I'm sure most of you caught Mr. Niedermeyer's post about the yet to be named 7-seat SUV. Just what we need, right? One line caught me off guard, "Volkswagen has dispatched a crack team of marketers to scour the globe for the weirdest names the planet has to offer." In the words of Homer Simpson, "It's funny because it's true." Accurate, too. For as reader Mirko Reinhardt points out, VW's already got "Tiguan," "Touareg" and "Scirocco." Though I'm kinda fond of the latter. Still, they're weird. And that's just in this country. In Britain they sell both the Touran and the Sharan. And how can we forget the "Crafter" or the "Routan?" Sadly, we can't. The cars of the people might drive just fine, but don't ask for them by name. But what I wonder is who's worse? Is there a manufacturer out there more inept at naming names than Volkswagen?
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At least they are attempting to name them, I much prefer that to letters and numbers.
I have to say Kia has worse names.
Piccanto. Cerato. Sedona (My Sedona?). Spectra. Magentis. Optima.
Scirocco sounds pretty cool. Passat and GTI are great, as well. The others can roll over and die for all i care.
At least the wierd names stand out for being unusual and they actually named after something (trade winds, Nomadic tribespeople etc).
Nowadays, its either a jumble of letters and numbers, or words that don’t mean anything (Altima, Camry, Sentra,)
The VW names do go against what any marketing guru might preach regarding product names i.e hard to pronounce, might not convey the image of the car its attached to etc, but at least its got ‘character’.
Themes are fun – the Spanish arm of VW, SEAT, has named its cars after fun, sunny and fabulous places in Spain – Ibiza, Cordoba, Leon, Malaga, Toledo, etc.
I think Dodge should work with the theme they have just started with the Dodge Journey – Arena Bands from the 70s and 80s!!!
Dodge Styx? Aerosmith? Foreigner (for the future ‘offshore’ models) Def Leppard….I could go on….
I think Dodge should work with the theme they have just started with the Dodge Journey
Dodge had a good thing going with the weapons references (Nitro, Magnum, Caliber…). What’s more American than guns?
(Answer: Liking guns.)
I don’t know, there are stupider names out there:
Nissan Qashqai (Too close to “cash cow”, rubbing the customers’ nose it it, perhaps?)
Nissan Note (WTF?!)
Aston Martin Vanquish (Anyone got any dragons need slaying?)
Vauxhall Antara (The car is even worse)
Toyota Avensis (This is a stupid name because, this is one of those rare instances where the name is actually good (nice and futuristic) but the car is dull as ditchwater)
Hyundai Coupe (A.K.A Tiburon) (Next from Hyundai is the Hyundai hatchback, the Hyundai sedan and the Hyundai SUV!)
Lincoln.
Do Volkswagen’s Have The Worst Names?
Yes. They typically do not employ ample consonants.
Vanquish is a great name
I think Dodge should work with the theme they have just started with the Dodge Journey – Arena Bands from the 70s and 80s!!!
Dodge Styx? Aerosmith? Foreigner (for the future ‘offshore’ models) Def Leppard….I could go on….
Well, Hyundai does have the Genesis debuting soon.
i second thetopdog. Vanquish is one of the best names ever
I vastly prefer real names to pointless alphabet soup or alphanumeric codes being stuck on many new vehicles these days.
Pontiac is pretty bad… G5, G6, G8. Bleah.
However, I think “Volt” is the real prize-winner. It would be like naming a gasoline-fueled car the “Gallon.” Ugh.
Just to throw a wrench in BTEFan’s list of cars that don’t mean anything: The name “Camry” comes from a phonetic transcription of the Japanese word kanmuri (冠, かんむり), which means “crown”, as did the names of the Toyota Crown, Corolla and Corona.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toyota_Camry
And since no one mentioned yet: Quattroporte meaning four door.
Either way, I believe real names are better than alphanumeric soup. The 80’s had some pretty bad nameplate degradation. The Pontiac LeMans was a Daewoo in disguise, and there was a FWD Dodge Charger. I liked the 80’s Charger, but it should have been named something else.
The Koreans have the worst names. Elantra sounds like an ancient gearbox shifting metallically, or the trolley wheels squeaking on the tracks. Azera is equally bad. Then there’s Borrego, Amanti, and Optima. Its as if they had some computer program that was badly designed to come up with musical sounding names. Sorento, spectra and rondo aren’t much better. For that matter, Hyundai and Kia are awful names. Other nationalities aren’t immune. Murano???! What the hell is that? Grant Vitara? Forenza? come O-on. Astra… Sentra… Altima. Even Impreza sucks, although the car almost redeems the name.
VW definitely doesn’t have a monopoly on bad names. And I don’t like alpha numerics anymore than anyone else (although occasionally they work, as in 240SX, but when that one was named, alpha numerics were rare.
Cerberus wouild be a good name for a powerful, sporty car.
Dunno about the worst names, but they seem to be the worst cars from a maintenance/repair point. I would never consider buying another VW.
I think Ford deserves special mention for trying to have all vehicle names start with an “F”.
While Volkswagen’s names are pretty bad, the worst car names are those that reflect a quality that the car bearing the name simply does not possess.
There was the bland Mitsubishi Charisma. The car that didn’t have any (charisma, that is).
The Ford Aspire. A car that so few people “aspired” to own, it was deservedly and unceremoniously discontinued.
And of course, the Oldsmobile Achieva. Before it was replaced by the Alero it was noted to be an “under-achieva” in terms of sales.
Let’s face it…there are a lot of lousy names out there. VeeDub of late has been pretty bad. They made more sense when their cars were named after winds: Golf, Jetta, Scirocco. They are not as bad as Daewoo…what the hell was a Nubira? New Beer pronounced with a Korean accent??
I love the way Germans say Vanquish. Sorta comes out as “wank-wish.” And, for that matter, “folks-vagen!”
The whole naming thing is tough. I think companies do best to stick to their themes once those are decided. If you leave the theme, it takes away a lot of your history, which should be something that helps guide the company and keep up standards.
As for Vanquish, I agree with topdog. There is nothing wrong with that one. It’s a dramatic car after all. Of course, I thought they were one of the number and letter companies, so they could have stuck with that.
I don’t mind the alphabet soup when it tells me something about the car. BMW does this exceptionally well, Audi is acceptable, and even Pontiac makes sense. I can look at the model number on a BMW and know exactly what it is – the first number is the size of the car, and the second two reflect the engine’s power if not its actual size. The model number also conveys the driven wheels.
Alphabet soup can also be done poorly. Like Mercedes. Yes, the numbers represent engine size, and I just praised BMW for that. But I absolutely cannot keep track of the letters. The three companies I mentioned above are acceptable, since they only make a handful of vehicles. But Mercedes makes seven million different cars, and they’ve all got a 1-3 letter identifier. I just can’t keep them straight. Beyond that, the letters mean absolutely nothing. At least Audi and BMW have some consistency and logic behind theirs.
The Ford Aspire. A car that so few people “aspired” to own, it was deservedly and unceremoniously discontinued.
AKA the Expire
And of course, the Oldsmobile Achieva. Before it was replaced by the Alero it was noted to be an “under-achieva” in terms of sales.
More computer-generated 3 syllable begin and end with vowels
Love CrazyBob’s logic (directly above)
VW has some bad names and some good ones, so they don’t get the worst names price. VW has nothing as stupid as renaming all the Pontiacs G_, all the Lincolns MK_ or insisting that Mercurys start with “M” and Fords start with “F”. Lucerne, LaCrosse and Enclave is a pretty horrible naming slate as well.
I was going to suggest Lamborghini of late, but then I realized their naming problems arrived via VW too…
@David Holzman
Murano???! What the hell is that?
An island in the vicinity of Venice. It’s the home of famous glass lamp makers. Which explains the Nissan’s weird headlights.
Forenza
Another place in Italy
@Johnster
There was the bland Mitsubishi Charisma. The car that didn’t have any (charisma, that is).
To make things worse, it was actually called Carisma. Clever, uh?
@willbodine
I love the way Germans say Vanquish. Sorta comes out as “wank-wish.” And, for that matter, “folks-vagen!”
Oh, those Germans… They can’t even say the names of their own brands properly.
What about Kia’s European models? The Picanto has been mentioned before, but what about the cee’d? Yes, it’s all lowercase and there is an apostrophe in the name.
There is even some alleged logic in it: “cee” stands for Communauté économique européenne, the French name of the European Community, and “ed” stands for European design. So this Korean car’s name is a French/Englich mashup. Kia’s marketing material doesn’t tell you why there is one “e” missing, and what the apostrope stands for.
There is more madness: The 3-door is called pro_cee’d (the first car with an underscore in the name?) and the wagon is called “cee’d Sporty Wagon” (So it’s not just sporty, but Sporty! Take that, competitors!)
The name Opirus is particularly interesting, because “Opi” is what children call their granpa in German.
Carens… what does Carens mean? The same car is called “Rondo” in other markets, which actually means something.
Carnival is their European name for the Sedona minivan. Sounds like big fun, which the van isn’t.
@Jonny Lieberman
Back to VW… You included the picture of the VW Caddy. That’s actually a very good name for the small, cheap cargo/passenger van. It hauls stuff and is practial.
The only thing I don’t quite get is that the passenger version is called “Caddy Life”. It would only be awesome if they made a hearse version, called “Caddy Death”.
None of these names are as bad as those I heard sitting in the lounge of the service department at my local VW dealership. They were much less obscure and much more accurate and descriptive.
Winds or things you find in the desert. Those are the sources of VW monickers.
Strangely, very few carmakers choose names that are based in their own culture – and way too many have been inspired by the Italian towns they go to for meetings, apparently.
I liked the VW wind-related naming convention, they could have stuck with it, but that would have been an unusual move. Carmakers like to change their minds often. So let’s have some Touareg and Toucan (or whatever it is called.)
BTW – watching The English Patient I couldn’t help thinking of VW when he was describing the winds while stuck in the sandstorm. The VW Harmattan might be a stretch, though.
Phantom, anyone? The phantom luxury car is not that bad a description, since no one is willing to accept a luxury car from VW. And shouldn’t.
Fau-ve!
You’re all wrong. This is a company that can launch a car like the Phaeton and still bounce back to profitability. The names are just their way of tying one hand behind their back, and still winning.
Cyril Sneer :
April 17th, 2008 at 1:48 am
I was going to suggest Lamborghini of late, but then I realized their naming problems arrived via VW too…
Lamborghini naming pre-dates VW’s ownership; It’s actually a strategy from damned near the beginning (I think Miura was the first to use it). Here goes: The names are Spanish Fighting Bulls or direct references to Bullfighting acoutrements (Espada). Reventon, by the way, was a bull named such because it literally sliced open or “burst” a famed bullfighter (The bullfighter “se revento\'”).
David Holzman :
April 16th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Cerberus wouild be a good name for a powerful, sporty car.
I think TVR essentially beat you to it… The TVR Cerbera was actually a BIG car by their standards, with 4 seats http://www.answers.com/topic/tvr-cerbera
But Mercedes makes seven million different cars, and they’ve all got a 1-3 letter identifier. I just can’t keep them straight. Beyond that, the letters mean absolutely nothing.
Actually they do, but since they’re in German, it’s hard to follow:
S-class: Sonder class (i.e. classe a part)
SLK: Sport-Leicht (light)-Kompact
SL: Sport Leicht (!)
G: Gelande Wagen
And I don’t know the others…
I find Lexus a lot more offensive than MB
As for VW, I actually like many of their names, and the inspiration they take them from, even though touareg tribes sued the brand over its name usage. A car named after a trade wind? I find that way cool. Better than Bonneville or Rendezvous (wtf was THAT about?)
Pretty much, Volkswagen has to take the (booby) prize for the worst names. The don’t seem to be pronouncable in any know language….
Daewoo’s Nubira literally has the meaning of “It’ll get you there” in the Korean language, which is if nothing else, refreshingly honest and humble. The car was, after all, unashamedly designed, manufactured and marketed as simply honest, basic transportation much as the 1929-1931 Ford Model A was.
The theme of bird names was “in” starting with Studebaker’s Hawk in 1956, extending to Lark in 1959, copied by Ford in 1960 with the Falcon (the 1955 on Thunderbird is not a real bird, but a mythical creature). Perhaps had Studebaker survived, they would have offered a Sparrow subcompact and maybe a Hummingbird microcar!? Probably one of the most unfortunate model names was also Studebaker’s Dictator line, sold from 1927 through 1937 (they also had a President line and Commander line). Studebaker were fairly consistent with their themes, at least…
One of the coolest sub-brands had to be Hudson’s 1932-1938 TERRAPLANE. “Ground Airplane”.
I hate the letter-number “names” – they’re awful.
“What’re you driving?” “An MX#3klj43kj5dsa. How about you?” “I think it’s called a #!#%$(MMMF@XX”
“How do you pronounce that again?”
VW is definitely the winner since their vehicle lineup sounds like an Ikea kitchen set.
What’s next for Hyundai? They’ve got Genesis.
Maybe Exodus. That’d be their 12 seat van, right?
Ruth? A minivan, no doubt about it.
Revelation? A Hummer knock-off, what else?
Any company that uses names that are so embarassing you can’t picture yourself driving the car wins the prize. Unfortunately, VW is not the only winner.
As has been said above, some VW names are inspired by winds and some by sports, and some by something else. The Tiguan was the winner of a car-magazine contest and is, believe it or not, derived from the words Tiger and Leguan (German for iguana). So, let’s make a lot of money and think of great new names we could submit to VW, along the line of “Liphant”, or “Eatriever”, or whatever. (That was lion-elephant and eagle-retriever, btw).
Some cringe-inducing names actually ask interesting questions. The Kia Scoupe: is it a coupe? (No, it snot). The Ssangyong Rodius: is it odious? (No need to answer).
Another winner of the too-naff-to-own contest is Citroen. Is it possible to drive a Picasso without feeling shame?
Kurt B :
I think Ford deserves special mention for trying to have all vehicle names start with an “F”.
At least they gave that up finally! Otherwise, we’d see the Faurus and Fable in the market.
Daewoo had some stupid ones and Ford had some of the odd names. Probe, contour, Aspire but that isnt as bad as some half-assed Alpha numerics. (pontiac G5, G6, G8, Ford 500) Alpha numerics that are totally unrelated to the vehicle are useless and absolutely uncreative.
As long as Volkswagen is happy to research more African themed nameplates I’ll stick with the Rabbit, and Passat.
Was the Tiguan “bred for its skills in magic”?
What the Hell was Buick thinking?
Le Sabre, Park Avenue, Regal–all great nameplates with excellent reputations; all dumped for an ill-understood “furrin” sport and Safeway milk products?
And what about Pontiac’s junking such fine “real names” like Bonneville, or Catalina, or Ventura in favor of Federal bureaucrat pay grades? Even Sunbird is better than a bureaucrat pay grade!
And how about Torrent? How do you sell a vehicle whose name is To-Rent without having to put gobs of money on the hood?
ya GM has some of the worst names i think… both in the past and present… Jimmy? was that the name of the designer (not that any actual design went into that vehicle, but i digress)?
My personal favorite is the French company “A.S.S.” of 1919-1920.
I actually like VW names, especially when they used to make some kinda sense (when they were all named after winds):
1. Golf – Gulf;
2. Polo – Polar;
3. Scirroco – same;
4. Passsat – German four masted steel barque and one of the Flying P-Liners, the famous sailing ships of the German shipping company;
5. Corrado – some type of wind?
6. Jetta – jet stream (?)
Well, that’s more or less where this train of thought grinds to a halt…
The Porsche Cayman is a terrible name, especially since it sounds so much like Cayenne (I can’t count how many people thought I was looking for an SUV when I told them I was thinking about buying a Cayman) and the vehicles are pretty much exact opposites. I don’t think one non-car enthusiast I’ve spoken to even knew what a Cayman was
Lupo = Lupus
Polo = Polio
Golf = The Craig Stadler
Corrado = Mispelling of Colorado
Jetta = An angry old Oma w/a broom
Very sex stuff there.
BTW: The Rabbit was such a better choice than the Golf. Back in the day, before the Jesus fish, you could slap a row of humpin’ rabbits on your hatch and really show the world.
I think it is the German language. Things that sound good in German sound awful in English. For example, parents name boys things like Wolfgang, Helmut and Heinrick. Are those awful or not?
Pontiac Banshee. Dictionary meaning–a shrieking harbinger of death.
Alot of the American carmakers did the Alliteration Thing”:
Chevy: Camaro, Chevelle, Corvair, Corvette, Chevette, Cavalier etc
Ford: Fusion, Focus, Festiva (the only thing festive was its demise.)
Mercury: Montclair, Monterey, Mountaineer, Marauder, etc
But some of the worst names:
Chevy Citation (as in a moving violation, or just a parking ticket? If they mean moving violation, it must be an illegal left turn, because it wouldnt go fast enough for a speeding ticket!)
Dodge Polara (if they meant as in polar ice caps, well, yes the car left you cold)
Some of the best names:
Honda, with Accord, Civic, Prelude. These are strong, aspirational and strongly humanistic names. Recent efforts are a bit weaker, with Pilot and CRV. Fit just passes muster. Kinda makes me feel guilty about missing another day at the gym.
TopDog,
Cayman is not a bad name (even though it’s mispelled) but Cayenne is my vote for worst car name. What’s next the Tabasco?
toyota venza is my vote for the worst. means ‘toilet seat’ in japanese
(well, ‘benza’ does, but the v is pronounced like a b in japanese)
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Bass-O-Matic :
April 17th, 2008 at 7:18 am
Lamborghini naming pre-dates VW’s ownership; It’s actually a strategy from damned near the beginning (I think Miura was the first to use it). Here goes: The names are Spanish Fighting Bulls or direct references to Bullfighting acoutrements (Espada). Reventon, by the way, was a bull named such because it literally sliced open or “burst” a famed bullfighter (The bullfighter “se revento’”).
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Yes, but they were pronounceable before VW took the reins. Murciélago is horrible, and Gay-ardo is not much better. Diablo, Espada, Muira, all excellent.