Don’t worry: the reference is so obscure I’ll probably forget it.

The MSM knows GM’s broken. (Ya think?) They also know the Presidential Task Force on Autos (PTFOA) is on the case, writing checks as fast their little pens can scribble; it takes a LOT of checks (and no balances) to keep the zombie automaker from going belly-up. The press also realizes that something must change! But . . . what? Rick Newman over at US Snooze and World Report (that was unnecessary, but fun) reckons he knows what GM needs to do that it isn’t doing now. Do what the competition’s doing. Pedants note: Rick’s not suggesting ten new products. I think. He’s simply saying that the following machines are “some of the top cars from which the Detroit automakers can learn.” Presumption up with which GM’s top brass can not put. Presumably. Oh, and Rick, you might want to check the sales charts for some of these, and/or ping TTAC’s B&B for slightly more meaningful memes than Detroit hearts building big.

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Our president recently hit the late-night talk show scene, giving all a taste of the “Washington Bubble.” He’s not alone: Judging by the comments around the Interweb, every red-blooded American automotive journalist totally hearts the 2010 Taurus SHO. But does the journos’ wish for a reincarnated SHO jibe with the harsh reality of Ford’s market demographics? Or to paraphrase Norm MacDonald, “while the SHO may not prove anything, it certainly does nothing to disprove the theory that Volvo-based Fords are a waste of money.” Yeah, it takes brass balls to knock a car you’ve touched, but haven’t driven. But the circumstances around the all-new Taurus give me pause . . .

More than three hours and two hundred miles after leaving home, a call came through on our Fusion’s SYNC system: the testing session we’d scheduled at Virginia International Raceway was canceled due to several inches of unexpected snowfall. With ambient temperatures hovering in the fifteen-degree range, and without any available track time to put Ford’s facelifted mid-sizer through its paces, how could we determine if the Fusion “Sport” lived up to the promise of it’s fashionable chrome badging?

While officials in Europe and the United States insist that “the camera never lies,” motorists around the world are receiving automated tickets for crimes that they did not commit. In Liverpool, England, for example, a speed camera accused the Fiat Punto belonging to Emily Davies, 19, of hurtling down Edge Lane Drive at 37 MPH on March 10 at precisely 10:22pm, exceeding the road’s 30 MPH limit. Confused, Davies asked to see the photograph of her alleged offense. The Merseyside Speed Camera Partnership, hoping she would just pay the £60 (US $87) fine, insisted she would have to go to court to see it. Upon later review, the photograph showed the Ford parked outside the Davies family home, which is located in view of a speed camera. Although Merseyside officials eventually apologized, Davies first had to go through quite a bit of hassle.

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Yes, it’s EV Day here at TTAC. Well, morning. And despite last night’s harangue, one of our Best and Brightest is ready to rock and roll in plug-in paradise. He’s seen the promised land. And he wants to know how to get there with you. Electricians of the world unite! Your time is at hand! Etc..

I have a question for the B&B. While remodeling my home I installed a dedicated line (10/3 wire) to a 30A exterior outlet box on the outside of my house by my driveway. What breaker size and plug type should I install? I’m trying to future proof my home for the day we’re all driving some sort of PHEV. At the very least I’ll be able to use a welder or install a dryer in my driveway.

Autocar has revealed Nissan’s luxury brand’s five-year plan: “a Mercedes S-class-sized limousine, a new all-wheel-drive seven-seat SUV and an all-electric entry-level model.” Guess which one is slated for 2012? Meanwhile, the new M has a no-V8s-please date with 2010. “This car will be engineered to accept Infiniti’s 3.7-litre V6 petrol engine, and its forthcoming 3.0-litre V6 turbodiesel—although both the EX and FX SUVs will get the V6 oil-burner before that.” [NB: Infiniti’s in Europe now, hence the oil burners. For them.] So far, so believable, Moving along the timeline, and across the credibility axis, next up: a 2011 “flagship.” No, not the S-Class thingie. A new QX SUV! Rescuing that turkey’s rep in the middle of the SUV downturn strikes me as a billion dollar windmill tilt, but, hey, show us what you’ve got. In 2012, an Infiniti Quattroporte killer. Huh? Just the sub-head. “The firm’s biggest four-door will be badged ‘Q’ and will take over from the Q45 saloon that Infiniti discontinued in 2006.” And for good reason on all counts. And finally, electric dreams. “Infiniti’s most distant plans currently include a battery-powered compact model, although building it is still very much an ambition for the company rather than a concrete part of the product schedule.” As good a definition of vaporware as I’ve ever read, excluding Tesla press releases.

Surprise! The day after the president told the world that his administration is ignoring public opinion and re-bailing out Chrysler and GM, the Chief Executive’s minions have revealed their new Corporate Average Fuel Economy (CAFE) targets. First, the dig [via the AP]: “Under the changes, which are slightly less stringent than those proposed by the Bush administration [emphasis added], new passenger cars will need to meet 30.2 mpg for the 2011 model year and pickup trucks, sport utility vehicles, and minivans will need to reach 24.1 mpg.” Why the roll-back? David Kelly, acting director of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, said Obama’s decision to adopt the old Bush figures “showed the agency had done a good job after two years of work. For as much as people wanted to criticize NHTSA, this is clearly the best step that is out there that is the best step to improve fuel economy and do so in a reasonable way that doesn’t force manufacturers into bankruptcy.” Right. Sorry, I forgot: can’t bankrupt Chrysler and GM. ’K. Math. Fallout. Jump.

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GM about to contract German Commerzbank to be the matchmaker and to help find an investor in Opel and Vauxhall.

Now that the Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (PTFOA) has pre-capitulated on re-upping Chrysler and GM’s bailout bucks, an obvious concern arises: now what? Chrysler offers a tri-branded line of non-competitive products whose sales have been propped-up by federally-funded discounts plus plus plus. GM is still in over-branded, over-dealered, over capacity hell. So, if both companies score big bailout bucks ($22B), what will they spend it on? Building cars? Inventories are already swelled and, here’s the kicker, sales are still declining. As we approach the end of the month, Automotive News [sub] is using the “T” word: “The sales numbers for March, due next week, are likely to reveal another tumultuous month. New-car sales could be down as much as 40 percent, according to J.D. Power and Associates. And the monthly sales rate will continue to flirt with lows not seen in 27 years.” Interesting choice of words; who’s about to get NSFWed here?

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Our pals over at Autobloggreen have a full gallery of photos of Tesla’s new Model S which seats seven (Volvo-like rear-facing child seats). True to form, the the new EV makes it debut with a wide range of unsubstantiated claims about range (300 miles), recharge time (four hours), features, everything. Oh, wait. Tesla will fit the $50K “entry level” Whitestar sedan—I mean Model S—with a 160-mile (including limp home mode) battery pack. Owners of the”Tesla for the rest of us” have to pay $? to upgrade for a 300-mile (including limp home mode) battery pack. And the timeline for this Roadster redux? The third quarter of 2011. Something tells me it’ll be later, and they’ll take your money sooner.

Shortly before Tesla officially debuted its Model S Sedan, three photos were leaked via (sigh) Twitter. This was one of them. Ouch. Tesla asked the leaker (Digg founder Kevin Rose) to remove the photos, prompting him to comment that he is “not sure if the company knows how the ’ol web works.” Anyway, the Model S (formerly WhiteStar) is supposedly being built on a chassis of Tesla’s own design (insert mirthless laugh here), will go up to 300 miles on a charge and hit 60 mph in 5.5 seconds. And all those “facts” sound reasonable compared to Tesla’s assertions that it will go on sale in 2011, ramp up to 20,000 units in the first year, and seat seven. Did the Jetson kids sit in the trunk too? Prices start at about $60K, depending on the battery choice, tax break and how gullible you are. Oh, and the looks? They got nothing on Fisker’s Karma.

If an automaker shuts down one of its New Hampshire dealerships, it is currently required by law to buy back inventory and parts. Fair enough, right? Well, the AP (via Forbes) reports that New Hampshire’s senate is considering a “dealer bill of rights” that would force OEMs to buy back stock and parts even if the local dealership goes under voluntarily. Local lobbyists say 14 dealers failed in 2008, and many weren’t provided fair compensation by their respective manufacturers. The Alliance of Auto Manufacturers claims to support buybacks for voluntary closures in principle, but says the bill’s language leaves it open to abuse. The AAM also charges that the bill would require manufacturers to pay for renovations done 15 years prior to closing, a protection that exceeds those of any other state. The bill also prohibits franchise agreements which limit the dealer’s legal recourse, gives the manufacturer the option to buy the dealership, inequally distribute or price vehicles between the state’s co-franchisees, or coerce the dealer to buy a certain vehicle model in order to gain access to another model. Numerous other protections for dealers fill out the comprehensive bill, which dealers and legislators say is necessary in the curent auto market.

OK, yes. All you folks who believe that we must free the country from its dependence on foreign oil and stop the planet from over-heating need an electric vehicle (EV). Well, you want one. I mean, it’s not like you’re walking at the moment is it? And if you are, chances are you can’t afford or don’t want a car, whether it sucks oil from the desert or burns coal through a cord. The problem– for me– is the link between “we” and “need.” Whenever people start telling me what I need, I get the sneaking suspicion that I’m about to lose something I’d like to keep. I reckon most people who drive gas-powered cars are just as skeptical of EVs as I am of demagoguery. Question: does that matter?

“Some help” equals $22 billion of additional federal “loans” for Chrysler and GM. The Detroit News reports that President Obama has joined his Presidential Task Force on Autos (PTFOA) in signaling that his administration ain’t gonna enforce the “get your NSFW together by March 31” conditions for Motown’s second seating at the federal bailout buffet. Apparently, those conditions are so last year. The Chief Executive and his minions are more concerned (i.e., only concerned) with the NEW conditions. “If they’re not willing to make the changes and the restructurings that are necessary, then I’m not willing to have taxpayer money chase after bad money. And so a lot of it’s going to depend on their willingness to make some pretty drastic changes.” That’s because “there’s been a lot of mismanagement of the auto industry over the last several years. But they’ve all been replaced now.” Just kidding. About the replacement bit. “Everybody is going to have to recognize that the current model, economic model of the U.S. auto industry is unsustainable.” How about we start with somebody and work our way forward from there?