Fritz Henderson is not a happy camper. Speaking at the Automotive News World Serious, GM’s Chief Operating Officer came off all emo, revealing a string of bad news without the usual spin. Of course, the event’s host chose to focus on the more, uh, upbeat side of Fritz’ speech. Henderson washed his hands of HUMMER, Saab and Saturn, albeit without announcing a “final solution.” And although “Pontiac is toast” isn’t the brand’s official tag line, it might as well be. “Henderson said the four core brands [Chevy, Cadillac, GMC and Buick] comprised 83 percent of GM’s total sales volume in the United States last year. Going forward, the Pontiac brand will ‘shrink substantially,’ Henderson said. But the fact that GM is investing heavily in the Buick brand in China will benefit that brand in the United States. ‘When you see the new LaCrosse, it will be very familiar to the one you’ve seen GM reveal in China,’ Henderson said.” And now, the real deal, brought to you by the MSM…

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“With its sophisticatedly produced light metal wheels, AEZ targets an equally demanding and style-conscious clientele. An image, which is not just underlined in the new 38-page 2009 alloy catalogue by the high-quality product range, but also by the stylish model Caroline from Austria. For a whole week the photographer trekked with the stylish Viennese through the salines of Es Trenc in Mallorca for the shooting of the brochure. There she posed in the company of classy automobiles with partners made of cool aluminium that had exotic sounding names such as Lascar, Tidore dark or Tacana. In the resulting scenes, shot against natural backdrops, Caroline impressively showed that neither the industry-standard bare breasts nor promiscuous poses are needed to create a sexy aura.”

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Have you ever opened a real estate magazine and read “House prices suck. They’re going to get worse. Stay away from real estate”? Obviously not. It’s a perspective problem shared by the American automotive press, whose Panglossian reviews rankle anyone who wants the truth about cars. Yada, yada, yada. Advertising. Unfortunately, the non-critical kudzu is starting to spread. We’ve already blogged the Motown-friendly press’ straw-grasping predictions for a sales recovery. I’d kinda assumed they’d pipe down after December’s debacle. Sigh. “Despite doomsday auto sales forecasts for 2009, promising signs continue to emerge about early January sales in the United States and their potential for growth.” The Detroit Free Press isn’t free, and this is not what I call the press. “Pent-up demand for new vehicles grew to 820,000 new cars and trucks last year, as consumers continued to wait out the dismal economic environment before making a new purchase, according to a report released Monday by CNW Marketing Research. That’s nearly four times as high as pent-up demand was in 2007, CNW said, and the research firm predicted that ‘the bulk of those postponements are slated to return to market in 2009.'” And now, a reality check…

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Farley was first. Last week, Ford’s marketing maven threw down for The Blue Oval Boyz, declaring Crazy Henry’s mob’s would grab a bigger slice of the new car pie. Now Ed Peper’s prognosticating a more prodigious piece of America’s deflated new car market. Chevy’s brand Veep stepped up to the microphone at the Automotive News World Congress (our invitation got trapped by the spam filter) and told the world– well, Detroit– that the bow tie brand is ascendant. “We gained six-tenths of a point of (retail) market share last year,” Eddy declared. “This was the second-highest year-over-year share gain among all car brands, behind only Honda.” Hang on; what’s this then? “Chevrolet’s 2008 total market share was 13.5 percent, down from 13.9 percent in 2007, according to the Automotive News Data Center. Toyota Division overtook Chevrolet as the top-selling brand in 2008, rising to 13.9 percent from 13.4 percent in 2007.” Hmmm. Anyway, you’ll never guess how Chevy will steal sales from its rivals. Government checks for buyers? Well, not directly. (Just kidding. Sort of.) Nope. Marketing!

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I’ve been following the “coverage” of President Obama’s fancy new limousine for some time now. We’ve known what it will look like for a long time, but that’s about. No, really. Anyhow, seeing the car that the Secret Service has reportedly nicknamed, “The Beast” roll down Pennsylvania Ave, dwarfing the Chevy Tahoe to its left, I couldn’t help but be awed. What a vehicle. And really, what a Cadillac. Say what you want about the Art & Science design motif, but the snouts currently hanging off the front of both the CTS and Escalade are handsome. Not only that, but the Beast’s stance is correct. Imposing, solid, American. The proportions look like a Cadillac should (though the actual size is borderline absurd). Farago has been arguing since 2002 that Cadillac needs to forget about lapping the Nurburgring and get back to building big ass cars that are desirable for their big assedness. Oh, but what about the Great Depression 2.0 and herky-jerky gas prices and the environment? All valid points. But, as a brand, shouldn’t Cadillac be building, well, Cadillacs?

How would you react to a spirited encounter with a Porsche GT3?

GM will invest $30m in the Michigan LG Chem/Compact Power battery plant which will assemble lithium-ion cells for its Chevy Volt. Of course the actual cells are made in Korea, a fact which make the Volt’s many taxpayer subsidies less than exclusively patriotic affairs. But fear not, American taxpayer! Korean subsidies make your subsidies go farther! GM’s Bob Lutz reveals to MLive that one of the reasons GM picked the Koreans over homegrown A123 Systems was because “LG Chem has massive support from the Korean government in terms of a whole research campus was paid for by the Korean government because Korea recognizes that advanced battery technology is a key component of the country’s competitiveness.” Hint, hint. Since LG Chem is farther along with prismatic (flat) cells, we’ll all just have to live with the fact that our tax money is flowing through GM to foreign firms, although to be fair, A123 did its cell manufacturing in China. So much for “supporting domestic industry.” Anyway, in his announcement of the $30m investment, GM’s Ed Peper tells Reuters to forget any CadiVolt dreams. “We chose Chevy because we can’t be niche with the Volt,” explains Peper. “We have to make it a mass-production vehicle.” A $40k “People’s Car” which depends on foreign technology, and will lose money even with “government support” coming from all sides? Niche? Never.

Or so argues a study from Science Daily (via The National Motorists Association). Thomas Garrett, assistant vice president at the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, and Gary Wagner from the University of Arkansas Little Rock, looked at revenue and traffic citation data from 96 North Carolina counties collected from 1990 to 2003.. Their conclusion is that as the economy weakens, local governments seek to replace lost tax revenue with increased traffic tickets. “There is ample anecdotal evidence that local governments use traffic tickets as a means of generating revenue,” wright Garrett and Wagner. “Our paper provides the first empirical evidence to support this view.” How? According to the data, “a one percentage point decrease in last year’s local government revenue results in roughly a 0.32 percentage point increase in the number of traffic tickets in the following year.” Though they admit that the numbers seem small, Garrett and Wagner call them “statistically significant,” noting that they controlled for demographic and economic differences in the sample. The study will be published in the Journal Of Law And Economics, and will shock readers who haven’t read TTAC’s coverage of the ongoing speed camera nightmare.

Would you believe it that the good folks at Americas buff books make mistakes every once in a while? Well, Car And Driver has decided to air the American motor press’s ten biggest bloopers in a blog post entitled Dishonorable Mention. “We’re not the only publication to recognize a few stinkers with its highest honor. The history of automotive journalism has seen flaming piles of poo named ‘Car of the Year’ even as they attract product liability lawsuits by the acre-foot and hunks of crud honored as “All-Stars” at the very moment buyers are seeking reimbursement under lemon laws,” write C&D’s editors. “It’s always a risk making judgments based on the initial exposure to a car, and sometimes a vehicle’s ultimate crappiness only reveals itself with the fullness of time. We’re all subject to hype for something that seems new, different, and maybe even better, and in this business, we all feel the crushing pressure to be timely, amusing, and authoritative. Being wrong is always a risk. Still, here are ten award winners for which somebody needs to apologize.”

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Even before the debate over federal loans to the domestic automakers, a number of TTAC editorials pointed out that a bankruptcy by one of the The Big Three would lead to a C11 by the remaining two. Bankruptcy allows the abrogation of labor contracts; an automaker in Ch. 11 proceedings would be able to lower labor costs significantly, putting the other car makers at a competitive disadvantage. [ED: one of Ford’s SEC filing made that very point.] Parts provider Checker (no cabs since 1982) tried to negotiate wage concessions from its employees’ labor union. But even with bankruptcy hanging over their heads, the union wouldn’t make the needed concessions. And so Checker has become the eighth major US auto supplier that’s filed for bankruptcy in the past year.

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President Barack Obama’s inaugural address promised that his administration will “harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories.” I’ve heard of solar-powered cars, but wind? Dreams for sail? But seriously folks, “the soil” can only mean one thing: bio-fuels. And although environmentalists would like to switchgrass (or sell you lows), that’s E85 to you and me, bub. The news comes too late for VeraSun. The ethanol producer, Obama supporter and alleged check kiter filed for Chapter 11 last Haloween. But, according to The New York Times, ADM’s still good to go. “Not long after arriving in the Senate, Mr. Obama himself briefly provoked a controversy by flying at subsidized rates on corporate airplanes, including twice on jets owned by Archer Daniels Midland, which is the nation’s largest ethanol producer and is based in his home state.” Anyway, as they say in the DC’s corridors of power, in for a penny, in for a few billion. Meanwhile, corn prices continue to climb…

Breaking news: Fiat has just signed a “non-binding term sheet” with ChryCo. The Italian automaker will acquire a 35 percent interest in Chrysler for… nothing. No cash. No assets. Niente. And yet the Chrysler – Fiat deal comes complete with the United Auto Workers’ (UAW) blessing. It’s a nice thought: a global alliance to pull Chrysler’s fat from the fire, save the taxpayer’s bacon and uncook the UAW’s golden goose. But there’s zero chance of Fiat riding to the rescue of Chrysler. It’s just another part of Chrysler’s Big Lie.

On this day of change, Toyota is returning to its roots, announcing the appointment of Akio Toyoda as its new President. Toyoda will inherit his grandfather’s firm from Katsuaki Watanabe, just as Toyota is facing its greatest challenges in years. Even Watanabe recognizes the need for change, telling the Wall Street Journal “times have changed completely and … it really requires very bold reform and something that is outside of the box.” And Toyoda hopes to reach back to the foundational principles his grandfather endowed to his firm, while injecting a relatively youthful perspective (Toyoda is 52 years old). “I will go back to the basics of the foundation of the company,” says Toyoda. “But at the same time I am not bound by past history. I intend to exercise as much boldness as possible in pushing ahead with the reforms.” Though a Toyoda hasn’t led the firm since 1995, Toyota also hasn’t lost money since it was founded. To fight the tide of bad news, Reuters reports that Toyota has announced further production cuts. Domestic Japanese production between February and April will be cut in half compared to last year, with plans for only 9k units of production. This will include an 11 day furlough at 11 of its 12 Japanese plants.