The most ridiculous, but oddly exciting, exercise in brand extension since Jennie Garth’s “Body In Progress” video made a public debut today. Zerin and Byron from Speed:Sport:Life were there to shoot and talk trucks upscale activity vehicles.
“Maserati held out until late in the day on Tuesday to show us their new Kubang. There’s not much to say, really. The Infiniti FX-meets-Maser-Gran-Turismo styling works better from some angles than others, but like most in this class, this car won’t be shopped for its looks. Maserati claims the Kubang will be powered by engines built in Italy. Early rumors pointed to Hemi power, and while this would appear to put those stories to rest, it’s not entirely out of the question that Maserati will simply build a breathed-on Hemi specifically for their SUV, rather than simply transplant the Chrysler variant (much the same way Mazda and Ford built slightly different versions of the Duratec V6 engines). What they did confirm is that the Kubang will be built in the U.S.”
Well, there you have it! Maserati’s typically combined the worst residuals, the biggest discounts, and the most enthusiastic lease programs in the business, so if you can somehow resist the impulse to pay full pop for a Kubang on Day One, it should be a $699/month lease before you know it. Plus, it’s built in the United States, just like all the other great European SUVs.
…only if she comes with it…
Seriously. What is with stylists these days and all of the wide, gapping maw front ends? Are whales the new black or something?
I think it has to do with meeting European pedestrian safety regulations.
You ingest them whole?
It has. Pedestrian safety laws require the bonnets of all new cars to leave a certain amount of space between them and the engine block. This is because the bonnet can actually absorb some of the destructive force of a human head hitting it with a certain amount of speed, but unfortunately in the past the much sterner cast iron/aliminium/whatever amalgation engine block lying closely underneath it made sure you’d be pretty much banging your head straight into the rock hard engine. This new regulation is intended to prevent that from happening. The bonnet will now provide you with a ‘soft’ cushion to lay your head on.
Sadly this means the schnoz has to be designed higher and the designers need to do something with all that new real estate they have at the front of the car, which results in several brands adopting these sharklike maws.
Maybe there’s some hope of reversing the trend if systems that deploy an airbag propping up the bonnet in case of a front end collission are accepted as an alternative. I believe Jaguar had something like that in the works already, but even if that works out most normal cars will just go with the high bonnet (cost savings).
All I know is that I have about 3 more years to acquire this, lest my life be deemed a failure, according to the The Robb Report.
I am going to hurry.
That is definitely an “upscale activity vehicle.” Uhhh….what’s that truck she’s standing next to?
Seriously. This display gets my “best eye-candy in show” award, hands….er….down, running away, etc….
Oh look another luxury SUV, I blame Porsche for starting this trend. Once Ferrari launches their version the circle will be complete. Too bad the girls dresses aren’t shorter, I guess that wouldn’t fit the “upscale” image, but it would hold my attention longer then the 2 seconds I spent looking at this mess.
Blame Lamborghini… they rightly deserve credit for being well ahead of the curve on this trend with the LM002
Those dresses are designed to hide their 10″ stilettos heels.
When did fetish wear become mainstream? Porsche had their models wearing 6″ stilettos with about an inch and a half platform. It’s the kind of shoe that 10 or 15 years ago you would only see in porn, and not plain vanilla porn either.
I understand and appreciate the appeal of high heels. A moderate high heel gives the female leg a shape that people find attractive, but my guess is that the vast majority of men don’t actually find extreme footwear attractive.
Blonde – the best that Detroit can offer? What’s the message – MILFs with poor taste in clothing and style are in the owners’ future? I say they nailed it, then.
Looks pretty nice. I assume it’ll be priced in the neighborhood of a loaded Grand Cherokee?
I reckon they’ll price it along the lines of the Cayenne in order to appeal to the same crowd of people with more money than brains, sense or style. ie., start at around $45k and go up from there.
I expect it will start in the neighborhood of TWO Grand Cherokees.
I think it looks good, in an utterly pointless sort of way. Certainly better than the butt-ugly Porker.
If this machine starts closer to $100k than $50k in price, I will point and laugh at every one that ever drives past me. In Vancouver BC, I’ll be seeing plenty.
If those bodacious babes are representative of the general populace up on Mt. Olympus, I’m renouncing agnosticism and diving head first into the Greco-Roman polytheist pool. Jumpin’ Jupiter!
“The Infiniti FX-meets-Maser-Gran-Turismo styling works better from some angles than others, but like most in this class, this car won’t be shopped for its looks.”
I would hope so. It wouldn’t get a second glance in public if it had Lexus or Hyundai badges.
I don’t know why everyone is hating on this thing, it’s a good looking SUV and it will sell. If not because of the looks, then for the exclusivity factor. This will put a Cayenne/X5/X6 to shame at a stoplight carshow.
It will be built at the current Mack Engine Plant, which is just north of Jefferson Ass’y in Detroit. Most likely Mack 2 (there are two engine plants on the complex).
The body will be welded up and painted at JNAP then send to Mack for final Ass’y and Trim at an “eclusive” Maserati Plant much like the SRT Viper is made up the street at Conner.
What, no play on the Kubang name with the booth babe? Geez…
OK, here goes…
Wang Dang Sweet Kubang!
OK, I’ll see myself out.
+1 for a Nugent reference in Detroit.
I dunno about Maserati, but I would Kubang her! Probably would run the same in maintenance cost.
How much did they have to pay Paris Hilton to be their booth babe?
“Plus, it’s built in the United States, just like all the other great European SUVs.”
Land Rovers are still built in the UK.
Yes. But either way there are no great SUVs at this point, European build or otherwise. They’re either too old (X5, RR, Q7), too ugly (Cayenne, Q7, Kubang), too cynically badge engineered (Kubang, ML, Cayenne) or arguably not good enough with respect to the others if you consider their launch date (Jeep GC, Merc ML, Kubang?, arguably include Touareg/Cayenne as well).
If I was forced to choose one it would probably be the venerable X5 or the Touareg, but I would find fault with either. The RR still has a lot of appeal but it is outdated. Might still be worth picking one up since if impressions of the new one are right it’s going to look like a Lincoln Navigator/Toyota Landcruiser hybrid.
My wife drives a 2011 RR Sport Autobiography and the updates Land Rover have made are spot on… it’s head and shoulders above the 2006 that it replaced. It’s hard to believe a 6k lb. SUV can drive like it does, power and handling wise. As for me… I’d rather not drive a truck.
Through divorce and remarriage Mercedes Benz, Jeep, Dodge and Maserati are sharing an SUV platform.
The Dodge arguably looks the best.
That’s pretty funny.
I HOPE they are going to fill up what is now a cheap looking black plastic void below the headlights with a fog light or something.
LMAO ! Ohhh boy, I’m crying…
Only JB will titled that last photo “I bang, you bang, she bangs, Kubang !”
I was waiting for someone to say that.
So glad JB didn’t disappoint.
Cute girls.
Seriously. I’d have like to have been in that marketing meeting where “Kubang” was being given serious consideration as a name. I can’t say it without giggling.
The name will be most likely changed to Cinqueporte, which means fivedoor … to go along with the Quattroporte, i.e., fourdoor sedan.
ew. i thought it was joke when this thing was announced and i still don’t understand it.
They missed a really good opportunity to dress a couple of hot women in really tight sports attire. I’m thinking a riding outfit for the blonde and scuba gear for the brunette.
I’m thinking a pair of bikinis for both of them.
The DEA is going to seize allot of these babies.
Say what you want, but it will probably end up being the most reliable Maserati ever made.
Uh, dealership network anyone? With only about 50 dealers in all of North America, good luck moving your Kubangs…
Marchionne is positioning Maserati as a Porsche competitor, so expect a Cayenne-like price tag for this one:
http://www.autoblog.com/2011/10/24/marchionne-aims-maserati-at-porsche-and-bentley/
And apparently this will help Maserati move from 6000 cars/year to 60,000.
Maybe they could make a movie to promote this car?
An edgy, modernized tale of an automotive engineer, divorced with two children, who is dating the daughter of an ex-military officer. Dad and the children get kidnapped by terrorists, and the automotive engineer has to modify an Italian SUV for a rescue mission, with his buxom girlfriend’s help. Many explosions, car chase between a Ferrari and our hero’s invention, lots of hand-to-hand combat, a plethora of snappy patter as villians are dispatched in horrifyingly humorous and ironic ways… and a gratuitous shower scene between the hero and his girlfriend.
We could call it Chitty Chitty Kubang Kubang.
Hey, remakes are all the rage in Hollywood….