Cry the beloved Detroit. As if eight percent unemployment, rampant foreclosures, and a criminal (now-ex) mayor weren’t enough, the Lions are just awful again this year. And though the oh-for-three Lions just got stomped by the lowly Niners, prompting Bill Ford Jr. to call for President and General Manager Matt Millen to step down, the Fords aren’t selling the family business. In any case, it’s doubtful that selling the Lions would have even netted $5m at this point, less than Bill Ford’s recent stock sell-off. Meanwhile, Ford’s Sales Chief and ex-Lexus maven Jim Farley reckons [what were once] new car buyers are the biggest losers. “The credit issue is becoming a big deal for them as consumers,” he told The Detroit News during a free dinner (with an open bar) Monday night. “It will affect our industry.” Hang on; that would make car dealers the worst affected, right? “Farley said the market is proving too difficult for some dealers, many of whom have been under profit pressure in recent years.” The market. Not Ford’s fault obviously. Wait a second; if dealers aren’t selling cars… “[Analyst Erich] Merkle said September is shaping up to be a bad month for the auto industry, and he said sales could fall to the 12 million unit level on an annualized basis.” Farley says Merkle’s off by one million units. But what if he isn’t?

What if you built an Elise-based, lithium-ion powered, re-bodied Lotus Elise and loads of people wanted to buy one but you couldn’t actually build the God damn things? At least not in enough quantity to make a profit. What would you do? Meanwhile, Tesla continues to hype its Roadster, hoping that its production problems will continue to be seen as “exclusivity.” The Seattle Times does its part to keep the dream alive, hyping the arrival of the Roadster into the great Northwest. “The company is bringing at least one of its Roadsters to Seattle for the first time this weekend for private events with several dozen buyers, many of whom paid huge deposits years ago to help the company get rolling and secure the earliest cars.” When the wait becomes “years,” you know Tesla’s got trouble. By the same token, “They’ll still have to wait months or more [our italics] to take delivery of the $109,000 cars, which only began regular production in March.” Only seven months ago, eh? Anyway, Tesla’s talking about a Seattle showroom and Microsoft’s million and billionaires are all over this thing. In theory. As a PC user, I find that deeply worrying. [thanks to Ryan for the link]

We’ve given Alex Taylor III grief about remaining in Detroit denial. Well, you can forget all that. Fortune‘s Senior Writer rips GM’s plug-in electric – gas hybrid a new asshole in his latest epistle “Will the Chevy Volt save the world? Please! It isn’t even enough to save General Motors.” In paragraph two, Taylor’s unloads both barrels of his rhetorical shotgun. “To put the Volt in perspective, it is an expensive, low-volume automobile that will have no visible impact on GM’s market share, CAFÉ average or profitability. One cynic calls it ‘a Viper for tree huggers.'” I’d lose the diactritic mark over the “E,” but you can’t fault the man’s logic. “Even if GM can meet its deadlines and the Volt turns out to be a huge success, it isn’t going to matter to most people. At best, it will become a second or third car in the garages of the affluent.” Nor can you question Taylor’s TTAC-like editorial commitment, or penchant for Parisian metaphors. “Except for its celebrity appeal, the Volt is about as relevant to the survival of GM, much less the world, as Paris Hilton is to the future of Western civilization.” [thanks to mudhen for the link]

Why would Chrysler unveil its new Electric Vehicles (EVs) on CNBC? Hell if I know. What I can tell you is that is that I can’t tell you the battery type or supplier involved. ChryCo CEO Bob Nardelli claims the suspiciously Elise-a-licious (i.e. Tesla-esque) Dodge EV has a range of 150 to 200 miles and recharges in eight (110 volts) or four hours (220 volts). Prez Tom LaSorda says the “extended range vehicles” (converted Jeep and minivan) will have a Volt-like 40-mile all-electric range (400 mile range in total). Frank Klegon says his mob are developing a system that uses an electric motor in each wheel. And there’s the automaker’s latest Pokemon egg-shaped Neighborhood Electric Vehicle (NHEV). When asked if Chrysler can make these things price-competitive, Nardelli placed his hopes on federal bailout bucks. Which could well be the whole point of the exercise. [thanks to .soL for the link]

General Motors is busy negotiating new tax breaks from Michigan and not Michigan (to hold a sword over Michigan’s head). Automotive News [sub] details GM’s latest game of taxpayer dodge ball. “As laid out in a company proposal seeking tax and brownfield incentives from the state, the potential project targets five sites in Michigan for expansion, improvements, new construction, renovations and installation of new machinery and equipment.” Under the current terms of the $25b Department of Energy auto loan program, the money can only be spent on retooling old factories for production of fuel efficient vehicles, of which the Volt is GM’s prime candidate. “The MEDC [Michigan Economic Development Corporation] said it expects the Volt project to retain 14,380 jobs and generate $644.3 million in state government revenue by 2023. The MEDC recommended that the Economic Growth Authority approve a 100 percent employment tax credit for 15 years. To receive the tax credits, GM would have to retain at least 2,000 ‘qualified full-time employees’ at the five sites. The company now has 21,718 employees at the sites.” So, tens of millions of dollars in tax credits? Yup. Done deal. Wagoner pops-in to Flint on Thursday to reveal the good news. And yes, I know: they all do it.

Former GM division and parts maker Delphi has been bankrupt for over three years. During that time, three main factions have emerged: GM (who wants to draw a line under its Delphi-related losses yet keep parts flowing at a low price), creditors (who want to make sure they get their god damn money back in the face of an increasingly inevitable Chapter 7 liquidation) and the lawyers (banking hundreds of millions of dollars from both sides). Matters are coming to a head, as all three groups face a September 30 deadline for agreement. GM wants to trade $3.4b worth of pension guarantees for, get this, $2b from Delphi’s coffers. AND The General wants a legal guarantee that Delphi can’t make any more calls on GM’s cash. Ever. Delphi’s creditors are, of course, livid. As The Detroit Free Press reports “The unsecured creditors committee says those measures make the deal untenable by eating into their payout. Often in bankruptcy cases, unsecured creditors see only a fraction of what they’re owed after a company files for bankruptcy.” Not said: the creditors would get sweet FA in C7. “The creditors committee today plans to ask U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Robert Drain to allow it to sue GM on behalf of Delphi, saying the supplier didn’t do enough to turn around unprofitable contracts with the automaker.” In other words, never mind all that other stuff for a second; GM’s been paying too little for its Delphi parts. The lawyers? Happy, happy, happy!

CNN reports that Nashville, TN has run out of gas, after local motorists became convinced that the city was running out of gas, which it then did. “Everybody has just gone nuts,” Mike Williams, executive director of the Tennessee Petroleum Council, told the network. Williams said drivers were bird-dogging gas trucks and lines at some stations were “a mile long.” He said fuel was continuing to enter the city; pipelines were working and barges were coming in. Stories on iReport (take that as you will) chronicle shortages in Asheville, NC, Marietta, GA and Buckhead. Speaking to Forbes, Carol Gifford from the AAA Carolinas office said that some stations may be totally out of gas, while others may have trouble getting certain grades of gasoline. “So what motorists see, is a gas station that once had an outage now has gas. They only have it for a day or so, and then they are out again. That will probably continue until more refineries are back up and operating,” Gifford said. As TTAC pointed-out after hurricane Katrina knocked-out refineries, the big problem is that there’s no one federal standard for gasoline blends. A patchwork of state mandates guarantees supply disruptions when refining capacity is curtailed. Way to go regulators.

Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. And when this literary faux pas emanates from a professional copywriter, well, how do you say “insupportable!” (Hopefully with Gallic disdain.) Shame on you, Mssr. Vinny Manchillo, chief creative officer of Scott Howell & Company and guest columnist for AdAge. “Electing a public official is almost exactly like working on another type of traditional advertising account. One that, unlike political advertising, everyone is clamoring to work on. Political advertising is just like working on a car account.” Yes, “Barack Obama is a stunning orator and tremendous motivator. More than a candidate, he’s a personality-driven movement. For his supporters, that far outweighs any shortcomings he may have in his experience or voting record. He is a Ferrari.” So what does that make McCain? A Toyota Camry. So much for Obama, then. Take that as gospel from a guy who was a stand-up comic and lawnmower racer before he worked on the Subaru account. Unless you’re Scott Monty, Global Digital Communications guy for Ford Motor Company, who thinks it’s “interesting that you [Vinny] chose two foreign cars for candidates for President of the *United States.*”

Reuters reports that Fitch Ratings has downgraded GM’s credit rating even deeper into junk territory, down to ‘CCC’, the eighth-lowest speculative grade in its corporate rating scale. Fitch based its downgrade on GM’s lack of liquidity. As TTAC predicted, The General’s cash flow– or lack thereof– is reaching a crisis point. “Fitch believes that GM would reach minimum required levels of available liquidity within the next 12 months without access to external capital,” analysts said in a note. “Contributing factors include weakening overseas results and the impact of the credit crisis on GM and GMAC’s ability to finance retail sales.” Fitch reckons GM will score its share of the $25b federal low-interest loans. To no avail. The wording of the agency’s note is as frightening as it is terse: “In all, Fitch believes that GM will be challenged to raise financing in an amount that exceeds $10 billion, and will therefore be unable to offset expected liquidity drains over the next 12 months.”

With new vehicle sales set to tank by over 30 percent this year, Chrysler is casting around for a way to generate a little cash. And the answer is… the after market! “[Chief marketing officer] Meyer said Chrysler’s loyalty study group includes dealers. The group is looking hard at service issues, notably customization. Advances in vehicle telematics and connectivity promote customization, she added. ‘If buyers keep their vehicle longer, do they want to customize it more?’ Meyer said. ‘Do you want something new on the interior or a little something to spiff the car up? There are opportunities for us.'” So, one failing business model (Pep Boys) replaces another (making cars). Oh, and did I mention ChryCo wants to get into the rental  business? “Chrysler also is looking at ways to provide customers occasional-use vehicles, Meyer said. As an example, she described an owner who has unloaded an SUV but ‘you have to move things twice a year for your parents.’ She said Chrysler and its dealers will seek to respond to that need.” Meanwhile, Automotive News [sub] reports that Jim Arrigo, chairman of the Chrysler Jeep National Dealer Council, says customer loyalty “has gone right out the window.”

Honest-to-God, I couldn’t care less what Megan Fox drives. All I know is that she’s an actress playing a car savvy babe, not a car savvy babe. To wit: “We still drive an SUV but we’re gonna get rid of it,” Ms. Fox told green gossip site Ecorazzi. “Tesla’s coming with some of these little electric cars that I want to get as soon as they’re out.” Cute? Little? Ecorazzi? Doesn’t that sound like an unforunate combination of “eco” and “Nazi?” Hey! Did you know they’re going to make another Transformers movie? I know. Why bother right? ‘Cause Megan needs money to buy that cute little what’s it called again? Taster? Taser? Who knows? Anyway, your money’s no good at Tesla, Megan. And therein lies the tale.

Like many of you, I grew up in a car seat lashed to the front seat of my father’s Datsun 280Z while being flung hither and tither in the canyons between Malibu and the San Fernando Valley. Strike that “like many of you” part. Still, that’s how I came into this world. Dad was an avid Sunday driver, in the sense that his favorite thing to do was to get in the car and just drive around for the day. We ran many miles on many of the nation’s (if not the world’s) best driving roads. One sticks out in particular, however — Decker Canyon. It’s an 11-mile stretch of tortuous asphalt that connects Westlake Village to the Pacific Coast Highway. Also known as California State Route 23, Decker has always been the first place I’ve taken whatever car I just purchased first. And why not? “This portion provides numerous beautiful vistas of the Santa Monica Mountains and the Pacific Ocean during daytime, but extreme caution is advisable, especially as the road nears PCH. It is a notoriously dangerous road, and the rusted chassis of cars that have gone over the side can still be seen. Bassist Philip Taylor Kramer of the rock band Iron Butterfly allegedly committed suicide by driving his van over the side along this route.” For pistonheads, Decker is the Garden of Eden, baby. However, since the 1970s more and more houses have sprouted up along the once pristine driving road. Meaning that more often than not you are stuck behind a PT Cruiser. Why not pass? Because a Buick Enclave is without question coming the other way. These days I have a new favorite — Little Tujunga Canyon Road — “Li’l T” to those in the know. It’s hard to argue with a sign saying, “Curves Next 18 Miles.” Plus, when you’re passing BMWs on blind corners you’ve only got oncoming Ducatis to worry about, not Buicks. And now, you?

We’ve long held that in order to return to a sound financial footing, GM needs to cut a huge number of dealerships from its bloated portfolio. The General is still working on the “huge number” part, but having already cut 226 dealerships this year, things seem to be headed in the right direction compared with smaller reductions of 260 and 87 stores in the last two years respectively. With 6,550 outlets still in operation, GM’s Mark LaNeve tells Automotive News (sub) that he wants the cuts to reach 400 by the end of the year.”We see (sales) recovering, but not immediately,” says LaNeve. “In that kind of a market, you’re going to have less dealer throughput, a lot of pressure on profitability.” Luckily for LaNeve, dealerships are not waiting for nasty letters from Detroit to motivate them to exit the market.  “It’s no secret the business climate out here is very difficult, and there’s pressure from all sides, particularly the credit side,” says the manager of a Georgia dealer group. “GM has to get involved with this at some level to ensure the right dealers stay. It’s very difficult, and they just can’t save everybody out here.” And why would they?

Much of our ire at the proposed auto-industry bailout has been reserved for the OEMs, but their supplier co-dependents are pushing just as hard for the pork picnic. Automotive News (sub) reports that Lear and Visteon were among a dozen suppliers who joined the D3 lobbying efforts in DC last week. Bosch spokeswoman Cheryl Kilborn tells AN that some suppliers were lobbying on behalf of their own projects, while others were present to support the efforts of their OEM partners. The main message of supplier lobbyists was, according to Motor and Equipment Manufacturers Association VP Ann Wilson, “we are everywhere.” And since suppliers are responsible for nearly 70 percent of the value of the typical vehicle and more than 40 percent of automotive R&D spending, it only makes sense that they be eligible for bailout money if Congress puts out. And like the manufacturers, suppliers want fewer strings attached to the government loans, arguing that asking for 25 percent increases in efficiency for bailout-funded projects is too burdensome. Having brought that message to some 40 congressional representatives last week, industry lobbyists are hoping that a united front among OEMs and suppliers helps the federal teat pop out with Janet Jackson-like alacrity. Then they can get back to gouging each other as usual.

In today’s podcast with Jonny Lieberman (now featuring cross posting over at Autofiends.com), we discuss Lamborghini among other topics. Lieberman has a raging semi for the Italian bull brand, and I think that among the new ones they’re just ok. While I’m glad Lamborghini exists to make stupid, brazen, crass cars, I’d never own one. And certainly not as a daily driver. Old ones, sure, but the new Audified Gallardo? It’s got a ten cylinder tractor engine. So while a number of folks are reporting today on the rumor that Lamborghini is planning a front engined four door sedan along the lines of the Aston Martin Rapide and Porsche Panamera, I’m not interested. The only four door Lambo for me is the LM002 – also known as the Rambo Lambo. Otherwise, they can take their “nuclear frog green” paint color and sod off. Listen near the end and Lieberman even skirts my question about whether he’d prefer a Lambo sedan or a Lambo shooting-brake. One thing’s for sure though: Pebble Beach 2050 is going to be fantastic.