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“People don’t want cars named after hungry old Greek broads! They want names like ‘Mustang’ and ‘Cheetah’ — vicious animal names,” according to Homer Simpson’s automaker brother Herb. Yesterday I learned another good rule of thumb for car naming: if it doesn’t sound hilarious with the word “anal” in front of it, it’s probably not a great car name. Think about it… Commander, Wrangler and Legacy good; CTS, MKT and Optima bad. It may not be safe-for-work, but dammit it’s the truth.
45 Comments on “Daily Podcast: What’s In A Name?...”
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if it doesn’t sound hilarious with the word “anal” in fron of it, it’s probably not a great car name.
I agree.
Probe? Escort? Caravan…This is fun…It’s like ending every fortune cookie with “in bed.”
“The days in front of you will be full of joy…” In bed.
Maybe my next SUV will be called a “Canyonero”.
I always liked:
The anal:
Spitfire
Avalanche
Crossfire
Rampage
Ram
Raider
Charger
etc
That just made my day.
___ Fusion sounds like a pretty miserable condition.
___ Highlander for the Scots in the audience.
___ Range Rover for the randy cowboys.
___ Explorer.
____ Discovery
Clearly the Ford Probe was the high water mark for model naming then.
___ Amigo.
VW’s famous ___ (insert name of wind here – i.e., Passat, Vento, etc.)
No wonder GM is killing ____ Vibe!
In that case the Mazda LaPuta is a great name.
Watch out for the deadly ___ Viper.
I’m trying it out on cars I’ve owned and cars I grew up with:
____ Vista Cruiser almost works, as does ____ Chieftain. ____ Cutlass is too S&M. ____ Sundance is an alternative film festival.
Best so far:
____ Grand Prix, which sounds like a Fire Island marathon.
(Yes, I’m ashamed of myself.)
Anal Explorer
Official Car of the American Osteopathic Board of Proctology.
“Anal Explorer
Official Car of the American Osteopathic Board of Proctology.”
“Ass Man” vanity plates are mandatory…
Anal…
Commander, President, Dictator and Champion. Courtesy of those studs at Studebaker.
Ford has always been the winner of this game, maintaining their lead with the recent Flex. The Pontiac Torrent was a noble attempt by GM, as was the old Protege by Mazda. This game just keeps on giving!
I like names that actually describe the car. The Mercedes-Benz trunk nomenclature has always beat all others hands down.
The number denotes the engine size: 300=3 liters, 230=2.3 liters, etc.
The letter describes the body style, series, or special features/capability.
Gotta love this thread. Former British Leyland brands are good for a few more:
_____ Triumph
_____ Bugeye
_____ Princess
_____ Elf
_____ Magnette
_____ Countrymen
_____ Maestro
_____ Kimberley
_____ Ambassador
_____ Freeway
_____ Lancer
Buddy of mine noted that Toyota named two vehicles after recent movies – Highlander & Matrix. He’s still waiting for the Toyota Gladiator.
Anal Probe has long been a fovorite of mine!
Uhhh… The name that is :)
By Edwards’s measure, the Lincoln Blackwood wins.
Sorry, but I have to disagree with the statement that all Pintos were death traps and you took your life into your hands if you were in an accident in one. I hit the side of a semi truck that made an illegal turn in front of my 73 Pinto wagon. I was going approximately 50 mph when I hit, and I walked away from it with minor injuries. This picture shows the before and after.
You guys stop this or I’m not going to be able to get to work!
Whats the matter with naming cars after Greek women?
Mercury Medea
Hupmobile Hera
Altair Nano Artemis
Chrysler Clytemnestra
Pontiac Persephone
Honda Harmonia
Buick Electra
I like BMW’s nomenclature since it refers to the engine. Caddies is decipherable because it’s based on previous names. Most of them. I also can’t remember Lincoln’s for the life of me.
Infinity is no better.
I do like how both Caddy & Lincoln have a real name for their full-sized SUV’s, however.
____ Rendezvous
____ Pathfinder
@Richard Chen —
+1. ____ Bugeye made me do a spit take.
Looking at the cars up and down my street:
____ Voyager
____ Odyssey
____ Escort
Yes, I’m acting like a twelve-year-old.
@BlueBrat: Infiniti copied BMW initially, but using a letter instead of a number. Q instead of 7 for sedans, and then using two digits for displacement, i.e. Q45, 745.
Of course, there’s not a total lack of correlation between engine displacement and name, so the mid-90’s Infiniti Q45 and a 4.1L V8, as did many BMW’s such as the 323 having a 2.5L I6. Things are a little more confusing now – “X6 xDrive35i”.
The Hummer H2 and H3 always confused me, the H2 is the huge one and the H3 is the “small” one.
I’m not sure if “Dongfeng ____ Crazy Soldier” really adds or detracts from the original, and as the Peoples Liberation Army is neither asking nor telling, I suppose I’ll never know.
Which is Ok by me.
___ Gremlins will get you every time.
___ Rabbits = the results of too many Genesee Cream Ales?
____ Chery
(giggle)
Avalanche FTW!
Isuzu had quite a run too
____ Trooper
____ Rodeo
____ Axiom
____ Hombre
____ Amigo
There is always the ____ Rambler
Oh this is fun:
____ golf
____ cruze
____ safari
Dodge names are even more so:
____ calibre
____ magnum
____ avenger
____ journey
____ nitro
I should note that games like these can get very, very creepy whenever anything relating to family gets tossed out. I’ve had a fortune cookie with: “You will always have the love of your family”
Ford Europe is up there with the best:
______ Fiesta
______ Focus
______ Galaxy
______ Connect
______ Transit
Don’t forget about Mercury…
____Marauder (gay porno)
____Cougar (straight porno)
____TurnPike Cruiser (h*rshey hwy nickname?)
Best thread ever! F’ing hilarious!
Sorry, but the porn titles keep on popping up (so to speak) in my brain…
____Odessey
and traveling back in time…
____Celebrity
____Starlet
____Fury
If you’re old and British…
Humber ____ Snipe
The German…
VW ____ Bug
VW ____ Thing
Trivia buffs can look up the…
Mohs ____ Ostentainne Opera Sedan
Daihatsu:
___ Applause
___ Bee
___ Charade
___ Consorte
___ Grand Move
___ Fellow Max
___ Materia
___ Midget
___ Move
___ Naked
___ Rocky
and last, but not least:
___ Scat
Suzuki:
___ Cappuccino
___ MightyBoy
___ Twin
Smart
___ Crossblade
___ ForTwo
___ ForFour
___ ForMore (so good, it got cancelled)
Honda:
___ Beat
___ Legend
___ Life Dunk
___ Partner
___ Pilot
___ Saber
___ Stream
___ Today
___ Vigor
___ Zest
Rolls Royce’s hood ornament is bent forwards, with some versions kneeling:
Spirit of ____ Ecstasy
Um, Paul Bunyan “lived” in the big woods of northern Wisconsin and Minnesota, not the NW.
And, um, I did mention (twice) the Pinto’s “ignition” problems. Just to let you know I’m listening (and enjoying) your banter, but will keep you honest.
Older Volvos were very logically named,, first digit was platform series, second digit was number of cylinders, third digit was number of doors.
___ Century
___ Quest
___ Westfalia
___ Town & Country
___ Vision (Eagle)
___ Fit
___ FJ Cruiser
___ Town Car
___ Fury
Lots and lots of good choices
___ Armada
___ Eclipse
___ Laser
___ Aerio
Though I have to say that really only seems to work with English words.
___ testarossa – I know one
___ miura
___ countach
Do these really work for anyone?
The game that keeps on giving!
Subaru_____Brat
Dodge________ Swinger
Plymouth______Scamp
Plymouth______Barracuda
Chevy_________Blazer
Jeep__________Commander
Buick_________Wildcat
Ford__________Excursion
AMC/Renault____Alliance
AMC________Eagle
Mercury_____Marauder
Mitsubishi______Vista
Saturn____Vue
Eagle_____Vision
Land Rover_____Discovery
C’mon guys!
The winners have to be the Dodge ___Ram and the more emphatic Dodge ___Ramcharger.
In Canada Buick dealers are very excited about their _____ Allure. I wonder if they might bring back the _____ Special.
Ah, but you all missed the finest of all, with its massive, perfectly balanced, long-stroke engine, the Bugatti ____ Royale with its hood ornament elephant, rearing up and trumpeting in glory