Wow! That's fast! Faster than GM fastest Corvette, the ZR1, which looks like it's going to be a really fast car. Of course, it's not what you might call true: the Tesla Roadster can't even make its long-promised sub-four second zero to sixty sprint, never mind hitting the ton in that time. But expecting GM's Car Czar to have a handle on motorized minutia is like expecting Bill Gates to go on Safari. To wit, Bob told Autonet.ca how he's ironing-out some of the plug-in electric – gas hybrid Volt's "issues." “In the first year, we’re not going to be in super-mass production," Bob revealed. "We’ll do about 10,000 units, and keep them fairly close to home so we can deal with any issues before we really crank up for high volumes." What exactly does that mean? That Chevrolet will only sell Volts in the mid-west– perhaps to GM employees– until they can work out the kinks? Does that make any sense? Do we believe it? Does Bob Lutz believe it? What about statements like “We’re finally breaking out of this thing where we’re selling only to our owners.” Hang on; if GM's market share is declining AND they're gaining conquest sales, does that mean they're losing loyal customers at the same time? Here's a more important question: why are so many journalists following Lutz' seemingly endless trips down the rabbit-hole? Don't they know Wonderland when they see it?

Here we go again: pictures hitting the net before an official debut. Snaps that prove that Volkswagen's European bargain brand Skoda does VW better than VW does VW. Skoda, a Czech company whose cars were punchlines for years ("A friend of mine got a new side mirror for his Skoda. Sounds like a fair trade to me"), has been churning-out one reasonable reskinned VW after another. The first generation Superb was a stretched, bargain-priced Passat. Skoda passes 'at with a new model based on the current Mk6 Passat (currently sold Stateside). The Superb may not live-up to its name, but it a looks damn sight better than the Passat: more stolid, more German and more "European." Best of all, there are non-wild ass rumors coming from VW's American HQ that the Superb could be headed stateside a in lightened content form. As a re-badged Volksie, the Superb would serve as a lower-priced mainstream replacement for the Passat, as the Passat Coupe moves upmarket. What do you reckon: should VW NA pass or play? 

When I spied an ad for a Nocord heated seat cover in The Atlantic magazine, I remembered my wife's complaints about her bare bones Boxsters' chilling effect on her buns and signed up. The $60 seat cover arrived covered with K-Mart Hallowe'en costume-quality fabric, and, need I say, a cord. The device was [vaguely] held in place by shoddy straps; sitting on the rig was like trying to perch on a loose beach towel. Ergonomics aside, it worked. But I doubt for long, since it is truly dreadful made-in-China dreck. It's amusing that Nocord sells both full-price new products and "reconditioned" half-price versions of the exact same wares. Since nobody would bother to actually remanufacture any of this junk, they're obviously flogging the flood of returned-for-refund stuff that Nocord doubtless gets hourly. Chinese-made aftermarket parts. You have been warned.

[TTAC now does product reviews. Check 'em out.] 

A brief recap. When it began, Caddy was truly, no joke, I swear to God, the standard of the world. After the Depression, not so much. After the Oil Crisis, not at all. Since then, close but no cigar. And then, with the Saabilac BLS (sold in the Eurozone, Mexico and South Africa), not even close. While I still consider the new CTS sports sedan the finest Pontiac ever built, I'll spot you that one. But how about this: the $42k Cadillac BLS Station Wagon. Why, you ask? "Launching the first-ever wagon in Cadillac's history gave us the opportunity to revise the 2008 BLS Saloon model line-up to enhance our presence in the premium UK market," Cadillac UK head Jonathan Nash told just-auto [sub]. What presence? The BLS is a sales catastrophe; it barely racked-up double digit monthly sales. Seriously, they can't even sell a thousand of them. And yet, hope– like Caddy’s brand defilement– springs eternal. Fleet sales! "The two new engines – the 180ps diesel and the 200ps Flexpower petrol/bioethanol unit – give us an opportunity to highlight the upgraded models' attributes to the business market." Meanwhile, Henry M. Leyland has just completed his forty-fifth grave spin.  

"Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, 'What the fuck.' 'What the fuck' gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.' Of course, we here at TTAC say WTF on a regular basis, albeit in a more quizzical context. But it behooves Ford CEO Alan Mulally to put on those clear glasses of his (sunglasses would be metaphorically appropriate, but there you go) and deal with the fact that automaking is a risky business. Ford's amazingly talented engineers lack freedom. The engineers' freedom is Ford's opportunity. And opportunity can make FoMoCo's future. As a proud American, I am disgusted at the decline and fall of The Big 2.8. GM; I don't need to say anything about GM today. Chrysler is run by a man who already pocketed $200m for running a company into the ground. But Ford clearly know what they should be doing. Bold Moves? Yes please. But they aren't doing it. I blame Mulally. Mulally is the beancounter GM CEO Rick Wagoner thinks he is. Great. Good for him. Toyota-away I say. BUT DON'T BUILD TOYOTAS. Build something uniquely American and completely spectacular. And then, if you have to, go bankrupt. But do not do so building Camcord clones in Mexico. 

It's a rare day that TTAC gets to report a roll-back on government (i.e. taxpayer) funding for ethanol, but that's the way it's going down in… Michigan. Yes, the Daily News reports that the home state of the American [owned] automotive industry, where a trio of carmakers are LOVING the federal fuel economy credits given their dirt-cheap-to-mod greenwashed E85-mobiles, has rolled back a seven cent a gallon corn juice tax credit. State Rep Dan Nitz is not amused. "This tax break was good for consumers, GM and Ford, and the environment. With nearly $777,000 saved, it's obvious that people are taking advantage of this incentive, and I can't figure out why keeping it is not a priority." No? What about the legislature’s desire to pocket every damn penny in revenue they can find to support their political power? Nah. Meanwhile, gas station owner Jim Little does the math. "With a capital investment of almost $70,000 to install E85 pumps, I want to make sure I have some kind of incentive to sell E85 to customers. This incentive was a cushion to help me keep E85 at a lower cost for consumers and still be able to afford to sell it." Otherwise… why bother?

Did I or did I not just blog that Toyota Motor Sales U.S.A. Inc. Group Vice President and Lexus General Manager Mark Templin wants his customers to "hang out" down at the dealership? I did. WardsAuto now reports that the self-same suit says his dealers should learn from its Scion brand's customer relations– and give their customers the bum's rush a time-efficient service. "What Scion buyers want – and future Lexus customers will desire, as well – is a quicker purchasing and no-fuss service experience." Lexus' new goal is to make sure "customers who do come into the showroom to buy can get in and out fast, providing around-the-clock service facilities or offering pickup and delivery of vehicles needing maintenance." Templin sees no contradiction in these goals; the in-and-outers are young money, while the let-me-tell-you-about-my-hernia customers are old money. Can Lexus be all things to all demographics? No, but it can try. Oh, and we love that crack about the Newport Beach dealership “where each of the palm trees cost $100,000 apiece."  Is that God's way of telling a Lexus dealer he's making too much money?

According to Automotive News Europe, Porsche’s new holding company will increase its VW holdings after Sunday's state elections in Lower Saxony (whose government is VW's second-largest shareholder). Speaking at Porsche’s annual general meeting, the prospect had the automaker’s CEO all misty-eyed. "Barring the unexpected, we should once again achieve a result where it will be difficult to suppress tears of joy." Along the same line, Wendelin Wiedeking revealed that "The operating profit in our car business is developing according to plan and our hedging transactions in the context of our long-term VW strategy look good." What if the U.S. economy tanks? "Porsche is well prepared for a possible economic crisis in the USA, with inventories in the local market having been significantly reduced." Wiedeking also submitted his application for TTAC’s Bob Lutz Award (no really). "It would appear that the only way to escape the end of the world is to hop into those quaint little baby-cars from Italy and France." So much for a “unified” Europe, eh boys?

Hey, the entry form for iAfrica's competition for VW track instruction at the Kyalami Grand Prix Circuit doesn't say anything about residency requirements. If you scoop their prize (chosen entirely at random of course), you'll attend the VW Driving Academy to gain "practical experience and confidence in dealing with potential dangers — from avoiding collisions to the optimal way to respond in a hijack situation." (Hint: aim you Glock at their chest, not their head.) After spending the morning hooning about on the skidpan and an executive lunch ("I eat executives for lunch"), you will "move onto the racetrack for some driving sessions around the circuit, brake distance recognition and an ESP exercise" (I'm thinking of a number). While I wait for the caffeine to wear-off, an insider's tip: don't send them the R32 engine's output in 'Merican-style horsepower stats. Think Reddy Kilowatt. 

[Complete list of RSA's VW driving courses here] 

So GM bitches and moans about a "perception gap," then shamelessly manipulates its worldwide sales figures to cling to its title of "world's largest automaker," while telling the world that the competition doesn't mean en effing thing, really. What's worse (if that's possible) is that the automotive press A) accepted GM's proclamation without looking into the numbers and B) failed to set things straight when Automotive News [sub] revealed the ruse. You will, for example, note that Autoblog's home page still has a link under "Breaking News" that reads "UPDATE: GM sold more in 2007 than Toyota." For a breath of fresh air in this despicable spinmeistering we turn to Rick Newman at U.S. News & World Report . After recounting the debacle, Newman says "GM should simply hand over the crown and get this all over with. It should agree with the Automotive News calculations, or rebook some '07 sales in '08, or even give back some cars if that's what's necessary to become No. 2… With clever leadership, GM can even benefit from becoming the underdog. But first it needs to attain No. 2—and give the analysts something else to write about." Amen.

German Car magazine Autobild reveals that Audi has given the A5 "Sportback" the green light. The German Car Blog provides the airline magazine English translation: "It's basically an Audi A5, but with 4 doors and a modified rear look. They also claim to know that Audi is going to introduce the Sportback type into the whole model line-up, even besides the already existing Avant for many models." Huh? So Audi buyers will have a choice of ordering their A4, A5, A6 or forthcoming A7 in either passenger-friendly form or as a four-door coupe? Not to mention (oh why not?) the Avant Sportback versions. So… two body styles AND two design languages per Audi model. Yeah, that makes sense. Come to think of it, why not an Q5 or Q7 Sportback? Or if Ingolstadt wanted to build something really ugly, they could just bring back the A2. 

An Allstate Insurance press release informs us that Texas' second largest insurer (damn!) saw vehicle thefts climb 11 percent in 2007. Apparently, SUVs (up 22 percent) and trucks (up 17 percent) formed a "large portion" of these boosted vehicles. The vehicles are a victim of their own utility– and Texas' porous borders. "'The majority of stolen full-size trucks and SUVs are taken into Mexico and used to transport narcotics and human smuggling. After that, these vehicles are stripped, used for parts or sold to unsuspecting buyers in Mexico and the U.S.,' said Officer Steve Plummer with the El Paso County Auto Burglary and Theft Prevention Taskforce. 'The size, carrying capacity, off- road capability, monetary value and availability of large trucks and SUVs will continue to make these vehicles prime targets for thieves.'" Allstate also reports that The Lone Star State's biggest losers are the Ford F-250 and 350 pick-ups (truck category) and… drum roll please… the Acura Integra! And there we were, dissing Acura. Shame on us! 

"We're showing you this car earlier than Dodge wants us to because similar images are on the Web, and we don't think you should have to wait." Translation: please don't punish us Chrysler! Someone else broke the press embargo. Oh, and we LOVE you dear reader. Puh-lease. Anyway, Autoweek has broken the Challenger SRT-8's embargo cherry, revealing hi-res pics that show us The Doge Boys' plain Jane four-wheeled freight train. I'm sorry (if only because the muscle car fanboys are likely to descend on this post like a plague of big bore locusts), but I'm done with the whole retro-mod muscle car thing– and not because of concerns for our planet's health and well-being. I reckon if you morph the Charger, the Challenger and the [now you don't] Camaro, you'd end-up with a car that looks a lot like the Charger, Challenger and Camaro. Or the next Mustang. And don't get me started about back seats. While I LOVE big, gas-gargling V8s, can we move on here please? The Chrysler 300 proved that Detroit knows how to do the next gen bad-ass car thing. Gentlemen, it's time to move forward. 

This week, I bring you my TTAC-exclusive rendering of the future small Ferrari. We can't know for sure what it will be called yet but, considering the Ferrari denomination scheme, it will be F###. The number in the name shows the engine displacement, which has been increasing continuously since ever. We can only wonder when Ferrari will hit the displacement limiter; probably when government regulation strangles the life-blood out of red-blooded cars like this. Anyway, following today's "bigger is better" logic, and competition from the current Lamborghini Gallardo 5.0-liter V10  (or the 5.something engine of the next one), F430's successor will need an enlarged powerplant. Another solution Ferrari likes for boosting engine power: raising the roof on the revs. Both of these strategies produce more heat, requiring better and more efficient cooling. The increased thermal displacement requirements and additional aerodynamic improvement will determine the design of the future Ferrari F###. The rest of my "inspiration" is fashion-related:" LED's, more angular lines smoothly blending with tender curves. Enjoy it while you can my friends.

[For more Avarvarii photochopistry, click here]