Back when I worked for CNN, I went to some damn auto show or another. I was trying to interview a gentleman about his cherry ’34 Chevy when something roughly approximating depth charges went off. I turned around to see Paul Revere and the Raiders performing. Well, Paul anyway. And a bunch of middle aged men dressed like, what? Minute Men? Pirates? Thanks to acoustics that would make the inside of Quaker oatmeal box sound like the studio at the top of Bose Mountain, I couldn’t hear a word they were singing, which was OK. No one was paying attention anyway. And both of those who were knew all the words. Now I don’t expect the Jonas Brothers to be afforded the same indifference when they do their thing at this year’s North American International Auto Show. And who knows? Maybe the Doobie Brothers will convince a new generation that Jesus is just alright. Oh yeah. But I was thinking, who would be the perfect artist to perform at this year’s auto show? The obvious answer is Maureen McGovern from the original Poseidon Adventure, singing There’s Got to Be a Morning After (pass the Alka Seltzer will ya?). But you guys didn’t get to be the B&B by going for the easy laughs. So put it out there. Who should take center stage at NAIAS?
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How about Mettalica with Fuel? “gimme fuel, gimme fire, give the bailout bucks that I desire.”
I saw Randy Bachman of Bachman Turner Overdrive (a Canadian group) performing in the US pavilion at Epcot Center once. “Taking Care of Business” was one of their songs used in a GM commercial once.
Red Ink Rick, Maximum Bob Lutz, and Make a Quick Getaway with the Loot Nardelli in their new roles as the Three Stooges………….
What about ELP?
“Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends. We’re so glad you attend. Pay our bills. Pay our bills.”
I got a brand new pair of bankrupt auto makers, you have a brand new taxpayer tit.
“Thanks to acoustics that would make the inside of Quaker oatmeal box sound like the studio at the top of Bose Mountain”
I’d argue that there’s not all that much distance between the two considering the awful stuff Bose peddles.
As to who should play, I nominate the surviving members of the MC5.
A shame the Beetles couldn’t perform Help. “Help, I need somebody, help, not just anybody”
Or maybe I need a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
“He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life”
I say David Copperfield shows up to make a giant stack of money vanish into thin air. As an encore, Bob and Rick perform the same trick.
Michael Jackson should perform. Once a true talent, morphed into a something bizarre. People did not like the changes and ran from the final product. A refection of the big 3?
Set List:
AC*DC: Highway to Hell
Jackson Browne: Running On Empty
Meatloaf: Paradise By The Dashboard Light. (with the last chorus being repeated until they shut off the electricity.)
–chuck
Bowie “Panic In Detroit”
Someone who is a shadow of their former self should perform, it would be fitting.
I like the MJ option. Maybe Madonna? George Michael?
Or maybe someone who is a one-hit wonder (which is much like the GM brands’ line-ups).
Ooh, I know. Who could be more fitting than Milli Vanilli?
akitadog :
How about The Doobie Brothers? Wait! A Jonas Brothers cover band.
NIN – The Hand That Feeds (will you bite the hand that feeds, D3?)
R.L. Burnside – It’s Bad, You Know
Talking Heads – Slippery People
Gnarls Barkley – Crazy
Ted Nugent – Stranglehold
Billy Joel – Back In The USSR
Ted Nugent – Motor City Madhouse
…mad dog town gonna set you free (or not).
# Robert Farago :
December 31st, 2008 at 3:59 pm
akitadog :
How about The Doobie Brothers?
You know, now that I think about it, the Doobie Bros are very fitting. They were at their best in the mid-seventies, then sort of petered out, just like the D3. And I bet a bit of nostalgia for the “good old days” was in the air when the decision was made. Plus, I bet they came reeeaaal cheap.
Why not Roy Orbison?
What?
He’s dead, you say?
Well, so are GM and Chrysler, and they’re both showing up…
The artist community is all over this:
Bail Out The Robbers, Screw The People – Eloy Escagedo
I Want a Super Bailout – Robby LeBlanc
Etc.
@beken :
I saw Randy Bachman of Bachman Turner Overdrive (a Canadian group) performing in the US pavilion at Epcot Center once. “Taking Care of Business” was one of their songs used in a GM commercial once.
BTO wouldn’t be bad, however, I’d suggest they play their classic “Gimme Your Money Please.”
But my car broke down in the evening
You know it just stopped stone cold
Stopped stone cold in the street
And a dirty mean man with sharp glass eyes
He said, “Gimme your money please.”
He said, “Gimme your money please.”
How about Vince from ShamWow? Vince sells a quality product (yeah its German — but “all the best stuff comes from Germany”) and he hasn’t asked for a federal bailout. GM, Ford and Chrysler might learn something.
If The Who showed up, I wonder if “Won’t Get Fooled Again” would be allowed on the setlist. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss?
That was Maureen McGovern who sang “There’s Got To Be A Morning After”. Melanie did “The Nickle Song” and Brand New [off] Key”.
The fire eaters from GM’s past show stopping event at the Detroit Auto Show, not long after the saddle style gas tanks were alleged to blow up in a crash should perform. Especially appropriate given Detroits cash burn of late
Or Nardelli juggling Chrysler’s books……
My vote is for The Monkees. All performances at NAIAS are done by GM anyway.
Rodney Dangerfield.
Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Janis Joplin they are all deceased as are GM and Chrysler.
My vote would be for Detroit native Vince Furnier, aka Alice Cooper – Billion Dollar Babies.
Speaking of the Monkees, happy belated birthday (December 30) to Davey Jones and Michael Neismith, Born 1947 and 1945 respectively.
Monty Python,
Spinal Tap,
or
Rage Against The Machine (starting off with ‘Bulls On Parade’, I hope)
I have a local Boston band that might be appropriate, “Ernie and the Automatics.” Ernie is a local car dealer that has a band on the side. The fact that Ernie is an auto dealer isn’t the only reason that they’d be appropriate. You see, Ernie’s dad started the dealership and at that time they were “Boch Oldsmobile.” Well, we all know what happened there. Now Ernie Jr. sells Toyotas and Hondas.
http://www.ernieandtheautomatics.com/
I guess Milli Vanilli’s “Blame It On The Rain” would work pretty nicely on a couple of levels.
Jesus Jones.
As to who should play, I nominate the surviving members of the MC5.
Emotionally I’d want to agree, but without Rob Tyner on vocals (if you come to Detroit for the NAIAS you can pay your respects at Roseland Park cemetery in Berkley http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?GRid=2254&page=gr) and Fred ‘Sonic’ Smith on guitar, http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GSln=smith&GSfn=fred&GSbyrel=in&GSdy=1994&GSdyrel=in&GSst=24&GScntry=4&GSob=n&GRid=7127269& a reconstituted “5” would be like those oldies band who hardly have any original members.
The MC5 was a great band, but they had crappy politics.
Mitch Ryder, btw, might be available to play at the show.
A couple of years ago Seal was performing for Audi and without knowing who she was I flirted a little with Heidi Klum. I just figured she was a cute blond until my son started freaking out.
# Edward Niedermeyer :
Bowie “Panic In Detroit”
Bowie’s a poseur. Rock n’ roll don’t need no mascara (Alice excepting).
Bob Seger
The big line moved one mile an hour
So loud it really hurt
The big line moved so loud
It really hurt
Back in 55
We were makin thunderbirds
We filled conveyors
We met production
Foremen didnt waste words
We met production
Foremen didnt waste words
We were young and proud
We were makin thunderbirds
We were makin thunderbirds
We were makin thunderbirds
They were long and low and sleek and fast
They were all you ever heard
Back in 55
We were makin thunderbirds
Now the years have flown and the plants have changed
And youre lucky if you work
The big line moves but youre lucky if you work
Back in 55
We were makin thunderbirds
We were makin thunderbirds
We were makin thunderbirds
They were long and low and sleek and fast
They were classic in a word
Back in 55
We were makin thunderbirds
We were young and proud
We were makin thunderbirds
We were young and sure
We were makin thunderbirds
A lone bugler playing Taps.
I still say Seal performing Crazy would be a perfect fit.
“we’re never gonna survive, unless we get a little crazy”
Another good fit would be Loser by Beck
but who am I kidding, the only artist who talks nearly enough crap to fit the Detroit auto show would be Kanye.
“…a reconstituted “5″ would be like those oldies band who hardly have any original members.”
That’s why they’re perfect for this gig.
Pink Floyd: Comfortably Numb
That’s why they’re perfect for this gig.
But it would be wrong.
Willie Nelson —
“Crazy”
“If You’ve Got the Money Honey, I’ve Got the Time”
“on the Road again”
I don’t think they could afford to hire a recognizable musical guest, but I hear the Lions are just a short drive away, and they’re not doing much for the next few months.
mcs:
“BTO wouldn’t be bad, however, I’d suggest they play their classic “Gimme Your Money Please.””
FTW!
Humble suggestions:
Blue Oyster Cult: Don’t Fear The Reaper
Johnny Cash: One Piece At A Time
Well, it would be rather tacky to have any Motown artist perform except maybe Stevie Wonder. He is the only that can still put on a good live show. Aretha can’t put on a live show to save her life anymore….Kid Rock is too trailerish…Eminem is in hiding. Bob Seger would be too pricey plus all his songs remind me of a hole in the wall bar on Groesbeck.
Mitch Ryder does the casino circuit and, well….kinda sucks these days. His live shows suck. Alice Cooper would scare the paint off the Hondas by talking about his golf game. Madonna has crabs…..
How about “? and the Mysterians” singing “96 Tears”……. It would be very fitting as the group was actually from Michigan, recorded the song in Bay City in 1962 when the Big 3 ruled the automotive world.
If we can’t get them how about Connie Francis singing, “Who’s Sorry Now”.
The Temptations: “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg”
Mitch Ryder does the casino circuit and, well….kinda sucks these days. His live shows suck.
Maybe today, but I can recall him playing a gig at Mr. Flood’s in ASquared when he did a cover of the Doors’ Soul Kitchen that killed. Morrison on his best day couldn’t have touched it. BTW, if you want to check out a cool album, Ryder’s Detroit-Memphis Experiment with Booker T & The MGs is great fun. Mitch would have been a huge star if he wasn’t such a flake.
I nominate Ashlee Simpson. She is so really hip and NOW. And she is a huge hit overseas–where most of GM and Ford sales come from.