By on January 17, 2012

Nissan’s Scratch Guard, which was completely forgotten weeks after its announcement revolutionized the industry, has now been applied to an iPhone case. The expanding resin can fill minor scratches within half an hour. Major damage may take longer. But is the “ScratchShield” just hype?

Nissan aimed its press release for the ScratchShield at the European market, further stating that

Nissan has been licensing its unique technologies for various non-automotive applications since 2004. Other technologies that have been licensed include its Miniature Thermal Imaging Sensor: initially designed to make driving at night safer by detecting the presence of people even in places not illuminated by the car’s headlights; the technology has been licensed to create a device which allows customers to monitor heat generation, or collect temperature readings via infrared sensor. Nissan will continue to research and develop breakthrough technologies that can benefit other industries, and promote these non-automotive applications globally.

No word on whether the current Versa counts as a “non-automotive” application. While researching ScratchShield (known in Nissan automotive applications as ScratchGuard), I found an interesting link: a detailer who found that, not only are Infinitis supplied with the paint not exactly self-healing, but they are more difficult to detail than conventionally-painted vehicles.

There’s no word as to whether the Nissan phone case will ever make it to North America. Perhaps the company is afraid it will enrage Ray LaHood if it even appears to endorse cell phone usage in any way. I could write Mr. LaHood’s speech on the matter, for the right amount of money:

Nissan may have “self-healing” phone cases, but there is no “self-healing” from the fatal decapitations which occur 500 times a day on American roadways thanks to texting and driving. The gutters of America’s highways are running red with blood from wounds that won’t heal, no matter how much we attempt to cover up the evidence of distracted-driving deaths with clever resin paints. The time has come for Nissan to “self-heal” their carefree attitude towards the biggest problem on this planet since that one asteroid distractedly hit the Earth and killed all the dinosaurs, who could have run for shelter if they weren’t busy sitting in traffic and talking.

Holler at me, Ray! But make sure your limo comes to a complete stop first.

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