Baby got back!
I used to be in charge of liquidating over 10,000 vehicles a year.
Each one had a story to tell, and at times the evidence of that recent storied past was quite noxious.
Old diapers. Worn clothes that smelled sweaty and burnt seven ways to Sunday. Dogs who probably spent more time cooped in that poor little car than they did in their home.
Thankfully, most large dealer auctions tend to have exceptional detail facilities. If it can be stained, smelled, or faintly scratched, the folks who run the sale can get it removed without a hitch.
But there is one thing that always tends to hang out on certain anointed vehicles, especially pick up trucks.
Truck nuts. Fake testicles. Bumper balls.
I can’t even fathom why someone would put this thing on a vehicle. Yet, they sell, to someone, somewhere. Of all the rancid things i have seen and encountered, that to me pretty much takes the cake.
How about you? What is the most repulsive thing you have ever seen on a car? As always, a good story is a great way to share your experience.
Racists bumper stickers that are too repulsive to repeat.
Let me be the first, and get it out of the way:
An Obama bumper sticker.
Political bumper stickers are polarizing no matter which side you choose. They just prove that you conduct no business from your vehicle. Those bumper stickers alienate half your potential customers.
For or against?
For.
Especially if it is a high-$ M-B, Beemer or Audi. Makes me wonder how the driver got their hands on enough money to buy that level whip in the foist place…
@Mark MacInnis: Wow, you must not get out much… Rich liberals exist, just like smart conservatives exist. ;-) I’ve had the good fortune to meet and talk with members of both groups a great deal. I suggest you get out more and do the same.
This board is actually a pretty good place to start, since its readership comes from across the USA and the world. You’ll find a excellent variety of articulate opinions here, from people with a wide variety of backgrounds. Many of the people who bother to post here also bother to write well.
I have my opinions, of course, and I argue them hard — but respect for the person I’m talking to (or about) is always called for.
Luke: excellent demonstration of a gentleman’s manners
Back in ’04 I put a sticker on my pristine condition 300SD and parked it in our badge-controlled indoor garage at Broadwing. Within a week someone had run their key down the length of my car. The sticker was identical to the current Bush/Cheney ’04 stickers but said Enron/Halliburton ’04. Neo-cons aren’t above defacing property … but it would have been worth it had I got my mitts on the perp.
No, an “I miss W” sticker has to be the most offensive, and ignorant thing ever placed on a car.
You are not being served by whatever news agencies you rely on.
http://tinyurl.com/7l6nzwm
I also once saw a B-I-I-I-G-G skanky fat chick in a bikini spread-eagled on the hood of a ’73 Mach 1. And by B-I-I-I-G-G I mean in the close neigborhood of 300 lbs., and by bikini, I mean 5 pieces of string and 3 band-aids. He was a fat-chaser and she was an exhibitionist.
It scared me. A lot.
The “My Child Is An Honor Student At Who-Gives-A-Damn Academy.”
No single bumper sticker better explains the whole “positive attitude everybody is a winner” mentality that has ruined many of my peers.
Oh, your kid can read at a 7th grade level? HAVE A STICKER! Ugh.
I wish I could link to a Robot Chicken video that lampoons these bumper stickers.
Note to self, blow up the Fancher Elementary School.
I once had the bumper sticker “Nuke Gay Whales for Jesus!” on a beater.
Nuf said…
Nearly two decades ago I was hunting a local junkyard for a replacement sideview mirror for my 1988 T-bird. There at the front of a line of fox-bodies was a Mustang with one of those yellow placards that says “baby on board” smack in the middle of the passenger window, except some helpful junkyard denizen had re-wrote the sign to say “dead cat on board”. Sure enough, there was a dead cat tucked between the front seats.
+1 to that junk yard humor
Those damn Coexist stickers. It’s more amusing when it’s next to an Obama sticker, you know, because he’s never order anyone to bomb countries or blow things up.
Ever.
I despise those Coexist stickers as well. Every Prius, New Beetle, and Subaru wagon in Boulder, CO is required to have one as far as I can tell. Snarky anti-Bush stickers seem to be equally prevalent even 3.5 years after he left office. What I can’t figure out is where these people continue to find fresh supplies of anti-Bush bumper stickers. The Colorado sun is not easy on stickers or paint for that matter but the anti-Bush stickers always seem to be in top shape.
Hey, the universe had to deal with him for eight years. It takes time to cool off :)
Inside a car, the ‘ick’ was high when a car detailer explained to me how guys in the shop divided up cleaning jobs based on which exit/orifice personally disgusted them.
Outside a car, driving in California I read this bumper sticker before I could stop my eyes going left to right; The Only Bush I Trust Is My Own. (actually the driver was pretty easy on the eyes, so it could have been much worse)
I’ve got to go with truck nuts as well. Ok, you’re a vulgar sob, we get that. Do you need to advertise it? I can easily explain differing political bumper stickers to my 5 year old. I don’t want to, nor can, explain why somebody needs testicles hanging off their vehicle.
I guess it’s like motorcycles with loud pipes (I ride as well). A coworker was the only person I ever met who was honest about it. He said he had extra loud pipes because it pissed people off.
What I find most interesting about stuff like this is that you know the owner hangs out with people who also think it’s great. She/he isn’t an isolated case. They have friends that think this stuff is cool.
A woman in Bonneau South Carolina was ticketed last year for having truck nuts hanging from her pickup bumper.
According to Reuters: Bonneau Police Chief Franco Fuda ticketed Virginia Tice, 65, in early July at a local convenience store after spying the adornment dangling from her truck.
South Carolina law considers a bumper sticker, decal or device indecent when it describes, in an offensive way as determined by contemporary community standards, “sexual acts, excretory functions, or parts of the human body.”
The offense carries a maximum fine of $445 but no jail time, Fuda said.
“This is certainly not a staple of my ticket writing in Bonneau,” the police chief told Reuters on Wednesday.
Personally, I think truck nuts are stupid, disgusting, and somewhat offensive, and I am really hard to offend. I’m not quite sure if it should be illegal. Maybe for 65 year old women it should be…
I think that truck nuts are a sign that the driver is lacking something, male or female.
Car bras are worse. Not sure if you’ve heard of those.
All political bumper stickers are stupid. You know why? Because people never remove them after an election! I’m still seeing Bush-Cheney 2004 stickers or Obama 2008 stickers on cars.
Why would someone want to advertise their political views? It opens them up to shenanigans from those who disagree with them.
My view on trucknuts, is that one should fasten a zip tie very tightly around the top, just like on the bovine prototype.
Of course, jacked up bro trucks with plastic gonads and motorcycles with loud pipes are clearly examples of overcompensation for a lack elsewhere. They also sometimes converge, a few years ago I was on an organized bike ride near Salem Oregon and got buzzed by a Harley with very loud pipes and trucknuts on the sissy bar.
I have a can of blue spray paint just for truck nuts. Does that make me a bad person?
@Slow_Joe_Crow
That’s awesome!!
For those of you who didn’t grow up around agriculture, I’ll explain the joke. One of the ways you can neuter a bull is to band the testicles. With, for instance a metal clip, or a zip tie. This is pretty much the perfect commentary on truck nuts.
As an IT professional, I often have zip ties in my car. I’m pretty sure I won’t actually do this, but, damn, it’d be pretty tempting…!
I don’t get them either. The people that I see driving vehicles with them often look like the type that hit the bars with the wet t-shirt contests and mud wrestling on the weekends. Do they check that the nuts are still there from time to time and enjoy gazing at the pair that their truck driving buddy put on their vehicle too? Do they lovingly wash them along with the vehicle? I mean really, unless you like gazing at them yourself, shouldn’t there be some point in the process where you think “Holy crap, I’m spending an awful lot of time looking at these online/in a catalog, choosing the right color, washing, and checking that they haven’t been stolen off my truck.”
Or did they put them in with the mentality of a 12 year old so they can giggle to themselves and think “haha ur gay!” every time they look in the rear view mirror at a light and see someone stopped behind them? If people put a furry triangle and fake labia on their car, would these same truck nut people think it was ‘funny’ too?
Not that I condone messing with people’s stuff, but I’m surprised there aren’t vandals running around with cans of blue spray paint.
(haha, as Jeff sneaks in a post while I’m distracted away from writing)
LOUD PIPES SAVE LIVES. They may piss people off, but according to the Hurt Report, over 60% of car/motorcycle crashes are caused by a car driver a) turning in front of a motorcycle, or b) pulling into its path, drivers don’t SEE motorcycles. But with loud pipes, they HEAR them.
As far as political bumber stickers- it’s still a semi-free country.
Hearing them is ok, just not at 3 am in a residential area. Maybe a exhaust bypass for quiet/loud operation…but the real question is with all that noise, why such low power output?
I’ll believe that when someone points them forward, so I can hear them primarily when they’re approaching instead of departing.
Fluorescent over-jacket vests and astute use of the motorcycle’s horn save more lives.
I ride motorcycles too. I call BS on loud pipes saving lives. The noise either points the wrong way or it bounces off of buildings with few hints as to where the motorcycle is.
Truck nuts definitely number 1. I am ashamed to come from the same country that invented this.
“Baby on Board” signs number 2. I always wondered: exactly how am I supposed to respond to your announcement? Stay back 500 feet? Reduce speed by 20mph? Applaud at your ability to procreate?
If motorcycles are included in your vehicle category I nominate fake German helmets. Most are sold as “novelties” because they provide as much protection as those green derbies the bar hands out on St. Pats, but the police never call anyone out for non-DOT-approved gear. I don’t get the point. Am I supposed to fear you because you’re a rough tough Nazi? Are you telling me how much you admire the people who shot at your ancestors? As a motorcyclist I find them embarrassing.
Nazi helmets were worn by outlaw bikers back in the day, which is understandable since they usually were also white supremacists with other Nazi regalia.
But these days it’s mostly the young punks on poser bikes with ridiculously extended swingarms with wide chicken strips on the rear tire.
That’s not entirely true. The earliest “bikers” were WWII veterans and if they wore German helmets or Maltese crosses, there was a good chance the artifacts were war booty.
“That’s not entirely true. The earliest “bikers” were WWII veterans and if they wore German helmets or Maltese crosses, there was a good chance the artifacts were war booty.”
I’m a little confused at your reference to Maltese Crosses, since if that were the case the war booty would have to have been captured from British soldiers, more specifically members of one of the rifle regiments, whose badge includes the maltese cross.
Perhaps you are thinking of the German Iron cross? which is a form of Cross Pattée or maybe the Victoria cross which has a similar planform.?
Those “Baby on Board” signs are only meant to do one thing: make the inventor and retailers of these goofy things rich.
Worst thing found in a vehicle: a dead homeless guy. He climbed into the sleeper cab of a semi truck that was out of service and died in there. It was a while before we found him. In the summer.
This should win the thread. I can’t imagine anything nastier.
Yup…..Dead guy in the summer?…..you got my vote for winner
Having found what we think was a dead cat decomposing in the back of an old Volvo 240 behind my mates barn, I can only guess at how horrible that would be. It gets my vote.
Somebody get this guy a trophy. You win.
Homeless people used to sleep in the parking structure at my dad’s office. Occasionally the would crouch behind cars and do their number twos.
You got me – my post was fresh steaming moose guts – I got there moments after the collision. The driver survived though, it was a Saab 900. :-) The moose basically exploded.
But a decomposing human body in the summer – eeeewwwwhhhh.
Yep, just remove the body and crush the truck or bury it whole – body and all. Put a nice marker above the truck to remember the poor chap.
I don’t want to drive it, don’t want to own it and I’m thankful that there are people who will pickup the dead bodies.
Stacks on a diesel pickup truck.
No, stacks on a gas pick-up… Why????
I would like to change my previous statement to “Stacks on any pickup truck.”
Non-functional stacks on any pickup truck.
Any expensive, high end make,with high end, expensive wheels, with caked on layers of brake dust.
Disgusting! Why pay all that money for a good looking/impressive vehicle,and tolerate it looking so shabby,and negleted?
German cars? For some reason, they almost invariably use brake pad compounds that produce insanely sticky and hard-to-clean dust. The only way to effectively clean that stuff off is to remove the wheel and scrub the crap out of it. Most people quicky realize that cleaning that dust is a Sisyphean task, throw their hands up in despair, and let it go.
Luckily the advent of ceramic brake pads has finally put an end to this. The pads on my 3-series make no dust at all, nor did those on my ’08 Saab 9-3.
Wheels of larger diameter than those fitted by the factory and matte paint jobs repel me. Oh, and flame surfacing.
So I shouldn’t put a set of 15″ alloys on a mid-90s Camry to replace the 14″ steelies? :P
Were 15s a factory option? There does seem to come a time when high quality tires become difficult to find in the OEM sizes of older cars. OTOH, the likelihood of someone buying high quality tires drops by at least 20% for every inch in rim diameter over 16. Plenty of people try to make up for the money they spend on rims by getting the cheapest Chinese or Korean tires they can find. Seeing as tires are the single biggest determinant of the ride and handling of any car, buying cheap tires is about as clever as a facial tattoo.
If I recall correctly, LE V6 models had 15″ steel; XLE and XLE V6 had 15″ alloy. So, yes to your question.
Here’s my list in no particular order:
1. Stick-on portholes, chrome B pillar, sharkfin and triangle appliques, smoked plastic rainguards along the top door window frames and all this stuff on the same car.
2. Family stickers showing mom, dad, kids, dogs, cats, birds on the rear windows of minivans and CUV/SUVs. Extra credit if all figures are wearing mouse ears…
3. $3,500.00 wheels on a $500.00 car.
4. Uh…the hanging “things” under the trailer hitches of pickup trucks as mentioned in the article.
5. This is out-dated, but ALL Calvin stickers, which, thankfully you don’t really see anymore, as the comic strip no longer exists.
6. Coexist. No comment…
Those family stick figures are just way too cutesy. I’ve considered putting 4 figures on the side of my driver’s door and telling people “One more and they make me an ace!”
God help you if you had accident that precipitated a lawsuit. The lawyer for the other side would have a field day…
I saw a 370Z with a single male stick figure surrounded by piles of cash in the side window. That one, I can forgive. But, yeah, the family stickers are the most obnoxious things out there.
http://xkcd.com/946/
I always wanted (when I drove a Saab) a “Calvin peeing on a Volvo” sticker.
On a serious note, Bill Watterson never endorsed (and spent a lot of time fighting) the misuse of his work for that kind of thing. You can’t blame him for people stealing his work.
You ‘ve never seen the zombie family stickers or the two mommies family stickers which I have. The two mommie family decal car also had the appropriate lifestyle rainbow emblems too…
Those family stickers started out as custom cut on the west coast Cali about early 2000’s and migrated to the mainstream.
I saw a minivan the other day with Mom and the kids and pets stick figures on the back glass. Dad was clearly recently scratched out and most of the adhesive residue remained.
My apologies for the obscene language before hand. In a Wal-Mart, where else, parking lot emblazoned across the back window of his truck “My bitch gives good head”. You’d think the local police would have had a nice chat with him. What’s worse, I saw the happy couple leaving the truck and they had spawned.
Evidently, it wasn’t good enough…
Perhaps he has trained his female dog to pull beers?
Most repulsive thing I have ever encountered is when my wife left a spilled gallon of milk in my passenger foot well of my suburban that was locked up for a week in the hot summer sun. It was the nastiest thing I ever smelled. Drove the truck to my detailer with my head out the window like ace ventura. My detailer is a godsend. It took him a week to get the smell out, took out the front seat, center console and carpet… nasty…
One time I left my car windows down and a tom cat climbed inside and sprayed the back seat. That was an awful smell. In the 20 years or so since then I have never left a car parked with the windows down. In hot weather I will leave the windows cracked open an inch or so, but never far enough for a critter to climb inside.
I had a cat enter my year-old ’95 Saab 900 and do the same thing in the driver’s footwell. Effing rancid; I had to completely disassemble the console/dash, remove the carpeting, pedals, etc. I also won’t leave the windows or sunroof open far enough for an animal to enter my car, ever. I don’t slow down for cats in the roadway either.
+1 on the milk.
Milk’s rotten smell is second to none. Pure puk-ola.
Additionally beeing a liquid, milk will find its way on hidden crevices and holes, and be throughly absorbed by cloth seats, rugs and soundproofing material.
Baby Formula will out-stink milk 10-1. Trust me, it is vile.
I once left 5 pounds of frozen venison in the back of my Expedition and totally forgot about it over the weekend. I did remember that I had had frozen venison in the back on Monday when I got in to go to work. Blah…..the smell was terrible and the blood had soaked into the carpet and every nook and cranny it could find. I had to trade it in….it was that bad. Professional steam cleaning, Lysol, a whole bunch of hanging pine trees could not get rid of the stench.
When I was still in high school I was a car porter for the local Chrysler dealership.
When a car was sold it was my job to wash it up and make sure it looked new.
I was also responsible for cleaning up the used cars that were traded in.
One time we got in an old Volare wagon, or something similar (it’s been almost 20 years) and at first glance the windows appeared to be tinted.
Upon opening the door I was overwhelmed by the stench of what had to be 10 years of cigarette contamination. The dashboard had a few plastic ashtrays glued to it, of course they were overflowing with cigarette butts.
The cool tint job ended up being caked on tar from the smoking, the prior owner must have always driven with all windows up as all were coated evenly with this sticky glop.
It took days for me to get the interior of this car “clean”, but we still ended up with a car that could only be sold to someone who had no sense of smell.
I can’t even describe the disgust I felt while swabbing this stuff up.
A minivan covered in those vile “Sexy Bi__ch”, “give me ass”, etc spread eagle silhouette style stickers.
This would have been unremarkable, but I was watching this greasy scumbag’s poor family of 5 climb into it. The wife saw me parked nearby and had an embarrassed expression. I just imagined the kids asking their father “Daddy, what’s a pu_sy, and why do you want it?”.
I always try to imagine these guys perusing the sticker aisle at Pep Boys with their 7 year old-mentality and selecting these products. “Should I get the ass-in-the-air profile sticker in glitter or white? Hmmmmm.”
Why do these people reproduce?
WHYYYYY?????
Humanity has been tainted with their seed!
All hail the Borg! Assimilate!
All bumper stickers except the two I like.
Remember the police DARE program (DARE to keep kids off drugs). I saw a bumper sticker that said “DARE To Keep Cops Off Donuts”.
The other bumper sticker was on a beat up old car; with dents, rust, torn vinyl roof, etc. The bumper sticker read “My Other Car Is Also a Piece of Crap”.
I got behind a car with an “I [heart] farting” bumper sticker once on the PCH. I’m not above admitting to laughing for miles. Don’t we all. Don’t we all.
My old Toyota Corolla has a sticker that says
“You have to be a secure person to be seen in this car.”
I think my two favorites are:
“Jesus saves – and so should you at First National Bank”
and
“My high-school dropout beat up your honor student”
Jesus also probably gets a better APR than I do.
A sticker I can deal with. But why 20+? Honda’s and Subarus seem to be the worst offenders. They are usually absolutely covered with “inspirational” quotes and various left leaning, snarky comments.
“If you don’t like how I drive, stay off the sidewalk.”
I am trying to remember which car of mine this was, but I honestly can’t. In any case, the car had a faint odor of decay on the inside, but the smell became overwhelming once you got out of the car. It was like it was following me around. I looked in the wheel wells, took as good a look as I could under the car, popped the hood, nothing. Then I left the car parked for a couple of days (I was on a camping trip) and got back to the car and it god it smelled. I took a closer look, and at some point during a drive a rabbit had gone through the lower air dam and become wedged in a place where it was very hard to see. Kneeling at the front with a flashlight I was able to spot this putrescent corpse, replete with a shimmering coat of maggots.
OK, it’s not really in the spirit of this article, but I saw a Cadillac CTS Coupe recently with a vinyl roof on it! That sure turned my stomach. Is it possible that the owner of the car was being ironic?
Either hail damage, or it was added on by the dealer.
Or both.
Giant chrome rims with rubber-band tires on trucks and SUVs. Not only does this display a lack of taste but also a disdain for functionality and the environment. If you are going to choose to drive a truck at least make an attempt to make it look like you are using it for what it was designed for. Truck nuts are at least funny in a crude Larry the Cable Guy sort of way but 300lb chrome rims are the pinnacle of idiocy. Sheesh!
I saw a lowered dually this morning. W-T-H.
You know that you can rent to own those type of rims/tires which is even worse when you think about it. Style stupidity combined with financial stupidity.
Any amount of food or food waste that smells is awful. I had a friend with a Corvette Z06 that mice built a nest in this past winter.
The big one:
A red interior, I was walking down the street, saw one, and almost threw up. The burgundy color is for couches and turtlenecks NOT cars.
I’d dearly love a 500 with a red seats and dashboard. Though the steering wheel and headrests would be white. Just saying.
I was in Pittsburgh for work earlier this year and pulled up next to a 335i m coupe. As I was pulling up I was admiring it until I saw stick-on portholes on the front fenders. I just want to know why. . .
Also,
Part of me wanted to yell “THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS!”
I worked at a body shop when I was in high school and one time a forest green Saturn SL2 came in with a trunk full of erotic toys and games. Maybe it was a prostitute’s car…not sure.
There are ladies who give parties, similar to Tupperware parties, for those items so it probably was that type of thing…
…or not. Shudder.
-Chevy bowtie. Makes me retch every time I see one stuck to a Daewoo.
-Obama 2012 sticker. A surefire way to quickly identify the human refuse needing prompt removal from the gene pool.
+1
There’s no need to be hateful toward people whose political leanings you disagree with.
They’ve earned my hate, thank you. Obama and his sycophants are bringing about the ruination of our country, by taking from the accomplished and giving to the undeserving. We’ve seen it with the bailouts, and soon we’ll see it with Obamacare.
Our government wants nothing but to rule our lives, and bankrupt those of us who actually contribute to society, have a bit of personal wealth, and some niceties to show for it. What’s more, the moron majority of this country seems happy to let them do it.
Obama and his hoard aren’t my opponents, they are my enemies. I see little distinction between them, and a burglar who breaks into my home to take what is rightfully mine. They should be treated exactly the same.
Whoops, I must have accidentally bookmarked freerepublic.com instead of TTAC..
– Romney 2012 sticker. A surefire way to quickly identify the human refuse needing prompt removal from the gene pool.
Many people with Obama stickers cheerfully eliminate their own offspring with abortions…er I mean choices.
That’s as clever as your side gets, John.
Gentlemen, if you are serious about descending into grade school level intellect, hate mongering, and insult slinging, would you be so kind and take it elsewhere? Yahoo and youtube commentaries are notoriously low level. This little subthread would fit right in.
@ttacgreg,
“Volts On Fire” takes it to a whole new level on TTAC though. He/she makes posts advocating or threatening physical violence against the President and “liberals.” I surprised that such posts are allowed.
Call me a coward, but I’d be scared to meet him/her in real life.
The best way to deal with Volts On Fire is to let Bertel and the others deal with him.
Politics makes people get all edgy and volatile as hell, and it’s the last thing anyone should be talking about on a car blog. I hate to say it, but can we PLEASE GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT THE CARS?
Vote alternative party this election. There -ARE- more than two political parties ya know…
Kinda funny, all the hate for someone whose policies are closer to Reagan than Carter. I used to vote mostly Republican, but since the party made the hard right turn, I don’t vote for Republicans at all anymore, except for a couple of city council members, that I know personally.
There’s a car in my work parking lot that is currently being living in. It has everything in it – dirty clothes, newspapers, food wrappers, pizza boxes – and its all piled up to the bottom of the windows. On some days he rolls the windows down a little and you can smell it a good 20 feet away.
We (the detailers that want things to be better than new) call the buffer jockey’s that do high volume dealer/auction work “hacks” Why, cause any idiot can hack a paint job with wool pads, rocks in the bottle compound and a rotary – then fill in the swirls with a glaze so thick doughnuts come with it and then call it “perfect”. Right…..wait till you wash it a couple times.
as far as nasty stuff, I’ve seen some dandies over the years I’ve detailed cars/vans/SUV’s and trucks. The worst is food trash that’s stuffed under the seats and forgot about for a few months. And the gas chamber that was a car before Thelma and Selma smoked in it. It’s amazing to spray a section of interior and watch as your white terry cloth turns st!t color due to the build up of tar from cigs.
And I grew up on a tobacco farm! Jeez, never smoked though – tobacco that is….
Re: smoking. A friend once asked me if I smoked after sex. I said, I don’t know, I never bothered to look…
“Question Of The Day: What Is The Most Repulsive Thing You Have Ever Seen… On A Car?”
Two VW Beetles porking each other near the Santa Monica pier in LA in 1973! Quite a sight, watching the top VW rock back and forth until it finally rolled off and fell over on its side, with the girl-drivers in two-piece bikini’s still in them.
All ended well and a bunch of spectators, including myself, got some cheap grabs in getting the girls out of the Beetles. And then the cops came and spoiled it all by writing tickets and dispersing the crowd.
Truck nuts are a rarity where I live but the few times i have seen them–they just make me smile. I think the owners are just trying to be funny.
I have the same problem as you with the “baby on board signs”–I just don’t know what is expected of me. I used to think that a “Thermonuclear device on board” sign would be better for keeping people off your bumper, but now I guess it might just get you carjacked.
I found a passed-out transvestite asleep in the passenger seat of my 1974 Maverick 302 in Copacabana beach (Rio de Janeiro) at around 7AM back in the mid 90s.
And on the parking lot of my university (in the same city) I saw policemen lift 3 headless bodies from the trunk of a VX Fox. And it was summer. And they had been in there for some time. And there was a puddle under the car’s trunk. And the owner of the stolen Fox was there trying to rescue his back-pack (which had his wallet, house keys and final term papers) from the trunk.
74 Maverick. Cool!
@Marcelo:
Not cool when it’s like the one I had: white base model (not even a cigarette lighter) with pistachio green vinyl interior and slow as molasses in line six.
Now, the loaded V8 1973 that my parents owned, THAT one I liked!
@Marcelo:
Not cool when it’s like the one I had: white base model (not even a cigarette lighter) with pistachio green vinyl interior and tepid in line six.
Now, the loaded with every option V8 1973 that my parents owned, THAT one I liked! Wish we still had it.
@Roberto:
When I think Maverick, I think V8. Forgot the 6 or even the 4. A Maverick maust have an 8 or it’s no Maverick! :) Colors secondary, which of course doesn’t mean some are more desirable than others.
We have a winner!! eeeeoooowww.
Not seen, placed. When a manager at a restaurant I worked for was transferred we put a half pound of raw shrimp and a couple of pieces of fish in a bag under the seat of his truck. We figured he’d find it the next day. Unfortunately he towed his truck to California and didn’t find it for 5 days. The report we got back was that he was not amused. Immature? Yes. But we thought it was funny as hell at the time.
A number on that window sticker that advertises something referring to the “Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price.”
I had a summer job back in high school working in a warehouse along side two guys and a girl from my class. Every afternoon like clockwork the pervy boss would offer Dawn a ride home and she would always decline, but one day it was raining hard and she finally said yes. She walked with him to his car and then walked right back. I figured he tried to hit on her, but she said there was no room for her in the car. The next day we all looked in the window of Mr. Dirkin’s Vega station wagon and saw that the passenger seat, passenger footwell, rear seat and rear footwells were completely taken up with empty cardboard and styrofoam coffee cups. In the back seat they were level with the windows. I have never seen anything like it. The best part was that he had been begging Dawn to ride with him for weeks and it never occurred to him that there was no place for her to sit.
I’ve never seen truck nuts or a carstache in real life, but I have seen the fake eyelashes. I did a double take. For real?
This is very region specific: I live about 2 hours West of Detroit, and we have a lot of transplanted Detroiters here. Many of them bring their love of the Tigers and their abysmal driving habits with them. Many of these drivers will stick a huge Old English font capital “D” on their car, declaring their allegiance to the Tigers (at the least). When my one daughter was learning to drive, I told her that the d-bag Detroit drivers have conveniently marked their cars for our convenience…
Another thing I really dislike are the 20″ or above rims on just about any car they didn’t come on originally. I would love to have my 1983 Trans Am back. Some dingbat near me has one just like mine (was), but it rolls on 24″s now… Why??????
They may as well add a huge “D” to it, too. It would be a perfect complement…
The biggest ick in a car came from an Enterprise Rent-A-Car I got years ago. Car was having body work, insurance set me up at Enterprise. They gave me a 4-cylinder Ford Taurus with a nasty habit of stalling out. The inside of it smelt beyond foul. Horrid. Rancid. Awful. I was told it was the only car they had, take it or walk (literally).
Turns out someone must have left their cat in the car – for days. The back seat was covered in feline feces and was covered in dried cat urine. When it got warm – oh my God.
The final straw was a tire went flat on I-495 outside of Lawrence, Massachusetts in the middle of the night. Go to the trunk, no spare tire. Just a jack. Just great. Someone picked me up (those were the good old days) and a friend drove an hour to pick me up.
I called Enterprise the next morning and told them their $h1t box was (literally) was located at mile marker whatever on I-495 with the keys locked in it and a flat tire. There was no spare tire in the back so you guys basically left me for dead in a cat feces car. You can go pick it up yourself.
They then tried to bill me $96 for the flat tire (I $h1t you not – pun intended). Ended up going to collections and I never paid simply on principal.
Oh – and the truck nuts, I saw a blue pair of them on a Subaru WRX a couple of days ago. It looked utterly stupid.
I had a job that rented cars exclusively from Enterprise for a while. The percentage of cars they gave me that looked like someone shot a bukkake video in them was 100. One time we arranged for a bunch of brand new Chryslers from Enterprise for a Chrysler executive retreat. I went to pick them up and said I was going to inspect them before accepting them, based on prior Enterprise experience. The Enterprise rep said, “They’re brand new cars! You don’t have to check them!” I fell for it. Bodily fluids sealed in with Scotchguard everywhere. We finally decided that it must be a ‘perk’ of Enterprise employment, getting to mark your territory and impose your funk on the customers.
Worse thing ever on a car. Green. Not Forrest, or Hunter, or even Kermit or Lime. In Jacksonville several years ago someone owned a late 70s Aeroback Skylark. Beond my dislike of that style, it was painted the brightest Electric Green known to mankind. It looked like a 1,000watt neon interpretation of 80s era legwarmers. I’m willing to believe someone added radium to the topcoat just to add some more unnatural brilliance.
The only reason I could think of for choosing that color was theft protection. Nobody would steal it, and if they did any cop in the county would spot it within 5 minutes.
We repo’d a Cavalier back in the late 80’s.
Back seat, including the floor was about 6 inches deep full of used diapers, McDonald’s bags, and cigarette butts. The smell made you retch from 15 feet away.
To think that the owner had their baby riding in there was the worst part.
Fake chrome anything (DriveTime and J.D. Byrider must include a pack of portholes and door pillars plus a coupon at the local Rimco for every ex-Avis base model 300/Charger they sell because…Jesus).
Bush ’04 and Obama ’08 bumper stickers. It’s 2012 people.
McCain/Palin ’08 bumper stickers with “McCain” scratched off/cut off/covered in electrical tape/whatever. Talk about butthurt.
Altezza taillights. Like I said, it’s 2012.
Those way-too-bright, blue-tinted headlight bulbs. Why?
Oh you nailed it with the Altezza taillights, those make any car look dorky. People don’t want to learn how to do real automotive modifications like lead-filled seams or the English wheel but tacky crap that can be adhered or screwed on in less than ten minutes are a-okay nowadays. I’d like to add to your list: people who spell out their name, crookedly, across the back glass with mailbox letters.
Remind me to avoid repulsion threads in the future :-(
The most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen on a car is the Bangle Butt.
I am sure a few would be literally disgusted by this example. I considered it humorous.
A Subaru driven by a beautiful lady had a replica of an Oscar award trophy bungee corded to the grille.
The little statue happened to have a nice golden hard on.
Remember the Mythbusters episode with the dead pigs decaying in a Corvette?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKiB3g9hgQg
Am I too late to mention the yellow window diamond with “Mother-in-law in trunk”?
I thoroughly hate the “2 in the V, 1 in the B” hand stickers on cars. Keepin’ it real classy.
We had a car parked dead center in the parking lot of the hotel I worked at, and they sent security(us) out to see what was going on. It was an old Chevy Nova, like an early 70’s model, and there was an old guy asleep inside. There were papers and McDonald’s wrappers up to the window level. We knocked on the window and the old guy woke up and moved the car to the street. About an hour later, I walked by the car, the windows were open, and leaned in to look at some headline on a newspaper on the dash, and suddenly, a young German Shepherd puppy, about 30 pounds or so, popped his head out of the papers, like an Alligator popping out of water, and tried to take my face off! It was kind of funny, and I got one of the other guards to walk up and look at the same paper and he just about killed himself bailing out. A year later, he came back with the dog, who was a monster at that point.
I’ve got a few:
When I worked at Nissan we had a lot of Indian and middle-eastern customers. One guy owned a mid-90’s Sentra and due to his religious orientation (I can’t remember which) he smeared chicken blood all over the wheel covers, and pretty much every painted panel. The inside of the car smelled pretty awful too. Every time it came in we were instructed not to run it through the carwash. Definitely nasty, especially when doing tire rotations.
When I was a kid we had an ’85 Voyager and once in the summer my mom bought a pineapple at the store, but realized it was already somewhat past when we got home. She planned to return it, but forgot it was even in the car over a whole July weekend. Somehow, the thing actually BURST! There were bits everywhere and man did they reek!
My cousin has an ’89 Astro van, the cargo version, and a friend of his bought him a bumper sticker that said “Don’t honk, your kids could be in here!”. My cousin laughed, but had the good sense not to affix it to the vehicle.
i used to work valet at the biggest casino in Louisiana and i’ve seen some pretty disgusting things on or done to cars. it would have to be a three way tie between the early 90’s honda civic with random crap covered in cat litter that filled the rear seats and trunk, the early 00’s dodge 3500 with crap stains smeared into the drivers seat (refused to park that one), or the guy who had the early 80’s small oldsmobile sedan who tried to make his own lambo doors by removing the one of the two bolts holding each door on to the car (which he spent an hour trying to put back on after opening).
Within the past year I spotted a small older model nissan piled high with clothes and household items at the grocery store. It was clear that the middle aged woman in the car was living in it.
If I had to live in my car, I’d definitely keep the trash cleaned out. I keep our car reasonably clean but don’t freak out over leaves and pebbles getting tracked in on the mats. That said whenever I have to spend any real time in the car – like going out of town – I keep the car spotless. I can’t stand riding in a rolling trash can. It’s right up near the top of my peeves list.
“IF YOU RIDE MY ASS You Better Be Pulling My Hair”
Saw that in a hospital parking garage on a $40K SUV.