Infowars.com reveals the startling news that the Democrats are considering adding “gas stamps” to the pre-election last minute pork for votes economic stimulus package. “It’s certainly under consideration,” House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) told The Hill on Thursday afternoon. “It would be like food stamps for those people who need help.” We’re talking $500 for unleaded (not ethanol?) for any documented American (I hope) earning up to $31,200, or a family of four earning up to $63,600. Nancy Pelosi is kinda sorta maybe lining-up behind the idea, in case it gains political traction. “McDermott [(D-Wash.), chairman of the House Income Security and Family Support subcommittee] who introduced the idea before the August recess, said that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) made favorable mention of gas stamps Wednesday during an afternoon caucus meeting on a pending energy bill.” Republicans scoffed. ““We don’t need a top-down government program, we need to unleash the potential of the American people by allowing increased production of American energy,” said Michael Steel, spokesman to House Republican leader John Boehner (Ohio). “This is a classic example of top-down, centralized bureaucracy that Washington represents.” Over to you Barack and John… [thanks to Ms. X for the link]

Many of our Best and Brightest questioned Chrysler’s decision to offer Wi-Fi (for passengers) in its vehicles (a.k.a. Autonet). They balked at the stiff cost for same: $499 to install, $29 a month. Tech toy site Gizmodo asked one of its savvy readers to test out ChryCo’s car o’ the future gizmo on their behalf, and the early review is not good. It didn’t work out of the box, it’s slow, there’s a one gig cap and it’s not encrypted. Yup, you heard right: no security. “So average guy never sets up encryption (nothing in the manual telling you need to). He plugs it in and parks in front of his apartment with 200 neighbors. Some kids finds it and downloads the full season of The Office. Customer gets a $800 bill. Nice.” As in not nice at all, on any level. How long before ChryCo “rectifies these issues?” We’re still waiting for that revised Avenger…

Hear that tearing sound? It’s Washington Post car critic Warren Brown’s last shred of credibility being ripped to pieces– by his own hand, no less. If there was a single pistonhead laboring under the [false] impression that Brown was anything other than a Detroit apologist, this review of the craptastic Chevy Aveo will tempt that person to cross over to the TTAC (i.e. dark) side. To wit: “Mediocrity done well honors the middle. The front-wheel-drive Aveo is done well.” Only the front cupholder sucks. So, in sum, “It no longer feels like a neglected child. But it doesn’t feel special. It’s okay, adequate. Therein rests the difference between going to market with a car that will enhance profits and one that will erode them. Consumers are willing to pay only so much for “adequate.” If asked to pay more, they’ll balk — or cross the retail industry’s River of Denial to buy something they deem worthy of a higher price.” Huh? What Warren’s trying to say: the Honda Fit murders Chevy’s Korean-built American revolutionary, but the Aveo’s cheaper. “And that, ironically, makes the Aveo a darned good deal. It’s a good car: reliable, serviceable and fuel-efficient. It’s not special. But it’s priced right.” Question: why is Warren comparing the Aveo5 to the Fit? [thanks to inept123 for the heads-up]

A member of our Best and Brightest sent us some interesting auto industry stats, compiled by Senior equity research analyst at the Credit Suisse Group (CSR). Et Voilà!

• Big 3 dealer stocks declined by about 79,000 units, or 4.9%, to 1.55 million vehicles in August from 1.63 million in July. The 4.9% decline is favorable relative to the increase of about 1% normally seen this time of year.
• The larger than normal declines were a result of a combination of sharply lower production and significant incentive events. By maker, GM inventory fell 1.7% from July to August, while Chrysler and Ford shed about 7% and 8% of their dealer stocks, respectively.
• The smaller sequential decline in GM’s stocks, despite a very sharp sequential increase in the automaker’s selling rate, was the result of a relatively aggressive production schedule. GM’s production was down 25% year-to-year in August, versus a 49% cut at Ford.
• At August-end we find Big 3 dealer stocks to be about 16% above normal, with cars 12% overstocked, and trucks 18% overstocked. An increase in our truck mix assumption, to 47% from our previous 44%, contributed to a jump in our calculation of passenger car days’ supply, and to a decrease in light truck days’ supply.
• By maker, we find GM stocks to be about 17% above normal, with cars 14% overstocked, and trucks 18% overstocked.
• We find Ford to be about 12% overstocked, with cars about 9% above normal, and trucks about 13% above normal.
• We find Chrysler to be about 21% overstocked, with cars about 10% above normal, and trucks about 24% overstocked.
• We saw significant improvement in full-size pickup Trouble Spots at each of the Big 3 in August. A drop in the days’ supply was driven by an incentive driven sales surge at GM, and by deep production cuts on the Ford F-Series and Dodge Ram.
• Based on current production schedules, we see the Big 3 ending September about 26% overstocked. We see both GM and Chrysler overstocked by about 30%, while Ford should have a more modest 15% overstocked level.
• By the end of the year (under current production plans) we think GM will still be about 30% overstocked, with the overstocked position concentrated on the car side. Ford could find itself modestly understocked by year end.
• The excess car inventory at GM is being driven by an aggressive production schedule that calls for a 21% year-over-year increase in car output. By contrast, Ford is cutting car output in the second half. We think GM’s production schedule is aggressive and needs to come down.

Snapping at the heels of the Mitsubishi Charisma (which had none), the Hyundai Excel (which didn’t), and the Smart (which isn’t), Mercedes will introduce in Paris its idea of an E-class shooting brake, which it calls the Concept Fascination (pics here via Spiegel). Fascination, eh? Swabian bubble-think (which is what this misnomer probably is a product of) doesn’t allot space for jokes about the concept of a fascist nation, and we won’t go there either. The Germlish pronounciation of the word fascination– “fast stee nation!” will, following enthusiastic repetition by Doktor Dieter at the Paris press conference, undoubtably lead to countless parodies, which we look forward to. Speaking of parodies: who selected the horrid, pornoid (no, I don’t mean paranoid) typography of the rear license plate? Why is the rear-end reminiscent of the R-class? Who are they trying to impress when they wax quarter-lyrical about the interior’s “dark saddle leather”, as if driving a car was some kind of half-assed equestrian experience? Apart from all this, the CF (let’s stick to the abbreviation, please) is probably a worthy vehicle, what with its showcasing the new Daimler Diesel (Adblue, 2.2-liter, 204hp). Although personally, I think the inner headlights are too small and look like an afterthought.

Ever since TTAC began, we’ve been arguing that carmakers (including everybody) are making too many models for too many brands, denying themselves the benefits of customer loyalty and ever-improving design, mechanical and service-related excellence. Perhaps the recent “downturn” would convince these manufacturers to throttle back on the whole BUT WAIT! THERE’S THIS! thing. Nope. The automotive Powers that Be (and the pistonhead chattering classes) continue to adhere to The Magic Feather School of Flying Elephants New Product Development. In fact, now that Detroit’s lack of foresight has put The Big 2.8 in a paddle-less predicament at the top of excrement creek, they’re even more desperate to throw a four-wheeled Hail Mary. In this The Detroit Free Press is a more-than-willing accomplice. “10 vehicles that will redefine the auto industry in the next year” perpetuates the myth that a turnaround is only a vehicle– or ten– away. And the “winners” are… 2009 Audi A4, 2009 Chevrolet Traverse, 2024 Chevrolet Camaro (I kid), 2009 Dodge Ram, 2009 Ford F-150, 2010 Honda Insight, 2010 Lincoln MKT, 2009 Toyota Venza, 2010 Toyota Prius, 2009 Mazda6. Redfinition? You’re kidding, right? No Volt action? Damn! Meanwhile… Camry, Corolla, Accord, etc.

In keeping with tradition, GM announced it latest “wait ’til the weekend” share-price-rattling revelation: the automaker has agreed to provide an additional $4.6b support to former division and bankrupt parts maker Delphi, from $6b to $10.6b. Justifying the cash burn to Automotive News [AN, sub], GM said it’s doing the deal “to speed the auto parts maker’s emergence from bankruptcy.” Here’s the break down [via The Detroit News]  “Under the deal, reached after months of negotiations and outlined in a court filing late Friday, GM would assume responsibility for $3.4 billion of Delphi’s hourly pension obligations — up from $1.5 billion — and make payments totaling $1.2 billion through Dec. 31 to boost the supplier’s balance sheet.” In its press release, Delphi said the cash infusion will put it in a position to pursue exit financing, through an equity-based rights offering. “Pursue” and “secure.” Two different words. In other words, with Delphi’s U.S. business experiencing the same kind of turnaround that GM’s currently “enjoying,” the clock is still ticking on Delphi’s Chapter 7 liquidation.

In case you hadn’t noticed, I hate weasel words. If GM needs federal money to stay afloat, GM CEO Rick Wagoner should say it. Of course, that would open GM’s top suit, and all his fellow suitlings, to the long-delayed reckoning (a.k.a. a root and branch reform and anvil-shaped clock cleaning). So what we get is a hideously overpaid chief executive that’s willing to play rhetorical footsie in a [Bill] Cinton-esque style to secure an initial $25b your hard-earned tax money– without strings attached. “General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner said today that limits on use of low-interest government loans should be loosened,” Automotive News [AN, sub] reports from Rick’s testimony at a “so-called” [AN’s term] energy summit. “He called his recommendation ‘an amplification of terms’ rather than loosening. But he contended that a project that leads to production of vehicles with 10, 15 or 20 percent better fuel economy should qualify for federal loans.” Wagoner, who largely avoided talking about the loans, and didn’t mention either “b” word,  didn’t get a completely free ride. “Sen. Bill Nelson, D-Fla., chastised Wagoner for the auto industry always fighting fuel economy standards and predicted companies will be back next year for a financial rescue.” Ya think? Meanwhile, “A Toyota lobbyist walking nearby was asked what he says if a lawmaker asks about loan funding, and he said, ‘We’re staying out of it.'”

“I expect to win Olympic Gold, an Oscar, a Pulitzer, a Grammy, a Nobel prize, and a Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice Award, but a few of them will require medical procedures not yet invented, which in itself may lead to my Sainthood (or martyrdom if things don’t work out as planned). And I’d make a run for office if not for all the skeletons (not necessarily all of them my own). I’m humble yet arrogant. Dumb and yet a genius. And I love and despise all people.” Vincent Capece’s self-description on Helium (the website, not the gas) helps us understand who Vince is deep down, rather than professionally. I leave the Google forensics to our Best and Brightest, and point you to Capece’s rant pronouncing automotive journalism DOA, killed by the Internet. “Before this computerized revolution, automotive journalism was a prime example of basic economic theory. There was a limited demand for automotive writers and a growing supply of people with basic automotive knowledge and the ability to pepper a sentence with choice adjectives. This imbalance led to continually declining wages for automotive journalists because many of these “kids” were willing to work for “free rides in cool cars.” Unfortunately, this oversupply of underachievers swallowed up the Ken Purdys and Tom McCahills of the world and allowed few David E. Davis’ and Beverly Rae Kimes to emerge… Unless we can find a way to pay “real writers” to write about cars, there is no future for automotive journalists. I’ve been fortunate enough to rub elbows with some of the greatest automotive writers of the past 30-40 years (this writer is not in their league) and sadly they are a, literally, dying breed. I can’t remember the last time I met someone who could fill their shoes.”

Remember when we told you that GM’s E-Flex EREVs (the Volt, by any other name) would be sold strictly as Opels and Vauxhalls in Europe? The decision made sense; Euro-market Chevrolets are little more than rebadged Daewoos, and the E-Flex price point (which should be truly colon-clenching when it gets to Europe) just won’t play in that sales environment. Well, GM can make all the sense in the world when it wants, but that doesn’t mean it won’t go back on its own arguments a few short weeks later. Reuters reports that GM Europe honcho Carl-Peter Forster told a Berlin auto conference “We are investing an enormous amount. We will launch these cars in Europe, both as Opel and as Chevrolet, in around three years.” And there you have it. While GM fights hard to bring Opel upmarket, trumpeting the “democratization of technology” that the revitalized brand will bring about, it’s undercutting that vision by also offering a Chevy Volt in Europe. Europeans do not typically think “American Classic” when they think of Chevrolet. They think “horrendous Korean shitbox slapped together by drunken Slavs.” Why would GM Europe expect anyone to shell out a huge amount of money for that? And while we’re on the subject, why wasn’t the Volt initially conceived as, say, a Cadillac? Keep in mind we’re talking about a car that is likely to cost $40k or more. In America that’s a stretch for a Chevy, in Europe it’s suicide.

Hey, GM’s stock price just bounced 11 percent! Are the leaked photos of the production Volt responsible for the vote of confidence? Maybe anticipation of the forthcoming Cruze launch in Paris? Uh, no. The Detroit Free Press reports that the stock bounce came only “after a Wall Street analyst said a $25-billion government loan package for the auto industry would ‘notably reduce bankruptcy risk’ for the automaker.” And isn’t that heartwarming? It turns out that all of the pro-bailout editorials, lobbying and chatter has actually done GM some real good. For the moment. And to keep that ball of feel-good rolling, the Freep has posted a “Q & A” about the bailout, accompanied by a hilariously unironic photo of the Volt concept. Inside, subtly-pro bailout “answers” abound. For example, we learn that the Volt is indeed an important factor in the bailout, as it meets the government goal of topping its direct competitors’ fuel economy by at least 25 percent. “General Motors Corp. could qualify for a loan to help convert the Hamtramck plant to build the Chevrolet Volt — a car that drives its first 40 miles per day without a drop of gas but relies on unproven battery technology. But Ford Motor Co. wouldn’t be able to get a loan that would cover retooling Michigan Truck in Wayne to build relatively conventional, gas-burning small cars.” Asking itself “what would automakers have to give up?” the Freep gets all angsty. “That’s a $25-billion question,” they write. “So far, there’s no sign the industry would have to make additional sacrifices to win approval; automakers contend the 35-m.p.g. standard was their concession. But other aid plans, including the Chrysler bailout, have required cuts and belt-tightening in return.” Not to mention executive bloodletting. Literally.

That’s right folks, a surrogate for Obama’s campaign is criticizing the decision to purchase a Prius hybrid, so beloved by Obama supporters. Of course, there’s only one person in America that isn’t allowed to buy Priora without criticism, and that’s Obama’s opponent, John McCain. Or is that his daughter, Meghan McCain? In today’s Freep, UAW boss Ron Gettelfinger brings Decision 08 discourse to a new low, accusing the McCains of dishonesty about the purchase of a non-UAW-made Prius. Last year, McCain told the New York Times that he “ought to know the name” of his daughter’s Japanese hybrid, because he paid for it himself. Now, McCain says Meghan purchased the Prius herself, and Gettelfinger is crying flip-flop. “To us, it’s a credibility issue,” Gettelfinger tells the Freep. “It’s very insulting to try and skirt something as simple as whether or not you bought a particular vehicle.” So Gettelfinger thinks McCain is a union-busting, America-hating liar. Clearly the McCain camp isn’t too worried about the charges since they haven’t commented on Gettelfinger’s attack. Or maybe they just know that all the money actually belongs to Cindy. In any case, it’s obvious what this is really about. Obama has come out in favor of all $50b of the proposed Detroit bailout, earning him the UAW’s endorsement, but McCain isn’t all-in yet. The UAW boss says McCain “was late coming to the game on the retooling loans. He’s never been clear from our standpoint on his level of support.” In short, the Prius attack is just another way to drum up blind, knee-jerk support for an ill-advised a bailout. You stay classy, Ron Gettelfinger!

Chrysler’s one-time bailout fodder, the minivan, gets no love this time around. Auburn Hills plans on idling its St. Louis South minivan plant on October 31, a move that has drawn a protest from 600 local UAW workers. The St. Louis Business Journal reports that frustration among workers is mounting. “This membership has done everything this company has asked us to do,” says UAW officer Chuck Brodell. “We build a quality van. We made it more efficient and we lowered costs. What more does the company want us to do?” St. Louis is also being hit by a shift reduction at the St. Louis North plant that makes the Dodge Ram, causing locals to question Chrysler’s priorities. “There were 1.6 million vans sold in the U.S. in the last four years versus 240,000 in Canada,” says Brodell. “We should be building them in America not in Canada.” But the discontent isn’t limited to the United States. Minivan assemblers in Windsor, Ontario are pushing to increase production by rebranding the Caravan/T&C/Routan as a Nissan, plans which Chrysler say will never see fruition. “It’s a falsehood. I know for a fact it hasn’t been discussed,” Chrysler senior manager of communications tells the Ottawa Citizen. “Would Volkswagen even let us entertain the idea? I don’t know, contractually.” Or maybe it has something to do with the fact that Nissan acknowledges (unlike Chrysler and VW) that the minivan market has “collapsed.” Either way, don’t expect any pro-bailout photo-ops featuring Dodge Caravans this time around.

Fortune Senior Editor Alex Taylor snagged GM’s attention with an editorial posted at CNN Money, in which he posthumously advocates for the General’s failed 2006 alliance with Renault/Nissan. “According to recent interviews with parties involved in the discussions, as well as a confidential analysis prepared for the deal that was obtained by Fortune,” Taylor writes. “The tie-up could have produced as much as $10 billion in operating earnings per year for GM by 2011.” So, why did GM just say no? Because its executives were making enough already, thank you. “One proposed strategy called for a ‘repopulation’ of GM’s executive ranks with outside talent. That presumably would have forced some incumbent managers out of their jobs – a shocking development at a company where executives seem to enjoy lifetime employment regardless of their performance.” The General’s Spinmeister General penned a mealy-mouthed response to Taylor’s “woulda, coulda, shoulda” analysis. Steve Harris compared Taylor’s dietribe to speculating “if Time-Warner, your magazine’s parent company, had not done the AOL deal.” Oh snap. So what are Harris’s points of substance? The Renault/Nissan merger plans “could have effectively foreclosed (GM) from entering alliances with other automakers.” And “benefits from the potential joint projects were highly skewed to Renault-Nissan.” None of which sounds bad enough to turn down up to $10b in annual revenue. But, says Harris, “today General Motors is focused on the future, not the past.” Like… a federal bailout.

Sometimes being a Pistonhead isn’t that wonderful. I’ve spent the last 24 hours securing or moving fourteen cherished automobiles to higher ground before Hurricane Ike hits the city of Houston.  Its been crazy: one dead battery with an even deader alternator, a  bleeding heater core and several trips to an elevated parking garage. By Thursday night,  I had a (poorly chosen) escape pod for my evacuation: a 1972 Continental Mark IV. But, after a months-long slumber, I fired up the triple-black beauty and it instantly idled like a new car. Too bad I didn’t plan on the Mark’s quarter tank of gas. Or an eighth, depending on how cranky the gauge acted when you came to a stop. I waited in feed lines with SUVs, compacts, pickups and crossovers only to have pumps run dry, which was more than a little terrifying given the big Lincoln’s OPEC-inspired heyday. Can I make it to the suburbs on congested roads, in a 7.5 liter Lincoln that gets 9 MPG on a good day? Thankfully, there was no traffic this morning, so I gently wafted to safer territory on the Mark IV’s reassuring haunches. It was a throughly relaxing ride. And now I’m ready for this damn storm.