A word to the wise (or The Detroit News): if you’re a cheerleader, stay away from irony. Irony is the discrepancy between expectation and reality. It’s a rapier specifically forged for cynical nasty bastards like . . . us. If you’re pro anything, it’s a blunderbuss for blundering buffoons. For example, The DetN’s automotive editor has penned a tongue-in-cheek essay on why he should be car czar. The result is earnest and scary, rather than droll and pointed. Our take: a federal car czar is a crazy cherry nesting in a gloppy pile of whipped insanity sitting atop a huge slice of death by delusion cake. Manny’s take:
[I]t’s time to help steer the ship in the right direction. That’s why I am submitting my resume for “car czar” and offering the names of key advisers I’d appoint. To be sure, this list won’t make everyone happy and certainly not the activists who want to dictate what Detroit builds, but included is an essential mix of auto knowledge, independent economic thought and business smarts that when allowed to operate outside of politics will keep the nationalization of the auto industry from following the lead of Hugo Chavez’s Venezuela.
From this position of unintentional self-mockery (remind me again who’s responsible for the nationalization of the U.S. auto industry), Manny jumps off into the deep end.
As car czar, I wouldn’t lobby for more federal aid or push vehicles that consumers have proven they’re not interested in. I’d use this team to bring some sense and sanity back into the debate by insisting they look at the cause and effect of actions.
So, as Car Czar, Sr. Lopez would stop federal aid to the automakers and suspend new vehicle emissions laws. Yo, Manny! We’ll call you. Just for shits and giggles, what team does Manny speak of (to share his love of ending a sentence with a preposition)?
Start with Roger Penske. He’s got dealer knowledge, civic presence and business know-how. Then sign up Mitt Romney, the financial expert and most recently, auto industry antagonist.
Continue by bringing on Bob Lutz. Sure he’s leaving GM because he’s fed up with the government intervention but he’s got a proven record for delivering products that consumers actually buy.
On the numbers front, turn to David Littmann, the former Comerica Bank chief economist and occasional thorn in the auto industry’s side. Patrick Anderson should join him in educating legislators that free market principles and less government is a smart way to operate. UC Berkeley labor professor Harley Shaiken would provide a good voice for the UAW, but there should also be a rank-and-file union member on board—someone who’s worked the line.
Carlos Gutierrez, the former commerce secretary and head of Kellogg, would provide some business insight and Paul Portney, an Alma College grad and former president of Resources for the Future, an environmental group in Washington, would add a measured environmental voice.
Bob Lutz? Cars that consumers actually buy? See? Now that’s funny! And what’s with the group hug? I thought the whole idea was a single Automotive Ass Kicker? In Manny’s world eight is not enough.
Clearly, there are others and they should be engaged too if they’re interested in keeping these companies independent and not wards of the state.
Oh! Pick me! Pick me!
Is this Car Czar only to help the D3 or meant to advise and support the entire auto industry regardless of his best friends who work solely in Detroit?
Car Czar = Jerry York!
as if
I thought of something clever with Mitt Romney “knowing” what people will buy: A 9-passenger station wagon for large families, but it might be construed as an attack on Mormons, even though I might get away with that joke coming from a large Catholic family.
As soon as Bob Lutz came up, any shred of sense (and dignity) this article had went out the window.
@RayH: Don’t forget the roof rack on the Romney Family Truckster, the dog’s got to go somewhere.
A Federal Car Czar dedicated to not having the Feds interfere with the car business?
Guess what Manny: Remove Federal interference from the car business and at least two of the Detroit 2.8 fade to black post haste. Speaking of government meddling, have you ever opposed the 25% tax on imported trucks (aka Chicken Tax) Manny the Czar?
…. and why do we use the title of oppressive Russian monarchs for these jobs?
The purpose of the car czar should be to scare the D2.8 into submission.
He should be Bad Cop to Senator Corker’s Good Cop. No wait – it’s two bad cops…..
Manny, here’s a hint, if there is something called the “Car Czar” then the car industry has been nationalized.
And it is not the legislators that need to be educated on free market principles. The legislators, particularly certain Southern Republicans, understand the free market very well with respect to this issue. Remember, the legislators failed to pass an auto bailout. It doesn’t get any more free market than that.
The Detroit automakers need to be educated on the free market. When a company fails because of its own mismanagement and disdain for customers it goes bankrupt, it doesn’t get a bailout.
If by some horrible mistake Manny did become Car Czar he would not touch Mitt Romney with a 10 foot pole.
Manny is just throwing out Romney’s name, along with many of the other names, in a pathetic, transparent attempt to look intelligent and unbiased.
Mitt Romney is one of the few brave people willing to admit that bankruptcy is the only way that the Detroit automakers have a future.
For trying to save the future of the Detroit automakers (as opposed to the futures of the parasites that are killing the Detroit automakers), Mitt Romney is labeled an auto industry antagonist.
Mitt Romney is an auto industry protagonist, and Manny Lopez is an empty headed, self righteous shill.
Is he putting together some sort of X-men movie or a baseball team? Reasoning for his casting provides no depth. There is no why. He’s just name people he likes.
And WTF is he thinking with Lutz? That’s comedy, not satire because I think he is serious. I got an idea. How about we start using orphans to heat our homes while we’re at it.
And WTF is he thinking with Lutz?
Because Manny, like a lot of auto scribes, is a disciple of Lutz. People who love performance cars, especially those of a certain age and certainly those in Detroit’s orbit, share the Bob Lutz Viewpoint of “if it’s mundane, it’s not worth our time or money”. Which is stupid, because Toyota sells a lot of very dull vehicles, nominally for a tidy profit.
Bob Lutz would have been a great choice as a divisional head of, say, Pontiac or Cadillac. He’s exactly wrong for GM as a whole, or Chevy in particular.
If you read the original article, in its entirety, it’s actually pretty good.
The Peanut Gallery Commentary (Danger! Salmonella!) ruins the effect of Manny’s points, kind of like how hecklers can ruin a comedian’s timing.
Manny is joking about the job; serious about most of the suggestions.
Of course Manny Lopez was just joking. Still, he does make some good points in his article. But after thinking a lot about this, my thinking has gone in a different direction from the car czar model. Based on a legal career in Silicon Valley through many ups and downs, here’s what I think would work best:
— Forget a car czar. That’s not going to help. Everything should happen inside the companies. Congress should appoint new, temporary CEOs for both GM and Chrysler. Then back off, completely. Let those new CEOs represent Congress. This is business, not politics. Congress should have no more influence on the companies than do members of a board of directors.
— Put Mitt Romney in as CEO at GM. The man is talented (I don’t like him, but I respect him). He has great leadership skills, and those are sorely needed. He could come in and take charge. Few others could. But Romney also knows how to come in, do the hard work needed to figure out what needs to be done, and then do it. He may not succeed, but he would do better than anyone else I can think of.
— Put Roger Penske in as CEO at Chrysler. Chances of Chrysler surviving are low. But someone should come in and see what can be done. Penske, with his knowledge of the dealers’ world, would be good. Let’s see what he can figure out.
— Replace the boards of both companies. Put some of the people Manny Lopez mentions on these boards.
— Put both companies into Chapter 11 proceedings, but with financial support from Congress.
— Give taxpayers shares in the post-bankruptcy companies. The loans should be repaid, of course. But we also need an upside. Without stock, the best we can get is our original money plus 5% a year. Huge downside, little upside.
— “De-nationalize” both companies as soon as they are back on their feet (of course, for Chrysler in particular, that may not happen). Put in new CEOs, new boards, and take them public again.