. . . will keep Chrysler from delivering the most fuel efficient cars possible. To the US government. But then, ChryCo kinda owes them one, no? Luckily we still get to marvel at the sophistication of Chrysler’s wind tunnel, as operated by the Pentastar’s three remaining employees. On casual Friday, apparently.

Reuters reports that gunmen shot and killed a union leader at Toyota Motor Corp.’s Venezuelan unit on Tuesday, a few weeks after the Japanese automaker said it might leave the country because of chronic labor problems. “Labor disputes and strikes have become frequent in Venezuela. In January, two workers were shot to death as police broke up a protest at a vehicle assembly plant for Japan’s Mitsubishi Motors Corp. and South Korea’s Hyundai Motor Co.”

“Off-roaders are only suitable for terrain; compact means sacrifice and sports cars only appeal to contortionists who have no spine: once prejudices were easier and the choice of the right car was therefore complicated. Who would have thought that the Mercedes GLK would one day turn all these clichés on their head and flirt with an attractive optical package from Sportservice Lorinser?”

Not me.

Saving Chrysler is just stupid. There isn’t one shred of pure economic logic—never mind basic business sense—to rescue this company from liquidation. Yet here we are, watching tax dollars garnered from real earners (individuals and corporations) tossed into a swirling morass circling the drain of history. It’s time to speak up against this misbegotten adventure. And, well, here I am.

TTAC’s very own David Holzman writes:

How high could a Prius or Insight climb before the battery would run so low as to cease contributing to horsepower? In other words, If I lived at the top of Skyline Drive and worked in Palo Alto (or had a similar commute somewhere else), would the electric boost cut out on the way home? How much elevation could either car cope with? And once the battery has bottomed out, how weak is the car going to feel? I’m guessing not nearly as bad as my then-8-year-old ’62 Falcon, which I could barely push over 30 in second, climbing the mountains in Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, and California. Still, would someone with this sort of commute want to avoid a hybrid?

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Police in West Virginia may no longer issue tickets to motorists for failure to signal without also showing another vehicle may have been affected by the maneuver, according to a ruling issued Monday by the state supreme court. Justices took up the issue in the context of a June 25, 2006, traffic stop in which West Virginia State Trooper C.T. Kessel pulled over Chad R. Clower on US-50 in the city of Romney. According to Kessel, the road was deserted that night when he saw Clower’s car two full city blocks ahead. After Clower made a right-hand turn without signaling, Kessel pounced. At the time, Clower was neither speeding nor weaving and Kessel had noted nothing unusual about the man’s driving beyond the lack of a signal. In the course of the stop, however, Kessel noticed that Clower’s eyes were “glassy” and he immediately suspected the man had been driving under the influence of alcohol.

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We’ve received this heads-up letter to GM dealers from one our sources on the front line. [thanks to you-know-who-you-are]:

IMPORTANT BULLETIN: Parts Order Management Update

Paul Copses, Executive Director — GM SPO Sales and Marketing, and Charlie Hyndman, Executive Director– GM SPO Global Warehousing and Operations

05/06/2009

To: All ACDelco Customers, GM Dealers and Saturn Retailers (US, Canada, Mexico, Middle East, Other)

Please be advised that GM Service and Parts Operations have been working on supply plans for all of our suppliers over the past few months to ensure adequate inventories of service parts for our customers. However, in order to carefully manage inventories for our key supplier, Delphi, it is necessary to take some near-term actions.

Illinois State Police troopers seized a high-performance muscle car and set it aside for the personal use of an influential police official. The Associated Press reported that a suspected drunk driver in a 2006 Dodge Charger SRT-8 was pulled over in January 2007. The troopers used a state seizure law to confiscate the vehicle. Once the paperwork was complete, the 425-horsepower vehicle—as-new base price of $38K—was handed over for the personal use of Ron Cooley, 56, the Executive Director of the Illinois State Police Merit Board. Taxpayers also pick up the fuel tab for gas-guzzling 6.1-liter V-8 as he drives to and from work each day and on various business trips.

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Well, that’s one way to avoid the US government’s $500K CEO salary cap for companies receiving bounteous billions of federal largesse. A Fiat spokesman confirmed Fiat CEO Sergio Marchionne’s ascendency [via The Detroit News] and our theory that saving the US auto industry by surrendering it to Italian control (of all things) is a prime example of off-the-charts political expediency. Given the non-TARPies debt holders’ surrender and Marchionne’s “appointment,” the question now becomes, can he actually do this thing? TTAC commentator PCH101 reckons Sergio’s got the turnaround chops for the gig but may not have a handle on American tastes. Howard Wheeldon clocks the German part of the program and compares bite marks to chewing ability. “In a way all of this has come a little bit too fast,” worries the senior strategist at BGC Partners. “One would like to see two or three years of really strong results in Europe and in Italy for Fiat before they delve out this far and fast. I am extremely worried about this German thing and their wanting to become No. 2 in the world. It will end in tears.”

The day after they were “outed” by a federal bankruptcy judge’s fiat, Chrysler’s holdout debt holders have thrown in the proverbial towel. And whom do the non-TARPies blame for their recalcitrance and capitulation. Lawyers White & Case said their clients withdrew for “various reasons . . . as a consequence of concerns stemming from publicity of these Chapter 11 cases.” In other words, they were intimidated! This despite the fact that they were unable to prove their claim that they’d been subject to death threats for their reluctance to take the government’s debt-for-equity swap—other than a few comments posted on a website (go internet!). And while they were at it, the non-TARPies’ brief cleared-up the question plaguing financially savvy conspiracy theorists everywhere. The law firm said none of their clients hold credit default swaps, which would have paid off their entire holdings if the judge had ordered a Chrysler liquidation. (Doh!) The White House said “whew!” “While there is still a lot of work to do, this development gives us further confidence that Chrysler’s bankruptcy will be quick and orderly,” White House spokesman, Robert Gibbs, elucidated.

GM is auguring-in for its date with a bankruptcy judge, burning [your] cash, shedding share and losing money as it goes. The latest ding: the company reports that it’s lost $6 billion in the first financial quarter. That’s almost double last year’s Q1 results ($3.3 billion). Revenues sank 47 percent ($22.4 billion from $42.4 billion). As always, there’s a lot of waffle in the official press release: “GM’s automotive results in the first quarter of 2009 were driven by a revenue decline in all regions, due in part [in part?] to a depressed global industry. In addition, GM’s results were impacted by unfavorable foreign currency exchange and mark-to-market commodity hedging versus the year-ago quarter. However, these losses were partially offset by a significant structural cost improvement of $3.1 billion when compared to the first quarter of 2008.” But the bottom line is clear: the federally-funded automaker’s house is on fire and so far from profitable it’s not even in the same solar system. GM CEO Fritz “Wagoner Clone” Henderson reckons he knows how to plot a course for the Milky Way.

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Why did Maybach put a speedometer in the rear of the cabin? The salesman’s line: “so you can tell the driver to slow down.” I don’t think so. Plutocrats don’t get to be plutocrats by ambling about, caring about the hired help’s driving record or hiring chauffeurs who can’t drive safely. [NB: Mohammed Al Fayed wasn’t a plutocrat.] My explanation: velocity equals distance over time. Maybach figured its patrons would want to note their speed, check the flanking clock and calculate when they’d get to where they’re going. In other other words, Maybach owners would want to know when they’re going to leave their Maybach. The roof-mounted speedo embodies the luxury limo’s underlying philosophy. Maybach. The ideal conveyance for people who’d rather be somewhere else.

GM wants to dump Opel on Fiat, but Fiat has its eye on GM’s successful Latin American division. GM sees a chance to hop on Fiat’s runaway train and is considering giving the operations to Fiat for a stake in the Marchionne empire. Two anonymous sources tell The New York Times that Fiat’s CEO “has indicated a willingness to give up less than 10 percent of Fiat to General Motors.” GM is said to be asking for 30 percent. How awkward.

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Time steps up to the e-plate with some timely cross-border bailout comparative analysis. “Canada is paying a significant premium over the U.S. to save Chrysler jobs at home, with no guarantees that the billions it is laying at the automaker’s door will ever be repaid or do anything to help maintain the country’s 20% production share of the North-American auto industry.” Drum roll . . . “Ottawa and the Ontario government are contributing a total of $3.2 billion in loans to keep Chrysler Canada alive, including $850 billion extended to the ailing automaker at the beginning of the year.” No, no, it’s a misprint. But even so, “the Canadian rescue package works out to more than $340,420 for every employee at Chrysler Canada, which has 9,400 hourly and salaried workers on payroll. That’s 15% more than the $295,000 per employee that Washington is shelling out to save about 40,000 Chrysler jobs in the U.S.” Why do I get the feeling that these numbers are lowball estimates? Because they are?

Toxicroach: “Only thing today was the identities of the [nine] non-TARP bondholders, and I’m a few hours behind the curve on that (download pdf here). As far as I can tell, [non-TARPies attorney] Uzzi thus far hasn’t filed any exhibits to prove Chrysler is worth more than the $2 billion. Uzzi still has a chance to object, so it might be coming up soon. And not a moment too soon.”