Divorce really sucks. Not my divorce, mind you, but the divorce of the fellow who has been letting me store extra cars in one of his barns since 2004 or thereabouts. I’ve got a few things out there which will now require homes. Some of them — like my loved, yet despised, ’84 944 — will find the proverbial “place to stay at” elsewhere. And some will end up in a junkyard, unless you, the cheap-car racer, intervene.
What you see above is a genuine 1994-build Neon ACR. It was sold for racing use and had just 12,500 miles on it when it was put into storage. The cage was installed in 2008; it meets NASA, SCCA, and Grand-Am specifications. This car has won dozens of races and is a former SCCA Regional Champion. And it’s yours, free of charge… sort of.
In 2008, I was “PITted” into the wall at Mid-Ohio. We stripped our Neon down to the shell and rebuilt around a Mexican no-rust Plymouth because it was the fastest and easiest thing to do.
You’ll receive the shell pictured above, along with a rear suspension and a set of wheels so it can be towed somewhere. To make an ass-kicking LeMons contender or ice racer out of it, you will need a donor Neon from a junkyard. Do the following:
- Take engine, transmission, most electronics out of donor;
- Cut off the driver’s side frame horn from both cars and swap the donor one in.
- Align it, or don’t, depending on whether you expect to see 100+mph in your series.
- Put the rest of the stuff onto our car.
Presto. Instant fully-legal racer with a full, welded-in cage that would cost you $2000 to duplicate. There are some other neat aspects about this car which we will only disclose to the buyer.
This is what you need to do:
- Contact me through this website or on Twitter/Facebook (@JackBaruth)
- Show up with $250. That buys you the cage. The car is free.
- Tow it home. Sometime soon. Like, before April 1, if you can manage it.
While it is the official policy of the LeMons judges to discourage former race cars, I think in this case I can work to ensure that your team is not unfairly penalized by Judges Jonny et al.
Oh. One more thing. If you win LeMons on laps in this car within a year after taking delivery, I’ll pay your team a $500 contingency. How’s that for an offer?
This little Mopar deserves a few more trips to victory lane. Help it get there, won’t you?
Omit the price and a horde of hillbillys hereabouts have a hankerin’ to heave it atop concrete blocks strategically placed within their trash-laden beer bottle-strewn front yard with a dozen or more of their vile spawn (or they believe the brats perhaps belong to them) scampering there and every flower and vegetable garden in a multi-hectare area.
I’ve got a NYG neon plus a donor car sitting in my driveway as project cars at the moment. I’m interested, but where is it located?
Columbus, Ohio.
I demand a follow up story with pictures of this car mounted to a tow rig of the buyer’s choice. Extra props for use of a 2nd generation Cummins powered Ram.
What? No offer to help take a turn at the wheel for the enterprising Lemons team that puts your Neon to track?
Hey Jack,
WHERE IS the car?
Thanks!
(Dramatic voice over) “Somewhere in a garage in Powell, OH…”
Jack, you should post this on neons.org if you haven’t already. It’d probably easier to find someone who’d use this, if they already had a donor (or 12, like some of those guys!)
I’ve got a donor car here for it as well, but I’m all the way over here, in Niedermeyer territory. Would love to put together a team for the Lemons event in Portland.