By on December 10, 2007

bmw_x3_ii_s_ttac_01_03.jpgCount me amongst those who consider the BMW X3 the ugliest vehicle the propeller people have ever inflicted upon an all-too-willing public. I also consider it to be about as much of an "ultimate driving machine" as a sit-down lawn mower. In fact, when the model was first unleashed, its ride was so harsh even the normally acquiescent mainstream automotive press felt obliged to warn potential customers to put their dentist on speed dial. As it's getting time to reinvent the X3, we turned to our resident photochopper for a guess where the mess might be headed. Mr. Avarvarii reports: "When I started working on this project I imagined a gorgeous looking car at the end of the road, as I am quite a BMW fan. So I started by mixing some X3 DNA with the latest tendency in BMW’s design philosophy (see flame-surfacing, axe-surfacing and non-surfacing) and a little drop of the “be-ahead-of-the-competition-by-any-means” secret potion. What I got out of that salad, as you can see, is no prince. In my defense, the first X3 was the ugliest Bimmer ever. Why should the next one be different? Seriously now, as BMW’s “X” family is expanding, the X3 has to step up, following his older brother, the X5, and making room for the new kid, the X1. As the sporty-sleek-charming role has been already taken by the X6, the next-gen X3 will get to be the macho-wannabe-chubby-evil-son."

[For more Avarvarii photochopistry, click here.]

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12 Comments on “TTAC Photochop: New BMW X3...”


  • avatar
    thetopdog

    The original X3 looks terrible but not nearly as offensive as the 318ti hatchback from the early 90s

    I’m not sure if it counts, but the Issetta was pretty terrible too

  • avatar
    CarShark

    The BMW SAVs have the same problem as the Porsche Cayenne. You can’t stretch the trademark front end styling cues over the taller fascia. That’s why I like the Audi Q7. The enormous front grille looks almost normal on it.

  • avatar
    blautens

    What’s worse – the styling or the performance of the first gen X3? Because overall, BMW has some styling issues, sedans, coupes, SUVs, whatever.

    But the fact that the 1st gen X3 is such a little bastard to ride in (I’ve never driven it – only ridden in it) is the real crime, in my mind. One of my favorite things about BMW is their understanding of the ride/handling trade off.

    It’s almost like X3 suspension development was contracted out, though…

  • avatar
    Jason

    I just wish BMW would have decided not to sell SUVs altogether. Same for Porsche. I think these monstrosities are horrible, ugly vehicles. But of course, no company can just slough off such a huge market opportunity. Too bad though.

  • avatar
    Landcrusher

    The biggest problem with the original X3 suspension was how poorly it worked with the larger rims that came with the sport package and were invariably the ones reviewed. There is a night and day difference with the smaller rims.

    We virtually stole our ’04 X3. It doesn’t handle like the ’00 325, but it had AWD and height that we needed when moving North (and now keeps us high and dry back in the swamp). The HUGE sunroof was loved by everyone visiting us in Calgary. They could see the Rocky’s from the back seat.

    We thought the styling was OK. However, if you ever have an ugly car, just remind yourself that you can’t watch yourself drive down the road.

  • avatar

    Landcrusher:

    Instead you can watch everyone else on the road gawking at you and your ugly ride. :D

    I don’t particularly think the latest run of X3’s are all that unique on the road anymore. It’s not as large as an X5 to stand out, or much larger than som e other mid-sized SUV’s on the road. The styling in general is pretty common amongst other SUV’s.

  • avatar
    threeer

    And yet, as ugly as the Isetta was, it played a huge role in keeping BMW afloat. I’m not sure the same can be said for the X3. Tempting as it has been for folks like Porsche and BMW to provide the (mostly U.S.) market with SUV’s, I, too, wish they would have stayed away from producing ponderous pachyderms purposefully pursueing petroleum (and they say alliteration is a lost art!)…

  • avatar
    Robert Schwartz

    Ugly, but what can I say. It is also hard to tell apart from the Toyota RAV4 and the Honda CRV/Acura RDX twins. The last compact Ute that I liked was the previous (2003-2005) CRV. It was plain but functional and had good visibility.

  • avatar
    yankinwaoz

    I think I saw one this morning driving down State Street in Santa Barbara. You could tell is was an undercover prototype. It had all the markings removed, black, and lots of tape all over it hiding some critical parts. In the center of the hood was a nice deep circle recess where a VW or BMW logo would fit.

    I just looked at the photoshop image above and realized that was the car I saw this morning. Wish I had my camera with me. I should have shot it.

  • avatar
    ajla

    I never used to like the X3 until I saw the X3 X-raid version that was built for the Dakar rally.

    Even though that modified X3 and the street version share nearly nothing, it still caused me to start liking them.

  • avatar
    Redbarchetta

    That looks like a BMW with a Go-ti or something that makes it look real heavyset in the front. BMW should have stayed out of the SUV game but at the least they should have tried a new design language instead of trying to use the same old sedan front.

  • avatar
    Andras Libal

    I agree … BMW, Porsche, Audi, Volvo, etc. all European car makers who make perfectly good and sensible looking cars are forced to make SUV s for the North American market because this is (STILL, sadly) what this market demands. Just please do not say that they came up with these proportions on their own. I hope that with rising fuels costs the recent move to crossovers (perhaps wagons – or, anathema, hatchbacks ?) will be permanent. There is no sensible reason to want an SUV. Obesity rates will hopefully level off and reverse in cars until we get to healthy bmi mpg levels.

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