After presidential candidate John McCain took a ration of you-know-what for his daughter’s Japanese-built Toyota Prius, Newsweek‘s revelation that the McCains own 13 cars is bound to put the Arizona senator in the firing line. “McCain’s personal ride, a 2004 Cadillac CTS, is no gas sipper, but it should make Detroit happy because it’s made by General Motors. ‘I’ve bought American literally all my life and I’m proud,’ McCain said in the interview with Detroit’s WXYZ-TV. But the rest of his fleet is not all-American. There’s a 2005 Volkswagen convertible in the garage along with a 2001 Honda sedan. Otherwise, there’s a 2007 half-ton Ford pickup truck, which might come in handy on the Sedona ranch; a vintage 1960 Willys Jeep; a 2008 Jeep Wrangler; a 2000 Lincoln; and a 2001 GMC SUV. The McCains also own three 2000 NEV Gem electric vehicles, which are bubble-shaped cars popular in retirement communities.” And here’s the kicker: Johny’s Caddy is the only car registered in his name. “Cindy McCain’s name is on 11 vehicles, though not the one she actually drives. That car, a Lexus, is registered to her family’s beer-distributor business and is outfitted with personalized plates that read MS BUD.” Meanwhile, the Obamas own a Ford Escape Hyrbrid, after Barack took some heat for his “gas-guzzling” (Canadian-built) Chrysler 300C.

There was a time when TTAC had excellent access to press cars; back when we were flying under the radar. And then I mentioned the striking similarity between the Subaru B9 Tribeca’s front end and a vagina. But even when I had a first-class seat on the four-wheeled gravy train, my local supplier had trouble feeding my Jones this time of year. The seasonal drought came courtesy of the North American Car and Truck of the Year Award (NACOTY). The peer-selected jurors– many of whom never met a junket they didn’t not disclose– get first crack at week-long stints in, well, everything. This despite the fact that winning the award is no guarantee of sales success– and can someone please explain how the Chevy Malibu won the ’08 gong when it’s a mild reskin of the NACOTY award-winning Saturn Aura? In short, I’m not a big fan. While we gear-up for TTAC’s Ten Worst awards, it’s still interesting to see what all these middle-aged (plus) white men think constitutes automotive excellence. Shortlist, cars: Audi A4, BMW 1 Series, Cadillac CTS-V, Dodge Challenger, Ford Flex, Honda Fit, Hyundai Genesis, Jaguar XF, Lincoln MKS, Mazda 6, Nissan GT-R, Pontiac G8, Toyota Venza, Volkswagen Jetta TDI. Shortlist trucks: BMW X6, Chevrolet Traverse, Dodge Ram, Ford F-150, Honda Pilot, Infiniti FX35/50, Kia Borrego, Mercedes-Benz ML320 BlueTec, Nissan Murano, Saturn 2-Mode Hybrid, Subaru Forester, Volkswagen Tiguan.

Rick Wagoner has problem with “b” words. You’ll no sooner hear the GM CEO utter the words “bankruptcy” and “bailout” than you’ll hear him calling the switch from SUVs and pickups (combined with the end of easy credit) “a God damn motherfucker.” But who knew that Red Ink Rink was so reticent about saying the name of his Detroit competitors? In honor of GM’s 100th anniversary (Hello? That’s so last week), The Detroit Free Press‘ Katie “I Heart GM” Merx gathered some reminiscences from the tano kubwa: Wagoner, Car Czar Bob Lutz, CFO Ray Young, design chief Ed Wellburn and, oops! Where’s COO Fritz Henderson? Probably down at the bank, getting a cashier’s check for $3.5b. Anyway, here’s Rick’s tale of his first awareness of the company that would eventually pay him $15.5m annually to run it into the ground. “‘When I was a kid, whether I was 10 years old or 8 years old, on the school bus coming home, we used to count whether there were more Fords or Chevrolets,’ Wagoner recounted for the Free Press this month. ‘And, um, at that point my father drove Brand X and my friend’s father drove a Chevrolet. And one day, there were more Brand X’s and my friend said, ‘That’s not fair. I’m only counting Chevrolet, and not all of General Motors.’ I said, ‘Well, what are you talking about?’ That’s when I realized there’s more to this than just the brand name on the car.'”

From TTAC reader Dan: “My mom has owned two cars over the past twenty years: a 1988 Volvo 760 Turbo and a more recent late ’90’s Volvo 960 (I don’t know the exact year). Now she’s looking for a replacement. Apparently her top choice is a Lexus ES350, and she’s also considering getting yet another Volvo.

Pre-history: Mom’s first car was a Karman Ghia, which my dad made her toss when, whilst repairing it, he observed that he could see through the rusting-out floor. Next, she had a Buick Opel (GM briefly imported the Opel Kadett), followed by a craptastic 1981 Buick Skylark (“Limited”), on which I learned to drive. Thankfully, it died before my sixteenth birthday would have allowed it to be handed down to me.

According to my father, Mom is emphatically not interested in Mercedes or BMW (being concerned about reliability and operating expense), nor is she interested in Acura (despite having ridden in and driven my ’05 Acura TL). Mom’s the opposite of a speed demon, although she has occasionally expressed remorse over how the Volvo 960 isn’t as zippy as the earlier 760 Turbo. And she once surprised me by reeling off the relative performance characteristics of manual vs. automatic transmissions in a drag race. Where’d you learn that, Mom? Anyway, Mom needs a big trunk to move art projects around. She puts maybe 3000 miles a year on the car. She could care less about nav systems and the like, although she could well be sold on air-conditioned seats or other gadgets that compensate for living in a hot climate (Dallas).

So, dearest TTAC Best & Brightest, what do you recommend for my mom? Let’s assume, for the sake of discussion, that her budget is unlimited, but her tolerance for taking the car to the shop is nil. Whatever she buys had better last another ten years with little more than regularly scheduled maintenance.”

Hiscox Insurance provides coverage for pre-1980 cars, motorcycles and airplanes in the EU. They recently commissioned a study by psychologist David Moxon to assess human response to physical stimuli. In this instance, 40 participants, both men and women, were asked to listen to engine sound recordings of a Maserati, Lamborghini, Ferrari and… VW Polo. (No mention of which models, presumably expensive classics, nor the Polo’s mill.) Salivary testosterone was measured before and after listening sessions. Reportedly 100 percent of women and 50 percent of men experienced a rise in testosterone after listening to the Maserati soundtrack. Some 60 percent of men responded likewise to the Lamborghini. And some participants had a drop in testosterone after hearing the Polo. (Testosterone levels exhibit some natural variation and saliva levels are less accurate than blood levels.) Even if this study was reproducible, there’s not going to be a stampede to collectible cars. Sorry, Hiscox. Affordable and wearable aphrodisiacs can be had for less money. Active electronic mufflers if/when available open up the possibility of downloadable exhaust tunes. [thanks to ppellico for the link]

Reid Bigland may sound like the name of a Harold Robbins character, but he’s the CEO of Chrysler Canada. And good for him! But apparently this little factoid is not important enough for The Montreal Gazette. The paper published an article penned by Mr. Bigland entitled “Chrysler: It’s all about great products,” with the sole identifier “Freelance.” That said, if you had any doubts about the author’s paid Pollyanna perspective, a quick read– noting the use of the royal “we”– will disabuse you of those notions. “Nearly half of all Canadians are buying four-cylinder vehicles, and over the past year we have launched three outstanding products to appeal to these consumers. The Dodge Caliber, Jeep Patriot and Jeep Compass all offer our four-cylinder World Engine – Chrysler Canada’s most fuel-efficient powertrain. Equipped with this engine, these vehicles achieve better than 7.1L/100 km (40 mpg). Our trio has proved extremely popular, with sales up 30 per cent calendar-year-to-date through August.” Meanwhile, in August, Chrysler’s Canadian sales slid 24.2 percent to 15,548 units. Car sales fell 39.3 percent to 2,517, while truck sales were down 20.3 percent at 13,031. Anyway, who said the Volt was the only Americna revolution [not] in town? “The all-new 2009 Ram is a game-changer that really raises the bar for the competition.”

Crazy Henry’s heirs and descendants own enough “special class B” stock to control 40 percent of the automaker’s shareholder votes. Translation: Ford owns Ford. While the Ford family isn’t down to its last $100m, the automaker’s plummeting fortunes must be more than slightly worrying. The last time Fortune checked-in with Ford family finances– April ’07– the Blue Oval Boyz and Girlz lost a cool (if paper) $581m. This after Ford suspended payments (September ’06). The last time TTAC checked-in with Bill Ford’s wallet, the FoMoCo Chairman had “modified” his pledge not to take a dime from his employer until it was back in black (a 2008 then 2009 prophecy that’s long since been abandoned). Ford (the failed CEO) agreed to defer (rather than forgo) the compensation until Ford (the failing company) returned to profitability. As the undisclosed bounty piles up, Billy may have something of a liquidity problem. Reuters reports that he’s unloaded one million shares of Ford common stock [not class B] to pay down debt that he took on to exercise options and acquire stock in the automaker in 2004 and 2005. “Ford sold the shares at an average weighted sale price of $5.05 on Thursday and continues to hold more than 5.3 million shares of common stock in the automaker, according to a filing on Friday with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.” All credit to Bill for investing in his own optimism. But here’s a question: when Chrysler and GM file for C11, will Ford follow suit? If so, it will mean the end of Ford family control.

As TTAC has been predicting, The Big 2.8’s new car pipeline is becoming choked with product. The Dow Jones Newswire [via easybourse] reports that Chrysler is increasingly desperate to keep their factories humming. They’re now offering their stores a grand to move the metal. “Dealers can turn their $1,000 payment into an incentive that can be passed on to a customer and applied to any vehicle in the auto maker’s product portfolio, according to three dealers briefed on the offer. Some of the select vehicles include the Dodge Charger and Jeep Grand Cherokee.” This is on top of Thursday’s announcement, when Chrysler expanded its employee pricing to nearly all 2008 and 2009 Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep models sitting, unloved, on dealer lots. Oh, and Chrysler’s U.S. employees can give one additional discount to a friend or neighbor. Oh, and Automotive News [sub] reports that the fresh-out-of-the-box new Dodge Ram will arrive at Dodge dealers with $1k on the hood. “We’re committed to remaining competitive with our new truck pricing, and that includes offering modest incentive and lowered MSRP pricing,” Chrysler spokeswoman Eileen Wunderlich told AN. Look for Chrysler to lose that modesty in the near future, as ’07 Rams gather dust, even with 40 percent discounts.

The mainstream automotive press is all abuzz with the prospect that Chrysler will have a Volt-trumping electric vehicle (EV), or plug-in hybrid, or some damn thing in the showrooms before GM’s highly-hyped Volt. And it’s not just idle speculation; it’s company-fed idle speculation. ChryCo Prez Jim Press did the GM Car Czar Bob Lutz techno trash talking thing with the LA Times. “We’re not advertising a car we don’t intend to sell for five years today,” Press told the Up To Speed (and God knows what else) reporter. “What we’re doing is investing the money to build that car now.” Now as in now? Or now as in later? And will it be the ENVI of GM execs everywhere? The Detroit News can’t answer those questions. But Dan Strumpf reveals the Chrysler reveal will appeal to desperate dealers. His sleuthing indicates there will be a lot of popcorn on polyester come Tuesday. “Chrysler, Dodge and Jeep dealers across the country will get ‘insight into our business strategies’ Tuesday via videoconference at about 100 movie theaters across the nation, Chrysler spokesman Stuart Schorr said.” In high-def no less. How ironic is that?

Students of this series will know that justification for the proposed $25b in low-interest federal loans for Detroit automakers is a moving target. First, legislatively, it was all about retooling old mid-western factories to build fuel-efficient cars (i.e. energy independence via United Auto Workers jobs). The media immediately saw the loans for what they are: bailout bucks. And while Detroit hewed to the “retooling for our future” meme, their politicians (savvy bastards that they are) chanted “jobs, jobs, jobs.” On Fox news yesterday, reporter Jeff Flock unveiled the latest party line: “Hey, if Wall Street’s money men are getting all this money, why not help the people who actually build stuff?” (Fair and balance that.) The Washington Post‘s nominal car critic is down with that. “At least with the car companies, we have the promise of something tangible — more fuel-efficient, environmentally friendly vehicles such as the plug-in electric Chevrolet Volt car that GM displayed last week at its 100th corporate birthday celebration… That’s worth $25 billion, I think. It’s a better risk than betting that the investors and speculators who got us into our current financial trouble by buying and selling poorly vetted loans have our best economic interests at heart.” Moral relativism sucks. [thanks to inept123 for the link]

Bloomberg reports that General Motors has tapped the remaining $3.5b of a $4.5b revolving credit line. (Needless to say, the bad news arrived on a Friday– the by-now usual pattern for the embattled automaker.) In an official statement, GM said the cash “will go to help cover restructuring costs.” Or, as Bloomie’s put it, “GM, the largest U.S. automaker, has said it needs to raise $4 billion to $7 billion by selling assets and adding debt to ensure it has enough liquidity to operate through the end of 2009. GM has lost $69.8 billion since the end of 2004, its last profitable year.” The reality is that Q3 will show another big loss; the loss might have put GM in violation of certain covenants/ratios in the loan agreement, which would give the bankers the right to deny funding and pull the line. Of course, we don’t know the details. But, as TTAC’s Deep Throat put it, this company is running close to the edge. Meanwhile, GM’s former captive lender GMAC (The General now owns 49 percent) renewed a credit facility with Citigroup yesterday. GMAC now has access to $13.8b, down from last year’s $21.4b.

When the [not always] Right Reverend Jesse Jackson weighed-in in favor of $25b worth of low-interest federal loans for Detroit’s automakers, I couldn’t quite peg JJ”s angle. Jackson blathered-on about economic catastrophe and kids not being able to go to school. Well, now we have an indication of the real reason that JJ voted aye for the bailout. Automotive News reports “Desmond Roberts, chairman of the National Association of Minority Automobile Dealers, says his group has been urging members of Congress for most of the summer to provide $500 million in direct loans and loan guarantees to help minority dealers.” Yes, you heard right: NAMAD was into bailouts before bailouts were cool. “We were asking before the manufacturers went with their request,” says Roberts, owner of Advantage Chevrolet, of Hodgkins, Ill. “What we’re asking now is if they are going to appropriate $25 billion, can’t they carve out $500 million for the dealers who are in dire straits, whose absolute existence is threatened today? We’re the forgotten component.” AN says GM has about 340 minority-owned dealerships out of 6,550, while 271 of Ford’s 4,056 dealerships are owned by minority dealers. No flames now, but can someone please explain to me why minority-owned car dealers should get federal assistance when non-minority-owned dealers don’t?

“The most striking element of the SS’ interior is the shiny plastic door panels and dash trim that matches the two-tone black and leather seats, with contrast stitching. It’s very racy, and should tie in nicely to the SS badges fore and aft.” I don’t know about you, but that’s it. I’m done with the “new” Chevrolet Camaro. I tried to maintain my interest, I swear. I even went to the Transformers movie and thought, why do they put so much salt on my popcorn? I already bought a bucket o’ Coke. Sorry. I mean, how can a Hollywood agent say the words “Shy La Boeuf is perfect for the role” with a straight face? I mean, when can I buy a new Camaro? To which the obvious answer is… never. I can never buy one. Not now. Not later. Never. Not only will GM not sell me one, they’ll never have one to sell. Meanwhile, when Autoblog gets down to the level of plastic door panels, well, who really gives a shit? Volt aside, is this the most over-hyped car never made? Yes, yes, Mikey; I know. You’re ready to build the Camaro prototype with your hands tied behind your back, blindfolded (as per GM policy). It’ll be better screwed together than Megan Fox (real name Lavinia Nussbaum). It’ll be light as a feather (well), nimbler than a Lavinia (well) and more fuel efficient than the 70’s version (well). But for God’s sake Autoblog, STOP PIMPING THIS CAR.

Forget the Colbert Report, the real comedy arrives when Maximum Bob comes in contact with uncontrived Canadian earnestness. George Stroumboupoulos gazes deep into the Car Czar’s eyes and asks him “what happened to the North American auto business,” with all the bewilderment the question deserves, Lutz fumbles around a bit before hitting the punchline. Not enough taxes! Seriously folks, the lack of European-style taxation and investment in mass transit created a “Darwinian Environment” in which people demanded large V8 vehicles. But Mr Lutz, didn’t Detroit benefit from cheap gas? And what do you say to those who accuse automakers of colluding with Big Oil? “If there is a conspiratorial relationship between the oil companies and the automobile companies, could we see our 50 percent please?” deadpans Lutz. Ba-doom-boom! Anyway, GM does sell small, high-technology, high-efficiency cars– in Europe. ‘Cause Americans won’t pay for them. Having “just looked at the numbers,” Lutz said the average Swiss transaction price on GM products was $42k. Switzerland? When George confronts Lutz with his “global warming is a crock of shit” quip, MB lashes out at his quotee and insists he must “plead the fifth amendment.” “You’re in Canada!” George reminds MB, and then draws the Czar into his sunspot rant. Up next: Vegas! [Thanks to emro for the link]