< Nearly every time I turn in a review I get Farago hounding me that it's not manic and passionate as the RS4 review I wrote way back when. "But Bob," I argue "The [whatever] isn't as inspiring as the thunderous Audi." When I was over at Jalopnik, I got a chance to drive the then new Lexus IS-F for a week. And I loved it. Brash, powerful, stealthy and quite a capable corner carver, the IS-F is to Lexus as drunken orgies are to the Martha Stuart brand. But, the question I kept asking (both rhetorically and to other journalist buddies as we stood on the paddock at Laguna Seca) was, "How does the IS-F compare to the RS4?" Well friends, Web Rides TV has the answer, and I can't say I disagree.

Chrysler flackmeister Stuart Schorr didn't take kindly to Ford analyst George Pipa's comments about the decline and fall of the U.S. minivan market. On Chrysler's Firehouse.biz media blog, Schorr took on "the myth that shoppers are moving away from minivans." The numbers show last year's overall minivan sales (800k units industry-wide) were 18 percent lower than the previous year's. Yet Schorr still boasts that Chrysler's "retail [emphasis added] minivan sales are flat through the first quarter this year." Wait a minute. Isn't the goal supposed to be increased retail sales? Anyway, Schorr explains that the flatlined sales are part of "the overall 9 percent drop in industry sales" and "the reduction of our lineup to two models." Besides, "we cut our minivan fleet sales by 46 percent" (which has nothing to do with retail sales). The fact remains: minivan sales are down. Way down. And, if current trends continue, staying down. In fact, they're falling, both in absolute terms and as a percentage of vehicles sold. In case you were wondering.

The Daily Mail reports that the UK's new carbon tax works spectacularly… as a revenue-builder. The recently-increased "showroom tax" costs consumers between $500 and $2k on cars based on their  C02 emissions. According to her Majesty's Treasury, the carbon tax will add nearly $5b to the government's coffers. And here's the kicker: the gov's own figures will only decrease auto-related greenhouse gas emissions by… wait for it… less than one percent. Conservative Treasury spokesman Justine Greening discovered the discrepancy between the cost to consumers and benefit to the environment during that awesome fixture of the British Parliamentary government known as "Parliamentary answers." "This is a massive tax hike which will have virtually no impact on the environment," said Greening. "Despite their claims, the Government don't expect this move to change behaviour at all – it is just another eco stealth tax of the worst kind." Hear hear.

I drive a station wagon and I'm proud. Still, there's two too many doors for my liking. I want the tailgate for loading and unloading precious cargo, but I really don't care about those getting in and out of the back. Casue I'm a jerk. I would of course just go and buy a shooting brake, but parts for Reliant Scimitars, BMW Z3 Coupes and Alfa Romeo Breras are getting harder and harder to come by. Last week we heard reports of a Mercedes-Benz CLK shooting brake and earlier today Little Eddie Niedermeyer shared with us the joy that will (one day) be the BMW 3-Series Shooting Brake . But, as Yoda would say, there is another. Yup, Motor Authority is also showing off pictures of Audi's A3 Sportback. In the pictures, the A3 Sportback looks like a squared off Golf Rabbit. However I did catch a prototype running around Los Angeles not too long ago and am happy to report it looks much better in the flesh. More muscular, chunkier, sportier — looks-wise, everything one would want in a 3-door wagon. Plus, with an available 265 hp motor, DSG and AWD, you know it's going to go like stink, too.

Detroit News reports that VW has narrowed its list of prospective sites for a new American plant to Michigan, Tennessee and Alabama. The planned factory, which is said to eventually produce vehicles based on VAG's MQB (Golf) platform, is an important measure for VW to fight profit losses due to the weak dollar. The factory should produce up to a quarter million Audis and Vee-Dubs annually, and will employ between 1k and 2k employees. VW will need to sell all of its increased production in order to meet its stated goal of tripling its US sales by 2018, and sell a million vehicles per year. The decision to base the new factory in the Midwest or South comes shortly after VW USA moved its headquarters from Michigan to Virginia, citing the fact that "its customers were concentrated on the East and West coasts." Will a Michigan plant make up for the slight? More importantly, will American production hurt or help VW's spotty reliability record? Expect more details when a final decision is announced sometime this summer.

Rendered speculation at Motor Authority by the usually on-point Schulte Design shows us a new Bimmer that is neither fish nor fowl. Let's savor this latest X-6-esque, "what the Hell is this supposed to be?" moment. This is not (nor will it ever be) the 3-series coupe. It's not a 1-series hatch. It's not a two-door X3 coupe. It's a shooting brake! It's not clear if the, uh, hatch will earn this model a premium over the regular 3-series coupe, or if it's some kind of weird ass budget model. This indecision is reflected perfectly in the car's incoherent rear-quarter, with Banglian lines and surfaces evoking bad memories of the Z3 coupe. The X6 shows that BMW is trying to infill its product lines with new packaging, and this study continues that trend. As nice as it is to get a gander at the face of the new 3-series (if that's what this is), I'd rather BMW leave this one in Munich and send over a 1-series hatch instead.

I know what you're thinking: he grabbed the New York Times' columnist's most ridiculous assertion and repeated it out of context. If so, you need to read "Bring on the Right Biofuels," 'cause this Roger Cohen guy is the MR. Context Manipulation. After listing the charges against bio-fuels, Cohen says "hogwash and bilge"– and then admits he was somewhat wrong about ethanol's critics being somewhat wrong. "I’ll grant that the fashion for bio-fuels led to excess, and that some farm-to-fuel-plant conversion, particularly in subsidized U.S. and European markets, makes no economic or environmental sense. But bio-fuels remain very much part of the solution. It just depends which bio-fuels." So, on to [theoretical] production of ethanol from switchgrass, wood chips and garbage, right? Wrong. Cohen is too busy pinning the blame for rising food prices on oil prices and rising standards of living in third world developing nations. "They’re eating twice a day, instead of once, and propelling rapid urbanization. Their demand for food staples and once unthinkable luxuries like meat is pushing up prices." Perhaps. Anyway, what's to be done about ethanol? Remove the tariff against Brazilian ethanol! And? And that's it.

Ford's CEO Alan Mulally might disagree with whoever said "you can't cut your way to profitability." After cutting jobs, cutting salaries, cutting supply complexity and cutting entire divisions, Ford reported a first quarter net profit of $100m. That's a lot better than first quarter last year, when they turned in a deficit of $282m. But wait… The Wall Street Journal reports that FoMoCo earned (pretax) $257m in South America, $739m in Europe and $1m in Asia and Africa. Ford Credit added another $36m to the company's coffers. However, North America — the one region where they made the most cuts– showed a pretax loss of $45m. Just like their RenCen friends, the Blue Oval's North American operation is being kept afloat by their overseas operations. Maybe instead of cutting so much, Ford needs to look at what the other regions are doing right (hint: it begins with "p", ends with "t" and rhymes with "brod muckt"). Meanwhile, expect a glowing second quarter report in July when the cash from the sale of Land Rover and Jaguar hits the books. 

You can argue who makes the best car in any given segment or genre ‘til you’re blue in the face. As for who has the best auto ads, there isn’t much debate: Volkswagen. Once again, the Boys from Wolfsburg have commissioned another Clio candidate. This time ‘round, it’s a talking (if ironically immobile) Bug named Max, starring as a talk show host. [Max ad not shown here; above is a vintage VW ad] The new ad, devised by Miami’s Crispin Porter + Bogusky agency, sums-up the automaker’s gestalt even better than “de-pimp my ride” and “Fast"– and not in a good way.

The first thing that stands out about the new ad: the fact that the host is a Beetle. Roots, rock, reggae be damned. At the risk of stating the obvious, the Beetle isn’t even made anymore. Not here. Not Mexico. Nowhere. CP+G know what they’re doing though; in her more lucid moments, even Lindsay Lohan recognizes that old thing. The Bug’s iconic shape is an instant attention-getter.

In years past, Ford resolutely refused to report earnings for the individual brands in its Premium Auto Group (PAG) (Jaguar, Land Rover, Aston, Volvo and, for ten minutes, Lincoln). And for good reason. The brainchild of former BMW suit and bon vivant Wolfgang Reitzle, PAG has been a financial sinkhole since day one. Now that Jag and Landie's gone to Tata Motors and Aston's been flogged to an unholy alliance of a Texan and the Kuwaitis, PAG consists of… Volvo. And today, for the first time ever, FoMoCo's broken out earnings in the Volvo unit. And the news ain't good. Yahoo!Finance reports that a year ago, Volvo posted a $94m profit in the first quarter. This year, they had a first quarter pretax loss of $151m. So why, when Volvo was making money, didn't they brag about it? And why, now that it's losing money, do they disclose the fact? It's just one more indication that Ford is building a case to justify putting Volvo on the auction block a la Jag and Land Rover. Adjö Volvo.

FIAT, the parent company of Alfa Romeo, is considering launching its return to North American soil using Ontario as its home base. So says CTV News, though FIAT chairman Sergio Marchonne has not acknowledged any talks with Ontario's government– but has set a goal of building a New World Alfa Romeo by 2012. Ontario can bank on a small home-field advantage; Marchionne was raised and educated in the Toronto area. A joint venture is possible, given that any Alfa will initially be a low-volume niche vehicle. Ford, Chrysler, Toyota, General Motors and Honda are all well-established manufacturers in Ontario. The downside: most of these Alfas are destined to be sold in the U.S. Building cars in Canada is a mighty pricey proposition. Besides, could a car built by a bunch of overall-wearin', double-double-drinkin' Toronto Maple Leafs fans named "Duggie" and "Murray" still have what  pistonheads refer to as "Alfa-ness?" Che macello!

Poetically enough, The Wall Street Journal's Holman Jenkins wants to know if "GM is a genius or a dolt for developing the Volt." Why would a company that's lost $4.3b in North America the last three years throw billions into developing a car they know will lose money? Jenkins notes that when gas prices dropped after the original federal Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) regs, the standards devolved into "an elaborate scheme engineered by Washington and the UAW to keep auto workers busy manufacturing small cars in the U.S. at a loss, subsidized by the profits of big pickups and SUVs." Jenkins reckons GM– "America's biggest near-dead car company"– plans a similar tactic with the new standards. "[I]t's hard to see why a reformed GM would bother building such a car now unless it's planning to throw its lobbying clout behind a final set of CAFE rules designed to disadvantage its rivals." Then they'll "bribe consumers to drive Volts off the lot" because it'll let them "build and sell other cars bigger and more powerful than the cars its rivals can afford to build under the CAFE rules." And it's all because "GM intends to beat Toyota at its own game of selling bogus green symbolism to Washington and Hollywood." Let's hear it for the home team! 

First, we're talking Chrysler Financial Canada. Second, the story in The Windsor Star omits a crucial piece of data (ironically enough): how many Chrysler customers were affected by the missing tape containing customer names, addresses and social insurance numbers. We know there's one, for sure, and he's more than a bit miffed at the delay between the Chrysler's data loss and the heads-up. "Chris Jovanovic, who leases a car from Chrysler, said the company was notified by United Parcel Service about the lost tape on Mar. 12 but a letter from Chrysler Financial dated Mar. 27 didn't arrive in his mailbox until Monday." Said letter assured Jovanovic "The data tape cannot be easily accessed and requires specialized software and equipment to read." So that's alright then. Not according to Jovanovich. "Someone who knows what they're doing could probably access the information. Nothing's that secure these days and it annoys me to think that if the tape never shows up, will we be looking over our shoulders for years waiting for the information to be used." While Jovanovich is seeing red (and a lawyer), Chrysler's no longer using brown. A spokeswoman said "after the tape went missing, internal processes were changed and the information is now sent by secure electronic transmissions. UPS is no longer used." So, bad publicity all 'round, eh?

Wow Volkswagen. Just when I thought you couldn't do anything more to get a VeeDub into the service bay, you really step it up. Right now, I just bring my GTI in every other month when the check engine light illuminates my face with fury. But the new "carefree maintenance program" announced Wednesday is next-generation stupid. For the first 36k miles of ownership, VW will do all your scheduled maintenance for free. What is the scheduled maintenance you ask? Changing the oil (which VW claims is only necessary every 10k miles on 2009s onward, thanks to synthetic oil) and uh, checking a whole bunch of fluid levels. VW's press release [via the great press release funnel otherwise known as Autoblog] touts the new program as a "great way to improve our owner loyalty for the brand, as well as increase consumer consideration." Uh no and no. This isn't going to sell cars, and the opportunity to save $20 bucks on the free oil change isn't going to make up for all the dealer-service department scamming guaranteed to take place. In fact, if I was a VW NA corporate suit (poor sods), I'd be doing everything I could to keep people AWAY from the dealers, to minimize the amount of rip-off-itude.