In this morning’s column, Detroit News scribe Daniel Howes’ pointed out that “Road for Autos Runs Through Oval Office.” In other words, GM, Chrysler and perhaps Ford’s fate now rests in the hands of the President of the United States. True dat. Piper. Tune calling. Gold. Rule making. Etc. But Danny wasn’t making the expected plea for Barack’s administration to keep Motown’s hometown heroes out of bankruptcy court until, well, whenever. Oh no, there’s another battle brewing… “President Barack Obama is poised to face an automotive conundrum potentially pitting him, the Detroit auto industry and the more immediate needs of the beleaguered national economy against pressure from environmentalists, fuel economy zealots and the powerful California delegation, including the two members of Congress who escorted him to his inauguration.” Translation: Danny’s signaling Detroit’s “need” to resist state-based hoikment of fleet-wide federal fuel economy standards. In this, he’s not alone…

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Tax refund. Got one yet? Well even if you don’t, millions of people will, and this is great news for car dealers. The fortunate folks who can afford to pay off their Christmas largess with a few paltry Benjamins left over will often go car shopping. $700 down, $500 down. Heck anything more than a pulse will get you into a car these days. The effect of all this newfound money being dispersed into our economy: a lot of interesting and stupid behavior at the auctions. For starters, everything gets a lot more expensive.

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Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne has said that he is open to further consolidation talks with any interested firms. “A partnership with a European rival is vital,” says Emanuele Vizzini of Investitori SGR, who tells Bloomberg that PSA PeugeotCitroen or BMW are the “natural candidates.” Marchionne is staying mum, but he has aknowledged that many see a Fiat-Peugeot hook-up as a “marriage made in heaven.” For now, however, Marchionne and PSA are denying rumors of hookup talks to the Detroit News. But then, Marchionne has said that Fiat needs to approach its goals “softly and quietly.” So who knows? “The Chrysler deal does nothing to solve the overcapacity problem,” says Credit Suisse analyst David Arnold. An all-European deal could “offset spiraling costs and declining volumes with savings from joint procurement, capital expenditure and research and development,” argues Arnold.

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Former McLaren designer Jim Doyle has announced that his firm JJAD will build 500 of these all-electric P1-E sportscars by 2012. An electric sportscar that goes 200 miles on a plug-in charge! Where do they come up with these ideas?

Automotive News [sub] reports that J.D. Power is introducing a Vehicle Launch Index, aimed at providing OEMs with data and feedback on product launches. For a nominal (sliding scale) fee, JDP will follow launches for the first 12 months of a model’s life, measuring ad effectiveness, consumer response, dealer gross profits and incentive spending. “There will be 88 new and restyled model launches in 2009,” JDP VP for research Dave Sargent tells AN. “Some of them will succeed. Others won’t, and frankly should never have gotten approval to see the light of day.” And JDP’s role will be to boldly proclaim vehicle program flaws during and after launches, because “it’s hard for people inside the company, especially if they want to get ahead in their career, to derail a project by saying, ‘This plan is flawed.'” Because what fixes dysfunctional product development like a highly paid consultant offering post-mortem bon mots?

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And yes, as with TTAC’s Ten Worst, Detroit gets it between the eyes. From the Aveo (“if Fiesta is the iPhone of ‘minis, Aveo is a pair of polystyrene cups and a shoelace”) to the Sebring (“so bad, even the man at Hertz will wince apologetically as he hands you the keys”), to the Jeep Compass (“winner of the Not Going Down Fighting Award). But thanks to the wild diversity of the UK market, there’s plenty more to chuckle about. Asian oddities like the Ssangyong Rodius (“like the result of a genetic experiment by a blind, fingerless, sadistic scientist”) and the walking dead Nanjing/SAIC/MG F roadster (“it costs £16.5k. A last-gen TF can be had for £4k. Do they think we’re stupid?”). And weird Euro models like the 2CV tribute Citroen C3 Pluriel Charleston, the Mercedes CLC and the practical-to-the-point-of-horror Fiat Qubo. Bloated plutcratmobiles like the BMW X6 and Maybach Landaulet arelauded for representing rude hand gestures to “the environment, poor people and practicality.” Check out Top Gear’s Foreman blog for the full treatment, served up with trademark British acid wit. Meanwhile, the “iPhone of ‘minis” has won What Car?’s Car Of The Year award. The UK car buyers guide calls Ford’s Fiesta “the most complete small car we’ve ever tested.”

The brutal sun finally started setting as I headed up the Grapevine. Since my plan was to go for broke, I had opened the taps. According to the speedometer, I was pushing 75 mph. It had only been 50 miles since Bakersfield, but with the gas leak and increased RPM I decided I needed to refuel one more time before making the big downhill home to Los Angeles. This of course meant engaging in my own personal stupidest act of 2008: adding gas with the engine still running. I found a nice, empty looking station near Gorman. Long story short, I’m still here. And the drive into LA turned out to be cathartic.

Engine: 2 liters, 4 cylinders, 138 hp,132 torques. Transmission: 4-speed auto. Weight: 4,950 lbs GVW, 3,000 kerb weight (est). Payload: 1,605 lbs, 4+ feet by 6+ feet cargo area. Mileage: 19 city, 24 highway. Body styles: 2, Van (no second row, side and rear glass optional) or Wagon (second row, side and rear glass standard). MSRP remains the independent variable.

That’s one Hell of a ROI. And in case you hadn’t figured it out, we’re talking about lobbying costs to score bailout bucks. The Wall Street Journal reports GM’s ’08 spend on D.C. power brokering totaled $13.1m. (The $3.3.m spend covers the period of bailout begging.) That’s down from ’07’s $14.3m, but times are tough. Hence the bailout. Anyway, GM spokespinner Greg Martin assured the WSJ that no taxpayers were hurt during the buttering-up of federal legislators. “Lobbying is the transparent and effective way that GM has its voice heard on critical policy issues… that companies should not be required to forfeit if they receive federal funding,” Martin said, endearing himself to taxpayers throughout the country. Martin added that no funds lent from the Treasury would be used for lobbying. Huh? I thought GM promised the SEC yesterday not to cook the books. I mean, from what “ring fenced fund” does the lobbying money come from, pray tell? Ready to listen a bit more of that song “Fool on the Hill?’ Then let’s talk about the recently nationalized GMAC…

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TTAC used to have a writer who’d critique new car designs from the aesthetic point-of-view. Unfortunately, Carl stopped working at Starbuck’s, so I couldn’t hassle him for free coffee– I mean clean copy. So when I received an email update from Classic Driver promising a design analysis of the Porsche Panamera, I was well up for a professional’s analysis of what looks, to me, like another hideous Porsche. By the sixth paragraph, I knew Chris Hrabalek was prevaricating. And then he gets nasty, pulling rank on readers.

“Although one could hardly call the styling of the new Panamera revolutionary, neither can one accuse it of having anything but pure Porsche DNA. While it’s certain that numerous sofa-referees will judge the styling as too conservative and unimaginative, it is far removed from the Aston Martin DB9 LWB (akaAston Martin Rapide). Also, while the Panamera shares common parts with its siblings, none are too obvious. Visually, it is a far more distinct model than, say, the products of the Porsche 996/Boxster era.” Where’s the beef? “It leaves us in no doubt that, were the front badge to be removed, this car would still be readily identified as a true Porsche. It’s true that, unlike the Porsche 928, it does not take a stylistic risk.”

That’s it? Sigh. OK, over to you, TTAC’s Best and Brightest. What do you make of the new Porsche Panamera?

Tesla Motors recently caused a kerfuffle amongst its earliest and most faithful supporters by raising the price of its Roadster. More precisely, the Silicon Valley automaker turned some of the car’s standard features into options, and then raised the prices on those (e.g. the fast charge power cord). Customers who’d provided Tesla with hefty deposits– up to $50k– were none-too-pleased to discover that their “locked-in price guarantee” wasn’t worth the paper it was printed on. Uh, it was printed, yes? Anyway, to quell the ensuing PR shit-storm, self-appointed (anointed?) Tesla CEO and Product Architect Elon Musk has emailed an explanation to his rapidly aging customers [full text after the jump]. Musk has also scheduled a town hall-style meeting for the 26th and 27th. In short, to ensure federal teat suckling for the WhiteElephant sedan, Tesla has to prove that it’s “viable” (there’s that word again). As Tesla was losing $31k per car, something had to change. In other words, take a hit for the team guys, Oh, and Musk points out that there’s a $7500 tax credit for customers who take delivery of their Roadster between January 2009 and March 2027. Just kidding. I think.

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With all that the domestic automakers have done wrong, it’s important to remember the things they’ve done– and continue to do– well. In his post about dumb moves behind the wheel, Jonny Lieberman highlighted one of these engineering accomplishments: Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning (HAVC). As JL pointed out, even when Detroit was making malaise-era cars that barely ran, their HVAC systems were the “envy of the world.” Sure, Volvos and Saabs had good interior heating and defrosting systems, not to mention heated seats. But Detroit led the world in keeping drivers physically comfortable. In this, geographic happenstance played a critical role.

Chrysler is hoping against hope that it can move the moribund metal with an employee pricing incentive interest free what about leasing financing sale. Yes, it’s the kitchen sink of car deals, with every gimmick the freshly capitalized (thank you America) Chrysler can muster. More specifically, Auburn Hills is offering buyers employee pricing– whatever that is– plus $6k off ’08’s, or zero percent financing or low-cost leasing for up to 48 months (for somewhat qualified buyers). Customers who fancy an ’09 Chrysler, Dodge or Jeep product “only” get $3500 off the employee price. No matter what you call it, the reality is that Chrysler continues to drop its prices in the hopes that someone will buy its products. Residuals be damned.

AZcentral.com reports that the Arizona House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee has voted 5-2 to recommend approval of House Bill 2106, banning the use of speed cameras on state highways. (The bill does not preclude cameras from city streets.) “This was done in the name of revenue,” pronounced an indignant Rep. Andy Biggs, R-Gilbert. Meanwhile, Pinal County County Supervisors voted to end their dalliance with Redflex’s mobile speed cameras. This after their top cop, Sheriff Paul Babeu, declared “I’m against photo speed enforcement completely. Here in Pinal, it’s failed miserably.” Babeu told the panel that the two cameras were activated 11,416 times, from September 2007 through December 2008. The result: 7,290 citations. Of those, only 3,711 were paid. “Babeu said most of the total $134,199.43 in fines and fees from the paid citations covered administrative and operational costs, leaving the county with a net profit of $12,391.58 that Babeu dismissed as paltry. Moreover, Babeu said, total motor-vehicle accidents increased by 16 percent in the same time period, and fatal collisions in the Queen Creek area doubled from three to six.”

American taxpayers have loaned Chrysler $4b. The Auburn Hills automaker has their hand out for an additional $3b. And what do the taxpayers get? A full newspaper page ad thanking them and a bunch of IOUs. Meanwhile Fiat is looking to pick up a third of Chrysler from Cerberus for little more than blue sky and a business plan. Political and economic ideologies aside, it doesn’t seem fair. Senator Jeff Bingaman (D-NM) agrees. During the confirmation hearings for the incoming administration’s Treasury Secretary, Sen. Bingaman asked Timothy Geithner what’s up with that. “It’s hard to explain why the American taxpayer shouldn’t own Chrysler,” the Senator asserted. True dat. When Daimler bought Chrysler, they didn’t ask U.S. taxpayers to finance the deal. When the Germans off-loaded ChryCo on Cerberus, no taxpayer subsidy was involved. If Fiat isn’t anteing up any cash– which it isn’t– somebody’s got to pay for adapting the Fiat platforms for the American market and retooling the plants. (At least in theory.) Cerberus, Chrysler and Fiat are hoping that the Italian job is compelling enough to obscure what’s really happening here: U.S. taxpayers are being fleeced. Again. Still.