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DATE: November 10, 2008
TO: All GM Dealers
FROM: Mark LaNeve [GM’s Marketing Maven]
SUBJECT: November GM Business Update – IDL Broadcast
On Wednesday, November 12, 2008, we will air a special IDL broadcast for all GM dealers. This broadcast will provide additional insights regarding last week’s GM Business Update.
13 Comments on “The Mind Boggles...”
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This is like when I watch a cheesy horror movie – I just want to scream at the dealers, “Don’t go down into the basement!”
I’m thinking of a different movie:
There Will Be Blood
Insert photoshopped picture of a dealership on a sinking carrier.
First, I hope all of you have made contingency plans. Those of you with homes in Florida or Texas are no doubt aware of the total bankruptcy exemption.
Most of the dealers by now have split the business into several parts, making sure the “losers” (non imports) are in one portfolio and the others are in separate holding companies.
Those few of you who have not found alternate floor planning, may pay for all stock on the lot as of midnight tonight.
Check with your local attorney to see if your state has any notice requirement for the staff of the dealership. You may want to write them up “badly” for the inevitable Unemployment Claims.
For those of you whose fathers first opened the dealership, we too recall the glory days. Today, we begin anew….those of you who survive will be eligible to rejoin us after the Chapter 11 filing.
That is all. Please forward all comments, complaints or claims to our Bankruptcy Attorneys or the US Trustee in Detroit.
reminds me of the Godfather,
LeNeve to Pete Gerosa, now of the Al Serra group, doing his Tessio impersonation:
“Pete, can you get me out of this, you know for old times sake?”
JPM says buy the bonds:
http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idINN1152139420081111?rpc=44
Maybe they want to share the bailout money ……….. or not
It will be a short broadcast, like: “Good morning ladies and gentlemen, you are screwed. Have a nice day, and pick up your parting gift at the U.S. Bankruptcy court.”
…leaked text of LaNeve’s remarks:
Dear GM dealers….
Effective immediately all Pontiac/Buick stores will transition into Starbucks.
Saturn is being rebranded as Ben & Jerry’s franchises.
GMC is being sold to the Dollar General dollar store conglomerate. (Plans are for former GMC stores to be positioned as value-priced dollar stores to complement Dollar General’s “high end” positioning.)
All dealers, please return all unsold new vehicle merchandise immediately to the RenCen. (Except Hummer..you can keep what you have. Good luck.)
(Please note; additional parking has been made available on the grounds of the recently vacated Manoogian Mansion).
All dealer accounts will be credited for returned vehicles with newly issued Lutz Bucks which are redeemable for Lattes and other frilly drinks at the former Poncho/Buick sites.
Disposition instructions for Caddy/Chevy and … uh … all those other brands we still have to follow in a future communication.
May the force be with you. Your BFF Mark.
Endgame.
If it is anything like last week’s mysterious announcement to employees, it will be a rehash of what everyone already knows. Of course, they might add an appeal to get the dealers to exert pressure on their respective politicians to support a no-strings-attached bailout.
“Flounder! You f*cked up! You trusted us!”
Crackers is correct. The message will be: “Call or Write Your Congresscreature … ASAHP.”