscar Wilde's dictum that if you can't say something nice about someone, come sit by me. While I don't begrudge Autoblog their success, there are times when I wish they'd grow a set of stones. But then I think, hang on, these are genuinely nice folks. Just because Autoblog doesn't share TTAC's jaundiced view of the auto industry doesn't make them bad people. Why be so [double] negative? Not all children are born with a desire to turn over rocks and unearth the life-and-death battles beneath. Why begrudge Autoblog their wide-eyed, unquestioning, puppy-dog enthusiasm? Because they get press credentials to the Detroit Auto Show and we don't? Well, yes, precisely. And while we await final word on that subject, rest assured we will not go quietly– or cheerfully– into that long good riddance. Or something like that. 

Automakers spend tens of millions of dollars on consumer research, determining which of their vehicles best fits each demographic at what stage (i.e. age) of a consumer's life. Gaywheels seems to feel carmakers' marketeers are missing the GLBT boat. So they've put together a list of vehicles that "suit the four primary phases of gay life." Stage one: "Young, Single and on the Prowl." Car-up with the Volvo C30, Jeep Wrangler or Infiniti G37 Coupe. Stage Two: "Coupling Period." Move on to the Cadillac CTS, Lincoln MKX or VW Passat. Stage Three: "Partnered for Life." The new couple need a Mercedes GL-class, Buick Enclave or (pre-face lift?) Subaru Tribeca. Stage Four: gay geezerhood "The Golden Years." Snag an Audi S5/A5, Jaguar XK convertible or Lexus LS 600h L. So where do the VW Beetle convertible, MX5, Porsche Boxster, PT Cruiser, MINI and VW Eos fit into any of this? Your guess is as good as mine.

Retired Israeli Air Force ace Giora Epstein flew Mirage, Nesher and F-16 fighter aircraft during his career. When asked by the History Channel which aircraft he preferred, he replied “In the Mirage and the Nesher, the pilot flies the aircraft. In the F-16, the computer flies the aircraft and the pilot is just another input to the computer.” Modern automotive electronics have transferred Epstein’s complaint to millions of cars. We may purchase and maintain our vehicles, but we no longer truly drive them. Increasingly, we’re mere inputs for the computers that do.

Slate's "Green Lantern" is the columnist who aspires to offer "illuminating answers to green questions." Kato in absentia, Brendan Koerner takes a quick look at the relative environmental impact of electric vs. gas-powered cars. Although you've got to wonder about Koerner's choice of the Tesla as an EV poster child– given that the Roadster remains unobtainable and the company's range claims are both vague and unverified– the man gets credit for almost shining his light on the entire environmental picture. (His calcs make mention of battery production and recycling.) Props for some fascinating energy-related links as well. And the winner is… the Tesla! In theory, the $100k plug-in go-kart requires 48.05 pounds of CO₂ per 100 miles, while the Corolla unleashes 63.11 pounds of carbon dioxide per 100 miles. [thanks to jpc0067 for the link]

From the "Things That Leave Us Scratching Our Heads" Department: Nissan is going to build rebadged Frontier pickups to be sold as Suzukis. According to a press release on PRNewswire, the uzuki Something-or-the-Other will begin rolling out of Nissan's Smyrna, Tennessee plant sometime in 2008. The truck is planned only for the North American market, where the rebadged Nissan will join the rebadged Daewoos in Suzuki dealers' showrooms. Maybe Suzuki should talk with Mitsubishi, Mazda and Isuzu about their success in trying to sell a mildly restyled and rebadged truck already sold by a larger auto maker, before Nissan starts cranking them out in numbers.

In 1997, U.S. automakers relinquished the title of "best-selling car in America" to the Japanese brands– and never got it back. Now another market segment is on the verge of falling to the transplants. CNNMoney reports that unless Chrysler can rev-up sales of the Dodge Caravan, it will surrender its long-held position as America's most popular minivan to the Honda Odyssey. At the end of November, the Odyssey was about 3.5K units ahead of Caravan. If the current sales trend continues through December, it'll finish the year as sales champ. Chrysler explains the loss to the changeover to the new version this year. Oh, and reduced fleet sales. And that the minivan market is dwindling overall. Whatever the reason, rest assured they'll do everything they can to hang onto the "most popular minivan" title– even if they have to pile on incentives and dump inventory into the fleet market. And it still might not be enough.

Since the [now stalled] Energy Bill was first mooted, TTAC warned its readers to read the fine print. Detroit's support for the legislation was a sure sign it contained enough loopholes to maintain the status quo and enough sweeteners to make Hemlock a palatable potion. On the former point, we've learned that the bill maintained the distinction between light trucks and passenger cars for Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) calculations. (The system that made SUVs a roaring success and allowed Chrysler's PT Cruiser to be classified as a truck.) We also discovered that the CAFE regs were switching from a fleet-wide average to a footprint-based system– which bases mpgs on vehicle size and allows automakers to finagle the bagel (so to speak). And now, thanks to WardsAuto, we finally hear the number for the federal loan guarantees that the United Auto Workers helped arrange, to keep production stateside. It must be said that $25b is a lot of billions– especially when its your tax dollars on the line. That's doubly true given that the money was earmarked for companies retrofitting factories built before 1987. That means virtually all of the cash would go to The Big 2.8, as the transplants (Toyota, Honda, Hyundai, Nissan, Mercedes, BMW, etc.) built the lion's share of their domestic production facilities after that date. A federal bailout by any other name would still smell so rancid. 

For those of you who haven't yet sniggered, many industry observers are skeptical that Chevrolet electric – gas hybrid Volt will meet its publicly declared 2010 showroom target. So that means that Maximum Bob's AP "news flash"— "Automotive industry icon Robert A. Lutz wants to retire from General Motors Corp. after the company brings a plug-in electric car to market"– is unintentionally humorous. As the report inaccurately (accurately?) points out, "The company has set sometime in 2010 as a loose date to roll out the Volt." In advance of this momentous if Camaro-like announcement of the 75-year-old Car Czar's golden parachute unfurlment, the AP plays it both ways: icon worship and realistic assessment. "Lutz, who was hired in September of 2001 to reinvigorate GM's lackluster product designs, is widely credited with a resurgence in GM vehicles after two disastrous years in which it lost market share and more than $12 billion." And then "Still, GM sales are down 6.1 percent for the first 11 months of the year, with car sales dropping 8 percent and truck sales off 4.8 percent from the same period a year ago." But our favorite bit is this: "'You never know about your health. You never know about the needs of the corporation,' he said in his office at the company's design center. 'You never know what the board wants to do, or Rick wants to transition to a younger team. All of those things are possible.'" If Bob doesn't know what the board wants to do, who does? 

Chevy's at it again. As their advertising agency is [still] seemingly unable to connect with the youth of America– nothing to do with the product of course– GM's running another DIY Gen Y ad contest. In all, 64 colleges and universities competed for the honor of devising a hip and happening national TV ad campaign. The General's narrowed it to five finalists. This morning's Connecticut Post is focusing on a local group that plans "to eliminate the stigma of Chevrolet being perceived as a gas guzzler." Students of popular (if that's the right word) culture will recall that Chevy last Gen Y advertising forray resulted in a TV spot showing a group of half-naked men writhing and convulsing all over an HHR in the middle of the street– to show how badly men wanted one of the brand's retro chickmobiles. We've heard reports that one group has devised an ad featuring a conga line of endangered salamanders dancing across the hood of a Volt humming the Beatles' Revolution, but they remain unconfirmed. 

What's with Bloomberg (and The Detroit News for carrying this story)? As GM prepares to unleash the imported Saturn Astra on the American hinterland [see: TTAC review], the financial news organization suggests that the model could be built stateside. Ostensibly, this is not new news. Unlike the case of the Australian Pontiac G8, GM has not backed away from its plan to test the American waters with the Astra, and then decide if sales volumes justify re-planting production in an American (Mexican?) plant. And in fact, it's not new news either. "We have to look at the volume and what prices are realistic," said Hans Demant, who heads GM's Adam Opel division, at a Handelsblatt automotive conference Tuesday in Frankfurt." So, is Bloomberg/Detroit News shilling for GM? (Perish the thought.) If there's anything else to be gleaned from this "news" report, it's that Demant put a number to the "let's do it stateside!" threshold: 250k U.S. Astras per annum. That would be 4807 per week, or 119 per day (with no time off for holidays). What are the chances?