There should be no doubt in anyone’s mind that giant fuel-swilling dinosaurs are as American as fake boobs. So it stands to reason that giant, fuel-swilling dinosaurs powered by federally-subsidized, mileage-reducing, corn-based fuels must be more American still. The only thing such a vehicle needs to achieve an apotheosis of American automotive excess is a 10k pound curb weight and enough armor to make Saturday night joyrides through Fallujah as drama-free as the invasion of Grenada. This bold vision of an America with unlimited energy and enemies was made real today, when Conquest Vehicles unveiled their Knight XV luxury armored SUV. And where else would this happen, but in Las Vegas, at the annual SEMA show? The $300k Knight XV is built on a Ford Super Duty platform, powered by a 6.8-liter Ford V-10, making 400 to 500hp depending on how many oil wells you own. This beast is DOT certified (certifiable?), fully armored. It boasts night vision camera systems and a 2000w audio system (Ride of the Valkyries, anyone?). Oh right, and it’s “environmentally friendly.” As in flex-fuel capable. Because nothing says you care like a corn-juice-powered luxury armored car.
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Can we call it K.I.T.T.? as in Knight Industries Three-hundred Thousand($)
If someone would make big fake boobs full of corn-based ethanol, that would be most American of all.
For those that bug out in style. “The loudest noise comes from the Doomsday Clock.” I hope those flatscreens are EMP proof.
Can I fight zombies with it?
Will it compensate for my personal deficiencies?
If it’s properly armoured, you won’t be able to roll down the windows. Which makes it completely irrelevant, because you won’t be able to cruise through your neighbourhood with the windows down and the bass-heavy tunes blaring to give your community a friendly wake up call at 3am.
I think Cicero gets comment of the year:
If someone would make big fake boobs full of corn-based ethanol, that would be most American of all.
I can just imagine how much more of a proud American I would be.
This thing looks like the love child of a Armored Hummer and a Dodge Nitro.
They should have used a Diesel to motivate that much mass.
dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!dowant!
Wow. It’s like a giant strap-on for those with serious personal inadequacies.
Soccer Hockey moms STILL won’t take it off-road.
Looks like it’d be fun in rush hour traffic
though a Cherokee 4.0 with a cow catcher might be equally as effective for just $2000.
cretinx
Stop by the surplus store on the way home and buy a few dozen kevlar vests. Duct tape them inside the body panels and tada, armoured SUV on the cheap. Just hope the bad guys don’t aim at the windows.
I wonder if you could drive it underwater. Tell the owner I want to try it. Right down a boat ramp.