When the E90/92 335i was introduced and every tuner in the world promptly released “chips” or reflashes that enabled the twin-turbo straight-six to belt out four hundred horses or more at the rear wheels, BMW became very indignant about the idea of “chipping” their cars. Time and again, we were assured that BMW was extracting the maximum safe performance from their engines, and that retuning them could only lead to sorrow.
Oops! Turns out it’s probably just fine, as long as the tuner in question is BMW itself.
For a mere $550 — which in BMW-Option-Land ain’t much — your new single-turbo 335i or 135i can be turned into a “Performance Edition”. You’ll get a different-colored grille, a set of classy badges, and a bump in power from 300hp to 320. Given the raw cost to BMW of this option (perhaps $10 for the badges) it represents real value to everyone involved.
What if, however, you were so unlucky as to have already purchased a single-turbo “3.5”? Don’t worry. The major durability and reliability improvements BMW no doubt made to this engine for the purpose of supporting the additional twenty horses can be retroactively applied to your car. Pricing for that hasn’t been announced yet, but anything about $550 would represent grand larceny, since we’re probably just talking about reflashing the ECU.
This aptly-named “Performance Package” is sure to improve BMW’s fiscal performance in the second half of 2011, and it will serve as a boon to BMW-forum members who like to include a lot of information in their “sigs”. Observe the hypothetical “sig” below:
Username: AutobahnSpeedRennMeister
2011 BMW 335i Coupe with Luxury, Sport, SportLux, LuxSport, Safety, Accessibility, Entertainment, Shadowline, Chromeline, Information, Comfort, DongComp, And Performance Packages
Ordered 7/22/2011
Delivered 7/24/2011 (LOLZ I got xtra fast delivery from Germany)
Blind-Iiiiz Clear Corner Lampz
BahnWerkxz 22×12 wheels
Nexen Cheep-0 tires in 315/20TR22
95% tint all the way around
DygitalDymensionz iPod cable
HarrrdParkin BahnBurner Aerokit
Creep-E-Jackalope-Eyez headlight eyebrows
Stikkon BonnetBulgez
BahnFahrt 4″ cat-back exhaust
Dominating a left lane near UUUU!
You get the idea? Don’t wait. Your BMW dealer is waiting to collect your money.
Jack – loved the “sig”, and it’s apparent that BMW is taking a page from Porsche to boost their bottom line. Soon you’ll be able to order a 3-series with alcantara headliner and carbon fiber door pulls, for an optional extra, direct from the factory. And think of the profits they’ll reap with such outrageous extras as carbon-ceramic brakes complete with color-coded calipers!
Anyway, it’s nice that they can stay in business with fluff so the few of us who actually drive these cars still get to buy something which is not an appliance.
I think you can already get the alcantara headliner from the factory…at least in Europe I’m pretty sure you can. One of the ‘individual’ options if I’m not mistaken.
BahnWerkxz 22×12 wheels
Come on…CSL reps 4 life, yo…
haha on dongcomp
You know shadowline and chromeline never appear together.
Only 50 horsepower shy of other safe aftermarket tunes. Is Dinan or Alpina crying?
Two questions:
1) When they flash the ECU do they also replace the fuel pump with one that can actually support 320 horse?
2) How much was the HarrrdParkin BahnBurner Aerokit? I want to put that on my de-badged 125i.
“Dominating a left lane near UUUU!”
Oh man… Where did you find my sig?