I reckon it’s a little early to name the worst stock of ’09—given how many choices are bound to surface as the U.S. economy tanks. But, well, there it is: The Motley Fool names Ford (F) the worst stock you can buy. “The trouble with Ford’s stock is that it may be very tempting to some investors who look at the $1.94 price tag and think that it’s a nice, cheap price for a great American car maker. The trap door with Ford is the company’s debt—all $157 billion of it. Looking at Ford on the basis of its total enterprise value (equity value plus net debt), the company is still valued near or above the better-positioned automakers… The dealio at Ford comes down to the fact that debt holders are really the ones who own the company at this point. At the end of the third quarter, the company had a shareholder deficit of nearly $2 billion, which basically means that there are more non-equity claims against assets than there are assets. That’s bad news for shareholders because debt holders have rights and protections that will let them flick away equity holders like a paper football, if push comes to shove.” As our Ken Elias pointed out this morning, as MarketWatch points out tonight, the shove is here.

OK, so I linked to this in the post below, but it really deserves its own post. After all, few things define the times quite as poignantly as Chrysler’s peculiar brand of insanity. See, the problem with the psychology of recession is that it causes inordinate self-doubt among panicked executives and their long-suffering staffs. Which, if you’re Chrysler, might be a good thing. Except that for some reason, the principles of reflection and continuous improvement always take a back seat to some brainiac who thinks that the problem is that the firms products aren’t exactly like iPods. At Chrysler, this brainiac is named Peter Arnell. In an interview with AdWeek, Chrysler’s “Chief Innovation Officer” lives up to his cliched title by spewing the most ridiculous twaddle about his pet project, the Chrysler PeaPod. For those who don’t know, the PeaPod is a GEM Low Speed (Neighborhood Electric) Vehicle (LSV/NEV). This means that the PeaPod is limited to 25 mph and is barred from thoroughfares with speed limits of higher than 35 mph. In other words, it’s useless. Unless you live on a golf course or in a gated retirement community. But the way Arnell tells it, the PeaPod is just a Wired Magazine cover away from becoming the next Apple killer app.

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Green Car Congress reports that the Senate Committe On Finance is recommending (PDF) increases in the amount and size of the plug-in hybrid electric vehicle (PHEV) tax credit. The proposal has been put forward as part of Barack Obama’s stimulus plan, the American Recovery And Reinvestment Act Of 2009. The availability of PHEV tax credits would be doubled under the plan, from 250k to half a million vehicles sold before the credit phases out. The tax break amount is unchanged, with a base credit of $2,500 per qualifying PHEV plus $417 for each kilowatt-hour of battery capacity in excess of four kilowatt-hours. For vehicles under 10k lbs, the maximum credit is $7,500. Credits increase by vehicle weight, but the maximum (for vehicles over 26k lbs) is $15k.

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Watch Dodge Ram AMCI Test Series in Car Videos  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

“Express post or lightning-fast courier? If you are really in a hurry and have something to hide then there is only one mode of transport for you: the professional driver Frank Martin (Jason Statham). In his latest film, Transporter 3, he sets off action-packed fireworks, which set a standard even higher than he is used to. The sports pedals of ABT Sportsline and the forged alloys wheel set Forge A from AEZ can be seen in supporting roles in this exciting hunt for environmental terrorists.”

Bailout fatigue? Not me. Every day I wake up wondering what new absurdity I’ll encounter in my quest to tell the truth about cars and those who make them. And just when I think it can’t get any more ridiculous—a Chrysler Fiat tie up, “strategic reviews” of dead brands, a back room bailout for an ex-Treasury Secretary’s new boss, viability plans spun out of thin air, product plans cut from the same cloth—it does. Here’s today’s hit of alternate reality: Chrysler wants—no, demands—that its suppliers cut their prices. WTF? Remind me again. Chrysler’s suppliers are making how much profit these days? I’m thinking… none. And how many cars can Chrysler build if its suppliers—make that one key supplier—can’t deliver parts? I’m thinking… none. Not that anyone’s buying Chrysler products, but blood from a stone? Aintgonnahappen.org. 

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Chris Paukert got his start here at The Truth About Cars. He was, in fact, our first freelance contributor. Since then, it’s been a winding road for Chris. When I heard he was joining Autoblog, I didn’t know to be happy for Autoblog or sad for Chris. Since joining AB, Paukert’s posts have been press release compliant. But, while you can take the boy out of TTAC… Today, Paukert (or one of his eagle-eyed spies) spied the fact that Saturn pulled the “Build Your ’09 Astra” function from their website. Yup, one of GM’s endless stream of Hail Marys has shuffled off this mortal coil. Chris did the right thing and called Saturn for confirmation. “We spoke with Steve Janisse, group manager for Saturn communications, this morning, and he confirmed that while there will be no 2009 model, a 2010 is scheduled and on track for a spring roll-out. Given this unfortunate economic environment and GM’s rude health, of course, we’ll wait to ‘call the ball’ until 2010s are on dealer forecourts.” Aside from the fact that rude health means good health and the glaring lack of the word “bullshit,” it looks like AB might finally have a writer with a pair of stones. We look forward to the competition.

[Read Justin Berkowitz’ review of the Saturn Astra here] 

Poor Ford. All they wanted to do was claim to offer “the most efficient midsized car in America.” “We’ve been pretty clear, probably annoyingly clear, to Toyota that we’re comparing Fusion to Camry,” Ford spokesman Mark Truby tells USA Today (via Daily Tech). After all, the Camry gets a paltry 33 city/34 highway rating from the EPA. At 41/36 mpg, the Fusion is clearly a more efficient mid-sized car than the Camry. But wait!

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In a comment under our most recent United Auto Workers post, Taurus GT500 posted the below. I thought it worthy of lifting into pride of place in our blog roll.

“Bob Cratchit asked us to drop you a line. We’re the Ghosts of Main Streets Past, Present, and Future.

The what?

You know us by our nickname. We’re the (former) steel towns of the Mon River – the Steel Valley. You know, Steelers, Steel City. Get it? That’s us.

We’ve been where you’re going. …But, it wasn’t always like this.

Once, we made rails that connected shining sea to shining sea; girders that put the sky in skyscraper; and when Henry and those Dodge boys and that Durant fellow put America on wheels, where you think all that steel came from?

You and Rosie the Riveter was the Arsenal of Democracy. Maybe with better PR we’d a been the Blast Furnace of Freedom.

Our furnaces’d light the sky for miles. Endless parades of coal barges. And freight train whistles at all hours. Man, like the song said, we were something to see.

But that was then …and this is now.

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You may recall this headline. That’s because we’ve already used it: “Chrysler Ends Jobs Bank on Monday. Calls It Something Else. Will Reinstate ASAP.” In said post, we debunked the idea that the United Auto Workers (UAW) was making anything resembling a concession. To refresh your memory, the union said the action on the Jobs Bank was a temporary suspension, rather than an outright elimination. Today, Bloomberg reports that the 1,600 GM employees currently enjoying the benefits of the UAW jobs bank will be out in the cold as of February second. But not really. GM spokesman Tony Sapienza tells Bloomberg that those leaving the jobs bank will get state unemployment benefits and “some GM pay.” Over at Automotive News [sub], Sapienza said GM is discussing “supplemental pay” [emphasis added] with the union “as part of current negotiations.”  

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The financial crisis will (this is an easy prediction to make) have a strange effect on some car brands (see Honda). A few car makers will try to move upwards towards Panameran profitability, while others will try to be anything to anybody as long as that somebody is a buyer. A few brands will steer themselves downwards in a more or less desperate grab at recession-resistance sales. And it seems that Subaru is one of them. If you think the Subaru brand means “sporty, 4WD, boxer-engined, super-reliable”, then you’re in for a surprise. If European Subarus are indicative of worldwide strategy, then two out of four of those are goners. The new Impreza 1.5 RF (Revolution Frontwheel, not a deliberate jab at Robert Farago’s loathing for brand dilution), is weak (107 HP), slow (0-60 in 13.2 sec), and FWD. It has only disc brakes in the front and lists for 16.5K € in Germany, which will probably amount to around 11K net after rebates. So it’s cheap and dull. Will people buy it?

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President Barack Obama has announced that the EPA should go ahead and review California’s request to set national fuel economy standards. As reported here, California’s waiver would allow the state to legislate CO2 emissions, which would create a de facto fuel economy standard under the guise of keeping the planet cool. While environmentalists and the Pelosi wing of the Democratic Party view the Golden State hat tip as a seminal victory for Mother Earth, it’s actually a set up. It’s all part of the Obama administration’s plan to clean up the U.S. automobile industry by throwing GM and Chrysler into Chapter 11.

Remember the good old days when the US was committed to free trade, and constantly complained about Japanese protectionism? Those days are long gone, as the US is now a world leader in national bailouts and it has become Japan’s turn to stand on free-trade principle. Detroit News‘s Christine Tierney reports that Japan has no interest in joining China, Germany, France, Russia and the US in subsidizing either production or consumption of vehicles. “We regard the auto industry as very independent from the government,” said Noriyuki Shikata, director of the Second North America Division at Japan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs. “Our government hasn’t extended massive subsidies to companies. A company like Toyota has accumulated some cash and should be able to survive.”

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The last time we heard that GM’s new Flint engine plant was canceled, we listed it as a Volt Birth Watch. After all, Flint was supposed to produce 1.4 liter four-cylinder engines for Volt range-extender duty as well as for the Cruze and siblings (in turbo form). But as we noted then, GM insists that Volt and Cruze will go ahead as planned regardless of whether the Flint plant is built. How? By importing 1.4s from Austria, according to MLive. But are imported engines included in those old “unprofitable at $40k” Volt cost estimates? We’d guess not. In any case, ABC reports that Flint conctracts have been canceled, and GM just ain’t sweating these details. Volts will have engines come 2010, and damn the german accent. And massive unprofitability. And already-approved tax credits. And patriotic subtext.  So really, this is just another “GM manages to pee on its own leg” post. The Volt is just fine, thanks for asking.