I listened with some outrage and frustration to an NPR interview with Chrysler’s “president” at the NY Auto Show this AM. It was a farrago (my apologies, Robert) of clueless questions. The interviewer didn’t have any command of the history or the facts of Chrysler’s descent into disgrace. He might as well have been interviewing The Wizard of Oz about his plans for conquering the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys. (About the same reality level.) So here’s my question for TTAC’s Best and Brightest: what set of questions and/or facts should a reporter use when interviewing motor industry flacks and executives? The MSM needs to burn off the smoke and smash the mirrors. Let’s give them a hand.

It’s not easy to pinpoint the moment when a story makes the transition from speculation to prediction to assumption. But I think I’ve done it. Autoblog is reporting the usual yada yada yada about Cadillac’s product plans [via the Detroit Bureau]. Sub-CTS this, Euro-wagon that, new flagship the other thing. In the midst of the normal regurgitated spin, smoke and mirrors, Chris Shunk let’s this one drop: “The real question for Cadillac is whether or not GM will be able to afford the new models. If the General goes into bankruptcy, nobody really knows what stands to get cut. Shannon optimistically says that GM’s brand bloodletting could work in Cadillac’s favor, though. With fewer brands to feed, GM’s luxury division could finally get the attention it so richly deserves.” Gentlemen, GM’s “We Won’t File C11” has officially jumped the shark.

Station wagon lovers rejoice! Both of you! I kid . . . a bit. Our sources reveal that Audi has decided to bring a smaller, cheaper version of the previous, slow-selling Allroad back to the US market to compete with the 2010 Subaru Outback. Audi will make the official announcement at a forthcoming US dealers’ meeting in Spain. (No bailouts, no problems.) “Audi believes there’s a large number of US Outback owners who’re tired of the brand,” our man reports. “Customers who want the same sort of vehicle, only better.” Well he would say that: he’s in line for one of the first models. Pricewise, expect the A4-based US Allroad (as opposed to the previous gen A6-based model) to start where the Outback ends: in the upper 30s, lower 40s. (As does the A4 sedan.) Timing-wise, Audi hopes to pip the new Outback to the post, putting the wagon into showrooms in September.

Cube Mobile Device (higher quality mpg)

I had a long conversation with Marcy Wheeler, the woman behind the JPMorgan Chase boycott. As I reported yesterday, the action’s designed to force the bailout-fed bank to take a ChryCo debt cramdown to “keep 300,000 workers employed” and “protect America’s industrial base.” Unlike the organization supporting her cause, Ms. Wheeler really knows her onions, from Cerberus’ perfidy to the importance of the FIAT deal to gas prices and the argument for a “soft landing.” Wheeler made as good a case for federal intervention in the US auto industry as I’ve ever heard (even though she insisted that shit-canning GM’s CEO didn’t constitute federal intervention in the US auto industry). CNN reveals that the majority of Americans aren’t buying ANY of it (assuming of course someone’s selling it). “Three out of four Americans would rather see General Motors and Chrysler face bankruptcy than watch the government pour yet another round of bailout cash into the big U.S. automakers.” Uh-oh.

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Ah, another wonderful rendition of the Beijing Opera. Always masterfully produced. Always with the same predictable outcome. A few days ago, Shanghai Security News said that China’s SAIC is interested in buying Buick. The scent was picked up by TTAC, and soon it was all over the net. Predictably, a few days later, when the world had turned to other news, GM China sent a nameless executive to the Guangzhou Daily and said it’s all bunk. General Motors selling Buick to its Chinese joint venture partner SAIC? No way Jose (or whatever the Mandarin equivalent may be.) Cross my heart and swear to die, here is the truth, and nothing but, honestly. . .

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As budget deficits continue to soar at all levels of New York government, the state legislature on Tuesday approved a package of bills to provide relief through the use of red light cameras. The package of six bills extends new authority to use red light cameras to Buffalo, Nassau County, Rochester, Suffolk County and Yonkers. The legislature also gave the nod to New York City’s long-held desire to increase by half the number of automated ticketing machines already installed.

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The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (PTFOA) wants GM to get its NSFW together by June 1. To that end, the PTFOA is pressuring GM’s bondholders to take The Mother of All Buzz Cuts. As The Wall Street Journal reports, that means no cash or federal guarantees. “The Treasury Department is pushing GM to offer its bondholders, who are owed $29 billion, a small portion of shares in the company. That’s a sharp cut from a bond-exchange offer GM made two weeks ago, which included about $8.5 billion in cash and new debt in the company as well as 90% of GM’s stock, said people familiar with the terms. The Treasury, which has pumped $13.4 billion into GM to keep it afloat [plus $4.4 billion to come in June], believed the earlier plan was too generous to bondholders, said people familiar with the matter.” Well then, the PTFOA can put GM in C11 and be done with it, right? I mean, what pressure can they possibly bring to bear on GM’s bondholders now that water-boarding is illegal? Actually, this is a post-C11 wrangle.

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The United Kingdom always had been a reluctant—and sometimes recalcitrant—member of the EU. Some of Her Majesty’s subjects still refuse to fully accept the EU’s existence. This may explain why our colleagues at Autocar.uk found it worthy to note that “the unexpectedly high take-up of the German government’s scrappage scheme has led to an unexpected side effect—a boost to new car sales in Poland. The combination of the fact that the German scheme doesn’t require the new cars to be purchased within Germany, and the weakness of the Polish zloty—which has fallen by around a third against the euro in the past year—has resulted in more than 10 per cent of new cars sold in Poland being bought by Germans.” And what’s wrong with that?
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Throw out your copy of WardsAuto “Interior of the Year” awards. The Audi A5 with the S Line seats is four-wheeled Hammer time: the world’s best automotive interior. Nobody can touch the way this cabin looks, works, feels and smells. OK, when you use the Audi A5’s thumbwheel to scroll through your iPod tunes, if you don’t select a new tune within the allotted time, the menu reverts to the song playing, which could be six clicks back. Other than that, I can’t think of anything wrong with the A5’s cabin. Yes, even the dreaded MMI mouse thingie has won me over. If you want a reason to admire/buy/worship/savor the Audi A5 3.2 Quattro, there you go. Otherwise, well, I have issues. For example. . .

As predicted here, the Obama administration is about to buy 17,600 “fuel efficient vehicles” from The Big 2.8. Uncle Sam will spend $285 million of the $787 billion stimulus bill to prop up ailing American automakers. Coincidentally enough, the deal will now go down by GM’s June 1 restructuring deadline. “By swapping out less [Ed. less?!] efficient federal vehicles for new hybrid and fuel efficient ones, this strategy will reduce gasoline consumption by 1.3 million gallons per year and prevent 26 million pounds of carbon dioxide from entering the atmosphere,” the White House said in a statement. So, you ask, what constitutes fuel efficient? Hybrids? Don’t be silly. The D2.8 don’t have enough production capacity for that action. And the answer is . . . ANYTHING! Just as long as the new vehicles are A) built by Chrysler, Ford or GM and B) at least 10 percent more efficient on average than those being replaced. Whoa! Ten percent! If I worked for any of the transplants, I would be angry as NSFW right now. They did everything right and the government rewards the guys who screwed the pooch. Yes, I know: the governments have been buying domestics for years. But still.

While GM has been cutting back on its sports sponsorships left and right—to the point where Car and Driver’s April Fool’s story that Chevy’d pulled out of NASCAR was too credible to be funny—it’s good to know that The Blue Oval Boyz are still deeply enmeshed in the the world’s most exciting sport. Here’s a montage some of the “hotties” of curling (a blogger’s characterization, but who am I do disagree?). How many can you name? Special credit if you’re not from Canada.

One of my long-standing disagreements with the editor: the Porsche Cayenne is a dangerous diffusion of the Porsche brand. I never believed that. I’d call Robert up and tell him— if I could dial this new Porsche Design P’9522 phone with its razor thin buttons. Or use it stateside for that matter. Perhaps I’ll e-mail my review. Nope. The gorgeous new touch screen gizmo lacks that feature. It does have a 911 GT3 ring tone, though.

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Fair disclosure: I’ve just finished an e-mail correspondence a Ward’s employee who insulted my professional honor. On her or off her? Definitely on her. That’s the best offer I’ve had all week. But seriously folks, if my expense account hadn’t suddenly disappeared, I’d send these guys the animated version of Atlas Shrugged. As Dash Parr (a.k.a. Incredible) moaned, saying every one’s special is like saying no one’s special. I mean, eleven winners? “All 35 [considered] vehicles were divided into six car and truck segments based on price. One winner is named for each of the six categories, plus special-achievement honorees are selected in five other areas. The 11 awards carry equal weight.” And I’m sure that’s exactly what you told the manufacturers so honored. Who are . . .

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