It may have the fastest fastback in the biz, but the Porsche Cayman was born with little-brother syndrome. To keep the 911 attractive, Porsche dumbed-down the little coupe. Not much, but enough to justify the price difference and (theoretically) avoid cannibalism. With cars going smaller and greener, with mid-engine trumping ye olde ass-engined Nazi slot car layout, the Cayman’s advantages over the 911are becoming increasingly obvious. While there’s plenty of speculation about a sub-Boxster entry-level 914-type Porker, I believe Porsche will try and sell the Cayman in larger numbers, while keeping the 911 as a more exclusive model. With that in mind, I imagined an “uncensored” Cayman 2, with a seductive design making the most of its Porsche heritage. I’d like to see the round lights that just scream PORSCHE on all future Zuffenhausen coupes and roadsters. Another weak point of the current Cayman: the side air-intake. Substitute this Carrera GT-inspired design (cleared for take off now that Porsche’s taken the GT off the menu). A few other touches– mirror-mounted turn signals (like it or not, the best solution), a glass roof and LED lights– complete the upgrade. With all the changes the car is still instantly recognizable. Squint your eyes a little; do you see the 959?

[for more photochoppistry, go to avarvarii.com]

The Buffalo News reports that its elected officials seem curiously reluctant to downsize from government-sponsored SUVs. “Lackawanna Mayor Norman Polanski started driving a taxpayer-funded Ford Escape after he blew the engine in his personal Plymouth Voyager after driving through the old Bethlehem Steel site on city time [of course]. He said his new vehicle was chosen for him from a state bid list. Asked if he would consider getting a vehicle that got higher gas mileage, he said those vehicles tend to have higher sticker prices than the $17,000 the city paid for his SUV.” So what about Lancaster Supervisor Robert Giza’s $27k, city-financed Chevrolet Tahoe? “Giza did not return phone calls for this column, but he earlier said his previous vehicle — also an SUV — had taken a beating during the October snowstorm two years ago and that he frequently drives in off-road conditions, such as quarries or railroad beds.” Hamburg Supervisor Steven Walters’ $18,000 Ford Explorer? “His last car was a Ford Crown Victoria, known for its massive engine and commonly used by police departments and that his new SUV is actually getting better gas mileage. Second, he noted that he lives in the Snow Belt, where four-wheel drive is almost considered a necessity. (He said his former vehicle got stuck in his driveway three times.) ‘In this job, you do have to get out when the roads are not plowed,’ he said. ‘It’s not extremely frequent, and I certainly don’t want to mislead anyone to think that this is happening every other day, but it does happen.'”

Today is General Motors’ one hundredth anniversary. Ironically, GM reached the century mark in the same year that it ended its reign as the world’s largest automaker. More importantly, the American automaker’s status as the world’s most profitable private enterprise has long been consigned to the scrapheap of history. The former economic powerhouse is now worth less than it owes, as it slouches towards bankruptcy. While The General’s camp followers may wish to set aide this day to bask in past glories, it’s the perfect time for the ailing American automaker to draw a line under the past and face the future.

So proclaimeth our good friends at Automotive News. They report that “The director of the Congressional Budget Office says the cost to taxpayers of a $25 billion loan program probably would be about $7.5 billion — about twice earlier estimates… Worsening credit conditions mean 30 percent of the loan total may be needed.” Like that’s going to make a difference. But the way GM’s spinmeister handled the news is revealing, in the usual denial is a river in Africa sort of way. “General Motors spokesman Greg Martin said today that the budget office director’s observation is not a formal cost estimate. ‘We know we have our work cut out for us,’ Martin said.” Yeah, getting Uncle Sam to get the tit out can be such a hassle.

More than 90k purchasers of ’02 – ’05 Saturn Vues and ’03 – ’04 Ions have opted for GM’s VTi continuously-variable transmission. And though it’s tempting to trot-out ye olde caveat emptor, GM is taking responsibility for the widespread failure of its cogless boxes. Since the transmissions cost $4k – $5k to replace, and the preliminary settlement covers repairs, car rentals, towing and trade-in losses, plaintiff lawyers reckon GM could be on the hook for up to $100m. Meanwhile, according to Automotive News, GM’s lawyers demonstrate the carefree optimism of their corporate masters, estimating final settlement costs at $10m – $20m. The settlement will include payments to a yet-to-be-determined class of Vue and Ion owners based on the mileage of the vehicle when the transmission failed, and whether owners purchased the vehicle new or used. The vehicles must have failed within 125k miles or eight years of the purchase date. Although GM lawyer Joe Lines was happy to call the $90 – $100m cost “wildly exaggerated,” he declined to provide a failure rate for the transmission. More tellingly, the settlement means that GM must agree with the “exceptionally prone to premature failure” characterization in the original lawsuit.

Reports of the death of the overpriced/weak-selling Euro-model Saturn Astra are proving premature. Ish. Automotive News (sub) reports that the next-gen Astra will be built at the St Louis Potosi plant in Mexico, in hopes of turning a profit in the dollar zone. (The new Astra is currently in development; The General will release the next gen Astra as a 2011 model based on GM’s global Delta platform.) As currency and shipping costs doom Euro-imports to high price-points and weak profitability, producing U.S.-spec sibs in the U.S. and Mexico (e.g. the Astra and Ford’s Focus, Fiesta, Kuga and C-Max) is becoming the short-term strategy of choice for both Ford and GM. Of course, Ford is taking a more conservative route, producing already-developed models in the NA market. GM is simply adding new-world production of a brand new global platform. Either way, it’s an improvement on the desperate importation strategy currently in effect– even if GM’s choice of Mexican production eliminates yet another opportunity to qualify for retooling loans currently being pork-barreled from congress.

From a crowd-pleasing chant at the Republican National Convention to op-eds at the New York Times, the refrain “Drill, Baby, Drill” is looming large in the American psyche. In the Gray Lady’s pages, Robert Hahn of the American Enterprise Institute and Peter Passel of the Milkin Institute (motto: Milkin’ The Issues) investigate the idea of penetrating mother Earth for more of that sweet, sweet dino juice. Opponents of drilling offshore and oil extraction in the Arctic National Wildlife Preserve (ANWR) argue that the benefits would be marginal. Hahn and Passel don’t necessarily disagree. They reckon 7b barrels could be pulled from ANWR, with another 11b available offshore, Hahn and Passel estimate the U.S. could thusly increase output by six percent, resulting in a 1.3 percent drop in worldwide prices. Meh. But the two argue that at $100/barrel, that oil would be worth nearly $2t not including the benefits of reduced pump prices for consumers. Development costs including environmental clean-ups would cost only $400b, making drilling an “economic no-brainer.” Hahn and Passel estimate the “non-use value” of ANWR at “only” $11b. The authors could “imagine a political bargain in which several hundred billion dollars went into a fund with a charter to preserve wilderness in the United States, or climate-stabilizing rainforests in Africa and Latin America.” In short, to protect the environment we must defile the environment. In reality, drlling is one of those idealism vs. pragmatism issues where win-win is a no-no. As long as the “Drill, Baby, Drill” refrain is still echoing out of St Paul, this kind of compromise is a long way off.

Tomorrow marks the 100-year anniversary of General Motors. It also marks a 6am reveal of the Chevy Volt at the RenCen (we have got to talk to the postman). Anyhow, one whole century is a whole lot of cars. Like, a whole Hell of a lot of cars.  In fact, I’m starting to realize the ludicrous scope of this QOTD as I type it. With so much history (and much of it so good), even just picking my favorite decade is difficult. A few cars jump to mind. Cadillacs from the 1950s. Corvettes from the 1960s. Oh jeeze, a 1965 Pontiac GTO, right? But wait– what about a 1970 Judge? And we can’t forget the Corvair, now can we? And now my mind is filled with thoughts of the 1986 Buick GNX. Definitely the best GM car ever. Except for the new CTS-V and ZR1. And I might even like the C4 ZR1 best of all. This is a tough one. My first car was a 1985 Pontiac Parisienne Safari Sation Wagon. It was set up for towing, so instead of the standard 140 hp 305, it had a 400 from a Chevy truck with an unspecified amount of power. It also (supposedly) had truck brakes and a truck transmission. Well, the “Lieberwagon” did make it to 283k some miles before turning itself into a seven-cylinder. And before it did, I once took eleven humans and a drum set from Sonoma County to Sacramento then back. So, that’s my favorite GM car. Yours?

Chevy’s upcoming Cobalt replacement sibling replacement, the Cruze, has been spotted out in the wild wearing New York dealer plates. In rental white and with black door handles, it looks pretty generic and just a little strange. Compared to the original press photos, it also looks pretty large, which is not necessarily a bad thing. As we’ve said before, the key for this vehicle will be whether GM can live up to their 40+ mpg promise for this car. If it can, that may be enough to cut into sales of vehicles with immense intertia, like the Civic and Corolla. The Cruze will ride on the Delta platform that is also set to underpin the Volt, which oddly enough is also targeting 40 miles as its range on a full charge. Maybe. And while the Volt is set to cost some $40,000, this Cruze should be available for well under $20,000 when it hits dealers in the summer of 2010.

The two U.S. satellite radio carriers became one at the end of July, but the monopoly has not had a smooth ride. After a few multi-million dollar golden parachutes payoffs, the combined company is in debt to the sad tune of over $2 billion.  Neither was turning a profit prior to the merger, and the long-term outlook has SIRI singing the blues.  Borrowing more money is near impossible right this moment and $400 million in convertible notes are due next year. (Sound like a GM-Ford merger to anyone?) Investors have punished the stock, sending its value below $1, risking delisting from NASDAQ.  Just about everyone who wants satellite radio already has it, as hardware is already affordable. New cheaper ($4-$7/month) rate plans in hopes of bringing in new customers risks backfiring with current cash-strapped subscribers downgrading.  The subscription-free competition is brutal: iPods, MP3-playing cell phones, OEM in-car jukeboxes, and terrestrial digital (HD) radio.  Enjoy it while you can, but those satellites may be going dark in the not-so-distant future.

Episode 11: Creamsicle

As TTAC proves on an ongoing basis, General Motors is a company that has struggled mightily to adjust to the Internet Age. Now, GM is trying to embrace the open-source future by recruiting a few good webizens to wikify its long and tumultuous path. Needless to say, there’s many a slip ‘twixt PR dependence and Web 2.0. The “Generations of GM wiki” is hosted on GMNext.com, which requires registration and serves largely as an organ of GM PR. Accordingly, when you attempt to write an article, you have to slot it into one of several unmodifiable “chapters”: “Creation” (1897-1909), “Acceleration” (1910-1930), “Emotion” (1931-1958), “Revolution” (1959-1981), “Globalization” (1982-1999) and “Transformation” (2000-present). Though there are all too many bones to be picked with this rose-hued historical categorization, the fact that “Transformation” (2000-present) is represented by an image of the Volt concept car tells you everything you need to know. Couldn’t they at least have used the Camaro from “Tranformers” to complete their metaphorical whitewash of the last eight years? Anyway, there enough “rules to the road” for the Generations of GM wiki to ensure little more than a steady trickle of mild-mannered personal recollections. And since you have to submit articles by email for careful PR-flack screening, it’s not even a proper wiki anyway. Do you have an article on the history of GM that was denied by GMNExt? We’re not a wiki, but send it in because we might just run it anyway… as long as it’s exactly 800 words.

I’m not quite sure why I continue to cover the UK’s anti-speeding jihad. These posts never get much attention on this side of the pond, even though The Land of Hope and Glory’s obsession with speeding (and speeding revenue) is either a hateful harbinger of what’s to come in The Land of the Free, or a simple, stark warning: DON’T GO THERE. Either way, Pistonheads reports that “yellow vultures”– so-called SPECS cameras which average speed between point A and Point B– are set to replace radar or induction loop-based speed cameras. While safety campaigners and government accountants welcome any system where speeding motorists can’t “cheat” (slow down at the camera site and then speed up again), it’s the next step in Big Brother surveillance. And I happen to agree with the Association of British Drivers, who claim that fixating on your speed, rather than maintaining overall situational awareness, leads to more accidents, not fewer. Not to mention disrupting the “natural” traffic flow, creating accidents when motorists trying to overtake slower vehicles intent on obeying the letter of the law.

Last we checked in on the unfolding Porsche family drama, cousin Ferdinand “Phaeton” Piech had made a play for the CEO spot at Porsche Holdings. Turns out cousin Ferdie may have overplayed his hand by taking on Wendelin (I’d tell you my salary but then I’d have to kill you) Wiedeking, current Porsche Holdings CEO and darling of the Porsche clan. Wiedeking’s patron d’overcompensation and Porsche paterfamilias Wolfgang Porsche tells Focus Magazine (by way of Automotive News [sub]) that Piech will pay dearly for going after his Wendelin. After a particularly “turbulent” meeting of the VW advisory board, Wolfie told Focus “I am horrified by the behavior of the chairman,” and that Piech’s removal from that position was imminent. “It is not a question of ‘if’, rather ‘when’ and ‘how’,” Focus quoted one Porsche manager as saying. But don’t expect Piech to simply fade away into that good night. Sure, the Porsche clan damns him and the oversized Passat he rode in on. But Piech still has VW CEO Martin Winterkorn, the massive VW Unions and all of their paid politicians on his side. These interests aren’t backing Piech because they particularly like him or his ideas; they’re scared of Wolfie and Wendelin and their curious “profit fetish.” Is a family being torn apart because Wolfgang Porsche don’t understand the importance of company-funded brothel outings for labor leaders? Because that would just be so tragic. And hilarious. Watch this space.

Nobody in their right mind pays $200k for a car. Yes, I’ve seen the Producers (when you got it flaunt it baby!) And I know some people have enough “it” to drop a couple of hundred grand on a car without asking for their change in GTIs. But even if copious lottery winnings could overcome my ethnic aversion to pissing away large amounts of money, I would still think twice about spending that kind of money on the Bentley Continental GT Speed.