As I highlighted in the Chevy Express review, I believe the vehicle is inherently unsafe. The Ford E-Series and Dodge Ram Van (RIP: 2002), aren't much better. From 1990 to 2006, over 2700 people have died in extended van accidents, they majority of which were rollovers (seat belt use is an important variable). In 2002, The National Transportation Safety Board wrote an open letter to Bill Ford and Rick Wagoner, stating "Heavily loaded 15-passenger vans are particularly susceptible to rollover… Simulations conducted for the NHTSA research illustrated the adverse effects that a fully loaded 15-passenger van can have on the vehicle’s handling properties and rollover propensity. Fully loading or nearly loading a 15-passenger van causes the center of gravity to move rearwardand upward, which increases the vehicle’s rollover propensity and could increase the potential for driver loss of control in emergency maneuvers." Ford and GM declined to make a $300m (per design) modification to the rear end to enhance van safety. They did, however, add stability control systems, as requested. While NHTSA stats show the accident and fatality rate for these vehicles are falling, it's still proportionately higher than for other passenger vehicles. Both the Ford and Chevy score a measly two and three stars respectively in roll-over tendency. These are outmoded designs whose active safety is woeful inadequate– especially when you consider their cargo.

Forbes' Jerry Flint has some strong words for Detroit. But first… "Yes, Asian car companies cheated. They kept us out of their countries and kept their currencies weak. Yes, our government changed the rules so foreign brands could sell in domestic dealer showrooms, making it cheap for them to attack this market. Yes, our unions helped by ignoring the destruction they were causing until it was almost too late. State governments helped by giving foreign carmakers huge tax breaks when they build plants. Then there was bad luck, or whatever it is that has pushed gasoline prices to $4 a gallon." BUT "the blame has to fall on Detroit's executives. They didn't know enough about their own business to build better cars than the foreigners did, and they were unprepared for a change that was sure to come, sooner or later." BUT "That's not the issue. If we want a home-owned industry, our government will have to help for a change instead of piling on, treating the automobile and the industry like devils." OK, so, how much is this boondoggle going to cost me? Nothing! All we have to do is "halt immediately all new regulations–safety regulations, emission regulations, bumper regulations, mileage regulations." Where do I sign?

We've already documented the sad plight of truckers struggling to cope with rising diesel prices. Now Newsweek reports that profit-squeezed truckers have cut back on their, uh, entertainment expenses. "According to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, diesel on the West Coast now costs $4.87 per gallon. That means truckers could easily spend $1,000 to fill up their tanks, leaving them with little extra cash and less likely to take a detour. For bordello owners, relocating to more central locations is impossible. Under Nevada law, brothels can only operate in counties with fewer than 400,000 residents." For example, The Moonlite Bunny Ranch (a third less Bunny than our regular Ranch?) is a 72-mile round trip from Reno, and none of it via the Interstate. Not to mince words: it's a long haul for a booty call. The Nevada Brothel Owners' Association reports that revenues are down by 45 percent. John McCain's gas tax holiday can't come soon enough. So to speak.

There's a fascinating new study out of Colorado that suggests bumper stickers are actually road rage warning labels. Here's the jist: "Equating bumper stickers with a warning label, the research of social psychologist William Szlemko indicates that people who apply the rearward-facing declarations to their cars are much more likely to use their cars to show rage on the road than people without such stickers, reports the Washington Post. The message of the bumper stickers themselves has no relevance to the result; peaceful messages of unity are just as much a warning sign as are offensive or hostile statements." I've never thought too highly of announcing anything to the world from the back of my car. Full disclosure: I've had one bumper sticker in my life– my old band. However, when I was in junior high a friend and I ordered a bunch of screw stickers from the back of National Lampoon (squares with a picture of a screw) and ran all over town modifying Chevy Suburbans to read "I [screw] My Children" and "I [screw] My Horse." Hey, I was 12. You?

Here's another feature to put in the category of cool stuff Ford offers that won't sell cars– alongside movable pedals, SYNC and a Tron-inspired keyless entry system. The Blue Oval Boyz are now offering subscription-free 911 service. If the SYNC system detects a crash, airbag deployment, emergency fuel cut off and so on, its automatically calls 911. Ford has contracted with the "National Emergency Number Association" to deal with the details. Although the system's unlikely to get anyone to darken the dealership door, props. The biggest bonus to this kind of service: the resell to existing owners. As any salesman will tell you, once someone survives totaling their newish car, they frequently go straight out and buy another one of the same. This is nice 'n all. But what we all want really is the EcoBoost twin turbo engine.

Audi's nonstop testing of various R8 models, and announcement of all kinds of plans for different powerplants, has raised all manner of confusion and conflicting claims among normal, non-Rainmen. So we've put together a guide of exactly what Audi is doing with their Porsche-fighting sportscar. Keep in mind that while it is possible to list all the different versions, it's unlikely anyone can answer "why" without just saying "competitors offer choices." That they do, but keeping it simple might be nice. So now we bring you the straight dope. For now. Until Audi changes its plans. Again. Without further Audi-do:

Current R8 – 4.2 liter V8, 420 horsepower, 317 lb ft of torque. Similar to the engine in the much-loved RS4, but dry sump in the R8.

Other models in discussion:

– 5.2 liter V10, 500+? horsepower. The engine is believed to be derived from the Lamborghini Gallardo's V10. Previously they were testing a twin turbo version akin to what's in the Audi RS6, but the prototype twin-turbo V10 car caught fire and burned to dust last year.

-6.0 liter V12 TDI, 500 horsepower, 737 lb ft of torque. This diesel supercar was in the Audi R8 Le Mans concept car from the Geneva and Detroit auto shows. And Audi just a few weeks ago confirmed that the monster oil burner will not go into production.

-4.2 liter V8 TDI, 326 hp, 550 lb ft of torque. Unlike the V12, this diesel sports car IS going into production, according to Michael Dick of Audi.

Red Ken lives! Only he's moved across the pond, had massive surgery and now looks and sounds just like the Big Apple's mayor, Mike Bloomberg. Oh wait, it is Bloomberg. And he's lost his frigging marbles. To wit: According to the NYTimes (via Motor Authority ) the city is conducting a series of one day experiments and a nearly 7-mile stretch of road running from the Brooklyn Bridge to the Upper West side will be car, truck and bus free. This should prove quite (in)convenient for trust-funded socialites needing the services of their Williamsburg coke dealers. The "Summer Streets" program will run for three Sundays in August. If it proves successful the Mayor says they'll do it again. We'd like to know what metric they use to measure "success." Most people late for appointments? Most revenue lost by a single parking lot? Most miles walked by ticked-off bus riders? Store with the most missed deliveries? People often ask me why I left New York. Here's my new answer, "Officials are planning to run fitness, dance and yoga classes along the empty streets and will also rent out bicycles as part of the event." Joy.

Coming soon to dealers nears you: The Hybrid SUV Price War! AP (via Yahoo! ) reports Chrysler's plans to release hybrid versions of the Durango and Aspen this August. The new eco-warriors are based on the same two-mode technology GM uses for the Tahoe Hybrid, but with list prices $8,000 lower than GM's. Said system was co-developed by GM, then Daimler-Chrysler and BMW. "Chrysler said the hybrid SUVs get up to 20 miles per gallon and improve fuel economy by 40 percent in city driving and up to 25 percent overall." No official EPA fuel economy number have been released yet but that would put them on parity with the GM's mega-hybrids. The Durango and Aspen Hybrids are be priced about $3,500 over their conventional counterparts, MSRP wise. However, since in the real world Durangos and Aspens are trading hands at over $6,000 off MSRP, the actual price premium remains TBD. To date GM reports that about 2% of Tahoe/Yukon sales this year have been the hybrid version. Presumably Chrysler is hoping for a bit more of a volume kicker with its much more aggressive pricing. The $3,500 premium is reduced by a $1,800 tax credit for most US buyers. How much extra would you pay for an Aspen Hybrid, assuming you would buy anything from The New Chrysler Corporation?

In an epic feature presentation, Bloomberg reveals that former Home Depot CEO Bob Nardelli beat out Wolfgang Bernhard for Chrysler's top slot by dint of his pessimistic analysis of the biz. Well, he's got plenty to be pessimistic about now; most important of which is, as we've pointed-out numerous times, Chrysler's cash flow. "Nardelli, who spends most weeknights at the Townsend Hotel in nearby Birmingham, Michigan, and commutes home to Atlanta on weekends [ED; who says Detroit execs don't care about their carbon footprint?], gets constant reminders that he's racing the clock at Chrysler. Every day, he and his top executives receive an e-mail from the treasurer's office showing how much cash Chrysler has on hand." Just because he's paranoid… "The carmaker started 2008 with $9.5 billion, a person familiar with the situation says. After tapping a $2 billion credit line from Cerberus and Daimler AG and setting aside $1.6 billion to repay a loan from the United Auto Workers union for a retiree health fund, cash will drop to $7.7 billion at the end of 2009, the person says. Chrysler needs $2.5 billion-$3 billion to fund its day-to-day requirements." Wow, that's a lot of billions! But not, as we know, enough to keep the automaker afloat in these truck-aversive times. Tick tock. 

Chevy is stepping it up on the power front. First we get news of the $107k (and the rest) 638hp Corvette ZR1. Now we hear news of the new $40kish Camaro SS. GM says that bad boy will holster a supercharged 6.2-liter LSA V8 good for 500 horses. For comparison sake, the new ($51k?) Cadillac CTS-V will boast a 550-horse powerplant. Pricewise, the Camaro SS' more logical competitors are the $40k Dodge Challenger SRT8 (425hp) and the $42k Ford Mustang GT500 (500hp). For bowtie lovers, the question will be whether to go for the 500 horsepower Camaro SS or make the jump to the $50k base Corvette with 430 horses. Oh, choices, choices. You say the muscle car era is over before it begins (again)? It is. But that just means the used car lot in three years will be the world's greatest meat market.

Mitsubishi has decided to challenge Pontiac's slogan "Pontiac is Car" as the world's worst brand slogan. "Drive @ Earth" is Mitsubishi Motors' new catchphrase. The strapline will begin life in Japan and then roll out to the rest of the world. Mitsu's marketeers explain the slogan by pointing out that cars connect us to the earth and Mitsubishi has some cars with four wheel drive. (Shouldn't that be ON Earth, then?) The Japanese automaker also would like us press people to note that a lot of people want to "buy green" these days, so why not a Mitsubishi? (Why not indeed?) The worst part: I'm not making this up. Let's see… "Drive" is more than a bit over-used; it's half of one-fourth of Ford's new motto. The "@" symbol is a useless stab at modern e-vernacular. And "Earth" is as green-BS as it sounds. And where the Hell else are you going to drive, anyway? The slogan says nothing of Mitsubishi, let alone what their cars mean or why you should buy one. Must. Do. Better. Mitsubishi's U.S. sales are down 23 percent in May to 10,430 units. Next time, put th@ in your pipe and smoke it.

High gas prices are a bit like the weather: everyone’s complaining but no one’s doing anything about it. Actually, that’s not true. At the sharp end, consumers are buying more fuel efficient vehicles. They’re driving less. We’ve even heard talk of gas-conscious automobilists driving more slowly. Now THAT’S serious, and, to mind, reprehensible. So, while the mainstream media is full of helpful advice on how to use less gas (e.g. take those gold bars out of your trunk), I hereby present TTAC’s unconventional guide to saving fuel this summer.

All good things come to those who wait for Geneva. Hot on the heels of the redesigned (thankfully) S- and C-Class Mercedes comes MB's new bread und butter. (The E-Class is still Western Europe's taxicab of choice). Set to debut in 2009 as a 2010 model, the new E-Class should continue Mercedes' trend of quality uber-alles, especially when it comes to interiors (reliability is in the eye of the warranty holder). Like all Benzes, the big news is the choice of engines. Starting with a turbocharged four-pot good for a measly 184hp (though not in the States), motor options continue upwards in both displacement and power. Expect our base engine to be a direct-injected V6. We may also get a 354hp torque-monster diesel and of course the tire-detonating 6.3-liter V8 in the AMG version, good for at least 550 hp (if not more). One year after launch, MB will offer a hybrid E-Class. A wagon, too. Prices should remain in the "four years at a private liberal arts school" bracket.

"When will the [economic] pain go away?" That's what Newsweek asked their "Business Roundtable Experts," including GM Car Czar Bob Lutz. Maximum Bob begins by affixing blame: it's big oil's fault. Rising oil prices affect the price of everything because oil "goes into making virtually everything." Fair enough. And then Maximum Bob's off, talking about the "short-term disruption in [GM's] growth caused by rising oil prices." Growth? Seems Bob's suffering from half-zeimer's, conveniently overlooking the fact the GM started losing market share and sales long before oil prices rocketed upwards. Anyway… "Fortunately… we are a global producer, and we're well positioned in the rapidly growing economies of China, Russia, India and Latin America." Yes, despite GM's cash flow problems and mounting debt, "we're going to increase our R&D spending to expand alternative fuel solutions and advanced technology solutions to lessen and ultimately eliminate everyone's dependence on petroleum." [emphasis added] Of course, Mr. Lutz doesn't mention where they'll get the energy to generate all of the electricity or produce all the hydrogen and ethanol for these "alternative fuel solutions." But at least these remarks put him at the front of the pack for next year's Bob Lutz Award.

Long time readers will know I've been advising them to watch GM's cash flow. The fact that the automaker has been selling everything that wasn't nailed down– propping-up their bottom line with tens of billions of dollars worth of  "income" from former assets– was/is a sure sign GM was/is hurting for life-sustaining liquidity. Last week, I posted that "Our spies tell us GM's set to top-up its cash hoard by $10b– which would raises its debt to $50b." Confirmation came today via Bloomberg. "General Motors may borrow $10 billion as early as next quarter because rising commodity costs and falling U.S. sales are crimping cash flow, an analyst at JPMorgan Chase & Co. said. The largest U.S. automaker may secure a bank loan by borrowing against foreign operations, inventory, trademarks or its stake in lender GMAC." GMAC? I don't think so. CNNMoney reports that Moody's has just downgraded GMAC deeper into "junk status" (to B3 from B2). Lest we forget, GMAC recently obtained a new $11.4b credit line, partly to lend Residential Capital (resCap) $3.5b to keep their mortgage subsidiary solvent. GMAC's exposure to ResCap has increased from $750m to $4.6b. If ResCap fails… Meanwhile, even worse, "The downgrade also reflects growing pressure on the profitability of GMAC's auto finance operations, arising from higher average borrowing costs and weakening asset quality." Fan. Excrement. Collision.