4:45am and I’m rolling down a chilly Ohio freeway, cruise control set to seventy-four, Pat Metheny’s Orchestrion saturating the interior with quasi-mechanical music. Up ahead is a GMC Envoy, doing perhaps sixty-eight. I pass him and return to the right lane. He speeds up. I’ve seen this movie before. Yup… settled right into my blind spot and matching my speed exactly.
I poke at the Town Car’s steering wheel and drop to seventy-one. He stays right in my blind spot. I poke at the wheel again and accelerate to seventy-seven. After perhaps a two-second delay, he’s right there with me again, invisible but for the glare in my mirror.
“F*** it,” I said, and started swerving wildly.
Long ago, when I was a novice motorcyclist and still very much in that phase of two-wheeled-ecstasy when young men tend to kill themselves in single-bike interactions with trees and bridge abutments, a older friend told me something that is worth repeating.
“Stay away from trucks,” he said, “if you want to live.” Tractor-trailers are the motorcyclist’s greatest enemy, because they throw retreads off at random intervals. Those flying tire segments can and do kill riders. Over the hundreds of thousands of miles that followed, I expanded that rule to
“Stay away from other cars if you want to live.” Nothing good can happen from rolling down the highway next to another automobile. If you are alone on the road, you are only subject to your own mistakes and the failures of your own vehicle. If, on the other hand, you have company next to you on the freeway, a two-ton vehicle doing seventy miles per hour, you are at that person’s mercy.
It doesn’t matter how well I maintain my vehicle if the moron next to me has bald tires. I may be sober as a church mouse, but my highway buddy may be drunk as a skunk. Other drivers are just plain bad news and it doesn’t take a minute’s worth of contemplation to understand why.
And yet… I notice that I am frequently “shadowed” by drivers on the empty midnight freeways and morning runs that make up my travel schedule. With nobody else around, these other drivers will come as close to me as humanly possible and just stay there. Don’t they understand that they are putting us both at risk? Why not carve your own safe space and stay there? Why slow down, speed up, and wander around, just to be close to the person who may prove to be deadly to you and/or your family?
My friend in the Envoy stayed right with me for the first few gentle oscillations. I imitated a drunk driver, drifting first onto the rumble strips and then cutting back across the dotted-white into his lane. Three times I did that, and each time he dropped back enough to avoid my rear bumper before coming right back into his blind-spot station. I wasn’t surprised; I’ve seen that movie, too.
Time for the major countermeasure. I swung left, then right, screeching the Goodyear Ultra Grips and rocking the Town Car violently on its soft suspension. The Envoy braked hard and dropped back perhaps fifty feet. I accelerated to seventy-eight, putting a full quarter-mile between me and the hapless GMC driver. Mission accomplished…
…until ten miles later, when the familiar glare in my mirror told me that my highway buddy was back. This guy was so lonely that he’d rather shadow a violent, dangerous “drunk driver” than roll the road alone. Faithful companion, highway buddy.
Why?
It’s worse if you have an interesting car. I was once driving my Viper home from Petit Le Mans at Road Atlanta, and some kid in a 240SX decided to glue himself to me. If one of us got off at a rest stop, within 10 minutes, he was back. He was a very poor driver, swerving and doing random lane changes and so on. It was late, 3AM or something like that, and at times I’d run it up to triple digits to just get away, and eventually he’d come chugging back up alongside me — in my blind spot.
Avoiding trucks when riding bikes will save your life, period. The very first day I ventured on to a highway on a motorcycle, I was passing between two semis which both decided to change lanes into my lane. It was like a bad movie. I gunned my crappy little BMW/Rotax single-cylinder and got clear, but it was scary.
Only three months later one of the rolling road-hazards cleverly disguised as rock haulers threw not one, but three retreads within about a 10 second timeframe. Moments earlier I had merged on to the highway and realized I was behind him, and had just changed to the lane beside him to pass (it was inevitably throwing sand and rocks as they all do, the bastards), and then I heard the noise and saw the debris flying everywhere. I picked up some big black smudges on my face shield (riders without helmets and gear are idiots) and on my bike from chunks of rubber, but I barely escaped what would have been certain death. In my rear-view I could see the treads in two lanes, all three standing up on their sides waiting to trash whatever cars hit them somewhere behind me. The truck didn’t even slow down. I actually watched him travel another three or four miles (behind me) before he took a ramp to another highway. Meth is a helluva drug.
As for the Klingon Drivers in your blind spots, though, I have no explanation. Their spiritual companions are the slow-moving driver in the fast lane who only speeds up to close the gap so he can coast along next to another car, leapfrogging from one rolling-roadblock situation to the next.
some drivers like to shadow other cars when a long stretch of road is lonely. The thinking goes that a roadside cop with a radar gun won’t be able to defensibly distinguish between the two cars where as the lone Max Max driver would otherwise be dead to rights busted.
Personally, I like lots of elbow room. One less driver is about 50 less variables to compute in open traffic. Esp. when said driver is in a panther chassis, the preferred chariot of AARP members and roadside rapists impersonating cops. ;)
I have done that a dozen times..
I’m in the PA/DE/MD/NJ area.. I’ve also gotten bagged coming through PHL at about 80-95.. when I realize later that cops LOVE to sit behind the overpass.. or wait on the on-ramp from behind you at about “430” and go after you when you cant see them.
I will find some slow, gutless, dirtbox, OR someone MUCH larger and MUCH more powerful than I am and do my DAMNDEST to tail them / stick like glue either next to them or their quarter to deflect any cop presence.. and take off when I’m done.
As far as going through Ohio…
Ive done that route and its not much fun. I don’t understand why he didn’t just relax and let it happen (not making any sexual innuendo jokes either.)
The drunken lane sway routine only works half of the time when some idiot matches your speed in your blind spot. My theory is that they think a radar gun only targets the lead vehicle.
One of my Interstate peeves is left lane dawdlers who aren’t passing other vehicles and more often than not, don’t seem too concerned by what’s in their rear view mirror.
Keep right pass left is the law pretty much everwhere. IF law enforcement agencies actually cared about highway safety, they would enforce that law above all others.
+1 sundowner.
I am absolutely mystified at the complete inability of most drivers on the road to understand the concept of the potential energy they are carrying when driving. It is a mix of complete braindeadness and vindictiveness that others should not be allowed to go along their merry way.
I would suggest, like you, the Staties concentrate on the idiot driving in the left lane, causing traffic to pile up behind him and encouraging risky behavior in passing. If they did, I wonder if our highway fatality rate would drop to where Germany’s is.
Unfortunately keep-right/pass-left is NOT the law everywhere. Presently only about 8 states absolutely require it, most states theoretically require you to move only if you’re going slower than traffic (and just traffic, not the speed limit; but this rule is rarely enforced), and about 8 or 9 states don’t have any requirement at all.
There was a bizarre case a few years back in Ohio where rolling-roadkill (e.g. bicycle idiots) actually won the “right” to indefinitely delay traffic by blocking any and all lanes. I forget the details but it was a real jerkoff-lawyer’s triumph of literal interpretation over intent and common sense.
@M1:
Way off base on the bike comment. The case involved a bicycle’s right to be on the road at all.
BTW – if you can’t figure out how to safely pass a 2-ft wide vehicle, PLEASE turn in your license immediately.
I agree about the left lane blockers. It’s bad here in Southern New England, but especially on I-95 in Connecticut – even though they seem to have quite a few “Slower Traffic Keep Right” signs! In fact, there’s a pretty entertaining series on YouTube called “Left Lane Bandits”. (Well, the videos were recorded in several other states, but all of these bandits do the same thing.)
Also, during rush hour on I-95 just south of Boston, there are also lots of dangerous clowns (seemingly always in BMW 3-series, Civics, and WRXs) who aggressively weave between all three lanes and yet rarely get anywhere further than those who cruise calmly and carefully in the right lane. Yes, the “slow lane” always turns out to be the fastest lane. These weavers rarely accomplish anything more than wearing out their brake pads, and make rush hour traffic that much more dangerous.
About the bicycles – figuring out “how to safely pass a 2-ft wide vehicle” is easy in theory, but not so much in real life. I certainly don’t mean to generalize, but way too many cyclists simply refuse to move to the right for just a few seconds. Does anyone notice that the cyclists who refuse to move over are always the ones who run red lights? (I don’t mean using the crosswalks, but they simply roll through the middle of the intersection without looking.) Cars and bikes must BOTH do their parts to share the road responsibly.
For the record – I have nothing against cyclists – in fact, I’m in the market for a new bike now…
Absolutely drives me bonkers. I hate it more than tailgating. My “favorite” variation is the rolling road block, where the mouth-breathers occupy every lane of the highway, no matter how many lanes there are.
Thats when I pop in C.W McCall’s “Convoy.”
I tail speeders all the time. At least the ones going faster then me. But I do it from ~1-1.5 miles away, hoping any cop out there goes after you vs me. I hate driving next to or directly infront of other drivers. IMHO there all morons, and the only moron on the road I can control is me. 2 months ago driving around chicago, some d-bag in a jeep compass gets stuck on my passanger side.
If I went faster, he went fast, If I had to slow down, he slowed down. Final he needed to get over into my lane because there was traffic in his lane. Well d-bag couldn’t be botherd to look to his left, or signal, and just stared changing lanes. I lay on the horn, and he goes back to his lane, only to attempt to side swipe me again half a mile later. really? WTF.
So he gets p.o.’d for some reason, me honking maybe? who knows, he flips ME off and decides he’s going to tailgate me now, so him being boxed in i start slowing down, only brings him closer. I goose it to get some room, then slam on my brakes. ~75mph, 4 tire lock (abs didn’t even react yet), wife screaming and yelling at me, and I punch it again.
If I didn’t have to exit, and my wife wasn’t in the car, i’d follow that d-bag. Since even after acting a fool, he was still following me. ugh, missles in cars should be allowd sometimes.
nothing worse than not being able to deal with an assclown because wife or kids are in the car. Some jerk could basically shoot at me unprovoked and if my wife sees me even plotting revenge I become the jackass in her eyes. So unfair.
I’m more scared of scaring my sons when some dbag is driving in a way basically asking me to catch him and snap his pencil-like neck.
I understand the frustration at being limited in action by the wife, but I attribute my continued health to having her in the car for most of the longer drives that I take, since it forces me to be more rational and less reactionary. The assclowns cannot be taught good sense or good manners via highway interaction, no matter how much they need it, and my fenders and blood pressure are the better for her helping me to assume a more Zen-like attitude while behind the wheel.
this is a prime example why family men, on average, live longer than single rutting bucks.
I goose it to get some room, then slam on my brakes. ~75mph, 4 tire lock (abs didn’t even react yet), wife screaming and yelling at me, and I punch it again.
How about just slowing WAY down to 45-50? A**clowns then pass and leave you alone 99% of the time. You want to separate from these idiots, even if it adds a few minutes to your trip.
If the guy was as degenerate as you say, a 911 reporting a ‘drunk’ (with a plate number) is always an option. Of course, YOUR license and credentials better be top notch.
This seems to happen mostly at night, and on two occasions on the approach to the Sunshine Skyway bridge. Now I go the other way
I always set my cruise control for 5 mph over the posted limit and try to maintain a constant speed. Inevitably I end up playing hopscotch with another driver who cannot maintain a steady speed. They slow down, I pass them, eventually they catch up to me, they pass me, then they slow down again, I pass them again, etc., etc.
same story, drives me crazy.
God yes, THIS.
Only thing that annoys me more is a family of drivers I think of as the “Slow Turners.” Those hapless people who absolutely MUST slow down for every single turn, no matter how slight and simple to take. You get caught behind these bastards a ton on the two-lane twisty highways here in Oregon. Often too dangerous to pass, even in dotted line scenarios, you wait and wait for a passing zone. Mile after mile. And, inevitably, the micro-second the passing zone arrives, WOOM! Off to the races to make up all that lost time in the bends. You then catch them on the very next corner, and repeat the process for the next hour.
My favorite is the left-lane bandit who speeds up when you try to pass her on the right.
I typically push them up to 15+ over the limit, then hang back and hope for a roller to tag her.
On the bike? Safest to assume that everyone on the road is a methed-up retard and will do the absolute stupidest and/or worst possible thing at all times, and to stay very clear, either by trailing behind or passing as fast as possible.
What’s even worse is the person who changes lanes to let you pass… then they speed up in the right hand lane. If they’d just kept pace with the traffic in front of and behind them in the left lane, I wouldn’t have had to turn off my damned cruise control in the first place.
People from up north seem to do this all the time. Of course, being in Florida, that usually means the people from up north are about 75 years old. Or alternately, anyone from Ontario. I swear the lead content in the Ontario water supply must be sky-high.
Solution: obey the speed limit! Last time I looked the limit in Ohio is 65, so if Mr. Baruth had been doing this he never would have encontered the 68mph Envoy. And if you you are doing the legal limit there is no incentive for speeders to tail you to reduce the risk of being caught themselves.
Sticking to the speed limit doesn’t solve the problem. Sometimes I engage in my version of hyper-miling (which basically involves sticking as close the speed limit as possible and staying to the right) and often encounter drivers poking along in the left lane driving below the limit. Sometimes the drivers set the cruise control in a slower speed zone, don’t notice a change to a faster zone, and remain in the left lane oblivious to the world. Sometimes it’s because of a hill. It does happen and it’s not unusual.
@TR4, I’m pretty sure he asked for the “Best and the Brightest” to respond, not the “Prude and the Anal” :-P
Solution: obey the speed limit! Last time I looked the limit in Ohio is 65, so if Mr. Baruth had been doing this he never would have encontered the 68mph Envoy. And if you you are doing the legal limit there is no incentive for speeders to tail you to reduce the risk of being caught themselves.
Thank you, I laughed so hard I was able to complete my morning constitutional. (Aren’t smart phones great?)
@TR4: Did Triumph ever make anything capable of exceeding posted limits? :)
My GT6+ (100HP, serious torque, 1800lbs) would leap forward with authority from the posted highway speed limit. I never did explore the absolute top end because I didn’t trust the tires or suspension.
Face it, most people are really, really bad drivers. The first snow/ice storm usually does a great job of separating those who understand the physics of driving from those who don’t. If I had my way, accidents would be cause for loss of license.
don’t let em get you down tr4 … i’m still patiently waiting for gps speed and distance separation control to arrive. then this issue will be moot.
@Educator Dan
Yes! Someone else calls it a consitutional too!!
Put me down as another one who will trail a speeder. Actually, what I really like is being in a group of 4 or 5 people all barrelling down the highway at around the same speed. I don’t have any proof of this, but I firmly believe it makes us all (or at least any given one of us; i.e., me) less likely to get pulled over. That said, the proper way to do this is not to be side-by-side or inches from one another’s bumpers. I’ll usually settle in a good 10 or 20 car lengths behind someone. I’ll also stay in the right lane except when passing. I hate to do it but will also occasionally take my turn being the lead car, which is really only fair.
As an aside, what’s all this talk about blind spots???? I would have thought that the majority of TTAC readers (and especially someone like Baruth) would set their mirrors properly so as not to have them. Is everybody here really still setting their side-view mirrors so they can see their rear fenders and then looking over their shoulders all the time to check the huge blind spots that result from this??
I do the same, but from even further away. I like a quarter mile. And I do remember once, that sinking feeling of a cop coming up behind me, the cherry on, when I was doing probably 75-80. I pulled over, and he went on to get the guy I was trailing.
And I certainly don’t have my side views set to see the rear fenders–I’m with you there.
+1 to thesal and Ed.Dan directly above for good laughs!
Oh man, what a can of worms you’ve opened with this one. I have so many pet peeves regarding the behavior of other drivers, where to begin . . . ?
I, too, try to keep as much space around my car as possible and am constantly annoyed by other drivers who invade that space. Particularly offensive are the ones who gently speed up when you’re passing them to try to pace you as you go by. But just as bad are the drivers who shoot past you but then cut back into your lane just inches ahead of you and then drop their speed back and hang there like that.
Don’t get me started.
I like big moving objects yo be around as it makes me on my little Suzuki a bigger target. The bike allows one to hang back off to one side of the road allowing view of deer chunks and retreads, parked cars and cops.
Besides guns mentioned above people are running cameras more and more. So it best to just slow to or below the limit as people don’t like to slow down but would rather speed up as Jack has found.
I can’t stand people who catch up to you and do not pass and stay either right in your blind spot or next to you. My normal motive is to stay away from everyone and accelerate/decelerate when I pass or let someone else pass me in order to get away from everyone. I especially hate it when I’m towing and cars catch me up then don’t pass – often leading to me having to slow down when coming up on a slower vehicle in the right lane b/c of a car that won’t pass. I’ve done the creep over into their lane and they still just stay there.
Drivers on our roads are idiots. Seems the left lane is where to be…go slow to pass another car then speed up when the road clears and the train of cars behind then have to do a high speed right lane run to get around that bottleneck before coming upon a slow car properly staying in the right lane. Or that one Semi passing another Semi doing 1 mph slower and having to take 10 miles and back up the highway an entire 1/4 mile of traffic. If that Semi would slow down ever so slightly and increase their mpg by 25% just by following – you’d think the driver would see his pocket book savings that only added 10 more minutes to his trip.
This is all fresh in my memory as I did the annual Turkey week slog across 4 states. I’m beginning to think that I can stand a brief anal probe from the TSA as it will be much less shocking than having to deal with numerous 90 mph 7k lb SUVs driven by tailgating novice idiot drivers.
I’m beginning to think that I can stand a brief anal probe from the TSA as it will be much less shocking than having to deal with numerous 90 mph 7k lb SUVs driven by tailgating novice idiot drivers.
+1.
It’s getting worse. Note the quote below from the WSJ’s resident auto journosaur Jonathan Welsh. He gives the green light to a new driver 16 yo being given the keys to a ’04 Expedition.
———-
Q: My son is 15 and will have his driving permit soon. My husband wants him to drive our 2004 Ford Expedition. I think it is too big and cumbersome, and am leaning toward a late-model truck with four-wheel drive. What is the safest car or truck for a young male driver?
A: Deciding what car a teenage new driver should use is one of those tasks that confirm how difficult being a parent can be. My gut response is that teens should drive whatever they can borrow from their parents. But safety experts often recommend plain sedans like a Ford Taurus or Honda Accord because they are prosaic, and so less tempting to race or show off in. That said, I think the Expedition SUV is better than a large pickup, in part because it will probably handle better.
—–
/barfing
@ihatetrees:
I actually wrote a letter to him for that article – informing him that he is perpetrating the myth that SUVs are “safer” and in fact, he should have it on his conscious that he is helping injure and kill America’s teenagers.
I have the privilege of crossing Nebraska on I-80 several (4-6) times per year to visit family. The majority of these trips occur at night (9pm+), with my cruise set at 82 between towns. There has yet to be a trip in the 5 years of this journey where I was not tailgated by a lifted pickup or delayed by a left lane bandit roadblock. The lonely road makes people yearn for a traveling companion, I guess…
There is no psychology involved in the “highway buddy.” They are zombies, pure and simple.
This used to happen almost exclusively at night, when people are too drowsy or too drunk (or both) to be driving safely and drive by their foot rather than cruise. The sudden appearance of another vehicle on a lonely road is the sole indicator that they aren’t traveling as fast or as slow as they should be, so they pace. In their inebriated state they pace at very close proximity because their attention span and senses won’t work as well to judge your speed at a greater distance. This phenomenon is happening more and more during the daytime as well since drivers on lonely roads are more often gabbing on the G-D phone or even texting or reading ebooks while highway cruising.
I was still a kid when I noticed people doing this and asked my dad why the cars were pacing him like that (he was doing the speed/slow/swerve thing too despite trying to run cruise control) and he said “Failure to possess cruise control, self control, or vehicle control.” Sounds like a citation that should be issued to these zombie morons.
I was going to let this thread go without commenting, but since no one mentioned an obvious pet peeve – here goes: Truckers who block the left lane while trying to pass another trucker, but only going every bit a ½ mph faster, so the whole freeway is locked up and everyone else bunches up waiting for this idiot to finally pass his buddy and pull over. It’s even worse when the guy is trying to pass more than one, too! Semis and all other trucks should simply be banned from the freeways, I hate them all! of course, that’s a rant, but I still hate all trucks!
Rats! I see jaje beat me to it! Did I say I hate trucks? Thank you!
BTW, I only live 90 miles or so from Jack’s stomping grounds, so I’ll keep an eye out for a crazed Town Car careening down I-71 or I-75 through Cincinnati’s northern suburbs!
I was going to let this thread go without commenting, but since no one mentioned an obvious pet peeve – here goes: Truckers who block the left lane while trying to pass another trucker, but only going every bit a ½ mph faster, so the whole freeway is locked up and everyone else bunches up waiting for this idiot to finally pass his buddy and pull over. It’s even worse when the guy is trying to pass more than one, too!
+1 (not on banning) If the governor is set at 68 and yours is set at 70, don’t try to pass the jack ass unless you’re going down hill and traffic is light.
Back in the 80’s there was such a problem with trucks doing that on 285 around Atlanta that they passed a law keeping trucks over a certain tonnage out of the two left lanes. Man, were those truckers pissed. But it had to be done. Those guys were clogging stuff up all over because they got to racing each other in the far lanes. Especially on the east/northeast side of the Perimeter.
Wow! John Fritz! You did it, good job! Klink and Schultz forever together. So many great avatars on this site to match the great commentors, TTAC just gets better everyday.
Not sure why this happens. It must be one of the way the recessive douche-driver-gene presents or something. The very few times this has happened to me, my response is to brake until either he moves on, or we’re both stopped, and can talk about what the hell his problem is.
I’ve ran into this situation more than my share of times. From my own experience, the most effective thing I have found is to gradually slow down. 5 miles below the speed limit seems to be all most people can tolerate before they storm off. I’ve done this down to 45 mph in a 65 late at night until someone finally gave up “buddying” me. Usually when you pass someone afterwards they get the idea.
I was going to avoid commenting in this thread because everybody here likes to tout their Mad Skillz on the road, as if labeling yourself an enthusiast automatically says you’re a better driver than everybody else. This thread is quickly reminding me of the thread about drivers in the snow. People who slow down in order to avoid physics catching up with them are labeled stupid because they can’t deal drive in inclement weather and they’re labeled stupid if they’re going too fast because they can’t deal with inclement weather. WTF!? Am I stupid because I’m going slow in order to be, what I always thought, was smart, or am I stupid because you can’t get to where you’re going and show off your Mad Skillz? What gives? We all have issues that we have to deal with and not everybody is out to get you. I’m sure I’ll get flamed for having said such a blasphemous comment, but I really don’t care. I usually do the slow it down routine and one time I was on a city street and a girl in her parents’ Acura was tailgating me with no lights on at 9:30 in the evening, well after headlights should have been on, and I just took my foot off the gas. Once I got down to 15 mph somebody got irritated and honked at her and screamed passed. I had my moment to giggle and then I went on my merry way.
My rant is over. Flame away. I’m not speaking directly about you RGS, but you’re post gave me an openning.
My rant is over.
That’s what is was. Enough straw men to feed a cavalry regiment.
This isn’t about mad skillz we enthusiasts have. It’s about being AWARE while driving instead of being a tailgating sheep.
No offense taken Tank. I agree with your post. Man, when it snows and the roads are bad, I put my hazards on and just drive at what ever speed I feel comfortable driving at. I could care less what the idiots blasting past me think. And honestly that’s really all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
@ihatetrees
Just so you don’t think that I ran away because of that mild rebuke I didn’t am I’m still here. I don’t take offense since I figured I would get a response from somebody. The “straw men” comment must be a regional thing because I have no idea what it means. Anyway, I guess I’m about as AWARE as anybody can be since I’m constantly scanning all of my mirrors, my speedometer, lane placement and anything else that needs monitoring.
I will never say that I’m a perfect driver because I know that I have a lot to learn. I do learn interesting tips reading some of the comments, but others of the comments just make me feel like the author is full of it. I agree that some people follow way to close and don’t see what they are doing, but I’m not one of them. I can’t say if I’m an enthusiast or not; I just like cars.
If this explains my thoughts a little better than my last post that is good.
In my opinion, laziness makes people do this. On their own, they have to use their higher brain functions (as best they can anyway) to monitor their speed, watch for obstructions (and cops if they’re speeding), and just in general pay attention. All that thinking is hard work!
However, once they find a wingman, then can let him do all the work. They can shutdown the thinky-hurty part of their brain and just let the little lizard brain maintain position. They still don’t like anyone in front of them though, which is why they park on your quarters. Maintaining relative formation is much easier than monitoring things like speed and conditions ahead. They can zone out until the leader makes a sudden change, when they’re forced to start thinking for themselves again.
I have done some testing of this theory, and you can too. It just takes the right test conditions. You have to be at a stoplight, with another car stopped next to you, going in the same direction. There must be no opposing traffic on the other side of the intersection, so you and the test subject are the only cars being controlled by your light. It’s also best of there is nobody behind you.
Now, when the light turns green, don’t go. Just sit there. See what happens. With nobody honking behind you, and no cars coming from the other direction, there are no visual cues that the light has changed other than what you do (without actually paying attention to the light of course).
You will not believe how many cars just sit there, and for how long. They all drive with their tiny hindbrain, waiting for the herd to tell them what to do. If they were alone, they would be fine, but your presence let’s them revert to herd mentality. Mmmmmoooooooo.
Well stated. It’s the same factor if you wanted have a friend use their car to arrive at an unfamiliar-to-them destination…you say “just follow me in my car”. They turn off their brain and have not a care about road signs, etc, and only the simple edict: follow master’s car.
Wow! I didn’t think anyone else noticed this! I call it the Human Herding Syndrome, and it seems worse since cell phones came on the scene. On the few occasions I’ve used the bad judgement to field a call while driving I’ve noticed I tended to pace myself with another driver, however, not in the blind spot. When I’m being shadowed I just slow way down.
As far as trucks, I’m not a cyclist, and in heavy highway traffic I prefer to be behind a truck since they can’t stop and start as quickly as a car, subsequently I do less quick braking.
I finally realized a few years ago leaving space between you and other cars is the cheapest accident insurance there is.
Finally for tailgators: I’ve always driven a manual shift car since the early 80s. When flashing my brake lights doesn’t dislodge a cling-on, I hold in the clutch and put on the reverse lights. Very entertaining on the highway! Flashing the back-ups also works for high-beams in the mirrow.
I got a kick out of this. A co-worker and I years ago toyed with the idea of installing electrically-ignited bottle rockets somewhere on the front and rear ends of our vehicles and scare the living daylights out of anyone who got in our way, but sanity reared its ugly head, as well as facing possible jail time and serious other expenses and inconveniences. Probably avoided risking being shot as well! It would have been fun driving around in my K-car with that armament at the ready, though!
Question: How do you get the back-up light to come on w/o shifting into reverse? Your synchromesh must be an awesome set-up that Jack and Steve and most of us would like to get a hold of!
My dad told me he used to do something similar when he had his ’62 Chrysler with the pushbutton gear selector. Lightly pressing the Reverse button was enough to cause the backup lights to come on without actually shifting into reverse.
I’ve always had this theory that most multivehicle accidents occur when more than one vehicle gets to close to another. I work to get space in front, rear side.. of me at all times.
When I get the shadow’er, usually a tire in the gravel does wonders to get them to back off. Something about the rocks in the windshield…
Oh mdensch, how right you are! My blood pressure rose just reading your post. These idiots take the statment “keep out of the left lane except when passing” to a ridiculous extreme, assuming that once their license plate clears your front bumper they are finished ‘passing’ and must get over IMMEDIATELY. The slowing down part is just a bonus.
How about drivers who think they have to pass a car that is travelling at the speed limit, but do so by only the merest fraction of a percentage over the limit…it’s illegal to speed, right? Once they have made their death-defying run, over the space of 5-10 minutes, back over they go, and drop back to slightly less than the limit. Compensating for their earlier transgression, I suppose.
Then there are leap-froggers, drivers who simply cannot abide that YOU passed THEM and have to be in front of you no matter what it takes, even though I’m averaging 5-10mph faster then them. They roar past, match my speed for a while, then slow down to their comfort level. Boy, they sure showed me!
God I hate this sort of behavior. In my experience I find the “Shock & Awe” approach works best.
This is why I try to own a car with at least 200-250bhp and a stick or auto-manual as most of these sort of zombies drive auto 4-cyl Camcords or ponderous SUVs. A quick and unnoticed drop to third then a hard and fast goose on the throttle for a good 5-7 seconds works wonders. The 4-pot Camcords know their outgunned and don’t try to keep up. Sometimes the GMTs do try, but one attempt at a lane change or sweeper at that speed makes them realize that they’re driving a hippo on roller skates at those sort of velocities so they stop also.
I have always wanted to install 20,000 candle power lights on my vehicle facing rearward….i suppose a 1 second blinding blast of pure light energy would discourage tailgaters, or those driving with their brights on….an alternative would be an automated system to open a call between drivers that close to you without having to dial your phone.
Reminds me of a time I neglected to dim my lights when a semi overtook and passed me on the interstate. The passenger rolled down the window, flipped the mirror down and blinded me with my own light. Effective, and so ingenious I couldn’t be angry.
Ever see a semi-truck with a train horn frame mounted just behind the right side of the cab and facing outward? I appreciate it for what it is…
How about the possibility that these behaviors are sometimes rather overt signs of one form or another of mental illness or personality disorder? After all, psychiatric problems would be writ large when expressed with several tons of moving metal. There’s likely a number of such people with driver’s licenses, don’t you think?
I love following a rabbit on the highway, though usually a few lengths behind them. You could make a whole series about the different types of freeway personalities, speed trap tactics and the special needs of truckers.
Tailgating Pickup trucks are fun when twisties start. With middling driving skills and a modest drivers car (like an ’01 TSX), you can leave this mouth breathing demographic apoplectic.
I could write a book on this subject,but I will keep it short. I believe that a lot of folks turn on thier mental “auto pilot” as soon as the get behind the wheel. It worse on the four laners. All of the actions described above happen every day on every highway.
Somebody mentioned “Ontario” drivers. I couldn’t agree more,and I live in Ontario. Personally I’m with Jack…I am very much aware of who is around me and what thier doing. I really try to make my own space. Some people just don’t F—-EN get it. I can’t understand how anybody can sit in the left lane,watching cars zoom by on the right. “Gee…. people keep passing me maybe I should move over eh”? NOOOOO! they are sitting in thier dream world with the brain turned off.
End of rant, back to housework.
hglaber – you’ve hit on something here. It’s the same when you are several cars back have a clear view of the light and are ready to go when the light changes to green. But you can’t because everyone in front of of you is not looking. They just wait until the car in front moves and finally move themselves. If everyone would start rolling when the light changes, even at just a creep, it would move things along much faster and more cars would get through the light. Oh, and then there are the people who leave large gaps when turning left but were probably tailgating on the interstate you just came off of. People don’t seem to get that their putting may save them a few ounces of gas but everyone else that gets stuck at the light wastes much more. So forth, so on, and So forth……….
The same herding instinct can be seen in parking lots where a lemming driver will park their car right next to yours even though you are parked far from the building/store and there are dozens of spaces closer to the entrance.
People do get hypnotized while driving and just fall in with whatever car the come upon. One of the first and best rules my old man taught me about driving was to stay away from clusters of calls, because sheeplike, they have banded together–you actually come upon ones like rolling roadblocks, where the two front cars, side by side, just stay that way. You can bust these clots and get on with your life if you are willing to actually drive and take advantage of openings, but most people are rolling along, yakking on the cell phone or otherwise distracted.
I always assume people who do this on empty highways are probably lunatics, escaped serial killers, or otherwise unsuitable companions. Each, though, has his drop off point. And I figure if the cops should be around, which they never are, I have an explanation, i.e. the deranged magnet trailing me. Most of them will drop away at a certain speed. Hanging in the blind spot is a driving hazard for me because I have a bronzy Grand Marquis. I feel your pain.
I’ve been forced to conclude they’re conducting psychological experiments on me.
Subject was shown high aggression unless the subject paused to open a gap in the line.
You can’t become that perfectly stupid. Someone has to tell you to be that stupid.
In our house, we call this the “magnetic doorhandle effect”. Some drivers (un?)consciously match whatever is next to them, letting that other guy do the Situational Awareness for them. Some years back, near Plymouth, MI, I was heading for Ann Arbor when I had to pass a lady who was erratically straying from the posted speed. As I came alongside, she matched me and forced me to stay on the wrong side of the line for far too long, up to about 90. Her face was in a grim expression, not really malicious, but determined. As oncoming traffic appeared down the road, I was beginning to evaluate the choices: Jam on the brakes again — she had matched that action as well, take the opposite-side shoulder, or sideswipe her @ss into the ditch. A horn-blaring feint at her fender finally convinced her to let me finish the pass, but the adrenaline was sure flowing. Being in the pre-cellphone era, I couldn’t call her in for vehicular assault. Unfortunately, my ’74 Corolla couldn’t outrun her Detroit whatever-it-was (Plymouth, I think).
Speaking of left-laners, this past holiday I made the trip from Kansas City to Indiana. Almost 100% of the trip on the legendary I-70. On the way back, Saturday evening around 6 pm, already sundown, we had stopped in Colombia, MO for dinner and getting back on the highway. When we merged on, I noticed a black Dodge Journey in the left lane and started making plans to get around it.
2 hours later, running between 65 and 85 mph, that suv WAS STILL IN THE LEFT LANE. It never moved over! I had passed it numerous times in the right lane, and it would come back by with about 3 cars behind it honking and flashing high beams. IT DID NOT MOVE OVER. I kept within visual distance of it the whole time…
What I’ve done is pull in the left lane in front of them and slow down – they will eventually get into the right lane. Then I’ll speed up and continue on. Hopefully they stay in the right lane but will likely then go back after traffic passes them. The real bad ones are those who stay in the left lane and go slow when passing then when the road opens up and they can pull over – instead they speed up 10-15mph faster until they catch up to another train in the left lane or until they block the highway slowing down to pass a car on the right.
The Zombie Drivers I hate are the ones that are obviously approaching me from behind, going faster than me in the right lane, but then decide to not pass and just tailgate me. This almost always happens at night. My two solutions that really work….. wait until I reach someone going really slow, and just stay behind them. Sometimes (not always), the Zombie will pass, and knowing they are going to be faster than me, I give ’em a mile or so, then pass the slow moving dunce and continue on.
The other method, is that I signal to pull over to the side, slow down, and procede to pull over. Sometimes, all it takes is the signal to have them pass. Sometimes, I just pull over and wait about 10 seconds.
You do what you have to do to keep your distance.
What kills me though, is when someone takes 4 miles to pass someone. They are going 66mph, and the car they are passing is going 65mph. Just annoys the crap outta me, especially if the car that is being passed is me. And don’t get me started on going up hills…..
Yeah….You have to keep your distance….seems pretty simple,eh? Here Ontario you lose your licence for two beers. At the same time you could drive Toronto to Montreal in the left lane 10 feet from the guy in fronts bumper. The OPP or the QPP woudn’t look twice at you.
A modified version of the clogged left lane problem i ran into on I5 on the way back from oregon this past weekend. Heavy traffic, trucks only in the right lane with large gaps between going more or less the limit, long lines of other vehicles in the left lane going 5-10MPH above the speed limit except for the a holes who drive 15 MPH above the speed limit in the right lane and force themselves into the left lane when appraoching said trucks. Also leave left lane line up at your own peril as exasperated drives will not let you back in unless you are quite aggressive. This is almost the autobahn system stood on its head.
Somehow this all reminds me of Todd Rundgren’s song “Emperor of the Highway”.
Careful with your zombie (or jerkface) driver evasion tactics. I once had a guy in a black Chevy Z71 stepside who refused to let me pass on some 65 mph four-lane. I eased out to pass him because he was doing under the limit. Should’ve been a no-drama affair.
Instead, he sped up. I slowed down and dropped behind him, and his pace dropped again, down to 55 or so. Back out to pass. He sped up again. Repeat two or three times until I lose my (17-year old) cool and drop my little Nissan Hardbody into third, its KA24E screaming up to 75 before I hit fourth. He charged up to 80 with me, and I left him at 85 and got over into the right lane again and started slowing down.
He blew by me a few seconds later as we were rounding an infamous curve, and turned off on a side road. It was then that I saw the blue lights. I got pulled over and ticketed for 95 in a 65, and the cop was being generous because we had passed into a 55 zone somewhere in the middle of this fiasco. I didn’t know the little Nissan had it in her! The black truck got away with it. Cop gave me the “When you’re fishing, do you try to catch one fish at a time or the whole lake?” excuse, despite the fact the black truck was clearly evading in addition to speeding up to 80+ mph.
Since then, I’ve never let another moron get under my skin that bad on the highway. If I come across that on a stretch of four-lane, I just ride out there in the left lane until we come upon something to make them slow down– usually a truck. In most circumstances, I won’t do more than 5 mph over the limit to make the pass. It’s just not worth it.
I had an undercover cop pull this routine with me late one night 15 years ago on I-45 between Houston and Dallas (Fairfield PD, curse you). Swap the undercover cop and the black truck driver in your story and it’s the same deal. The cop bragged about it to me when he was writing me the ticket. Jerks.
What was the consequence to you of 95 in a 65?
@ banger Ya learned a tough lesson,and it cost you dearly. But when you think about it, the ending could of been a lot worse. Like having to use a cutting torch and tow truck to pry whats left of you out of your truck.
Road rage is a killer.
Robert.Walter: My consequences looked dire at first. I was sent to the juvenile court in the county where it happened. I sat and watched as the merciless judge gave other teenage speeders an hour of community service for every mile per hour they were traveling over the speed limit. I was gearing up, mentally, for 30 hours of community service, which would’ve been more than some of the kids who were up for stealing, underage drinking and the sundry other offenses on the docket that day.
Thankfully, the court couldn’t prosecute because I wasn’t from that county. They sent my case to my home county’s juvenile court. I live in a much smaller (population-wise) county, where the judge pretty much knows the trouble-makers because he sees them every month. He said since he had never seen me before and he knew I had a reputable job to hold down (I took pictures on the weekends for our local paper, thus community service would’ve been hard to pull off), he wanted me to do this: Go to three insurance companies and get them to give me a written quote for the cost of auto insurance if I had a reckless driving charge on my record. I was to turn in the quotes within 30 days to the juvenile court clerk’s office. Failure to do so would mean I’d pay the ticket (which was pretty high– more than $350 as I remember), possibly do some community service hours, and deal with the consequences on insurance cost (which I was paying for myself, out of my meager paychecks).
I did as instructed, but many insurers turned me away at the moment I said “reckless driving.” I managed to get three quotes, however, within the 30 days. The quotes scared me almost as bad as the thoughts from my first court date of having to do 30-plus hours of community service. Most were well past $1,500 for bare minimum, high-deductible coverage. The judge’s request having been met, the incident was expunged from my record, and I haven’t seen those speeds since– not counting when my wife and I were on our honeymoon in central Florida and were being ruthlessly passed on the left and the right despite running a consistent 80-85 mph in my current Ranger on some six-plus lane interstate.
Mikey: That’s exactly what I realize now that I’m a bit older and more experienced. Plus, I’ve taken enough crash pictures for the paper since then to know what a colossally stupid move that was. The Nissan had no ABS, no air bag and manual steering. And I’m pretty sure the tires weren’t rated for those speeds.
Mulry: That sounds an awful lot like entrapment to me. The cop wouldn’t let you make a safe passing maneuver, then pulled you over when you finally took evasive action.
Driving would be bliss without other drivers.
Back in the UK I would routinely get f**ktards in their BMW’s or Mercedes tailgating me on winding country roads whilst I was driving one of my old and clapped out Fords. There was nothing quite like showing these munchkins how to drive properly by shooting off at a fantastic speed for them to struggle to keep up. Even better when one of them entered a corner too quick and they decided to touch the brakes. On one occasion the last thing I saw of them was their headlights spinning around the wrong way. Hehehe.
“…BMW’s or Mercedes tailgating me on winding country roads whilst I was driving one of my old and clapped out Fords.”
I know there are freeways (motorways) in the UK, but are their “country roads” still only the narrow, 1½ lanes-wide-or-narrower roads one sees sometimes on TV across the pond? I would imagine one would need to be on one’s toes when aggresively driving in that enviroment, far more so than on a standard two-lane, at least.
I’ve been pondering that thought for some time, so I had to ask.
Roads below motorways in the UK are classified as ‘A’ roads, which are usually one or two lane affairs in each direction, these can be nice and wide and modern in the more built up areas, or they can be barely wide enough for two cars to pass each other in some of the more rural areas. Below that are ‘B’ roads, which are (in my opinion) the best. Mostly one lane each way and at times they can get quite narrow. ‘C’ or unclassified roads can be anywhere from one car to two in width and are generally quite badly paved compared to A’s and B’s. Oh, and unless signposted, all these roads have a 60mph speed limit – unless you live on the Isle of Man – where there are no speed limits outside of towns!
You must remember that a most roads in Britain are just upgraded versions of farmers tracks from the middle ages – we’ve even got ‘A’ roads which are based on old Roman roads. There’s none of this grid structure you find in North America.
B and C roads are usually quite windy, full of blind corners and are an absolute hoot to drive on – especially at night when ample warning of an oncoming car is given by the headlights. You do have to be on your toes driving these back roads, and its probably one of the reasons the population of the UK are such ‘petrolheads’ (despite the last socialist government trying to convince everyone to use public transport).
If you want a good driving holiday, stay of the major routes and tour the UK – it’s fantastic fun to drive, thats if the gas prices don’t give you a heart attack first.
a dab of oppo and I spanked that old ford
Sinistermisterman: I sure hope I get to travel to the UK, someday! Thanks!
I, personally, love these idiots. On more than one occasion, they’ve saved me from tickets because I have better eyes – the trick is to get them to fly by you (who are hard on the brakes or, at night, a downshift) at the exact moment you get hit by radar.
I pull my parking brake. No dip in the cars nose. No jake brake noise to give you away and no tail lights. Twice a lizard in my blind spot shot ahead and got the ticket. It has never failed me out of a half-dozen attempts.
Pure joy to pull it off!
Fritz: I was once cruising along on my BMW K75 motorcycle on the way home from work. Trying to avoid staying next to any vehicle for too long (per Mr. Baruth’s truism above), I didn’t waste any time while passing in the left lane of the four-lane highway I was riding on. I’d get out in the left lane early when it was apparent I was closing on a car in the right lane, twist up to an indicated 80 mph (which given the BMW’s known optimistic speedometer, was probably more like 72-73 mph in a 65 mph zone) and pass.
I came upon a blue minivan slowly, which meant I wasn’t going too much faster than it was. Pulled out to pass, and she did the pacing maneuver. So I gave just a little more twist and got in front of her. Probably doing about 75 when I got back into the right lane just in time to see the state trooper in the median shooting us. I jabbed the back brake (no nose-dive). The blue van then closed in on me very quickly as the trooper was pulling out of his spot in the median. This made it look like the van was the one doing the speeding. The trooper couldn’t see my taillight for the van. On went the blue lights.
As the van pulled over, I was still second-guessing myself. Would the trooper just zoom past the van and nab me instead? As luck would have it, nope. He got the van, and I got extremely lucky that day.
Nowadays, on the few days I ride it, the BMW stays on the backroads. It’s dangerous riding the trooper-infested slab when you don’t really know how fast your going thanks to an optimistic speedometer. And the curves are more fun on the backroads, anyway.
I would not want to be around a GMC Envoy at anything over 65mph as it is hard for a novice driver, the sort that drives an Envoy, to regain control after a quick lane change and/or hard braking. These drivers wear 7000 lbs of metal on the highway because deep down they know they’re lazy idiots and all that extra weight will help them survive their next mistake. But you might not!
For myself, I spend as little time in a blind-spot as possible and cover the horn button while I’m in it. I’m careful not to mousetrap people. So if someone pulls over to the right to let me pass I speed up so they can pop back into the passing lane behind me if they want.
@ Fritz….All Envoy drivers are novice?
OK… Let me just say they haven’t learned from their previous driving experience how to drive a vehicle as poorly designed to handle an emergency situation as an Envoy. They become a novice driver at the wheel of an Envoy.
No one who left a snake wake in one of those things would buy another.
I’ve always thought that people driving beside me (or really close behind) for an extended period meant that they wanted to race me.
Wow, I had no idea this problem was so wide spread. My usual solution, despite the risk of a ticket or worse, is to just drive away from them. In the AMG it is easy, and even the Accord has seen 120, briefly on an otherwise empty highway.
A southern friend carried a Thompson for many years. Now I know why.
A Thompson?
Please clarify what you mean by a Thompson… I’m thinking prohibition era gangster/WW2 sub-machine gun.
William442’s friend was George R. Kelly.
Yes, a Thompsom sub-machine gun, limited he claimed to semi-automatic fire. Yes, legal in North Carolina if in plain sight, so he said.
There’s bumper klingons. And there are highway buddies.
Klingons just want to draft you, hope the HiPo pulls you over first.
Highway buddies will take turns in the lead.
Nothing like being in the 911, hooking up with a couple other fast drivers, and forming a convoy of like-minded individuals.
In my experience, this sort of behavior has no connection to your speed. When driving the F350 on the highway, I’m almost always in the far right lane, with cruise control set 5 below the limit. I still get overtakers who won’t pass, people who speed up and pace when I move over to pass them, people who pass, pull in front of me, and then slow to below my speed, etc, on and on and on.
On a few occasions, I’ve just said “fuck it”, and proceeded to change lanes into them.
I usually stay behind a car that has the pace I want to keep. Of course, the guy must drive well and I keep 3-4 cars distance.
I didn’t understand from JB description if the guy was tailgating him or just beside his car.
I have had some nasty incidents in the highway that taught me some driving courtesy: 1 bastard in a Toyota Land Cruiser (I haven’t seen a single Toyota SUV driver that doesn’t think it’s Superman) tried to take me out of the highway at 120 km/h. Going at that speed into a ditch in a tiny coupe is not fun.
Then another coño de su madre in a Focus tried a similar one in the Samand, being that car strong and relatively heavy, I kept my channel. I could even had turned a bit to hit its rear fender, but I don’t even want to imagine the mess it would have caused.
Hence, I give way when I’m slower, and pass by the right the people that refuses to give way.
My worst experience with slow driving lane hogs–two Maryland pickup trucks, oldish ones, side by side on the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut going under the speed limit. I must have been stuck behind them for 15 minutes before there was suddenly space to pass them (I can’t remember whether there was a long exit lane or whether they just drifted apart). Once I was around them, I checked my rear view mirror. They were side by side again.
I’m a little late to the discussion, but it’s the car you’re driving. I’ve seen all the examples while driving various cars, but there was one car I drove that never saw any such problem. I owned a 1963 Chrysler Newport with about 400 dents, including a deep dent in the front bumper that could only have been caused by knocking a freight car off its track. NOBODY got anywhere near me wherever I drove, day or night. It was a good thing, too. That push-button torqueflite and 361 4-bbl made that 5,000 lb. car fly like a bat out of hell, and the puny 10″ drum brakes (no power assist) were totally overmatched. After having people get too close to my previous car, a ’63 Rambler, it was a joy to watch other cars move over two lanes to stay away from me. I think it was the dents and the sheer size of that behemoth. A panther should be big enough, but if you don’t want to dent it, I imagine a bunch of fake bullet holes will achieve the same effect.
Simplest tactic that ALWAYS works! Leave that cruise control locked at your preferred speed. The typical tailgater is driving by ‘foot’ and rarely is able to maintain a fixed speed for long periods. Slowly that other driver will begin to speed up or slow down, drifting away from that ‘highway buddy’ position. Invariably, they get tired and either resume their old speed or accelerate to pass and move on.
I’ve never had a ‘highway buddy’ for more than about 10 miles.