When BMW launched MINI stateside, its U.S. ad agency's unconventional approach (heavy on internet-based viral marketing) did wonders for the brand. Now that the new German-built, Jeremy Clarkson-reviled MINI Clubman is set to cross the pond, the automaker's "brand advocacy partner" Butler, Shine, Stern, & Partners (a.k.a. BSSP) has devised some, uh, "unique" cross-branded swag. Brandweek reports that the Sausalito-based agency has hooked-up with Visionaire, a NY publisher of themed, multimedia magazines to create the the $250 “Mini Clubman Vinyl Killer" edition. The package includes five picture-disc 12-inch records and a portable record player with a small Clubman replica for a cartridge. No really. There's also the MINI Clubman Onitsuka Tiger. The bespoke running shoe sports the MINI logo on the heel, and comes in color schemes to match those available for the Clubman (including black/silver and cream/British green). As you might expect, Brandweek analyzes MINI's most recent marketing plans with something approaching a Zen koan: "There is a place for Mini to work on selling to more hipster-oriented consumers, and it lies somewhere between Scion and Mini." So now you know.

Unique Performance in Farmers Branch, Texas built replicas of "Eleanor" from the Nicholas Cage, Angelina Jolie classic Gone in 60 Seconds, and clones of the 1966 Shelby GT 350SR. During a five-year period, Unique Performance banked customer deposits for 225 cars, raking-in between $10m and $15m. The company built 119 cars before a group of owners got tired of waiting up to two years for their fire-breathing replicars. The Dallas Morning News reports that a group of Eleanoristas filed lawsuits to recover their deposits. Some of these aggrieved pistonheads included Shelby Automobiles in their action, as Ole Shel maintained a licensing agreement with Unique. Last month, the police moved in, seizing 61 cars at Unique's shop, including customers' cars hanging around for servicing. The cops alleged title irregularities with the donor cars. About a week after the raid, Unique filed for Chapter 7. The court's protection means that the 106 customers who haven't received their cars will be SOL. The money involved ranges from $50k a pop to one unlucky enthusiast who handed over $500k on an order of four cars. Somewhere in Hollywood, an overpaid screenwriter is laughing. 

Yes, well, it's a bit a late to be singing that refrain, what with the new Energy Bill slapping a 35 by 2020 bumper sticker on every legislator and carmaker's ass. Still, as Shakespeare once said, there's many a slip between the cup and the lip; substitute  "loopholes" and "federal court cases" for "slip" and you've got a pretty clear picture of what lies ahead. Meanwhile, conservative thinkers have suddenly woken from their torpor to explain why the new federal fuel economy regulations (such as they aren't) aren't such a good idea. Cato Institute senior [good] fellows Jerry Taylor and Peter Van Doren attack the underlying principle that automobile manufacturers are fuel economy foot draggers. "Automakers… would hardly be more ignorant than the casual observers at the Sierra Club and Rep. Nancy Pelosi's office about how much money they're leaving on the table. Suffice it to say this argument suggests that consumers are indeed getting exactly the kind of cars that they want." They also point out that consumers have valid priorities– which don't jibe with global warming crusaders. "They don't like the fact that many consumers seem to like other attributes — such as vehicle size and acceleration — that mitigate against fuel economy." After suggesting that a fuel tax would be the best way to correct so-called "market failures," Taylor and Van Doren put the [stillborn] fuel economy debate to bed. "For many, however, there is no such thing as too much energy conservation, and society always gains the less we consume. But if that were true, why not just ban cars from the road altogether?" Where were you guys six months ago?

Schmaltz: it's not just for matzo balls any more. Consurmeraffairs.com reports that researchers at the University of Arkansas have developed a method of converting chicken fat into biodiesel, with a yield in excess of 89 percent. Most biodiesel is produced from vegetable oils. With the exception of home-brewed biodiesel made from used fast food fry oil, vegetable oils are more expensive to produce than petro-diesel because of the high cost of farm production (including petro-chemical based fertilizers). The new process converts chicken fat, a byproduct of Arkansas' thriving poultry industry, into biodiesel in one step, using methanol under high temperatures and pressures. So far there's no talk of turning it into a commercial process, but it may not be too long before your exhaust smells more like your Bubbe's kitchen than a truck stop. 

Yeah, right. That makes perfect sense; for all the common sense reasons you're about to post below. And yet, Fortune's senior editor Alex Taylor Three Sticks offers the possibility within his '08 auto industry preview. "Speculation is building about Cerberus' exit strategy from Chrysler, as well as its timing. Will it try to merge Chrysler with Ford or sell it to another automaker, or go to the public with an IPO?" At least Taylor's on board with TTAC's Chrysler Suicide Watch theme: "Crosstown rivals are watching carefully because a Chrysler in distress could lead to suicidal industry-wide price-cutting." Wow, all three Motown automakers could be jumpers? Now that we didn't consider. While he's at it, Taylor allows himself some xenophobic posthumous projection regarding India's Tata motors assuming control of Jaguar. "Winston Churchill must be spinning in his grave." And speaking of theoretical quotes… "The other day, a GM executive was speculating that the auto industry was sorting itself into two categories: two super-companies, GM and Toyota, with annual production of nine million vehicles each, and all the rest." Alex torches his straw man and concludes "the world is becoming a fluid place." This is news?

The Kentucky Herald Leader reports that pro-union forces have formed "Toyota Owners for Fairness," a pressure group aimed at organizing Toyota's U.S. factories. It is, no doubt, a bizarre alliance. "It's a collaboration between the unions, the environmentalists and people of faith," revealed the Rev. John Rausch, group organizer and director of the Catholic Committee of Appalachia. (In case you were wondering about the tree-hugging portion of the program, "The campaign salutes the company for its environmental efforts but challenges it to hear workers' concerns.") Although the article makes no mention of any UAW financial contribution to the union supporters (or what kind of car Revered Rausch drives), the fact that Toyota Owners for Fairness launched their effort to unionize a Kentucky plant at a downtown Detroit church tells you pretty much all you need to know on that score. Meanwhile, workers at Toyota's Georgetown plant have set-up a rival group. "Truth Finders" recently bought a quarter-page ad in the Leader to refute claims of worker exploitation. Chief Truth Finder Marvin Robbins declined to name his financial backers, but insisted that Toyota had not contributed to the cause. Given that Georgetown has been union-free for some 20 years and the UAW's dwindling power within the industry, Rev. Rausch best pray for some divine intervention. 

Automotive News [AN, sub] reports that Pininfarina is slated to build an "electric car" for the US, European and Japanese markets. The legendary Italian design house will partner with French battery maker Bolloré to build the plug-in electric. The partnership claims that the as-yet-unnamed new car will be a four-seater with a range of 155 miles of city driving. The batteries can be fully charged from "a standard home electrical outlet" in roughly five hours. (A five-minute recharge would get you enough for a 15-mile trip, according to the report.). The pack's designed to last for more than 124K total miles. Current plans call for building some 15K cars per annum, sold under the Pininfarina name. While pricing isn't mentioned, the article ends on a hopeful note: "Let’s just hope it has all the good looks that other Pinanfarina produced cars have with pricing that won’t make you mortgage your house." Amen.

It’s been 20 years since automakers filed the first patents for adaptive automatic transmissions. These “intelligent” cog swappers promised all the bespoke speed and efficiency of an English butler. And yet, time and time again, I get into a new vehicle, put my foot down and find myself saying “You just can’t get good help anymore.” The Subaru Legacy, Mercedes C350, Honda Accord and Dodge Grand Caravan all came equipped with gearboxes displaying advanced signs of mechanical ADD. Are these devices slow learners or just too damn smart for your own good?

Go into any parts store and you’ll see rows of products that claim to clean wheels. Just spray and rinse! After buying, spraying and rinsing, you end-up with half clean wheels that beg you to take out the scrub brush and clean them the old fashioned way. And here’s the really horrible bit: OCD pistonheads keep after the cleanliness is next to godliness spray ‘n wash wheel cleaning Holy Grail until their garages are littered– OK, carefully arranged with half empty bottles of wheel cleaner. So, is there a genuine no-brush wheel cleaning solution? 

Underneath the latest GM Death Watch, a kvetch of commentators are hashing-out an old argument: why doesn't Ford bring its Euro-Focus to America? As KatiePuckrik points out, the current U.S. – Euro exchange rate makes any such proposition a potential financial catastrophe. A $40k Focus? No way José (i.e. Ford's Mexican workers can relax). On the other hand, why not? Let's say Ford imports their vastly superior European subcompact and sell it for $20k, losing $20k per car. And let's imagine they sell 100k of them. So they'd lose, what, two billion dollars? You could make a case that it would be worth $2b to put Ford back on the map as the American purveyor of quality small cars. The consistency clockers amongst you will note that I'm suggesting a flag-planting strategy that I've condemned in GM's case re: the Saturn Astra. The crucial difference is that the Focus is a quintessential Ford, while the Astra is an Opel modified for a brand whose amorphousness rivals that of Cnidaria Scyphozoa. In any case, someone in Detroit needs to make some Bold Moves. But I guess that'll have to wait 'til bankruptcy brings in some new players. Meanwhile, happy birthday to a man with genuine backbone: Justin Berkowitz. 

As we've reported several times, GM just can't seem to make up its mind about whether or not its next gen Chevrolet Impala will be front or rear wheel-drive. In the last episode our Forbes interview blog (thanks Jer!), we find GM's Car Czar in a bit of drivetrain quandary. Again. Still. Maybe. "'My personal preference is large, rear-wheel-drive cars,' says Lutz. 'My business preference is doing what is right for the shareholder and the public, in light of upcoming regulation on fuel economy. If there's a mile or two difference in fuel economy, you go for the one with the better economy. That's where the internal debate [on the Impala] is now– no firm decision at this point, but my guess is that we will come down on the side of the front-drive car.'" And while an anxious nation awaits an answer, Forbes' elder statesman predicts GM will gain market share in '08, thanks to an improving rep and a strong dollar (never mind all those transplants' U.S. factories, I guess). On this point, Maximum Bob is uncharacteristically sanguine/realistic– for a moment. "If we have a weak market and high fuel prices, people may buy more cars instead of trucks. Our mix is nearly 70% trucks, so if trucks tank fast enough, that takes our share down… If you look to our position against the competition, we're in the best space we've been in years. So you could well be right about our market share." I say nothing.

Navistar is acquiring GM's medium-duty truck line. Navistar subsidiary International Truck and Engine Corporation (ITEC) has formed a $90m joint venture with Mahindra & Mahindra (M&M) to build diesel engines for medium- and heavy-duty vehicles. Put it all together and you have a ready-made source of medium-duty diesel trucks that fit into Manindra International's global expansion plans AND a way for Mahindra to get name recognition in the U.S. truck market. You heard it here (via India Times) first: it's only a matter of time before we see Mahindra's light-duty trucks and its other commercial vehicles sold stateside under the M&M or Navistar/International brands. Meanwhile, the Times also reports that M&M have pulled-out of negotiations for Ford's Jaguar and Land Rover brands. While we have studiously avoided reporting all the baseless conjecture surrounding the British brands' disposal, you gotta love the unavoidable logic of this explanation:"'The whole deal was considered to be very complex, prompting the company not to pursue it,' a source said." 

I'm guessing here, but I think GM Car Czar Bob Lutz was trying to impress Jerry Flint by suggesting GM needs bleeding edge car design. "We don't want people to say ‘I love this design, it's just great,' Lutz told the Forbes magazine columnist. "Because that means it is probably not going to last past when the car comes out… We want some checkmarks in the 'Too Much' column.'" While the "GM Hearts Bold Design" storyline echoes CEO Rick Wagoner's recent remarks (chronicled in our last General Motors Death Watch), it's a pretty major miscalculation for a company committed to building Camry-killers. Anyway, from whence cometh this avant garde automotive art? "A lot of these designs will be done outside the U.S.," Lutz said. "Where they never allowed themselves to slip to a lower standard, as they did here." Hang on; what's with the "they?" Doesn't Lutz mean "we?" Or maybe "I?" Anyway anyway, MB promises a new Buick LaCrosse that's going to be a real [Chinese made?] "mind-boggler." We're already there, Bob.

Automotive News [AN] reports that GM's recent cutbacks in pickup truck production weren't deep enough. While Ford, Dodge and Nissan dealers are all sitting on a relatively health supply of full-size pickups– 100, 120 and 105 days respectively– GM's inventory channel is stuffed to the gills. "As of Dec. 1, inventories of the Chevrolet Silverado (153 days supply) and GMC Sierra (150 days) were bloated despite $5,000 rebates on 2007 models." The automaker's desperation to move the moribund metal is showing-up at the sharp end. "Ken Fichtner, owner of Fichtner Chevrolet in Laurel, Mont., says he took an additional 10 Silverados last month, at GM's request. This month GM asked him to take an additional 20 trucks, and he said no. 'I am sitting on a 13-month supply right now," Fichtner says. 'They wanted me to go to an 18-month supply but we only sell 10 a month, and I'm in the heart of truck country!'" As Frank Williams predicted back in April, there's only one way this is gonna go: GM will have to put massive incentives on its pickups, dinging residual values and further eroding the profits delivered by GM's former cash cows. And THEN cut production even more.   

The Porsche Boxster is an amazing car to drive, but I never liked the design. I’ve always found the roadster's front/rear proportions to be the automotive equivalent of Dr. Doolittle's Pushmi-pullyu. In fact, if the original Boxster didn’t have a windscreen, you couldn’t tell which end was the front. (The 550 Spyder never had such a problem.) Porsche has gradually sculpted the Boxster's sheetmetal towards a more forward-going form; I'm assuming they're going to continue the evolution. I think a side line that descends towards the front will solve this problem entirely, giving the car a more aggressive stance and moving it towards its rightful place as a "mini-Carrera GT." The old Boxsters blend classic design elements with modern touches in a strange way. The elements that “scream Porsche," like the round headlights, were changed, while other, less relevant for the brand were kept. My design tweaks a little bit the ingredients used in the same neo-retro recipe. Here's hoping the right design (and some more power?) will reignite sales of Porsche's purest product.

[For more Avarvarii photochopistry, click here.]