As an Elvis fan, I have to say that the singer created an enormous body of completely unlistenable music. The Hollywood years are particularly execrable, generating as they did an entire canon of crap. In the same sense, Volvo. In recent history, the American-owned Swedish automaker has unleashed a range of vehicles that did little more than remind us how far the iconic brand has fallen. For example, Volvo’s minivan, which—oh wait. They didn’t make a minivan. Right. Volvo’s XC SUVs arrived late, with the wrong engines, with a rep for tank-like build quality and unimpeachable reliability that was only obvious by its absence. Ditto Volvo’s sedans. And now, Volvo’s ’68 Comeback Special: the XC60.

Gosh that sounds bad, doesn’t it? Honda’s silver lining is (sorta) legit though, since the big H set an all-time sales record in May 2008. Toyota has no such excuse. Besides, falling sales are salling sales. So let’s put the lipstick away, and take a good, hard look at this pig.

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Automotive News [sub] cites two reports that Hummer will be puchased by Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery Co of Chengdu, Sichuan Province, China. Sichuan Tengzhong does not currently build cars or trucks, focusing on road and maintenance equipment. No word yet on the agreed-upon price. Meanwhile, GM tells the AP that it is currently entertaining offers from no fewer than 16 interested parties for its Saturn brand. Hey, I want Saturn too . . . better make that 17.

GM sales dropped last month by 29.6 percent compared to May 2008, according to GM’s press release. Sales volume was up 11 percent compared to April 2009 though. Guess which number GM’s release latches onto with boa constricter force?

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Way hey! Ford is claiming a major victory, even as its U.S. May sales dropped 25.8 percent. The Blue Oval Boyz trumpet the fact their market share has grown to its “highest level since 2006.” So Ford is now where they were when ex-Boeing exec Alan Mulally took over (for a $25 million year one payout). And once again, Ford forgets to assign this glorious rising market share a numerical value. Let’s be clear here (even if Ford isn’t): they’re talking about retail share. At the end of  the first quarter, Ford’s overall share of the U.S. market, measured traditionally, fell to 13.9 percent, a loss of 1.1 percent. What was that about lies, damn lies and Ford press releases? Drilling down is even more depressing.

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Bankrupt parts maker Delphi is set to finally leave bankruptcy, thanks to a little help from American taxpayers (who else?). OK, sure, technically, only a small fraction of Delphi’s just announced $3.6 billion dollar rescue pack will come from the federally funded “new” GM. We’re talking table scraps, at $250 million. Mind you, this cool quarter billion doesn’t include GM’s forthcoming purchase of five– count ’em five Delphi plants– at an undisclosed price. And if past history is a guide, well, let’s not forget that GM has taken more than $11 billion in charges against Delphi since they spun-off their money-losing division. As Automotive News [sub] reports, we don’t know how much Platinum Equity is paying to buy Delphi’s worldwide ops, or how much of the manufacturer they’ll actually own (i.e. how much we own). Although Bloomberg seized on Delphi’s exit strategy as sign that the auto industry has turned a corner, it’s probably more of a sign that the strip and flippers—cough Cerberus cough—-know a sucker when they see one.

TTAC regular VerbalKint asks:

1. Should (can) any type of lubricant (ever) be used on the treads of bolts being torqued to specification?

2. Have you seen this site? I thought it was pretty well done, how ‘bout you? I really liked their section on oil scams additives.

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GM gave us some genuine peak experiences before its long fall. Their post-war summit was the mid sixties. Its stock hit $358 (adjusted) in 1965, and profits crested in 1966 with $15 billion (adjusted). What about the best year for its cars? That would have to be 1963, with the trio of Corvette Sting Ray, Pontiac Grand Prix and Buick Riviera. And which one gets the nod as number one? I can’t decide. But this Riviera happened to be sitting along the road on the way home from the lumber yard, so the decision was made for me.

Yesterday, Italian police raided the Brescia headquarters of a speed camera manufacturer accused of fraud involving seventy municipalities throughout the country. Officers from the Guardia di Finanza, the law enforcement arm of the Ministry of Economy and Finance, seized computers, machine components and fifty speed cameras as evidence. Salerno prosecutor Amato Barile ordered the raid after discovering that municipalities located hundreds of miles apart were using 512 photo radar units bearing the same individual serial number.

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Automotive News [sub] reports that GM will force its remaining dealers to sign “participation agreements” requiring them to complete any upgrades GM requires. If they don’t sign on the dotted line by mid-June they face having their franchise agreements “yanked” says GM’s Mark LaNeve. “They get put into the old company and get a fairly quick termination, like the Chrysler dealers did,” LaNeve said. “Their sales and service agreement will be rejected and put into the old company.” GM will send out letters to its dealers tonight, according to AN, which will detail the requirements to remain a part of GM’s happy family.

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Well, Ion Mihai Pacepa was. “When the Romanian dictator Nicolae Ceausescu decided in the mid-1960s that he wanted to have a car industry, he chose me to start the project rolling. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. I knew nothing about manufacturing cars, but neither did anyone else among Ceausescu’s top men. However, my father had spent most of his life running the service department of the General Motors affiliate in Bucharest.” Plus he was in charge of industrial espionage, which is also a good place to start. Pacepa wrote his recollections for the WSJ, because “the current takeover of General Motors by the U.S. government and United Auto Workers makes me think back to Romania’s catastrophic mismanagement [of its auto industry].” Though the differences between the US and Romania are legion, and not to be forgotten, the story makes for an interesting perspective.

Plug-in diesel hybrids? Anyone? Only 50 grams of carbon dioxide per kilometer! Of course, Volvo’s plans are plagued with the usual “big plans, little company” problems. Like the fact that Volvo has no money. Ford’s Swedish division will build diesel-hybrids with about 30 miles of plug-in capacity for this latest project, while utility company Vattenfall will develop infrastructure and charging systems. In other words, like Mama Ford’s planned plug-in this puppy is only in play because of outside help. Speaking of which, there’s just one more piece to the partnership. “We do of course expect that the purchasing price will be higher,” Volvo’s Stephen Odell tells Reuters. “In this area we are keen to see further subsidies and incentives from the political arena to promote green choice among customers.” Of course.

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Government Motors is expected to make an imminent announcement on the sale of its Hummer brand, says Reuters. Note that the revelation comes from Kevin Wale, president of GM China Group. Just another attempt to disseminate more feel-good news in its second largest market? Or an indication of the location of the buyer?

Government Motors is launching a barrage of press releases in an attempt to shock and awe all naysayers. All is fine with its Asian operations, they are insulated from the bankruptcy of the mother ship, it’s great business as usual. As far as China (GM’s second largest market behind the United States) is concerned, business never has been better! It seems everybody is counting on the Chinese consumer to bail out the US government’s bailout. Bankruptcy filing in New York? Never heard of it. It ain’t us. There’s no such thing. Suan Le Ba! Fuhgedaboutit.