Do this job long enough and your BS detector gets quite the workout. But rarely does an article telegraph the discrepancy between PR plans and the incipient rush of cold reality in such obvious terms. Lisa Taylor is the testy spinmeister in question: spokeswoman for the Kansas Department of Agriculture. Or the U.S. Department of Transportation. Either way, she's promoting a pilot project that will allow Kansas gas stations to install pumps that dispense a variety of ethanol blends and "let consumers choose what blend they want." Yup, you heard right; a Sunflower state motorist will be able to choose between E10, E20, E30, E50 or E85 depending on, well, who the Hell knows? Anyway, as the Kansas City Star rightly reports, it's just a theory. The state is simply lowering regulatory hurdles, rather than subsidizing the "pour your own" ethanol pumps. In fact, only 28 stations in Kansas sell E85, and not a single one of them is a deep-pocketed nationally-branded franchisee. So, as you might expect, The Star reveals that "so far no sites for the test have been announced." Which triggered Ms. Taylor's ire. We're betting she doesn't get the last laugh on this one.

People who buy SUVs because they think the extra ground clearance gives them a better vantage point in traffic are at risk of losing their catalytic converters for the same reason. The Los Angeles Times reports that catalytic converter thefts have skyrocketed over the festive season; high-rise vehicles are the targets of choice. The Times says the platinum-rich converter, valued at $40-50 by scrap-metal dealers, is gone in 90 seconds. In the past month, thefts were reported in Los Angeles, Pasadena, the Bay Area, Sacramento, Seattle, Virginia, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, the Maryland suburbs of Washington, D.C., and Tennessee. Since there are no serial numbers or any other identifying marks on the converters, nabbing the thieves requires catching them in the act. Crime-prevention experts recommend parking in a garage (thanks). Alternatively, you can weld the converter to the exhaust system to foil the socket-wrench-wielding thieves– and thusly avoid a $1k replace and repair bill.

Fox Business reports that a lithium-titanate-powered dragster has set a new electric vehicle speed record for the quarter mile. Dennis "Kilowatt" Berube drove the Current Eliminator V into history on Sunday. The Eliminator clocked-in with a 7.963-second quarter mile run, during which man and machine reached 160.65 mph. Berube actually broke the record twice. Earlier in the same day, he bested the current (no pun intended) EV quarter mile record. On his second run, he set the new new one. While the Eliminator thusly eliminates the electric vehicle's golf cart rep, we doubt it can go 250 miles on a single charge and then recharge in three hours. Then again, neither can any other electric car…

Reuters reports that French "vandals" (where are the Goths when you need them?) celebrated the New Year by torching 372 cars. More specifically, Parisian miscreants transformed 144 cars into autos flambée, while pyros in the rest of France set 228 cars alight. Apparently, this is something of a result, law and order-wise. Last year, 397 cars served double duty as New Year's Eve sparklers. Hey, when in France… "Cars are burned fairly regularly in France and the image of vehicles in flames in poor suburbs became symbolic of riots in 2005 when angry youths set fire to thousands of cars." To cope with the new trend, French authorities have taken to banning the sale of gas in containers during public holidays and periods of public unrest. The Reuters article made no mention of insurance fraud, but you gotta wonder…

Hertz has jumped on the enviro-bandwagon. Their new Green Collection consists of cars with "EPA Highway Fuel Efficiency rating of 28 Miles or more per gallon." There are currently six cars in the Green Collection, each reservable by name: Toyota Prius and Camry, Ford Fusion, Buick LaCrosse, Subaru Outback and Hyundai Sonata. Interestingly, other cars in Hertz' fleet that meet their arbitrary mileage criteria (e.g. the Toyota Corolla and Hyundai Accent) aren't invited to the party. The TV ad bragging about their environmental friendliness only mentions the Prius– to the point where you've got to wonder if Toyota co-sponsored the come-on. Of course, the green-washing fails to mention that the rental car company's fleet also includes gas guzzlers that go by the name of Hummer H2 and H3, Cadillac Escalade, Lincoln Navigator and Town Car, Ford Shelby GTH, GMC Yukon and Chevrolet Corvette. Now that would be an inconvenient ad.

As if anyone who's been semi-conscious for the past six months couldn't see it coming, Bloomberg predicts December's auto sales numbers will close the year on a sour note. Based on their survey of six industry analysts, they estimate deliveries were down by 5.6 percent at GM, 7.8 percent at Ford and 7.9 percent at Chrysler. They expect smaller declines from the transplants. Americans bought an estimated 16.1 million cars and light trucks last year which is the lowest since 1998. Analysts across the board are predicting an even worse year in 2008. We'll see how far off Bloomberg's stats are when the overall sales figures are released tomorrow. Look out for TTAC's wrap-up on 2007 sales via the specific models we've been tracking. 

According to a New Year's PR greeting from ToMoCo Prez Katsuaki Watanabe, Toyota is going so damn green you'd be hard-pressed to find it in a field of clover. Just before I nodded off (sorry), Watanabe pledged to "contribute to the sustainable development of society and the earth in the future" in three main areas: research and development, manufacturing and social contribution. Yada, yada, "sustainable mobility," "cellulosic ethanol," "planting trees" and "hands-on environmental education at the Forest of Toyota." And now for the real news: Toyota wants to achieve "hybrid vehicle sales of 1 million units annually as soon as possible in the early 2010s," and put a Synergy Drive (possibly lithium-ion equipped) into every one of their models (hybrid Tundra?). As for those pesky quality issues dinging their brand rep, Watanabe is so committed to rectifying the situation he's quoting himself: "I am always saying that 'without improving quality, Toyota cannot expect to grow', and I believe that quantitative growth is the result of improved quality. For this, we understand well that corporate management must achieve growth that maintains a balance between corporate activities and environmental preservation, as well as between volume and quality." What, a pragmatic approach to multiple demands rather than seamless spin and endless hype? Where's the fun in that?

Forgive us for saying so (i.e. we would still appreciate a test drive), but the Mercedes SLR McLaren could well be the Maybach of exotic cars. We're not saying the $495k (base) roadster's design, price or marketing was inherently flawed, but it's well known that McLaren designer Gordon Murray was unhappy with the front-engined, mid-weight layout from the git-go, and bristled at having to accommodate so much GT-ness (i.e. weight). Curmudgeons were less than impressed with the SLR's brake-by-wire system and its inability to make it into the finals of "Dancing with the Supercars." And then Paris Hilton bought one. And was photographed in it. And drove it drunk. And was jailed for same. Anyway, WardsAuto brings us up-to-date with the ill-fated SLR, revealing that the model's twin exhausts mean it can't be registered in five U.S. states (?). We also learn that "Mercedes declines to say precisely how many of the super cars will be built at the McLaren factory in Woking, U.K. But Greg De Smith, a marketing specialist for the product, says it will be 'substantially fewer' than 500 units." The number reflects Mercedes realization that it will not hit its initial target of 500 SLRs per year for seven years. A blessing in disguise for collectors, or the world's fastest albatross? 

Buying an Audi sedan without Quattro all wheel-drive is like dating a Swedish brunette. That said, there’s nothing wrong with the right brunette, Bergman movies notwithstanding. And Audi makes and sells plenty of products where only the front wheels are driven, from economy cars to its aufwendig TT. In fact, Audi’s UK website proudly proclaims “a front-wheel-drive car is in principle more controllable and tracks better than conventional rear-wheel drive.” OK then, in advance of the all-new A4 headed our way in '09, let’s have a look at the Audi A4 2.0T and see if we can get past the FWD thing.

"Other than a borrowed grille from the Camry SE, some 'character lines' in the sheet metal and the Camry’s 2.4L 4-cyl. engine/5-speed automatic transmission in the top trim, there’s little to get excited about with the new model." WardAuto proclaims that "Toyota has delivered a downright boring Corolla for ’09." On one hand, Christie Schweinsberg seems to appreciate the value of vanilla, pointing out that the Corolla didn't suffer a sales slump prior to the new model's introduction (a la Honda Civic). But she can't get her head 'round the fact that Toyota didn't do, well, anything about the Corolla's narcoleptic sheetmetal and driving dynamics. And that's bad because…? "Toyota says it is aiming to conquest Mazda3 buyers, the youngest demographic in the segment, with its new Matrix hatchback rather than the Corolla, but that seems shortsighted. A more dynamic Corolla would have given Toyota more ammunition with which to target that crowd." Or less pleasure for its existing customers. The article disses the Corolla's delayed intro while flagging ToMoCo's quality issues (the reason for the delay). Schweinsberg concludes with a quote that could have come straight from the mouth of a domestic competitor. Oh wait, it did. "But with Toyota’s quality reputation beginning to suffer just as competitors are building better small cars, there’s no guarantee the auto maker will be able to continue selling '350,000 appliances a year,' as a competing OEM exec recently put it."

Wiki.answers.com challenges visitors to ask a question, any question; from “What is the meaning of life?” to “Dude, where’s my car?” Realizing that the site’s Google-style entry bar may prove a tad daunting, the webmasters also provide a list of 20 categories for intellectual exploration. Enquiring minds can click on a relevant area and then drill down to see if someone’s been there, asked that (via unfortunately worded questions like “What’s the best food to eat with diarrhea?”). As you’d expect from a wiki site, you can also switch to “Answers” and put questioners out of their intellectual misery. I decided to apply my expertise to the automotive arena. And down the rabbit hole we go.

Now that the UAW gave away the farm concluded its 2007 contract negotiations with the Big 2.8, it's the Canadian Auto Workers's (CAW) turn. CAW president Buzz Hargrove has publicly committed the union to opposing the two-tier wage system adopted by the United Auto Workers (UAW) at all three Detroit automakers. He'll attempt to forestall the change despite the fact that the rising Canadian dollar has eliminated Canada's competitive advantage over the lower 48. ReportOnBusiness reveals Buzz is addressing the problem with his usual combination of humility and tact. "We're not agreeing to a second-class group of workers at our plants that come in at half-pay and never get to top pay. That just isn't going to happen." Buzz reminded Canadian automakers that the UAW didn't accept wage and benefit cuts to reach parity with CAW salaries back when Canadian costs were lower than in the U.S. Even so, Buzz better have a good supply of Pepto-Bismol on hand when he starts negotiations; chance are he'll be eating his words right form the git-go.

The Detroit News reports the new fuel mileage bill will have one side effect that should make some truck buyers happy: all three Detroit automakers are planning a diesel option for their light-duty pickups. Long restricted to heavier-duty applications, oil-burners provide the mileage the manufacturers will need to meet the new fleet-wide 35 mpg standard. Dodge will shoehorn a diesel into the Ram 1500 just after the 2009 model year. Ford plans diesels for "future generations" of the F-150. And GM is developing a V-8 diesel for the Silverado 1500 that could replace any small-block V8 in its lineup. Just think– if things keep heading in Rudolph's direction, a diesel Impala could displace the Crown Vic as the taxi of choice. That is, if GM has finally exorcised the ghosts of their 1980's V8 diesel debacle.