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A white panel van with the words “Free Candy” emblazoned on the side and smeared handprints creeped out enough people in Sacramento that KHTK just had to report on it (via Boing Boing).
The van appeared in neighborhoods around the area — even parked next to a school bus — when residents became concerned.
“It just felt like they were trying to track kids and it just gave me a creepy feeling,” said the mother of Lawrence Bellow, 12, who took a picture of the van.
The news station tracked down the owner, who said they were heading to Burning Man in Nevada.
“It was a joke. It’s nice to know that if was there actually a creepy white van around that people would be taking notice of that,” said a friend of the owner.
52 Comments on “Burning Man Van Creeps Out Kids Like No Van Can...”
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I think worst thing about the insane PC culture we live in is that no one can take a joke or even recognize a joke when they see one. Lighten up, people!
I am waiting for the obligatory “What does this have to do with cars?” comment.
Aside from the photo of the van and driving to Burning Man, this has nothing to do with cars.
Other than the fact that it is a vehicle, it has nothing to do with cars.
The “truth about this car” is that (a) people don’t know how to take a joke; and (b) no one who was actually that creepy would be that stupid, advertising in essence “come and get me, here I am!”.
Well, actually, since Murilee often talks about prototypical “Free Candy” molester-mobiles when writing about the heap ‘o the day, I’d this one’s apropos enough…
It’s not even an accurate depiction. In reality, the blood of the children is only on the insides of the van.
No no no. The blood of the children is mostly in the basement of the sketchy looking house the creepy van takes them to.
I actually think a child is less likely to get abducted by this van. Real pedos would have an unmarked van.
Thank you for this correction!
(Yes, to your point 2. It’s too obvious.)
I wish pedophiles had a sign on their vans declaring them as such.
You’re doing it wrong. What you need is a van that’s a bit more unsuspecting
http://data.whicdn.com/images/20866648/original.jpg
https://twitter.com/springysigns/status/533355052136546304
Large vans are passée and minivans are heading that way as well. A molester would pick something more fitting to the school parking lot……… molester SUV anyone?
Surprisingly well done on the straight ARIAL font! Hard to do when you use blood as a medium.
So did it have free candy?
I hope there’s Pez.
I haven’t had Pez in awhile.
IIRC I like all the colors (orange best) except purple. But you can only find the multi-color packs, if at all!
I’m gonna look for them at K-Rogers when I go there tomorrow.
I hope today’s Pez doesn’t disappoint those who remember Old Pez.
Last year I stumbled onto Fizzies online, ordered some and gagged. Should have tried them as paint remover before angrily tossing.
Ditto for Chunky, Buster Bar and countless other products from the past.
“If I had to have one food for the rest of my life…PEZ. I’d pick cherry flavored PEZ.”
The candy has to be free if it is actually part of Burning Man due to a gift economy. IIRC you aren’t allowed to sell stuff at burning man, so for that reason the van should really just say CANDY. The free part is probably what people are upset over. Such redundant language is taking over our parlance, I’m embarassed every time I use the phrase ‘VIN number’.
Agreed. Also “hot water heater”, come on people!
At the bank I used to work at, the hot water heater had an added bonus of being in close proximity to ATM machine where people put their PIN numbers in to get cash money.
*doffs cap*
The English language is weird.
Did you check all that with the Department of Redundancy Department?
Or ATM Machine.
Burning man *is* a gift economy. The only people selling stuff are the officially sanctioned ice camps that distribute ice for your cooler, and coffee at the main Center Camp.
I was always told if someone’s trying to sell you drugs, he’s probably a narc (there’s two counties’ worth of deputies who are there) or it’s fake.
Nobody knows because everyone was afraid there was a real pedophile inside. So ridiculous.
I’m kinda expecting that scary a$$ clown from Stephen King’s IT.
That would be ” Pennywise The Clown ” .
Scary indeed .
-Nate
I can’t imagine how this van would have traveled more than two blocks without being pulled over by the local police. Back in the day, I had a 1965 dark blue Chevy van with windows all around. I was constantly being pulled over. Never got a ticket or an explanation. I think the cops were bored and just wanted to see if I was carrying anything illegal. Once I got rid of it, I was never stopped again so it wasn’t my driving that attracted the attention of law enforcement.
Maybe if it said “Free WiFi”, its all about free net access these days with kids. Cops knew it was a waste of time with “Free Candy”.
It was likely notified by police before hand or was pulled over once and simply notified through the network.
Something so obvious that could draw attention usually gets a heads up because if they don’t the cops come down on you pretty hard for wasting resources.
Besides kids today should know to hold out for more than candy. That candy tactic is soo 1970’s midwest pedo it is insulting to the prepubescent.
Free WiFi
Free phone charging station and MONSTER drinks.
At least the van didn’t say “Subway” on the side. That would be creepy.
What? Too soon?
Nice
Going down that line…. At least the van didn’t say, “FREE PUDDIN’ POPS and some qualudes”.
LOL
Great. Now I have to explain the loud guffaws to my wife and daughter. FREE SUBWAY & WIFI WITH FUNTIME SELFIE BOOTH!!
Child molesters are very tenacious people. They love molesting childs, it’s crazy. It’s like their favorite thing.
A sickness which keeps marching on.
I read an interesting story about that, its hard to get a handle on the real number of pedophiles in the country since there is so much open hostility many will not seek treatment and the problem just gets worse.
I hadn’t much thought about it until I read that article and made a comment on a blog elsewhere one time about how certain crimes shouldn’t have the advantage of criminal investigation or even due process.
On the other side it should say “Free Jared !”
How abouth those bugs at BM this year? That’s some wicked infestation, just what hippies adore.
There’s no way in hell a real pedophile would paint up his rape van like this.
It’s obviously a joke.
Pretty much but self-righteous idiots are always going to freak out over every little thing. I hate this discussion because people tend to lump crazy helicopter parents in with people who wants a less racist culture. It’s really too different groups at its core.
I think it’s more thru the internet now…
Sadly the Moms driving habits are more likely a danger to their own kids safety than this van.
On the subject of horror stories how about this for a resto:
http://www.bbc.com/autos/story/20150827-new-avengers-jaguar-xj12-is-a-natty-barn-find
Very stealthy and sly. I’m glad an astute parent noticed and reported it to the authorities and rid the community of this hidden trap for the unsuspecting.
Super, I sincerely admire your post.
I googled “free candy van”. Surprisingly common.
The only thing missing is the Virginia “EAT THE” Chliden First! license plate.