What eye-candy poster was pinned up on your bedroom wall when you were thirteen? A black Lamborghini Countach sprouting numerous spoilers? Farah Fawcett-Majors with blindingly-white teeth? Metallica? KISS? What I gazed lovingly upon– whilst sprawled across my bed– was a giant detailed cross-sectional drawing of a Chrysler hemi engine. Thus was the spell that the mythical engine had on me.

Automobilwoche reports that November was an automotive watershed. For the first time in history, European car sales eclipsed American. From January to November of this year, the European Union (EU), Switzerland, Norway and Iceland racked-up 14,827,000 cars. That compares to 14,763,000 new vehicles (cars and light trucks) sold in the U.S. during the same time period. Automotive analyst Peter Schmidt of AID (Auto Industry Data) thinks it's more than a quirk. "Our forecast says that in the coming years, Europe will be ahead. We see 15.6m light vehicles being sold in the U.S. in 2008, as opposed to around 16.1 million in Europe… The established markets are satiated." The strong-growth regions of eastern Europe are the EU's car sales engine. Russia will account for some 2.3 million new cars per annum. "All this explains why German car makers are so healthy. There is no growth at home, but plenty to be exploited in other countries," says Schmidt. No surprise, then, that German carmakers have built up a spectacular war chest. Spiegel Online reports that BMW, Mercedes, VW and BMW have some €34b (about $49b) in their collective piggy banks. In 2007 and 2008, they may welcome an additional €26.5b. Unicredit Analyst Georg Stürzer thinks this means that German car makers will pay out generous dividends, invest in green technology AND finance large acquisitions. Uh-oh.

A friend of my father's taught me there are only three markets: price, value and quality. Price-driven consumers want the lowest possible purchase price, period. In car terms, they want to pay as little as possible for a vehicle. Everything else is secondary. If the car falls apart, if it loses them money in the long run, it doesn't matter. Manufacturers catering to these customers need not concern themselves with anything other than purchase price. At the other end, quality driven car customers want the best car, money no object. Manufacturers catering to quality-seekers have a [relatively] easy time. All they have to do is secure the world's best talent, give them the resources they need and not get in their way. Value-driven customers balance price against quality. Automobile-wise, they want as much of everything as they can get– economy, features, safety, ride, handling, resale, the whole schmeer– for as little money as possible. Manufacturers aiming for value-driven customers are fighting an endless war against everything: low-end carmakers aiming high, high-end carmakers aiming low, direct competitors, production costs, fashion trends, technological innovations, you name it, they've got to sort it. Like Icarus, the one thing they must never do is fly too high. Ford GT. Chevrolet Corvette. The new Saab Turbo X, Mitsubishi Evo and Toyota Land Cruiser. If a consumer says, wow, that's a lot of money for a —–, it's a clear sign that a value-oriented car brand is shooting itself in the foot. Short term, it can work. Long term, it's a big mistake.  

We've wondered about this for a long, long time: who's going to own America's internet-savvy car customers? It's a three-way race between carmakers, dealers and independent websites, all vying to provide the best automotive information in the most attractive form, and then leverage their e-relationship for long-term customer loyalty. Not a lot has happened on the CRM (customer relations management) front; when was the last/first time you received a well-targeted email from any member of this troika? Meanwhile, Peter Krasilovsky says the various players are successful at different stages of the car buying (what about owning?) process. "It's not winner takes all," the program director for The Kelsey Group tells Marketing Daily. "I think there is a realization that OEMs [Original Equipment Manufacturers] are not going to dominate the market. There is a realization that some people will go to the manufacturers' sites, and then there's a person who wants to shop different vehicles, and there are people who want to be part of the car universe and not just when they are buying a car." To increase their e-appeal, dealers are adding appointment-making capabilities to their websites and "increasingly doing e-mail offers with coupons for services, even newsletters." Is that the sound of the "junk" button I'm hearing? The battle continues. 

Like a lemming following Jeep off a cliff, Land Rover is looking to expand its image eroding soft-roader lineup. In a thinly-veiled effort to generate buzz prior to an official announcement, the legendary British automaker leaked photos of the Land Rover LRX concept to Auto Motor und Sport and other European automobile sites. Billed as a crossover coupe, the exterior’s cutting Edge design (geddit?) attempts to put a modern face on an historic marque. Unfortunately, the look is about as consistent with Land Rover’s off-road mystique as Jeep's Patriot games are for that storied off-road marque. But on the positive side, a real world LRX would help lower the brand's egregious not to say potentially fatal fleet fuel economy averages. And it's nice to see a parting shot ahead Ford's corporate defenestration. And the seats are swathed in the same sumptuous leather that blesses my favorite reading chair. Ummmmm, chocolate.

Automakers are justifiably proud of the fast, safe, clean and comfortable products they’ve unleashed upon the automotive market. But today’s carmakers have entered into a Faustian bargain with the electronic systems that make these four-wheeled wonders possible, and it’s busy biting them and their customers in their collective keister. Never mind the inherent safety hazards of protecting drivers from their own stupidity. The heavy reliance on technology has fundamentally altered the ownership experience, particularly when these techno-wondercars are repaired and resold.

For the third year in a row, the Chevrolet Impala has been selected Automotive Fleet magazine's "Fleet Car of the Year." Brian McVeigh, GM for GM's Fleet and Commercial Operations, waxed eloquent about the honor: "The fact that the people who actually make the vehicle purchase decisions for their companies picked the Impala Car of the Year three years in a row is the best customer endorsement you could hope for." And as if that wasn't enough GM-oriented excitement, the Chevy Silverado has replaced Ford's F-150 as the "Fleet Truck of the Year." Rob Minton, communications manager for GM Fleet and Commercial Operations said they were "really excited that the Silverado won the triple crown of the auto industry: Motor Trend Truck of Year, the North American Truck of the Year, and now, the Fleet Truck of the Year." This marks the first time both awards went to the same manufacturer. Congrats! Oh wait a second; what about GM's claim that they're trying to divorce themselves from fleet sales? I guess this means they want a smaller cake and eat it too.

After stripping-out an alt energy directive to America's power providers, removing new taxes on oil companies and upping the ethanol mandate to 36b gallons by 2022, the Senate passed the Energy Bill. Huzzah! While the bumper sticker remains the same– 35mpg by 2020!– all the loopholes, subsidies and devious rule changes remain as well. As The Detroit News reports, we're still talking about $25b in federal loan guarantees to The Big 2.8 for "re-tooling"– in addition to a provision funneling 50 percent of fuel economy fines back to (domestic?) automakers. We're still looking at a switch to footprint (vs. fleet-wide) Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) calculations and separate numbers for cars vs. light trucks– which help protect the automakers' SUV heavy "blended families." [NB: the sticker mpgs you see are NOT the figures used for CAFE.] We're still going to see E85 "credits" for vehicles that raise their [theoretical] mileage figures. But most ridiculous of all, the Senate failed to establish whether the National Highway Traffic Administration (NHTSA) or the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) controls federal fuel economy standards, placing any and all such regulations in legal jeopardy. Oh wait, that wouldn't be the most ridiculous rider of the day. If Porsche got its exemption from CAFE regulations, THAT would be the icing on this saccharine cake. President Bush is set to sign this mishegoss next week.

Throughout the 1990s, the UK's CAR Magazine was known for its breathtaking photography, incisive analysis, pithy prose and independent spirit. Readers devoured the elegant and technically proficient ramblings of LJK Setright, John Simister's lucid descriptions of how cars can handle, the witticisms and lateral thinking of Russel  Bulgin, and the roly-poly eccentricity of James May. Sadly, Setright and Bulgin died, Simister left for The Independent and May joined forces with that fat egomaniac at TopGear. CAR became  just another boring, soft on cars (and the causes of cars) buff book that missed the Internet train. And so CAR's owner, EMAP Publications is selling the mag to Germany's Heinrich Bauer Verlag. Bauer publishes Bella ("Exclusive survey: Germany's favorite Christmas meal is potato salad and sausages!"), Das Neue Blatt ("A best-ager entertainment magazine for the 40-59 age group"), Romanwoche ("Romance tales for the mature lady") and Auto Zeitung ("The modern general-interest auto magazine"). There are also porn titles, but we won't go there. We wish Car a quick recovery. 

Chrysler and Nissan are reportedly in talks to share technology for trucks and small cars. "People with knowledge of the companies' discussions" told Bloomberg that Nissan wants Chrysler to help them salvage their floundering full-size truck line, and Chrysler wants access to Nissan's small car expertise. It won't be the first such agreement for either company; Nissan announced earlier this week they're going to supply Suzuki with rebadged Frontiers in return for minicars for the European and Japanese markets, while Chrysler will begin producing VW-badged minivans late next year. Pretty soon we're going to need the automotive equivalent of a DNA test to determine who built what for whom.

In the movie “Out of Africa,” Denys Finch-Hatton’s 1923 International Harvester stalls on an open savannah amidst a herd of seriously cranky water buffalo. After a few nervous minutes tinkering with the engine, Denys tells Karen Blixen (Meryl Streep) to manually crank the engine. It explodes to life, and they continue their illicit journey into cinematic history. Substitute a Canon DSLR for Blixen’s .416 Rigby, and in my mind, I’m there. As for the Harvester… what about an all-new 2008 Toyota Land Cruiser?

AutoblogGreen reports that Tesla Motors held an open town hall meeting yesterday; "open" in the sense that only customers who've plunked down a hefty deposit for the thrice delayed lithium ion-powered Roadster were invited to attend, and "meeting" as in a conference call. Semantics aside, Tesla's top brass assembled the faithful to make a momentous announcement: Roadster Number One is in production! And who gets this historic vehicle? Tesla Chairman Elon Musk! It seems that Tesla still can't source a suitably robust transmission for their vaporwaricle, and nobody else was willing to take delivery of a Roadster with a tranny that's doomed to failure after "a few thousand miles." Actually, I lie. Tesla says it "might" give some customers their very own electric-powered tranny time bombs, and swap 'em over later. (Did Tesla talk to their insurance broker about this idea?) According to unofficial meeting secretary Tony Belding, "Production will be very slow until the transmission problems are fully resolved, which means full-rate production will probably begin about summer, probably late summer. There are some uncertainties about the schedule, and they are trying not to over-promise until they have it figured out better." That would make a change. Oh, and you remember everyone giving me grief about giving Tesla grief about their unverified range claims, after they released an unverified range claim of 245 miles? Well, it seems there was a software glitch. "Latest testing now puts the range in the 220-230 mile region," AutoblogGreen credulously reports, still without verification.  

One of the less publicized reasons the White House said it will veto the new Energy Bill: the legislation fails to sort out who controls fuel economy standards. It's become an urgent issue since California lawmakers decided CO2– produced in direct proportion to a vehicle's fuel efficiency– is a "greenhouse gas," and thus a pollutant. Hisotrically, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) has waived their federal mandate to set air pollution standards, allowing the state to set their own. So when California decided that CO2 was tailpipe poison, they asked the EPA to set a national CO2 standard or get the Hell out of the way. The EPA said hang on, give us a minute, we'll get back to you. California said time's up and filed suit against the feds. As USA Today reports, a California federal judge has now ruled in California's favor, green lighting the state's efforts to set a combined car and light truck fuel economy standard of 43.7 miles per gallon by 2016, with all other trucks to average 26.9 mpg. The move completely usurps the role of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), which is in charge of monitoring and enforcing federal fuel economy standards. Needless to say, the Alliance of Automobile Manufacturers is sure to appeal the court's decision, taking it all the way to the Supreme Court if needs be. Now do you see why the White House wants Congress to clear up this jurisdictional bun fight? I mean, jeez. 

Last week, Petra L. won the German national lottery. Her jackpot: €15.28m ($22,461,600). Needless to say, the Divinely Chosen Ms. L ran right out and bought herself a new car. Ferrari? Bentley? Mercedes? "I really just wanted a new one," she told Spiegel. "With airbags!" And so she purchased a $10k Polish-made Fiat Panda. In the Fatherland (i.e. not all markets), the Panda comes with four airbags as standard, with two more as an optional extra (go on; you know you want to). Is this proof that the Lottery is, as many have suggested, a tax on stupidity? Psychologists have observed that lottery winners who don't change their lifestyle have the best chance of "coping" with the "stress" of a big win. Which is exactly what  Petra L. is doing: "I will still be looking for special deals at the  shop, and won't be going on any big trips. I worked by the sweat of  my brow all life and turned every penny, and won't change now." What about… now? Anyone remember the old joke about the guy who wins the  jackpot, loses all his money, and later explains: "I spent some of it on women, booze and cars. The rest I wasted".

Looks like I'm going to have to cash in a savings bond I got for my Bar Mitzvah. I know it's Risky Business, but Mitsubishi has just announced pricing estimates for the new Evo. The basic five-speed manual model will cost American buyers $33k to $34k (including delivery). The Evo MR with the dual clutch transmission (dubbed SST) is the apple of my automotive eye. That bad boy's gonna clock-in at $38k to $39k. Whoa! That's not just a Hell of a lot of money for a transmission and some tuning, it's a Hell of a lot of money for an Evo. The previous generation race rally replicar ran $29k for a stripper (and the car), $34k for the top o' the line are you really that mental, can you afford the dental version. The Evo's new sticker sticker strategy puts the models deep into real car territory, knocking on the door of the stupendous BMW 335i twin-turbo. The new Evo may again have what it takes to run with the big dogs, but there's bound to be blood on the showroom floor.