Chrysler executives are taking on what may well become the world's worst job: a customer satisfaction survey. The Chrysler 300– the number of homoerotic Spartans executives calling one customer per day— will be competing "to see who can generate the most successful sales referrals." ("Hello, I'm Bob Nardelli. Please buy one of our cars so I can win a sales bonus. PLEASE!") The Detroit Free Press say Nardelli's boys want to "bring the company closer to our customers but also to bring our customers closer to the company." Not one to miss a chance to pimp for consulting, Dave Sargent of J.D. Power gushes, "I've never heard of anything on this scale." This is not the first time Chrysler's jeffes have tried to rappel out of the corporate penthouse. Hey, whatever happened to that program where the suits drive used Chryslers? Anyway, at the advertised calling rate, it would take Chrysler's highly-paid "change agents" 707 days to reach the 212k customers hit by the most recent Sebring recall. Who's running the office pool on how long this program lasts? [Welcome to longtime TTAC commentator John Thorner as our latest blogger. We hope to see more of his work soon.]
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(“Hello, I’m Bob Nardelli. Please buy one of our cars so I can win a $128 million sales bonus. PLEASE!”)
Man, I hope they call while I’m eating dinner so I can tell them what a great ownership experience I had with my 1998 Durango….please, please, please…
Might be worth getting off the “Do not call list” huh?
Hello? This is Chrysler…
Chrysler? Really? Let me tell you about my 1998 Dodge….
Hey, at least it’s nice to see all those (too) highly-paid execs do some actual dirty ground work. It may give them a new respect for their employees (you never know…)
You’ll only give yourself indigestion and ulcers, if you get your wish, Gregzilla!
I bet this strategy has the folks at ToMoCo shaking in their boots. Only a company on life-support would think of this marketing tool.
… it would take Chrysler’s highly-paid “change agents” 707 days to reach the 212k customers hit by the most recent Sebring recall.
I fear that you may have some folks misunderstanding the numbers here. Though the recall may affect 212K cars, it probably only affects about 4 to 10 customers: Hertz, Alamo, Budget, Enterprise, et al.
CALL-A-CUSTOMER PURGATORY
BN: “Hellllo Mrs. Eaton…how are you this fine evening down there in Boca?
“…I’m Bob Nardelli, chief kahuna at Chrysler and I’m just calling to see how you like your new 300.
MRS EATON: “Oh Robert it’s so nice of you to call. My son’s name is Robert and he used to have a job at Chrysler too, what a small world.
(….. Mrs E goes into a seven minute monlogue on the weather in Auburn Hills vs. Boca this time of year.)
BN: “Aaaah… Mrs Eaton, back to your 300.
(MRS E goes into a 14 minute monologue about taking the 300 in for it’s first oil change and how nice the service guy Brian was, or was it Bryan with a Y, and did you know Brian’s wife just had twins and there’s a stain on the left rear seat from the grandkids’ polo shoes and … … …”)
BN: (Meanwhile BN listens attentively while multitasking as only a shooter of his magnitude can; calculating his salary per minute and figuring out how many gallons of fuel he could buy for the Gulfstream during the time he’s been on the phone).
BN: (Finally) “Ahhhh Mrs Eaton…so glad to hear you like the 300. I’ve got to run.” (ends call)
BN: “Hellllo Mr. Rufus… this is Bob Nardelli… …just call me Big Bob … at Chrysler. …
…. “Chrysler… with a C. C-H-R-Y-S-L-E-R. Yea… we make Dodge trucks. No sir, the Dodge brothers don’t work here anymore.
“Anyway, was just calling to see how you like that new Ram truck you have?
“Rufus….aaahhh … is that your first or last name. Can I call you Ruf-dog? Oh…it’s your last name. You prefer Gomer.
….”OK…Gomer… tell me about yourself and your truck…. and your socio-demographic station in life and so forth?
“You know, your likes and dislikes…though I’m sure there can’t be many dislikes when it comes to this carbon-belching, torque-monster. Ha Ha. Ruf…I mean Gomer-dog that’s Dee-Troit car guy humor writ large. Ha Ha.
Writ? It’s …oh never mind…just tell me about your truck so we can get this over with.
GOMER: “My truck!!! Last week I carried it out to the swamp and I shot the !#$*&%%$##@@!#$ !!!
BN: “Hmmmm ….. you shot it you say?
GOMER: “Yea…. out in the Everglades… shot it…raght afore I set it on fire”
“Piece of %&**&%@!! Mopar broked down 12 times in the first 6 months.
(Gomer proceeds to bluster for 9.5 minutes in a breathless, non-stop, profanity-laden rant about his truck’s problems and about the equally inept attempts to fix it by the local – illegitimately conceived – dealer personnel; concluding with the promise to buy himself one of them TOY-YODA 4x4s …. as soon as he gets the check from the insurance company).
EPILOGUE
Mr Big Bob delicately ends the call with the promise that a real live qualified customer satisfaction professional will give Mr Rufus-dog a call to answer his insurance fraud questions.
Mr N then quietly rescinds the call-a-customer mandate safe in the knowledge that he now has his finger firmly on the pulse of his customers.
*********************
Call me a pessimist but I give Call-A-Customer 1 (o-n-e) week.
‘Dave Sargent of J.D. Power gushes, “I’ve never heard of anything on this scale.’
The complete quote is:
Dave Sargent, vice president of auto research at J.D. Power and Associates, said Chrysler knows it needs to work to improve its customer service. “I’ve never heard of anything on this scale,” he said of the new program.
Also the reason for the calls at this time is to “inquire about their satisfaction under a new Customer First program unveiled this week to senior managers…”
So let’s see… new program for Customer input, new satisfaction program, new program to improve vehicle interiors, new program to combine popular options together, new program to redo the D segment platform, a tie up with VW, Nissan, Chery, and who knows who else. What could all this mean? I know, it’s a strip ‘n’ flip! They are obviously planning on driving the company into bankruptcy, shucking the unions, and selling to the highest bidder.
OK you can now return to your regulary scheduled program.
Too bad they’re not calling POTENTIAL customers like me. The conversation would ultimately end up something along the lines of “look, even if you guys GAVE me a new one for free I wouldn’t want it – it would be too hard for me to unload.”
Wonder how the geniuses in marketing would explain that one.
Having an executive call a customer may make that customer feel good, but in the end the call will garner no more information than a $6/hr telemarketing firm could.
I’d rather have my execs making 6 figures spending that 30 minutes gnawing on the data that was collected rather than gathering it themselves. What a waste of supposed executive talent and time.
Is anyone at Chrysler listening? Your interiors suck, your v6 engines are underperformers, your exterior styling is bland and, judging from current models I see on the road, all your vehicles are silver.
Thankfully, Jeep engineers are still in touch with their customer base. Those of us with kids hail the 4 door wrangler as the most brilliant decision to come out of Chrysler this decade other than the 300. However, if you could stop building them with the same engines you put in your minivans we’d appreciate it.
Now everyone back to work.
Well, these executives have to do something to earn their bonuses.
Really though, it is amusing to see the programs that a business comes up with when it is in desperation mode.
Even if it was a good idea, it’s too little, too late.
You know, I took a former Chrysler executive’s advise when I bought my Honda Civic. Quote – “If you can find a better car, buy it.” So we did.
Calling current customers is one idea, but they might have already drank the Kool-Aid, so to speak (because they bought one, right?), making the information tainted.
They also need to call the person who test drove a new Chrysler and then bought something else.
1. Most communication is non-verbal.
2. People have an internal script for telesales. Yes, telesales.
The only way to do this is to go out and meet the folk in non-traditional settings.
Hey, I just thought of something. If you think the demise of Chrysler is “imminent” (as ryanelliot has recently posted), why don’t we have a contest to predict when they will file for Br? Sorta like an Office pool. We can have predictions for chapter 7 and predictions for chpt 11. Winner can take home some free TTAC stuff (if RF approves). Anyone interested in making a prognostication? (hope that’s the right word).
Clearly I’m in the minority here, but I’ve been happy with Chrysler’s products. I’ve owned a few and currently my wife’s 2005 PT Cruiser is as reliable a car as I’ve ever owned. For what it is, it’s a comfy commuter that gets decent real-world gas mileage. I have nothing but good things to say about it considering the price paid.
The urge to be sarcastic is overwhelming.
Talking to customers is good. Listening is better. Chrysler would not be in the pickle it is today if this started 40-years ago. Better late than never.
An October 2006 Autoblog report said Chrysler execs would have to get up close and personal with product by driving used examples for two ten day periods. I wonder how that worked out.
Do they wear orange aprons when they make the calls and ring a bell if they get an order?
Why didn’t Nardelli and Snow drive Chrysler products before they owned it (Nardelli had a Lexus)? My last two Jeeps were such good vehicles, I now drive an Acura….
Execution is everything. How much do you want to bet that the “customers” called by the executives are really hand-picked, pre-screened, briefed, and spoon-fed the comments by Chrysler PR and told to wait by the phone at a pre-appointed time?
A better way to “bring the company closer to the customers” is to have these execs spend a week at a dealership shadowing [lonely] sales reps and listening to customers complaining about their cars in the service department. Alan Mullaly had the right idea when he tried to sell a few Fords last year.
GM’s PR people called me just weeks aft I got rid of dying Pontiac GP. It seemed that after 10 years of ignoring my calls, telling me that the situation is between me and the dealership, or that I’m the only one that has that problem… it was time for me to go to the local GM dealership and buy a new GM product, and that GM has made a big turn aroound…yadda yadda yadda.
PR person got a polite earfull as to why I bought a Mazda 3 instead and “abandoned” my local dealerships the instant the warrenty expired.