Or not. I mean, it’s got to be an April Fool’s joke, right? With Aston Martin desperately seeking suitors, with cars sales in general and luxury car sales in specific in free fall, could there BE a worse time to announce your intention to enter the supercar arena? (And I sincerely hope the answer to that question is no.) And yet Autocar tells us that “McLaren is planning to claw its way back to the very top of the supercar ranks with an extended range of high-performance models, including a hi-tech successor to the legendary F1.” But be very, very quiet; they’re hunting Bugattis. “Details of the plans have been outlined to Autocar by a high-ranking official with intimate knowledge of the company’s secret business plan.” McLaren’s man in the know says that the P11 will be joined by a new F1, called the P1 (of course). And more! “The Woking firm will use its new mid-engined 430 Scuderia and Gallardo LP560-4 rival, the P11, as the springboard for the eventual introduction of a complete range of cutting-edge supercars designed, engineered and produced in the UK.” As JP said, dreamin’ just comes natural, mate.

The Detroit News has secured GM’s 17-page “progress report” to the U.S. Treasury (link anyone?). Somewhere within that riveting document’s revelations: “GM’s hourly employee costs in 2003 were $18.4 billion in 2003, including its so-called legacy costs. Last year, hourly costs fell to $7.6 billion and the company projects they can be further trimmed to $6.5 billion this year, and to $4.8 billion by 2012.” Sorry, guys, a billion dollars ain’t what it used to be. For comparison, yesterday, GM CEO Fritz Wagoner—I mean, Henderson just kinda glided over the fact that GM will need somewhere between $2 billion and $4.1 billion for the next sixty days. Oh, and by the way? “GM also disclosed it has now sought a total of $10.3 billion in Energy Department loans from the government’s $25 billion low-cost loan retooling program.” The News is non-plussed. “But because the Obama administration said GM’s viability plan isn’t currently viable, and rejected that proposal Monday, it’s unclear if the Energy Department can legally go ahead with any loans to GM.” Sure! Why not!

Volkswagen’s March sales were down nearly 20 percent compared to last March, a smaller drop than many other OEMs faced last month in a tough US market. Wolfsburg’s new Passat CC had its best sales month ever at 2,351 sales, but only new models such as the CC, Tiguan, Routan and Jetta Sportwagon kept VW’s sales looking decent. Models which were on sale in March of last year are down dramatically, from the Rabbit (-60 percent) to the “new” Beetle (-60 percent) and from the Eos (-62 percent) to the Passat (-72.4 percent).  The best-performing existing VW model was the Jetta sedan which lost only 27.4 percent of its sales. Otherwise, things were pretty much a bloodbath that is only barely being papered over by new-model sales.

Have Honda sales hit bottom? Their March sales press release sure wants you to think so. The 33.7 percent drop in sales last month “appears particularly steep when compared to last year’s strong first quarter,” admits Honda’s NA sales honcho, John Mendel. Compared to January’s 35.4 percent slide, though, March’s are a slim improvement, and maybe (just maybe) a tipping point in Honda’s sales results. Breakdowns reveal that, in general, the bigger the Honda the worse the sales decline. Ridgeline (-66 percent), Element (-70 percent), RL (-69 percent), RDX (-50 percent) and MDX (-47 percent) were the big losers, while only the new TSX increased its sales compared to last March, posting a 16 percent increase. The new Insight Hybrid suffered from limited availability in its first partial sales month, posting only 569 sales. Given the larger sales trends, however, there’s a good chance that the new cheapest hybrid in America will help boost Honda sales in its bread-and-butter small, efficient car sales.

Detroit’s “last man standing” has taken another one in the chest, as March sales stats reveal a 41-percent drop compared to last year. The Blue Oval Boyz are in full spin mode, proclaiming an enlarged (if unspecified) retail market share, “growing awareness and consideration of Ford and its high-quality, fuel-efficient products” and, oh, yes, have you heard about Ford’s Advantage Program? Still, there is a bounce here, as dead cats GM and Chrysler take it on the chin (exact facial damage to follow). “Ford sales increased 30 percent compared with [a thoroughly miserable, unprofitable] February 2009 with retail sales up 34 percent [compared to February’s thoroughly miserable, unprofitable stats] and fleet sales up 22 percent [compared to February’s thoroughly miserable, unprofitable stats]. As incentive spending is also up, those numbers don’t do much for that whole viability thing. High profit SUVs’ 73.2-percent nosedive can’t help the bottom line, either.

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April Fools’ Day is a dangerous proposition in this day and age. I mean, where does the media get off giving people the license to turn everything into a joke when just about everything is one giant joke anyway? Oh well. Post-post-post-irony’s gotta have its day in the sun too. And with that in mind, let’s set a course for the joke-or-not heart of darkness: The Detroit Free Press. The Freep is running wild with its license to giggle today, loudly proclaiming GM’s new CEO Fritz Henderson’s ability to, like, fix stuff. So is this good news for folks stuck with malfunctioning GM transmissions? Or does Fritz The Fixer just know a guy who knows a guy? No, apparently the big difference between Wagoner and Henderson is that “where Wagoner, 56, often spoke in sentence fragments that strung several thoughts together, Henderson’s answers are more direct, his speech more clipped.” Oh, yes, and “when GM defused a potentially explosive standoff between the UAW and parts-maker Delphi Corp. in 2007, union President Ron Gettelfinger singled out Henderson as the peacemaker.” So he’s a short talker that makes nice with the union. Sounds like a fixer (-upper) to us. Funny stuff, Freep.

Many years ago, it became quite fashionable to refer to The Clash as “the only band that ever really mattered.” Chevrolet borrowed this evocative line for the introduction of the soft-top C5 Corvette, calling it “the only convertible that ever really mattered” in a two-page color-rag spread. Truth be told, though, those are both pretty tough cases to make. And you don’t have to be a Beatles-obsessed Boxster owner (as I am) to argue the contrary. It’s far easier to apply the phrase to the Mustang: the only ponycar that ever mattered. Consider the competition. Camaro, Challenger, Javelin… hell, Celica and 200SX. Some shone, some sucked, none have gone the forty-five-year distance. The Mustang was the first ponycar on the scene, the best ponycar available for much of its history, and the only one to not disappoint its fans with periodic disappearances. And now we have a new “new Mustang,” arriving just in time to spoil the Camaro’s tardy coming-out party.

GM Total Confidence will turn GM’s sales around! Hopefully we’ll never use it because our residuals are improving! Corvettes are great but we have to focus on fuel efficient vehicles! Yes Virginia, there is a Buick-Pontiac-GMC strategy! These are just a few of the ripping one-liners that make this April Fools interview with GM’s Mark LaNeve the funniest video on the internet. Newly-minted C&D editor Eddie Alterman plays a terrific straight man to LaNeve’s Jack Nicholson-meets-Baghdad Bob persona, asking those “just serious enough” questions with hilariously believable faux-interest. Great protection on the back end? Did someone just say bankruptcy? No? Good. Carry on, then.

The Montana state Senate yesterday gave preliminary approval to House Bill 351: legislation that would ban the installation of red light cameras. The Senate voted 37 – 13 in support of the bill, which faces one more vote before the modified legislation heads back to the state House for consent. The state House originally approved a total ban on red light cameras by a 65-35 margin (view bill). State Senator John Brueggeman (R-Polson) changed the House text to water down the bill with a special exemption for Bozeman, Darby and any other city that inks a contract with a private contractor to run a ticketing program in return for a cut of the profit before the legislation becomes law.

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Yes, it’s a palindrome. No, it’s not my favorite. (Do geese see God?) But as a history buff—as in that’ll buff right out—I’ve always considered this palindrome something of a prose poem. The Panama Canal was certainly not the vision of one man. In 1534, Charles V of Spain contemplated a man-made waterway between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans. In 1880, after completing the Suez Canal, French Vicomte Ferdinand de Lessepss rose to the challenge. Nine years later, disease (amongst other things) put paid to the entire engineering endeavor. American President Theodore Roosevelt picked-up the cudgel. Crucially, the plan in question eventually changed from a sea level passage to a system of dams and locks. The Canal opened on August 15, 1914. As for Panama, it received control of the Canal in 1977. So what does this tell us about the U.S. car industry? The simplest ideas may be the greatest, but all great ideas take time; and time is money. What’s so great about rebuilding GM, and do we really have the time to do it?

The racing biz has been trying to go green for nearly a decade now, realizing that sheer horsepower and derring-do don’t conform to the temper of the times. The new mantra: race on Sunday, save the planet on Monday (after breakfast on my yacht). So the idea of a one-make Tesla Roadster race series makes perfect sense: from a political point of view. As Tesla never met a trail balloon it couldn’t inflate with hot air, it’s no surprise that Tesla communictions manager Rachel Konrad gave the [we swear it’s not an April fool’s] idea her tacit support. “The Roadster’s acceleration certainly makes it competitive against other premium sports cars, so it’s not surprising that some customers are interested in competitions.” Yes, well, as Pistonheads points out, racing Roadsters would require a bit more development work. “However, there may be a few barriers to this new form of ‘green motorsport’. Continual hard driving may force the Tesla’s motor to overheat, causing a loss of power that wouldn’t make for very exciting racing. Races would also have to be kept to short sprint events, as a Le Mans-style 24-hour race would no doubt be made up of more battery charging than racing.” Oh, sure, NOW they piss on them . . .

Welcome, folks! This evening we have two lightweights vying for the price crown of an adoring public auction crowd here in Red Top, Georgia. In the domestic corner weighing in at 2,363 pounds, from General Motors, please give a thunderous round of applause to the 2007 Chevrolet Aveo 5 Special Value Hatchback. For this prize fight the Aveo has been equipped with the absolute basics. 5-speed, no A/C, power nothing . . . but . . . it does come equipped with a really nice CD player and a rather attractive silver exterior trim free of dings and dents. 40,000 miles. Her opponent?

From Honda of Japan, weighing in at 2178 pounds, give a nice warm welcome to a pristine 1992 Honda Civic VX with 152,000 miles. No rips or tears. Beautiful exterior graphic design. Cold air, Honda factory tape player, and aluminum wheels small enough to fit on a scooter. So which one sold for more . . . and how much? Okay, ladies and gentlemen. Make your bets (guesses) now.

In their recent Determination of Viability Summary, The Presidential Task Force on Automobiles (PTFOA) dissed, dissected and dismissed GM’s last next big thing. Not to put too fine a point on it, they called the plug-in gas/electric Chevrolet Volt a misbegotten turkey. The words fell with a thud over at the Volt fanboy site, gm-volt.com. Publisher Lyle Dennis picked up the battery powered cellphone. The Boy Wonder (secret identity: GM spokesperson Greg Martin) answered. “As the White House has said, they do not intend to run a car company, much less make product decisions. They recognize the Volt for the game changer it is. And, yes, no kidding, that costs money up front. But this is a long term play for us. Not to fear, the Volt is safe.” “Put the Batman on the god damn phone,” Commissioner Lyle replied. “Thanks for your concern,” The Caped Crusader (secret identity: Bob Lutz) assured. “Volt will survive and prosper. We know the numbers better than the Government … we furnished them! First-generation technology is expensive, but you can’t have a second generation without a first generation. Common sense and intelligence will prevail, here!” Holy truer words were never spoken, Batman!