In their latest commercials Subaru tells us that dumping a junk car in the wilderness or driving a car you can't see out of equate to some strange form of love. The first shows some environmentally-challenged dufus driving two days to take his old Forester to "Subaru heaven," which consists of a spot somewhere in an otherwise pristine wilderness area where other Subaru owners have abandoned their worn-out rides. There, apparently, they sit until they rust to pieces, releasing their various petrochemical-based fluids and toxic metals into the environment instead of being responsibly recycled and reused. The other shows someone who must come from the same genetic pool as that guy because he refuses to wash his Outback, claiming it's a "badge of honor" and that he'll "let the universe take care of it." He'd better hope the universe is taking car of him when he pulls out in front of that bus or runs over that motorcycle in the lane next to him because his windows are so nasty he can't see what's around him. And this comes from a company that not long ago bragged about how their factory is a wildlife preserve and how safe their cars are. Maybe they just don't expect their customers to share their "values."

In our previous edition, the Jaguar XF's headlights had given up the ghost, only to be restored with donor parts from a new, still-on-the-lot XF. This morning, while driving to base to take part in my USAF fitness test, I received a peculiar indication in the center (centre?) computer display: "Performance Reduction." I'd witnessed this message before, when driving quickly through a very high mountain pass. The computer limits the engine output by about 20 percent. Stopping and restarting the car seems to take care of the problem. However, why would it reduce performance while going no more than 45mph in stop-n-go traffic? I can only surmise I angered the spirits of Castle Bromwich. Maybe I should hold a seance over the "power bulge" hood to exorcise the rest of the demons lurking in the convoluted wiring of my Jag, which we have named, "Lady Margaret," or Maggie.

The New York Times has a story on car nut Fred Heiler and his son Tim. It seems that Tim wasn't quite living up to his potential in middle school– thanks to girls and video games. But his progeny's Cobra love led to a parental epiphany: "'O.K., bud,' I said in a weak moment, 'if you get on the honor roll and stay on throughout high school, we'll buy you a Cobra kit when you graduate.'" The incentive worked: "Indeed, he began to apply himself in school, and in a couple of marking periods we got a congratulatory note and an honor roll sticker with his report card…. Good grades became the norm all through high school. Tim graduated with honors in 2006. True to his word, Fred bought a Cobra kit from E.R.A. in Connecticut. Father and son built the car together in the garage. "With Fleetwood Mac or Green Day blasting, we'd chatter about car stuff, school or music while we worked, but at other times we'd proceed without speaking, anticipating each other's moves and handing each other the right tools at the right time." The two shade tree mechanics plan to attend a safe driving school together this summer. Cobra? Driving school? Sounds like a plan.

Our Man Berkowitz loved the Ford Flex. He waxed eloquent about the interior, the looks, how it rides and way (he's heard) it drives. However, as Ford points out in their latest press release, there's one major feature he overlooked: "It's the world's first trouser- and dress-friendly vehicle." Yes, dry cleaners across the country are dreading the debut of the Flex because "the Flex team engineered into Ford's newest crossover a concealed rocker panel" that "minimizes your clothes' exposure to the elements." And since "some dry cleaners charg(e) as much as $10 to launder a pair of slacks," owners reap "immediate and tangible benefit" from driving this $30k "alternative people mover." Justin, I'm so disappointed in you for not bringing this ground-breaking design element to our attention. Must. Do. Better.

As has been pointed out here many times, there are lies, damn lies and statistics. And depending on which statistics you're looking at, they can be used to support whatever you want to say. For example, Ford is number three in sales. Or Honda, depending on which statistic you're looking at. As far as total sales year to date are concerned, FoMoCo (781,791) is still solidly in third place, after GM (1,058,014) and Toyota (789,447) while Chrysler's staked out forth place (601,622) and Honda's trailing in fifth (487,642). However, Automotive News reports that if you factor out low-profit fleet sales, Honda moves to third and Ford drops to fourth. That's because retail sales make up only 65 percent of Ford's total sales and Honda's fleet sales are negligible. So Honda's retail number remains unchanged while Ford's drops to approximately 421k. So who's really number three? We report, you decide.

There is a moral element to Detroit's woes, and it's not working in Motown's favor. As Ford, Chrysler and GM's decades-long mismanagement lead the giants to a disastrous denouement, the "buy American" voices— which could help the automakers secure government loans/guarantees– are growing fainter by the day. The fact that none of these American automakers have given a moment's thought to off-shoring parts and vehicle manufacturing does them no favors in this department. But an even more dangerous narrative is trickling through the media gestalt: Detroit dragged their feet on fuel economy and refused to heed the warnings provided by the first oil price shock. In other words, Detroit made their own damn bed and they should get ready to lie in it. Joseph Szczesny's piece in The Oakland Press represents the thinking, and no one gets out alive. "The industry's executives basically ignored fundamental warning signs and hung on to outdated prejudices and assumptions while the world was changing around them. The executives around Detroit have been eager to pass the blame for their current plight on expensive labor contracts, hostile regulators and an indifferent press. The fact is on the critical issues relating to energy policy and fuel economy now bedeviling the automakers the UAW had basically given up and followed the lead of the industry's top management." The thing of it is, Szczesny used to be a GM booster. Not anymore. 

[TTAC has heard of new GM ads touting the company's contribution to the U.S. economy. Has anyone seen one?] 

Autocar magazine has suddenly woken-up to the threat to UK jobs posed by the Government's new CO2-based car taxes. And boy are they miffed! After listing the auto industry's contribution to the island nation's economy– 800k employees, £200b turnover– Julian Rendell lets 'em have it with half a barrel: "And yet the government's policies could be putting that business, and those jobs, in increasing jeopardy." [emphasis added]. Ya think? CO2- belching Bentley, Land Rover, Jaguar, Aston Martin and Lotus all call Britain home. Instead of bringing out the big guns to attack the anti-car jihad– union leaders, car makers' reps, opposition politicians, analysts– Autocar picks up the cudgel on behalf of the working stiff. "Those who govern our country are making cars prohibitively costly to buy and to own, and by doing so they've giving the ordinary people who make, sell, service and repair those vehicles real concern for their jobs and their futures." That said, the guys on the line really know their onions. “I feel the government’s policies are clearly anti-car,” said Craig Caves, line manager at Ford of Britain’s Dagenham Diesel Centre. “On a daily basis they are producing an anti-car mentality that can only threaten jobs in the car industry. And it’s not just us at risk; it’s all the people supplying us and the people local to the plant.” News flash: the time to bring-up this issue was five years ago. At least. 

Is great to be leader of glorious Russian Federation. Of course, we can always be more glorious. And glory be to the Russian car industry. Make world's greatest automobiles for world's greatest people. Is natural we want to build cars inside Russian Federation, to help our economy grow and prosper, like garden. So we are placing new tariffs on used cars more than five years old. Is simple economics. Russian-made cars are only 40 percent of the market, including foreign brands. This is all because the Russian car industry has receded from its position quite seriously. I am thinking about 80 percent of cars sold in Russia should be made in our country. New import tariffs rates will increase demand for clean new cars. Pravda, which means truth, says "Russian car manufacturers may not derive profit from it at all." But who knows what they mean and that is before I make phone call. Until then, I remind Russia's foreign partners in auto industry of old proverb: "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine." Dasvidanya.

Like fungus? But seriously folks, Honda's Chief Designer felt compelled to both explain (it wazzunt me) and defend (try it, you'll like it) the new Pilot. Wardsauto.com cornered Dave Marek to extract the mea culpa. "The (controversial) grille was a case of taking something that was on something else… and kind of massaging it to fit,” he kind of asserts. “On the mockup, (it) looks good. When you actually manufacture it, oops! That’s actually what happened. It’s hard to foresee. (But) I think when (the ’09) is out on the road, people will appreciate it.” Why is this man prevaricating? The new Honda Pilot is a hit. Perhaps Marek is embarked on some kind of bizarre career seppuku. It sure sounds that way. "That kind of success makes it easier for designers to be heard, Marek says. “I can stand up at a board of directors meeting and say, ‘Are you people stupid?’ And nobody goes, ‘Get him out of here.’ They’ll say, ‘What are we doing wrong?’" Either that or "you're fired." 

Before setting off on a 2000 mile roadtrip around the Great American Southwest in a loaner Jaguar XF, my co-driver and I commented, "We are taking a brand new, unproven, Jaguar, across barren deserts and across mountain passes, through blowing dust and drifting snow, and the nearest Jaguar dealership lies over 300 miles away. How much water did we bring?" The Jag proved faultless no matter what we threw at it– until now. Arriving back in Oklahoma City, in true Labor Party fashion, the headlights went on strike. The local Jag dealership proved very useful in not only taking immediate care of me, but also gave me coffee and a loaner Toyota Camry– which while not as much fun, will probably have working headlights. Due to a parts shortage on the new XF, the Jag rep had the dealership cannibalize a new XF to provide the parts. Stay tuned for a full second take on the Jaguar XF.

The Wall Street Journal reports that "Chrysler LLC is betting its new Dodge Ram pickup truck, coming this fall, can pull customers from rivals." Dodge is finally offering a crew cab version and is counting on it to for super-sized help. "I don't think there's any question that we can gain market share," said Ken Zangara, a Dodge dealer in Albuquerque, N.M. "The question is how big will the overall market be?" Yeah, that's the question alright! When even the dealers offer qualified optimism for a new product you know things are bad. Dodge has massive overcapacity in trucks with three factories poised to crank out over 600k trucks per year compared to 2007 sales of about 358k units (this year's numbers are even worse). Ram sales tumbled 24 percent so far in 2008, which means Chrysler has 1.5 truck factories too many. UPI and others report a massive glut of used trucks on the market which are both competing against new truck sales and killing trade-in values for potential new truck buyers. Year on year trade-in comparables are down 14 percent. A nose job and crew cab option are not going to lift Dodge out its permanent third wheel status. But not to worry, soon Nissan will get a version of the Ram to not sell. 

Automotive News [AN, sub] reveals that ChryCo's been running the "Chrysler Multi-Million Dollar Mystery Shop Challenge" since May 12 (way to stay on top of a story). From that fabled date until the end of the year, "the automaker will conduct more than 20,000 mystery shopper visits, roughly one for every sales consultant at every dealership." Salespeople who pass the test with "flying colors" are entered into a draw for $1k. Woo-hoo! Only AN forgot to ask how many C-notes will be awarded. Anyway, is Chrysler checking the honesty and integrity of their dealers' sales staff? You know: making sure there's no bullying or misrepresentation? Are they Hell. "Chrysler hopes the program will get the sales force focused on the attributes of its vehicles… Chrysler claims the program can be a motivational tool and can focus its sales force on promoting the virtues of its vehicles, rather than deals." As churlish as this sounds, is that really a good idea?

If there's two things a LeMons racing team needs, it's a catchy (but stupid) name and a valuable parts car. Thanks to Troy Hogan, our crew's chief lunatic, team "Mad Cow Motorsportz" has a Thunderbird Turbo snagged from the lonely pages of Craigslist. Just what we need– another hunk of shit Fox body, right? Not! This $250 purchase paid for itself immediately, since the Miami Vice-ish Enkeis and rear discs are wet dream material for 5.0 Mustangers in Members Only jackets. And someone else wants the low-mile turbo'd mill for their four-banger Ranger. So yes, what was once a C/D 10 Best winner still has the juice. And its coil springs, sway bars and manual transmission goodies help the Hot Rod Lincoln come to life in grand style. Yet I pity the turbo-chicken; its first owner thinks his pride and joy deserves a full restoration. No dice, but now we know that one man's trash can also be his treasure.

We spoke earlier about GM trying to wrangle a $7k tax credit out of Uncle Sam so that (supposed? purported?) Volt buyers won't have to cough up so much green– about $40K at last count. If we look at the problem from General Motors' perspective, nothing could make more sense. But what about the other perspectives? Some will argue that the Japanese government pitched-in some research dollars for Prius R&D and all's fair in love, war and cars. Others will argue that the government has no business interfering with business, period. Still others will point out that the last time the Feds got involved with an automaker we wound up selling Jeep to the Germans. And then there are those who say, "What's the difference? Ever since we went off the gold standard everything (including money) is worthless." My opinion? We're spending a billion dollars a day in Iraq– what's the difference? You?

As we've chronicled here umpteen times, dozens of automotive websites and publications pull their punches on GM product reviews to maintain good relations (i.e. ad bucks, press cars and junkets) with The General. It's an understandable– if entirely lamentable– phenomena. But who'd a thunk the non-automotive blogosphere could be bought so easily? Actually, us. You may recall that Justin and I infiltrated a roomful of non-car GM junketeers– including a manic mommy from manicmommies.com. According to Automotive News [AN, sub], GM's "director of global communications technology" is still hard at it. Christopher Barger's got five full-time employees working on with "hundreds" of bloggers. Barger won't reveal his budget for blogging black bag ops, but justifies it easily. "Readers are paying more attention to individual bloggers, frankly, than they are to us as a source of credible information." Hey Chris, got that right. And while we await Barger to send us 800 words, we'd like to point out that Automotive News and GM have neglected to mention gaywheels.com, a major beneficiary of The General's largess. Surely GM and AN wouldn't want the gay community to think they were hiding or purposely downplaying their relationship, would they?