TTAC is often accused of being overly-harsh on cars and the causes of cars. But we've never violated the number one rule in the info biz: don't insult the customer. In Jeremy Clarkson's latest diatribe in The Sunday Times, the British car critic catapults himself across that editorial line with his usual acerbic style and boot-in-the-ass subtlety. To wit: "There are many ways to tell if someone is a bit thick. You can sit them in a room and ask them to push various bits of plastic into a wooden box… [or you can] ask them this simple question: 'Are you wearing a Subaru rally jacket?' Because if they are, you will need to speak more slowly." And so begins his opening salvo against Subie fans. Jezza pisses on Subaru drivers ("for the majority of them, there are only eight letters in the alphabet. WRX STIR and B."), rally enthusiasts ("a sport for the terminally gormless") and their four-wheeled object of veneration ("a £25,000 car that comes with fewer toys than an Ethiopian birthday boy."). In case Subaru lovers really are stupid (which is a ridiculous slur), Clarkson's conclusion spells out his message in no uncertain terms. "I think therefore you may have to be a bit dim to buy one."
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I can only assume Clarkson needed a way to trash the car and went after rallying. I distinctly remember a program he hosted (Speed, I think it was called) where he marveled at Colin McRae’s ability to react quickly enough to changes in the terrain ahead of him not to crash, and of course set out to try it and made a complete buffoon of himself. Never once did I get the hint that he thought rallying as a sport was stupid.
Love him or hate him, it’s Clarkson’s writing style, wit and no holds barred opinions that have made him one of the most read auto reviewers in the world. He’s also the reason why NBC’s Top Gear knock-off will fail miserably.
I don’t know about you, but I watch Top Gear for James May, not Clarkson.
Funny thing is I remember him practically gushing about the driving characteristics of the WRX STi, rating it above the Mitsubishi Lancer EVO in a Top Gear episode from several years ago. The episode is on YouTube.
Someone needs to thank Frankenstein Face for reminding us all that even one of “the most read auto reviewers in the world” (thanks TriShield) can sound like a jackass – I would counter said moron by pointing out that “if it ain’t NASCAR it aint’ worth watching” or something equally stupid.
For those of us who choose to dwell in reality – Rally racing in Europe (particularly the now-defunct Group B series) was always a blast to watch, and for those of us here in the Colonies, taking an old beater out to an SCCA rally event kicks ass.
JC looks and sounds like a guy who’s probably been smacked in the mouth a few times after crawling into a pint of bitter ale and discovering that he can be even more unbearable.
I too may watch Top Gear for Captain Slow but can Clarkson ever write.
“Strangely, however, Subaru Imprezas have always been rather intelligent cars. They were so much more quiet and refined than alternatives from Ford and Mitsubishi. You got the impression that an Impreza would know how to hold a knife and fork. And whether to have its cheese before its pudding.”
“Whereas an Evo, you suspected, would goose your wife, eat with its mouth open and vomit into the sugar bowl during the coffee and mints. A Ford Escort Cosworth, meanwhile, would stab you just to get an electric ankle bracelet and an Asbo.”
I’ve always loved Clarkson’s car comparisons.
The S4 is like a dinner party. Civilzed conversation, a glass of chardonay, and maybe a touch of Sade on the stereo. The M3 on the other hand, is a 3 three am Ibeza beach bar-b-que.
He had another like the one posted about STis and Evos, similar to JohnB’s, but more recent.
TriShield is right on. It is his in your face, I’m right about everything, your an idiot, I am god style that draws people in. I love watching Top Gear for him, and usually find myself agreeing with him.
Love him or hate him, he’s whats missing in the current culture of American mass circulation, main stream auto mags. Maybe your spot on with it being a state funded program, not private advertising, but no one in our media is really willing to call out any of the manufacturers. The life style magazines seem to get much more advertising revenue from the after market companies, so they can be a bit harsher. However, even then most reviews won’t go after the car itself, just say its boring or such.
He does it to provoke reaction! If he gets enough, ‘now wait a minute’ emails and letters he might do a “Are Subaru drivers really dimwits?” stunt on Topgear which I could see being very entertaining. he could follow it up with a similar test for Ford, BMW etc. drivers. I mean why not, he’s probably fed up driving Rolls’ into municipal swimming pools and racing Veyron’s against airplanes.
I test-drove an ’07 WRX this past summer, and I thought it was a delightful little toy. I didn’t buy it, but it was a very close call between it and the GTI Mk. 5 I ended up getting.
Trash the new STi all he wants. If it’s just a more powerful WRX I’m sure it deserves it. But to trash us Subaru owners, most of which hate the changes to the 2008’s, is a little harsh.
This is from a man who used to own an Escort Cosworth – definitely the WRX STi of it’s day!
I think we all know that Clarkson was probably left for dead by a better driver in a Subaru earlier that week and was still feeling slighted.
The Scooby interior might feel inferior to a man more used to Mercedes but that doesn’t make it a bad car.
Nice picture!!
Not to mention that rally is one of the most entertaining motor sports to watch.
I liked him better when he was paired w/that other wench on BBC’s “How Clean is Your House?”
Clarkson should know as well as anyone that Subaru is a brand with a serious split personality. I remember a Top Gear segment from years ago where May was talking about conservative, old-money types favoring Subaru Outbacks. I can’t help but think that Clarkson makes such gross generalizations purposefully to tip off the more sophisticated reader because he’s much more confident in his capacity for entertaining bombast than he is in the true worth of his analytical skills. In his own way he’s being honest – at least with people with sufficient breeding to matter. The strategy works for him career-wise. There’s no denying that.
Clarkson is a major CHOAD!!! And other CHOADS actually think he is credible.
BTW, If anyone saw the last episode from Dec 23 2007 I believe they select “Ford Mondeo or Subaru Outback” as the car of the year. Initially I wasn’t sure if they were joking about the Subaru but having watched it a few times now I think they were serious. That would seem to indicate that he can’t possibly hate Subarus, he just didn’t like this specific Subaru.
I think he’s just dissing fanboys in general. According to him there is nothing particularly good about this car, so there is no logical reason to buy this car. Which would, from his point of view, make someone buying this a bit daft.
To me this piece seems more provocative and agressive than the original article, to be honest.
Logics are overrated. After all, is there any logical reason why anybody should get anything beyond a Tata Nano?
quasimondo:
Surviving getting hit by freight truck at anything above ten miles an hour?
Clarkson may be entertaining but some of his writing is crap
The S4 is like a dinner party. Civilzed conversation, a glass of chardonay, and maybe a touch of Sade on the stereo.
A “touch of Sade on the stereo” – doesn’t make any sense at all…. a “touch” of Sade??? How about a “dab” of Sade instead? A “small smear of Sade on your collar”? A “streak of Sade on your underwear” perhaps? (Hmmm – where did that come from…time to go back into therapy with said Mr Clarkson maybe?)
Well, for me and the majority of my non English major friends, it was a pretty good comparison. Not everyone wants to read Emmerson while getting car reviews.
Im not saying everyone who buys this is stupid, since, like you said, most people really only need a small car with a tiny engine, if any car at all. That doesn’t stop me or anyone else from wanting a bigger and faster car. It’s not always fun to be logical.
I don’t know about you, but I watch Top Gear for James May, not Clarkson.
Right, and you read Playboy for the articles, mmmhmm?
Clarkson is the Ann Coulter of cars. Deep down, you know he’s probably right, as much as it may irritate you, and getting a rise out of people is pretty much his whole reason for existing. Not that that’s a bad thing.
He is trying to pique you. So you will tune in next week to see what he will do to piss you off then. I dunno, maybe it is his funny accent, but I like him. And the show is better than any domestic car related shows.
Surviving getting hit by freight truck at anything above ten miles an hour?
Okay, for you virtual_insanity, is there any logical reason we should get anything beyond a Toyota Corolla?
quasimondo:
None what so ever. But then again, I’m not a creature of logic. I’m a creature of needs and wants and desires. And often times, my wants and desires (a fast, fun to drive DIY cog swapper with tons of aftermarket potential) out wiegh my needs (a sensible fuel sipper).
‘Course, I’m also surprised no one has ripped on him for this bit:
for the majority of them, there are only eight letters in the alphabet. WRX STIR and B
There are only seven letters there. R gets repeated, so you only count it once.