Mark LaNeve is GM’s Vice President, North America Vehicle Sales, Service and Marketing. Still. As such, the marketing maven must motivate the masses of metal movers who are morose at the moribund market. Of course, LaNeve has a major victory to report: the corporate mothership no longer depends on its dealers for its immediate and, let’s face it, longer term survival. That sponsorship has been transferred to the U.S. taxpayer. Still, in a letter to the stores [full text below], LaNeve reminded the troops what it’s all about. “I pledge to all of you that my team and I will continue to work together with you as we make the necessary structural changes to prove the viability of a new General Motors –to the current and incoming Administration, to Congress and, most of all, to our current and future customers.” Ah, customers. Now you’re talking!

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Station wagons, or “estates” as they are known across the pond, occupy that strange place in the auto market between SUVs, minivans and sedans. On the surface, wagons promise the holy grail of cargo schlepping and fuel sipping. But they’re not as sexy as a sedan, not as practical as a modern crossover and they can’t haul as much crap as a minivan. In the new world “station wagon” brings up PTSD style flashbacks of 1970s Country Squire wagons with a roof-rack and eight kids in the back on the way to summer camp, 8-track blazing, and your dad at the helm wishing he had a terrier and a 240Z instead. Thankfully, this is not your dad’s Oldsmobile Customer Cruiser. For this comparo we’ve selected the BMW 535xi Wagon, Mercedes E350 Wagon, Volvo XC70 T6 and the Volkswagen Passat 2.0T Wagon.

With GM, the bailout is pretty straightforward. Give us money or the economy dies. With Chrysler, it’s a lot more… complicated. In case you hadn’t noticed, ChrCyo owner Cerberus is looking for an exit strategy. Give us the money and we’ll sell/give our 80 percent share of the company to someone else. The United Auto Workers. Suppliers. Someone. Anyone. The New York Times quotes the official statement: “Cerberus has advised the Treasury that it would contribute its equity in Chrysler automotive to labor and creditors as currency to facilitate the accommodations necessary to effect the restructuring.” How… magnanimous. Meanwhile, president Bush is throwing a quartet of billions Chrysler’s way– without anything resembling a specific plan for recovery (’cause there ain’t one). And here’s the [non] money shot, from the privat eequity firm’s own mouth : “Unless Chrysler’s labor costs can achieve parity with the foreign transplants and without the restructuring of Chrysler’s debt,” Cerberus announced. “Chrysler cannot be restored to long-term health and the government loan will be unlikely to be repaid.” So, unless the UAW capitulates (which it won’t) and the feds bailout Chrysler Financial Services (which it will), you can kiss the Chrysler bailout bucks goodbye. It’s an extraordinary, and extraordinarily honest, admission. But it seems that honesty’s got nothing to do with it…

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According to a picture posted on Flickr, corporate identity firms all over the globe are busy adapting their clients’ corporate design to the new strained financial environment. People dig it: A the time of this typing, the picture has received  4172 diggs. The current “Top in all topics” is “If Marijuana was legal” with only 1981 diggs.

A short overview of what happened in other parts of the world while you were in bed. TTAC provides round-the-clock coverage of everything that has wheels. Or has its wheels coming off. For the next two weeks, WAS will be filed from Tokyo.

Toyota officially in the reds for 2008: Toyota announced today what we had reported a few days ago: “Toyota will make its first-ever operating loss in the fiscal year through March as recessions at home and abroad corral Japan’s biggest automobile maker into as tight a corner as it has ever known,” the Nikkei writes. The dark stars are in perfect alignment: The yen is too strong, the slump in vehicle sales in key markets like the U.S., Europe and Japan is too big. Toyota expects a consolidated operating loss of Y150 billion, or about $1.68 billion, in the fiscal year through March. Six weeks ago, the company still expected an operating profit of Y600 billion in the current fiscal year. Now, “it’s a kind of emergency that we’ve never experienced before,” said Toyota President Katsuaki Watanabe, speaking at a news conference in Nagoya. “The environment surrounding us is extremely harsh.”  The Toyota stock went up on the news. The market had expected worse.

Daihatsu slimming also: In related news, Toyota’s small-car-making subsidiary Daihatsusaid it will cut domestic automobile production by a another 16,000 units, and will shed about 20% of its temporary work force,  the Nikkei (sub) reports.

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In the hopes of shoring-up flagging domestic automobile production, the Russian government is about to increase the tax on used foreign-made car prices by 50 percent; new foreign-made car prices are set to jump by 15 percent. Protests erupted in Vladivostok, where some 200k people import, sell and/or service used foreign vehicles (mostly Japanese). The AP reports that some five hundred Russians rallied in the city on Saturday, for the second weekend in a row. Riot police detained hundreds, and kicked the snot out of many more. “Police — some shipped in from Moscow, some 9,300 kilometers (some 5,750 miles) to the west — began violently hauling men and women into waiting vans as people chanted ‘Fascists!’ and ‘Shame! Shame!’ An Associated Press reporter watched as several people who resisted were beaten with truncheons, thrown to the ground and kicked. Several parents were detained as their children watched.” And for their trouble… “An AP reporter saw at least 10 journalists detained by police, who demanded several turn over videotapes and photo memory chips and wrecked a Japanese TV crew’s video camera. Some journalists were beaten and kicked, including an AP photographer.” The AP dryly concludes: “While auto industry workers have applauded the tariff increase, Russian consumers and others involved in the $30.5 billion car import business have not. Many Russians say they have a right to buy what they want on the free market and do not want to pay to support the Russian auto industry.” Sound familiar?

You might think that Barron’s would ease-up on the “bet on GM” advice. In a June 2 cover story, Barron’s told its readers to buy shares in the ailing automaker. At the time, The General’s stock traded at $17.10. “GM’s turnaround will accelerate over the next two to three years, even if the U.S. cyclical downturn dims the outlook for the next 12 months,” Barron’s prophesied. “The shares could rise to at least 30 and maybe as much as 45 once those big cost reductions drop to the bottom line in 2010. And if the stars align perfectly — the economy enjoys a second-half uptick and the housing market and consumer confidence turn for the better sooner than expected — the stock’s rebound could be quicker. Even a small improvement in sentiment could bring a disproportionate rise in the stock.” To be fair, in November, when the excrement and air movement device had already collided (but good), Barron’s did the mea culpa thing: “Our enthusiasm for GM was clearly wrong, as was a suggestion that its bonds, like the senior note maturing July 15, 2041, would be more valuable.” And now, Ward’s Auto reports “GM restructuring may make bonds best bet-Barron’s.” There’s more, but we’re not subscribers– to either publication. At close of play Friday, GM’s stock traded at $4.49 a share– and that’s AFTER the bailout.

‘There are two engine options, both new and both featuring direct fuel injection to save fuel. The base models get a 182-hp four-cylinder that’s good for 21/30 mpg city/highway with front-wheel drive and 20/27 mpg with all-wheel drive. The V-6 packs 255 hp and returns 18/25 mpg with front-wheel drive and 17/24 with all-wheel drive.”

Island Chevrolet’s general sales manager doesn’t like transplanted products. (Yes, I know: any car on The Big Island is an import. But you know what I mean.) So James Severtson commissioned a Chevrolet Suburban-bodied monster truck to kill, crush and destroy a Honda Accord. On the first attempt, the Hawaiian Rebel blew a hydraulic hose and leaked vital fluid. The Honda was non-plussed. After several hours, take two. Wheelman Ryan Kepiki attempted to surmount a Hyundai Excel. The AP reports that “Kepiki drove over the cars’ hoods, destroying the windshields to the seeming delight of the rush-hour crowd. Severtson said the dealership had been planning the crush-fest for a while.” Appreantly, the Bush bailoutfest was a “happy coincidence.” “We’d like to send the message that the best way to support your country is to buy an American vehicle today,” Severtson said.

Fifty-two miles per gallon is, it has to be said, a lot of miles per gallon. And who better to say it than Pulitzer Prize-winning caramudgeon and Top Gear USA bullet dodger Dan Neil? In a column founded upon the old English expression “I can’t win from losing,” Neil lauds FoMoCo’s gas – electric fusion Fusion. “Wait, so, has somebody invented the car of the future and didn’t tell us? It’s a worthy question. The scolding undercurrent of recent congressional hearings on the auto-industry bailout was the notion that Detroit had failed to invest in next-generation technology that could help wean us off foreign oil. Not so. What they did fail to do was sufficiently commercialize this technology so that it was ready and waiting at dealerships when people got stampeded this year by spiraling gas prices. Had Ford made a few hundred thousand of these cars available in June — along with the financing to sell them — we’d be erecting 50-foot equestrian statues of William Clay Ford and Alan Mulally in city squares, and the streets of Dearborn, Mich., would be repaved with diamond cobblestones.” As if. “The price of gas has dropped by two-thirds in six months, thereby de-motivating buyers who might have been willing to bear the incremental cost of a hybrid. What we really need is an increased federal gas tax, but the chances of that getting passed in Congress are comparable to my chances of being named Miss Universe.” To quote another English aphorism, Dan, you gotta be in it to win it.

Last week. President Bush sacrificed his free market principles on the altar of expediency. Apparently, under “ordinary circumstances,” the Commander-in-Chief wouldn’t have expropriated $17.4b of taxpayers’ money to bailout General Motors and Chrysler. But someone somewhere screwed-up the U.S. economy; leaving him without the option that cannot be named (a.k.a. doing nothing). I guess Bush was channeling Flip Wilson: “The Devil made me do it!” Actually, that would have been a welcome excuse. The pretext Bush deployed is deeply worrying: “My economic advisors believe that bankruptcy could now lead to its disorderly collapse.” So we’re propping-up two dead dinosaurs walking because we fear “disorder?” When did the United States become Germany?

Failed four time presidential candidate and god of all ambulance chasers Ralph Nader has found a new enemy: China. The Center for Auto Safety, founded by Ralph Nader with part of the $425K court settlement paid by GM in 1970 for invasion of his privacy, has been researching recalls of Chinese auto parts. Those recalls are now posted on the safety center’s website. The New York Times took the bait, and ran a long story under the headline “Recalls of Chinese Auto Parts Are a Mounting Concern.” If the NYT would have just taken 20 minutes of research, they would have found that they’ve been snowed.

The beast in the picture sits in what’s commonly called your “lower intestinals.” And the butt-ugly critter may just be the answer to our energy problems. Bacteria that live in your digestive tracts, and that can give you the runs, can be genetically modified to eat plants and then shit out jet fuel, high grade gasoline and other petroleum products. According to a CBS report, this was proven by a team of UCLA researchers.

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