Automotive News [AN, sub] reveals the results of an "unscientific online survey" of "more than 400" U.S. new car dealers. AN paints a predictably bleak picture– for the domestics. "Among dealers who sell Detroit 3 domestic brands, nearly one-third say their dealerships are in the red. The only argument you'll get from a lot of them is whether this is the worst business climate dealers have faced in 20 years, in 35 years — or ever… 'The future is quite bleak,' says a veteran Ford dealer… 'Many dealers are looking for the exit.' But matters are far less dismal for Toyota, Honda and Nissan dealers. Nearly all say their dealerships remain profitable." Reaffirming that [unscientific] result, AN says half of the [participating] Detroit dealers have less staff than last year, while a third of Toyota, Honda and Nissan dealers have added personnel. "And half of the Detroit 3 dealers surveyed said most of the new-vehicle customers they now see are 'upside down,' owing more on their trade-ins than the vehicles are worth." Meanwhile… "Life in Toyota-land is good," says Dan Luneau, owner of Handy Toyota in St. Albans (VT). 

The Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE) kicks off its annual conference today in Detroit. To raise awareness among those of us who know that "Spring Break" has nothing to do with metal fatigue, the readers and editors of SAE's Automotive Engineering International have dubbed GM's Tahoe/Yukon Hybrid the "Best Engineered Vehicle of 2008." "General Motors has significantly re-engineered its class-leading full-size sport utility vehicles – the Chevrolet Tahoe and GMC Yukon – with the first application of groundbreaking hybrid technology," fawns AEI editor Kevin Jost. Actually, Jost could have gone one step further: other than Chrysler's Aspen, the General's hybrid utes are the only current application of the overcomplicated, expensive two-mode system developed jointly with BMW and DaimlerChrysler. While car folks (like us) blame the two-mode Tahoe variously for GM's downfall and early-onset buyers remorse, engineers apparently only care that it's… overcomplicated. On the other hand, at least the tens of millions that GM dumped on dead-end two-mode technology has finally impressed somebody.

In less than a week, GM will run out of the parts it "found" to keep the Malibu production line running. At that point, they're left with a dilemma: either shut down production on one of their better-selling vehicles or get involved in the UAW/American Axle strike negotiations. After sinking more than $7.5b into Delphi to help them settle a strike and restructure (they have a few billion more to pay to bail Delphi out of Chapter 11), The General may be reluctant to get involved with another supplier. On the other hand, they can't keep closing factories– now that the closures are expanding past slow-selling trucks. If GM decides to intervene, it could offer to "buy down" AA workers with one-time bonuses from their seemingly bottomless cash stash. Or, they could offer to let AA workers transfer to GM where they'd retain their union seniority and pay, so AA could hire new, lower-paid workers. Anyway GM looks at this, they lose.

Lithium-ion batteries are great for mobile phones and laptop computers. They charge quickly, last [kinda] long and have a good energy-storage-to-weight ratio. However, they also have a worrisome tendency to overheat and burst in flames. Car companies toying with the idea of using electric propulsion to save the world have been trying to get around the problem by walling off individual battery cells or including expensive cooling systems (the Tesla Motors approach). According to TG Daily, German researchers have succeeded in making a non-flammable Li-Ion battery, by replacing the flammable organic electrolyte with a polymer which keeps its solid form. The Fraunhofer Institute for Silicate Research will present a prototype by the end of the month at a conference in Germany. But the inventors caution that it will take three to five years to bring the new lithium-ion technology to maturity– and a few years after that before you see them in electric or hybrid cars.

After Rob Diel read a Detroit Free Press article about the automaker's Indian outsourcing, the Chrysler contract information technology worker posted CEO Bob Nardelli's telephone number and email address in the comments section. It wasn't long before the suits descended on Diel's desk. "They said unlock your laptop and come with us," Diel told TTAC. "When they show up doing that, it's not a good thing." Today's Free Press says "Diel, who expected to lose his job at the end of May, said he made several postings on the Web site under the name 'Chryslerworker,' including: 'Boycott Chrysler. If Chrysler is going to screw all the American workers, than (sic) it is only fair that America screws Chrysler. E-mail Nardelli and tell him what a great job he is doing.'" The Freep has since removed Nardelli's information. Meanwhile, Diel says Chrysler's Indian IT operators wouldn't know how to respond effectively to a glitch in the company's production computers, increasing the likelihood of delays. Diel also says morale in his former department is "just horrible… Nobody cares about doing anything. People are just wandering around; they just go for walks and stuff 'cause it's just so depressing." BTW: you can contact Mr. Diel at tripower428@hotmail.com. [apologies for the low audio levels]

We've reported that extended warranty scammers (boiler room operations taking thousands of dollars for zero actual coverage) have invaded the Internet and pissed all over the national "do not call" list (at 4am). According to Automotive News [AN, sub], the extended warranty grift is giving franchised dealers conniptions. "Paul Broome, a Cadillac dealer in Independence, Mo., hears from about 10 customers a month who complain about his dealership's high-pressure sales of service contracts. But Broome has nothing to do with the disputed contracts or their marketing. Instead, some peddlers of third-party contracts tap vehicle registration data to reach customers of dealerships such as Broome's by telephone, e-mail and direct mail." The AN article focuses on Missouri, whose Attorney General is pursuing the miscreants. But the scam is sweeping the nation. Still. Question: why haven't dealers and manufacturers sent a pro-active warning to their customers? 

According to Fox News, police in Houston, TX, are looking for a stripper who stole the identity of an autistic woman from Wisconsin. According to police, the stripper used the WI woman’s identity to buy a pair of sports cars, including a 2006 BMW and a 2005 Maserati. The total value of the two cars comes to more than $113k. The Maserati has been recovered in Fort Bend County, but the BMW is still missing. A warrant for the arrest of one Stacy Marie Oberley, 28, who has “danced” at Houston area men's clubs, was on probation for narcotics trafficking. Oberley is charged with providing a false statement to obtain credit, which is a second-degree felony. Detectives say Oberley may still be in the Houston area, but they're notifying authorities in WI, in case she shows up there. If you see Ms. Oberley, do not lend her your car, credit card or cash register. But do ask which Maser she purchased, and why any criminal would buy such an unreliable getaway car.

Until now, TTAC has only reviewed new cars. Due to popular demand, we've decided to experiment with reviews of pre-loved automobiles. This raises some important questions. Should we compare the used car to its contemporaries, its latter-day incarnation or an equivalent-priced new car? Or should we just review it "as is" and let TTAC's Best and Brightest hash out those issues in the comments section? As the Brits say, we're going to suck it and see, beginning with Sajeev's review of a Lingenfelter-modified 1990 ZR-1 Corvette.

I often ask myself why Asian manufacturers don't try to establish a stronger visual identity. I wish I could know at first glance to which brand a Japanese car belongs. You can always tell a BMW (although you can't tell it much). Toyota and other Asian manufacturers seem to be going through a continuous struggle to find their identity. Every new model is a step forward– in a different direction. They're caught in fast shifting currents of contemporary design, just trying to keep their heads above water. Toyota has a chance to establishing a distinctive, brand-specific beachhead with the third generation Avensis, due for launch next year. I'd like to see a major departure from the traditional Toyota design. Honestly? I don't think it's going to happen. Photos of test vehicles show a more dynamic and ascending side line, big head lights curved along the corners and a new grille. To me it looks already dated. Maybe they are saving the "cool stuff" for Scion.

[For more Avarvarii photochopistry, click here]

I've always greatly admired Hennessey. Any tuner that even thinks about boring-out a 500hp Dodge Viper mill to 9.5-liters gets my respect. And one that straps a brace of  turbos on the result,– boosting horsepower from a "mere" 800 to a Veyron-beating 1200, gets what Sajeev insists on calling mad props. According to Motor Authority, the Texas-based tuner is now turning its tuning talents towards Japanese metal. Specifically, the two hottest cars to come from the Land of the Rising Sun: the Lexus IS-F and Nissan's world-beating GT-R. While I have a slightly different opinion of the IS-F than Mr. McCombs (I friggin' love it), I think we can both agree that the last thing the lunatic Lexus needs is more power. So naturally Hennessey is going to bolt on a supercharger and fit the beast with headers, exhaust and a new intake. No word on the power, but you can bet it will be, "adequate." And by adequate I mean seven kinds of bonkers. Look for it later this year. As for Godzilla, it won't show up until 2009. I'm thinking the sky [line] will be the limit. Either that, or there won't be any limit whatsoever. The No Limits GT-R. Sign me up.

Bloomberg reports that Chrysler is finally going to execute the Jeep Commander. The Commander is/was the retro-styled (i.e. brick-shaped) gas-guzzling SUV whose packaging had RF proclaiming "Thanks to a foot well that's shallower than the British Royal family's gene pool, even polypeptide deficient three-year-olds sitting in the way back run the risk of giving themselves a pair of shiners with their knees (try explaining THAT to social services)." Jeep introduced the Commander,in 2005– just in time for the start of the fuel crisis. The slightly stretched and rebodied Grand Cherokee was supposed to give Chrysler an inroad to the three-row SUV market. Instead, it languished on the lots, selling only 88.5k in 2006. In 2007, sales dropped 29 percent. So far this year, sales are down 43 percent (large SUV sales are down 28 percent overall). Time of death: mid-2009. Tag it and bag it.

"Ford on a good day is always about the people," declared Jim Farley, group vice president of Ford marketing and communications. Like many of these pre-digested pronouncements, Farley’s seemingly innocuous, feel-good assertion is fraught with unintentional meaning. What does Farley mean by “Ford on a good day?” What’s Ford about on a BAD day? Is Ford bi-polar? Manic depressive? Does it forget to take its meds? And what about the contradiction between “on a good day” and “always?”  And, most damning of all, Ford is NOT about the people. It’s about the product.

I am comfy, reclining in my chair. It’s not a power-actuated Connolly-wrapped throne, but it supports me well enough, like the bench seats of American cars of yore. It’s so easy, sipping a coffee, commenting on the honour of an automotive world passing by. I’m enlightened by Edison’s accomplishment, a light bulb born of endless attempts, scribbling down the wretched lifestories of Detroit, seeing the sad eyes of jobless people. I can not print down my tears on the keyboard, nor teleport the saltiness of its character.

Not vanquished; I remain bloodied but unbowed. I mean tired. OK; web surfing, blogging, editing, emailing and trying to keep the lights on isn't as physically demanding as, say, anything involving physical activity. But, uh, where was I going with this? Oh right, fatigue. So I'm going to cheat… here's what the Brits (and slackers) call a potted version of an article headlined "Curb for pensioners scooting too fast." Oh, and Brits spell curb "kerb;" so don't get to thinking the Telegraph's editors are clever clogs. "'Mobility scooters are used by elderly and disabled people, so we are not talking about young joy riders,' he [Chief Insp Bob Musgrove] said. 'They are not designed to go fast in the normal sense of the word, but if they collide with someone they can cause a serious injury.' Although this issue has been raised in Rugby, the message is the same throughout the county. People riding mobility scooters should be aware of other people and should slow down in crowded areas. 'Those who consistently ride irresponsibly could face court action.'" Pistonheads rule! [NB: TTAC does not condone irresponsible scootering. Always wear your scooter cape in inclement weather. And thanks to JJ Daddy-O for the link.]

Yesterday, we explored what happens when people ask you for automotive advice. Today, I'm asking you to self-audit. In other words, you can dish it out, but can you take it? I'll start with myself. I drive a 2006 Subaru WRX Wagon. It's electric blue. OK fine. Subaru Rally Blue. But not because I entertain high-flying rally day dreams; the car's so ugly to begin with, what's the difference? I chose the Subie because it gives me fairly serious performance for just $25K. And even though I'm childless and unmarried (as far as I know on both fronts), the WRX five-door has the utility I need. I play bass and have a big amp (or so I've been told). I also brew beer; I often find myself needing to haul gallons and gallons of beer around (externally). The WRX's beer-hauling record: five 15.5 gallon kegs, a two-tap jockey box, a five lbs. CO2 tank and my best friend's wife. Uh, forget that last bit. Anyway, am I thinking about the new 5-door STI? Almost daily. And now, can you justify driving what you drive?