You had a helluva time!
A nice long party. Plenty of nice conversations. Fireworks. A nightcap. More fireworks…. and…
“Damn!” The laws of physics weren’t so downright nasty to you back in the day. You wake up with the feeling that you have been just recovering from a nasty virus. The body aches. Motion is a bitch, and loud sounds are about as welcome as that nosy neighbor of yours who thinks your daily life is his personal sitcom.
Is this a good moment to be driving a Miata to work? Or a Porsche?
Obviously not. You need a vehicle that will keep you in a bubble of pleasurable isolation until the body functions fully return and the mind can focus on the routine.
So what do you want to drive? Keep in mind some leather interiors can have some nasty noxious smells and certain cars can attract gawkers right when you want to avoid attention like the plague.
What is the perfect ride for ‘The Morning After’?
To make it even more interesting, let’s assume that there is a 50/50 shot you may have to pull off to the side of the road and… ahem… clear things up a bit in your body. Worst case scenario, you may end up having to personally clean the interior if things go awry. So leather, leatherette and MB Tex may be a consideration along with a washable interior.
Then again… those smells! Your 50/50 may become a 100/0 if the plethora of emanations become too much.
So what vehicle would be the best choice for that loathsome commute?
Anything with a soft, supple suspension, a great AC and quiet.
The cushiest ride you can get.
maybe a Lincoln town car or w140 benz. The Volvo 940 has an exceptionally cushy ride.
just get back to the house and pass out
The answer is always Miata…
…Except when it’s panther.
Any older, boatlike old person car would be great for this. A towncar or Grand Marquis are probably ideal since they’ll likely have leather.
I could think of a number of caddies that would fit the bill as well.
Or a W126, though I don’t think that deserves your hangover.
1994-1999 Cadillac DeVille. Looks like a real Cadillac not a College of Arts and Sciences. It also rides like a cloud and has the best leather seats ever.
I’ll go with a 2-3 yr old mazda3. No new plastic smell. Not old enough to have aquired other smells. The suspension walks the line nicely between seasickness and a headache i.e. well damped but not too stiff. The most important criteria is that it should be a familiar car so that it can literally be driven without thinking and that 1% remaining brain capacity be dedicated to avoiding the obstacles on the road ahead.
I’d like to vote a Ford Crown Vic – Mercury Grand marquis.
But, after a 5 hr sleep infested with boom boom of 4th July celebrations – watered down by gallons of beer – I rolled off the bed into my E550 and the next 30 miles thru barely-any-traffic was easy as I let the car cruise on while the seat messaged my confused-by-break-in-routine body. Suspension on C. Massage on. Harmon-kardon letting out early morning radio.
Sometimes it really helps to have ALL the gizmos on.
//not bragging // just tired
Yep, right here. Noone will pay attention to you and the ride is super soft.
You win. I vicariously took that ride, and it was perfect. Thank you for sharing.
With the Cralola Cranyon odor of the 2000 Saab 9-5(it’s in the carpet back and was changed to another vendor in later years) at least the cop maybe fooled.
But definitely not Dad’s Silverado HD with plus reinforced sidewall tires. I have a hard time even reading my phone.
Ya gotta find a nice compromise between big, comfortable, quiet and floaty, and so damn big I have to pay REAL CLOSE attention to where I’m aiming it….
Mercedes E class hits that sweet spot.
exactly. The S gets too big – and too expensive but the E gets right there.. :)
From experience, W140 S-Class. The biggest positive is how silent it is.
Those double-pane side windows have got to help.
I’d opt for something like a base model F150 with vinyl seats and hose-down interior… you never know who’s gonna barf.
My W126 diesel was an excellent hangover car.. Smooth ride, quiet (for a diesel), decent sound system, chilly AC (at least back east) and the back windows weren’t child safe so if anyone had to yawn in color, there was a good chance it wouldn’t be inside the car. Plus, grey MBTex.
LS 400/430/460.
Volvos from 7 or 9 series to the last S60 (new one is still too new and will attract attention).
TAXI!
I agree with twotone.
With that being said, I like riding my high revving motorcycle….but then again I’ve never had a hangover in my life…
I’m curious. Is it because of religious reasons, or are you just smarter than everyone else? Do you not drink at all, or do you just stop while you’re ahead.
Not for religious reasons and don’t consider myself smarter….
1 beer an hour is a pretty good rate for me. That rate doesn’t typically lead to hangovers….
I’m going to go against the crowd here suggesting all manner of luxury cars and say:
Jeep Wrangler Unlimited w/hard top.
It’s it’s not super smooth, but has a powerful A/C. It features drain plugs for easy garden hose clean-up, plenty of cup holders for all the 7up and crackers you can eat. The suspension can handle a curb or two and the bumpers are sufficiently sturdy for the random bumps one might encounter on such a morning.
honda element let’s face it you will need to clean it out after you fail to get out in time and it is very easy to clean ( and for a bonus you can sleep in the back)
Whatever (American, black, P.O.S.) the car service you called turns up with.
Benzes appear to be winning.
All is well with the world.
I’d suggest a late model Buick Park Avenue:
1. It has a cushy ride.
2. With the 3800 engine you wouldn’t have to worry about it dying on you.
3. It’s big enough that if you were in an accident, you’d probably live.
4. You could drive as slowly as you wanted to because it would be expected.
5. You could leave your left hand turn signal going so that multi-lane traffic would avoid you, and this would also be expected.
One wouldn’t have to be too concerned about “contamination” of a cloth or leather interior if he were to bring a garbage bag along.
#4 and #5 certainly put you in the running for the best. Well done.
Rigid framed Harley with straight pipes.
2000-2006 Lexus LS430 is probably the quietest, smoothest car I’ve driven. Great hangover car.
I can attest to the Buick Park Ave; lazy forgiving drive! I hate rowing 5 gears in my Protege5 after one of those nights.
Noise isn’t really the problem with a hangover, it’s sudden sharp loud noises.
I’d prefer a car with a nice steady burble or hum. Enough to cover up other noises but not so much to move into the loud range.
For my vote, a 1973 Dodge dart with a slant 6 and vinyl interior. It will run, it’s cheap as dirt and if you crash it you wont’ care. Nor will the extra dents you put on it bother you. And since it probably already stinks, a little added smell won’t be noticed.
an ambulance
Porcelain Bus!