And so they did. GM's stock price rose today, after scribe Vito Racanelli penned an opus entitled "Buy GM." "On the long side, General Motors now seems suited mainly for one group — bold investors who hope to eventually double their money but can afford to lose it all if their wager goes awry. The good news for GM fans: Despite the misery that the car maker is experiencing and might endure for another 12 to 18 months, such a wager ultimately should pay off." Racanelli then presents a litany of GM's financial "challenges," combined with a regurgitation of GM's party line (i.e. things suck now, but won't later). Racanelli's not-quite-as-guarded-as-it-seems recantation of The General's Volt hype exemplifies the analysis. "But if the Volt succeeds — and, yes, Wagoner's stated delivery deadline won't be easy to meet — GM will steal a march on its big Japanese competitor. And, says Elizabeth Lowery, GM's vice president of environment, energy and safety policy: 'The Volt is just a piece of it.' She says that the company is launching eight hybrids this year — more than any other company — and 16 over the next four years." Sixteen? "'Enormous' is the word that Csaba Csere, editor-in-chief of Car and Driver magazine, uses to describe GM's progress. 'Their cars look good on the outside, have a luxurious sense inside and drive well,' says Csere, whose publication used to routinely blast the General's vehicles." Etc. Look for the "Racanelli" effect to disappear when GM's May sales are revealed tomorrow– with or without Rick Wagoner's new new turnaround plan. 

Google is a rational thinker's nightmare. If a surfer has the slightest pseudo-scientific bent– astrology, phrenology, Dianetics, Jessica Albanism– Google reinforces their problematic predilection. For example, while Wikipedia defines numerology as "any of many systems, traditions or beliefs in a mystical or esoteric relationship between numbers and physical objects or living things," there are 6.8m more credulous alternatives. It's even worse if you start a search with the idea that numerology is for real. Enter "GM 29 percent" and you find the USPO's FlexFuel fleet gets 29 percent worse mileage than its gas-only vehicles, GM's SUV sales fell 29 percent in April, GM CEO Rick Wagoner got a 29 percent raise in 2002, GM sales in Brazil rose 29 percent in the third quarter of 2007 and GM reduced its output of Saturn vehicles by 29 percent in 1994 (the same year Tahoe sales increased by 29 percent). Search "GM 29 percent lapel" and The New York Times reports on the magic number. "In 2003, G.M.'s market share dropped to 28.3 percent, said Paul Ballew, G.M.'s chief sales analyst. That is down from 28.7 percent in 2002, and the first decline for G.M. in three years. Some G.M. executives have started wearing lapel pins with '29' on them to encourage employees to push the company's share over that figure." Guess who was CEO back then? Guess what GM's share is today? And guess who's still in charge? And while you're contemplating that non-mystical mystery, Justin and I discuss the day's car news.

GM's turnaround hoe-down– complete with disastrous May sales numbers– is less than 24 hours away. Ahead of that blessed event, the General's generals are busy shoring-up the company's defenses. Today's preemptive announcement: Chevy's getting a new small car! The General's spinmeisters chose Automotive News [AN, sub] as the PR vehicle of choice: "General Motors will unveil a Chevrolet compact car at an auto show this fall, with production slated to begin early next year, say sources familiar with GM's product program." Whoa! Yes, this pint-sized Hail Mary will be a Delta [platform] queen built in Lordstown, Ohio. The "we don't know if it'll replace the Cobalt" compact car will use GM's new turbocharged 1.4-liter four cylinder global engine– shared amongst Chevrolet, Pontiac, Saturn, Opel and Daewoo. Ever the unquestioning GM shill optimist, AN predicts that "the Lordstown plant could build cars for export." Meanwhile, GM's considering bringing the Beat minicar stateside. Pysch! No really. "It isn't definitively on there as a go product," says AM's editors source, "but there is a lot of inside chatter and it's on the consideration list." 

Steve Levy, over at Autofiends.com, has encountered the Tesla in person in Los Angeles. The lithium-ion -powered sports car was driven by none other than your sister's favorite actor, Matt Damon (who does a killer Matthew McConaughey impression). Levy spoke with Damon, who claimed the car was still a prototype. Damon said the off-the-line acceleration sucks, but the 30 – 60 acceleration is like light speed. Range? Unknown. Recharge time? Unknown? Is Damon going to buy one? Well, of course. But is it even on sale yet? That's hard to say. But if even Damon gets an unfinished prototype to tool around in, it's not sounding good for Tesla. So was the end of the Tesla Birthwatch premature? It seems like it might have been. Then again, this is a functional (mostly) prototype. You know what the take away lesson here is? Even Matt Damon, with all his money, has questionable taste in cars.

My father was something of a libertarian. We were once talking about illegal drugs and he said, "Why should we stop anyone from eating rat poison or banging their head against a wall?" Fair enough. Yesterday my gal and I were driving around Los Angeles when we passed an electronic billboard reading, "Click it or Ticket." I got to thinking. First of all, why not a message like "Have a nice day" or "LA, We Love It!" Why is the default always some sort of Big Brother warning? Then I began thinking why on earth are the police able to profit from a person's decisions? Personally, I would never drive a car without buckling up. When did that stop being my choice? There's also a certain amount of cynicism in California's mandatory seatbelt law, for if they were really concerned about safety, the State would mandate roll cages, helmets and five-point harnesses, reducing the California's annual 4000+ motoring death rate to almost zero. Or, taken a bit further, if I want to, why can't I purchase a vehicle without 20 airbags, ABS, electronic interference and (gulp) seatbelts? Free market? Or am I just nuts?

Last week, we told you the EPA had certificated the Aveo-based Pontiac G3. We posited it would hit Pontiac showrooms in the U.S. next year. Now Automotive News [sub]  is thinking the same thing, citing "dealer sources" who say it's true– even though many Pontiac Buick/Pontiac/GMC dealers say they didn't ask for the car. Nor do they want it. Interestingly, several Pontiac executives found out the EPA had certified the G3 over the Memorial Day weekend, about the same time we did. Like it or not, GM needs to raise its CAFE averages in a hurry and adding something small, cheap and based on an existing car is the easiest way to do it. It just isn't the best way.

With the rest of the automotive world downsizing vehicles in the name of high world oil prices, Volvo has decided that the path to salvation for the Swedish American brand is… building their biggest wagon yet. This plan may not actually be as insane as it sounds. Volvo is promising something more along the lines of a wagonish crossover vehicle of some sort (think mini-van/wagon blend) seating five or seven with a selection of five or six cylinder inline gas of diesel engines, a turbo inline six and the Yamaha V8 seeing duty under many Swedish hoods on this side of the pond. FWD will be standard with AWD on the options list. Expect size somewhere between a BMW 5 and 7-Series and expect the Mercedes R class to be the conceptual model for the V100's market. Priced no doubt between Chrysler's most expensive minivans and the overpriced minivan crossover from the Germans, there might be a future for those recovering from a full size SUV's fuel appetite.

This year's trend towards– let's face it folks– inflation continues. Just as our bodies are 75 percent water, the average modern car contains 2400 lbs. of steel; the average SUV is comprised of 3000 lbs. of the stuff. In late 2007, steel was selling for $535 a ton. Today? How's $1,035 per ton grab you? It's grabbing steel execs you know where. No, there. According to Automotive News, tensions are rising as steel makers tear up contracts. They're demanding more money from automakers, who are of course resisting. Regardless, ArcelorMittal, the world's largest steel maker, is about to impose a $250 per ton surcharge. That's about 20 to 40 percent over what current contracts stipulate. Long story short, look for the price of your next car to be about $500 higher. Also, this might be a great time to invest in carbon fiber futures.

It used to be that Europeans could get diesel for a lot less Euros than regular petrol/gas. Combined with increased fuel economy, consumers had every incentive to pony-up for the oil burning engine. Now that the cost of diesel has increased substantially, and thanks to direct injection, turbocharging, and other high tech features; gas engines are regaining lost territory. (TTAC's Paul Neidermeyer is on record saying gas, not diesel, is the future.) A sign of the times: the hot Skoda Fabia– currently a 1.9 liter 130 horsepower turbodiesel praised by no less than Jeremy Clarkson— is ditching diesel. The next gen vRS model will shelter VW's twincharger turbo and supercharged 1.4-liter unit, with an estimated 174 horses. Unfortunately, it likely cannot match the old model's 228 lb ft of torque at 1900 rpm. For European buyers, this is really small news (though good small news). The bigger message: even European brands selling cars in Europe are moving away from diesel. (source: Škoda)

The internets are abuzz with the "revelation" that Chrysler-owner Cerberus has sold off more than half of its investment in the ailing American automaker and lender GMAC to about 90 other investors. The only problem with this story: timing. As Reuters puts it (and The Detroit Free Press neglects to mention) "The timing of those transactions was not clear." IIn other words, it's a non-story. But not completely. For one thing, Cerberus' limited exposure to the two companies makes it easier for them to bail; it explains Cerberus' stated decision not to top-up GMAC with the $600m it needs to stave-off bankruptcy. Second, the story's original source, The Financial Times, paints an unintentionally humorous portrait of unbridled greed. "Most of those joining the GMAC deal in 2006 did not have much time to do their due diligence. Instead, Cerberus invited about 50 hedge funds to its Park Avenue office for a presentation by its chief administrative officer, Seth Plattus. 'It was a 'trust me' kind of trade,' says one investor, who bought a small piece of GMAC. 'You had no time to do real due diligence. But it was a hot deal and everybody wanted in as part of the gang.' Many of the people who took part in the deal were friends of Steve Feinberg, founder of Cerberus, and said they invested as a sign of faith in him… 'There was an element of the greater fool theory to it.'"

UPDATE [via Automotive News] "Cerberus has not sold any equity in Chrysler," said the Chrysler official speaking on condition of anonymity. "There are always co-investors at the time of the transactions so when they originally purchased 80.1 percent of Chrysler, there were co-investors at that time. They still own 80.1 percent."

City cars are absolutely crucial to European manufacturers. Since 1997, Ford has been a significant player with its very small Ka model. And I don't mean that Ford has been using the Ka nameplate since 1997. I mean the car has been, in large part, the same since 1997. Warmed, rewarmed, dried out, reheated… It was, at times, extremely popular thanks to an insanely low price and being one of the first very small cars (thanks to Richard Parry Jones) to actually handle well– really well in models like the SportKa. But after 11 years of the same old same old, Ford is finally bringing out a new version. It was co-developed with small-car expert Fiat, alongside their new 500; both of cars are based on Fiat's Panda platform. This raises a few eyebrows. While the Panda is exceptionally packaged and the 500 is painfully cute, neither are reported to be astonishing to drive. And considering driving fun and feel is Ford's European trump card, this is reason to be at least a little concerned. Interior and exterior are absolutely fine, but can't hold a candle to the new 500's retro sex appeal or adorable interior. There will no doubt be a range of engines, including small diesel and gas versions, and a hot ST model with some 150 horses. It makes its debut in Paris in the fall and its US debut never.

The Detroit News' Scott Burgess has released specs on Dodge's new 2009 Ram Pickup. For the first time, The Dodge Boys are offering a functional crew cab, rather than micro-sized rear doors or the enormous (and laughably expensive) Mega Cab. I'm sure Goldilocks would be thrilled. The interior is also revised, with more plastiwood and a bigger attempt to knock-off the F-150's design. And of course, there's more power. Because that's what all buyers want. The Hemi is now up to 380 horses (from about 345) and torque is now 404 lb ft. Efficiency is supposedly improved, and Allpar reports that highway mileage on smaller 2WD models will "approach" 23 mpg. Other stats: weight is down 80 lbs, 0 – 60 takes 7 seconds, and Dodge's Ram sales are down the toilet and in the cesspool. Ram sales are down 24 percent, Ram market share is down to 16.2 percent. I know improving the efficiency of the Hemi is a good thing, and the cost is nothing close to developing an all new vehicle. But you know what? The market is still screaming for a compact pickup truck. Just sayin'.

The relentless search for automotive niches is only getting started. BMW, for instance, will offer the next 3-Series as a sedan, wagon, coupe, convertible (with folding hard-top), shooting brake (two doors) and a compact PAS (Progressive Activity Sedan). They'll offer a total of three wagons, with light, strong and ultra-strong utility flavor. I can't say I mind the idea of a 3-Series shooting brake though, as I'm a huge fan of this body type. But that's another article. Right now, we're having a first look at their small PAS. What is PAS? Well they say it's sort of a crossover with plenty of room for all the family members and the dynamic capabilities to keep the male side happy (think X6 that shrank in the car wash). Expect the new BMW uber-grille (will be soon launched on the next 7-Series) and a more mature flame-surfacing treatment. And don't shoot the messenger.

[For more Avarvarii photochopistry, click here] 

It's officially official and completely complete. Ford has finalized the sale of Land Rover and Jaguar to Tata Motors. And boy are they not excited! In fact, the last sentence of the terse, four paragraph press release reads exactly like a rejection letter: "Ford Motor Company wishes the Jaguar Land Rover management team, its employees and the new owners every success for the future." Automotive News [sub] reveals that David Smith is the new boss of the two former Ford-owned rejects millstones automakers. "Smith is Jaguar and Land Rover's chief financial officer. He has been the company's acting CEO since the April 20 death of CEO Geoff Polites." So, steady as she goes? Yeah right. Anyone want to make any guesses on how long it'll be before we start seeing Tata's influence on the model lineup and the "Jaguar Land Rover management team?" Or they move production from Merrye Olde England to India? Meanwhile, Detroit's profit-drunk SUV party is now, officially over. 

Observers of Consumer Reports' "security through obscurity" 100-point grading system got a peek under the kimono with the arrival of the July 2008 issue. The Hyundai Elantra SE got a class-leading 82 rating, up from the Elantra GLS's 70. How so, without a full model changeover, one asks? Simple, says CR: well-tuned ESC and wider tires = better handling & braking. The re-do represents chump change– compared to going back to the drawing board. The small effort got the Hyundai some free publicity by becoming CR's Top Pick. Other recipients of tuning & suspension finesse: the Toyota Prius Touring (up 14 points to 82 from the base model). The Chevy Malibu LTZ V6 got a rethink, rising 13 points, beating-out the Saturn Aura XR andearning itself a place as a middling contender into a near-class leader. The upgrade's not enough to help the bottom-barrel Chevy Aveo/Pontiac G3 and Toyota Yaris, all stuck at 36. But for most other carmakers, there appears to be a not-so-difficult way to goose those ratings. Now, automakers, get to it, before CR changes their secret formula!