The first of my childhood friends is about to tie the knot this summer, and my friends and I are busy with preparations for the bachelor party. Normally this would call for some awful white stretched Hummer, but some stipulations have been handed down by the groom.
The main rule set forth by the groom was “no strippers or strip clubs”. Our friend isn’t any sort of chase puritan, but the practical sort who sees little utility in paying $20 for some lady to grind her butt into his lap while a shitty rap song plays over a muffled sound system. Not all of us agree with this logic, but we will respect his wishes.
The plan is now to head up to a friend’s cabin in the woods for a weekend. Since it’s on a lake, we may rent a couple jet skis. We’ll be bringing a fair amount of beer. I’m leaning towards a crew cab full-size truck, though a large SUV with three rows and adequate towing capacity may be better. Of the 15 of us going, only two or three have their own car – being able to carry seven to nine people may be an asset.
Any suggestions? A new three row Range Rover would be ideal, but an F-150 will fit in a lot better in the rural town where the cabin is situated. And is likely better equipped for an impromptu mudding sessions that are liable to happen.
Doesn’t the Tesla Model S have room for 7?
E Series Van – plenty of room for everyone and all the kegs you need, PLUS the towing capacity.
We have gone this route for a number of bachelor parties.
+1
Only needing 1 sober person to truck 12 people back from a day on the lake is always a plus.
This is realistically the best option, that or its Chevy equivalent. If you are uncomfortable with big vans or want something a little more stylish, or just something more powerful, go for a suburban/yukon xl/extra large escalade. They seat 8 comfortably (yes, even the third row isnt so bad) and haul lots. These things are really great — my family of six people has had one since 2000 and is fantastic for long trips. Theyre also a lot easier to drive than you’d think, visibility is great.
If you want something more creative/ironic, go for one of those ridiculous escalade/cadillac pick up limos. Those things should still be able to haul and have passenger capacity, plus lend the festivities a ridiculously tacky bachelor party feel.
+1 on Suburban/Yukon XL. Make it black to fit a “Secret Service Behaving Badly” bachelor party theme. For more passenger space, rent a motorcade of two black trucks.
Well heck no strippers? why even bother to go. just make sure he is marrying a lady that won’t veto his future car purchase choices!
She is a wonderful human being and a lawyer, so any future car purchases will likely be nicer than mine.
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2013/02/save-this-1969-checker-aerobus-from-getting-made-into-chinese-washing-machines/
Or this:
https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/tag/2013-nissan-nv/
you’ve got it all wrong. For a bachelor party in the woods, you need the cheapest, ugliest, lowliest, least capable rental car (Versa? Spark in pastels?) with all optional insurance coverage. Then, see what it can do. If there’s 15 guys, that’s plenty to pull it out of the mud, or the lake.
A sixth-generation Chevrolet Suburban for style points.
Something rented. Puking is far too likely to risk your own vehicle.
“Of the 15 of us going, only two or three have their own car…”
Um, are any of this group of friends actually old enough to GET married?
In any event, you will probably not have to bring as many out as you take in – several will probably die on the jet skis.
For more on this, please see the following: https://www.thetruthaboutcars.com/2012/09/generation-why-data-not-prognostications/
And yes, everyone has a full-time job and has moved out of their parents home. One of the guys won a Grammy this year. Cars are expensive.
Ummm, not to generalize, but I bet they all have $300 phones and are on $125/month data plans. What do I win?
“Cars are expensive.” No, NEW cars are expensive. Now, if all these guys live in the GTA, not having a car is understandable.
Still, needing to bum a ride up to Cottage Country…kinda sad.
All of them live right downtown, and yes, near St Jacobs.
Drake?
Booze and jet skis?
Drive an ambulance.
+1
well spoken. i fear for the lake neighbors sanity
No. Aside from the life threatening nature of such an activity, the police patrol the waters heavily and if you’re caught, it’s equivalent to a DUI.
Hard to go wrong with an Escalade ESV.
I would guess the cottage is located somewhere in the Muskoka area, so the chosen vehicle will have to look like it belongs there, though you’re a group of 20-somethings, so the choice would have to be ironic – it’s hard to reconcile the two requirements.
A mint Caprice stationwagon. Big enough for 8 people, and beer.
It’s not. It’s Mennonite country near Waterloo.
St. Jacobs?
Even better – it won’t need to be an ironic choice, and if it’s a dark coloured Caprice wagon, you’ll blend right in!
Minivan. May as well send the groom off in the style to which he will become accustomed.
Plus nothing beats a minivan for a multipassenger roadrip vehicle. Nothing.
Wait. Since when does the groom get to dictate the terms of the batchelor party? And since when would any man’s true friends honor a “no stripper” rule? And in the plain old WTF category – what’s with a “no stripper” rule because of the cost!?! I can understand the obvious (we live in Boondock and they’re ugly). I can kind of understand a feminism angle. I don’t get the fact that it costs $20 for three minutes.
So, do what you’re supposed to. Rent a big-axx Hummer, drive up to the Booty Call or whatever your local establishment is named, toss the valet the keys, and act like a player for a night.
If it was my bachelor party, I’d be down right pissed if my friends did what you suggested.
In my experience, the best vehicle will have vinyl seats and rubber floors so it is easier to hose out.
A decked out Sprinter van.
In all seriousness, it’s hard to go wrong with the blacked out 4wd suburban should be able to handle all needs and is still fun enough to drive.
Chrysler/Dodge Minivan! And it’s made in Cauckastan.
+1
Chevrolet Sonic
I agree with the Suburban, especially the blacked out ones. They fit in everywhere.
And if you’re going to rent jet skis go all out and get some dirt bikes/ ATVs also.
Sounds like fun and congrats to your friend and his soon to be bride.
My vote is for a beige, white, or gray Honda Odyssey. That way if the need should arise you’ll be able to quietly blend in with traffic. Plus you’d still have the power to move swiftly away.
Otherwise a long wheelbase AWD Chevy Astro would do the trick.
^^^This. The Honda. And watch out for the slow-moving vehicle signs on the buggies. Actually, St. Jacobs is a beautiful little burg.
*Chaste
Not chase.
And an old Panther (I prefer Town Car myself). You can fit several strippers in the trunk (shhh, don’t tell).
This is the ticket for me as well, good luck finding one to rent. Tried to rent one last summer, Hertz was the only place who still had them (only at the airport location no less) and they wanted $400 out the door for a day and a half rental.
As of summer 2011, I got a Town Car from National for $200 for a weekend, IIRC (airport location too). Of course, it was an on-site upgrade. Given that one of the reps tried to steer me to an MKZ or something when I asked about it, suggested the Panther wasn’t too popular.
I was wondering how many comments would be racked up before someone would question “chase puritan”.
Another case of spell-check fail?
I let him slide on the chase puritans (should be Puritans…proper noun…) because I was already Jonesing on his buddies.
Find an X305 or [running] X308 Jaguar for rent. Style and class all the way.
Got to add my voice to those who say that a full size BOF 4×4 American SUV is the way to go.
i am going to suggest something completely different. ford flex with a bench seat in the second row. it will *comfortably* seat 7 and still have room for hauling stuff. it can pull 4500# so a small trailer can be full of beer, or additional supplies, or wait, a rented hot tub!
Rented hot tub? WIth just dudes present, and no strippers?
Pass.
It’s been over a decade since I went to a bachelor party & watched the guys make total fools of them selves….
Listening to you young ‘uns plan is much fun .
-Nate
“…who sees little utility in paying $20 for some lady to grind her butt into his lap while a shitty rap song plays over a muffled sound system.”
Well more for the rest of us then.
Grab a Navigator, massive, luxurious, powerful, and although its just a fancy Expedition, its better than a Escalade.
You don’t need a car.
You need a 30 foot RV!
– Extra fridge – more cold beer
– Space, space, space
– Seats up to 9 guys
– Spare beds, spare toilet, spare shower
– Unbeatable fun when you get stuck in mud
F-150 Raptor! I know you’ve bitched about it in past postings but it’s the perfect vehicle for cottage country. It’ll fit five guys (seven, when drunk) and all your crap in the back, plus haul Jet-Skis. Plus, the local chicks will dig it when you head into town to re-stock with “supplies”! Perfect for hooning it in the mud pits after a few….
Let us do the driving. Just kidding. At least allow us to perform. http://www.centerfoldstrips.com Steph.