Welcome to Remix Review, where we take a review written somewhere else and change it to be about a completely different car. Yes, it sounds odd, but trust me, it’s the best thing that’s ever been done on the Internet. Points will be awarded for being the first reader to guess the original car and review. Give a welcoming hand to Amanda, our first Remix Review author, telling us about her Nissan Juke! — JB
The Nissan Juke is the Japanese automaker’s flagship five-door hatchback. A high-performance five-seat version of the already extremely capable Sentra, this four cylinder powered vehicular star of the James Bond films Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace is one of the fleetest production cars in the world, with seductive looks and lavish interior appointments to boot.
Only the most modestly-sized pocketed consumers could even consider procuring one, but there’s no denying the powerful allure of the Juke, even when stacked up against its competitors. Few, if any, cars on the road today can match this uber-Nissan’s combination of dashing style, normal levels of luxury and moderately ferocious turbo-charged vigor. Just ask your neighbor who might have one.
Current Nissan Juke
The Juke is not offered as either a coupe or Volante convertible body styles. There are two seats in the front and three seats in the rear. All five seats are standard. A veritable smorgasbord of high-end features are available, among them 17″ alloy wheels, a suspension, four wheel disc brakes, twos of headlights, automatic climate control, leather or cloth upholstery, power heated seats, a headliner, Bluetooth, a navigation system and a 6-speaker Rockford system with a single-CD in dash changer and iPod integration. The options list also includes satellite radio and various aesthetic upgrades like floor mats.
In the engine place, the front wheel drive Nissan Juke sports a hand built 1.6-liter I4 that generates about 188 horsepower and around 177 pound-feet of torque — 79 hp more than the Versa , which employs a lesser version of the same engine while weighing either more/less than the Juke. A six-speed manual gearbox is standard and a six-speed automatic with paddle shifters is not an option.
Remarkably, the Juke’s engine output actually isn’t as impressive as it sounds in today’s horsepower-crazed marketplace — there are other cars available for about the same price as the Juke that generate comparable power numbers. But the exotic sounds that emanates under full (or for that matter, mostly full) throttle are sufficiently intoxicating to render such numbers meaningless. For the record, the Juke will sprint to 60 mph in a shade over 7 seconds, so the stopwatch-crazed should be satisfied as well.
In road testing, our editors have generally been okay with the Nissan Juke. At civilized speeds, its suspension yields a ride, road noise is present and the luxurious hard plastic and cloth-lined interior seems fit for people. Yet the harder you push the car on straights and through corners, the more it feels, remaining flat and composed through all but like 64% of most demanding stretches of pavement. Granted, the Juke doesn’t afford the razor’s-edge performance of, say, a Ferrari 458 Italia.
But it more than makes up for that deficit by providing a genuinely livable ride/handling balance — and drop-dead gorgeous styling.
Used Nissan Juke Models
The Nissan Juke is not a low-volume seller, so finding a used one should be pretty easy to do. The Juke was introduced for the 2011 model year with the hatchback body style, five-seat interior and a CVT or six-speed manual. The same 2+3 seating arrangement and transmission options were available in its second year. The Volante is still not available. Used buyers should note that the Juke navigation system is slow and finicky to operate. Previously, the name was affixed to jukeboxes in bars from 1969-2005.
Best thing on the Internet? Naah, wackylacing was better, but that died along with fixed line widths.
If you’re cribbing other people’s reviews for performance art, a link to the original would be the minimum courtesy.
I’m still leaning toward Jess Greenberg on Youtube as being the best thing on the internet.
Aston Martin db7
Aston V8 Vantage?
Warm
Sorry, but this is not a great idea.
Agreed honfatboy. Not sure what is being attempted with this, but it neither yields useful information, reveals any pertinent truth, nor lambastes someone or something deserving of such treatment. Fail.
I thought this was brilliant, it tears apart luxury car puff pieces. Makes you wonder if the writers are just plugging specs into a template.
Don’t just do to other people’s reviews, either, I want to see the MKZ review go through the wringer too.
Nope, it’s not. It just ruins the original review and stifles new information being put out there on the new car.
Mini?
edit – or Golf.
Yes because Golf Volante…
Not.
a bit too much sarcasm and not enough truth about the car, IMHO
Agreed
This article needs the author’s photo in a bikini. Every TTAC article should be accompanied by the respective author’s photo in a bikini.
Be careful what you wish for…
A gold, shiny jacket & shorts is bad enough…
Google is your friend:
http://www.edmunds.com/aston-martin/dbs/
Warm…warmer…disco!
She was talking about the DBS.
I cringe every time I watch Bond roll it in “Casino Royale.”
“Flagship hatchback” in the first line. It’s a good thing I wasn’t drinking coffee.
This is much more like it.
Actually, even with the sarcasm/parody in the review, the car doesn’t sound half bad.
Volante aside, I wanted this to be about the Panamera so badly.
I was puzzled by the article at first, but I laughed harder at this even than my newspaper’s local auto reviews once I was in the right frame of mind. My vote is to try a few more of these before giving up on the concept.