Volkswagen dealers are scrambling to keep their customers happy amid the emissions scandal and one has decided to send a TDI eulogy to customers along with a sales pitch. According to a post on TDIClub, Beyer Volkswagen started sending out the slightly hilarious notice sometime this week.
The cover shows a SportWagen with a 2015 date of death for TDI Clean Diesel technology. Directly opposite the picture is an apology that would seem fitting if it came from from an abusive spouse telling their significant other they are kind of sorry but it’ll be different next time. Promise. 
The inside gets right to the sales pitch but tries to keep the comedy going with a few more awkward phrases. Once you get past all that cringe, the offers aren’t actually all that bad. They are taking TDI models in on trade and giving valuations based on pre-scandal pricing. Don’t want another Volkswagen? They are also willing to take the trade toward any other brand within their dealer network.
I checked out the dealership website and it looks like the staff comedian has a part there as well. The website is a little more apologetic but they try to separate themselves from the manufacturer, stating “Volkswagen Corporate dealt it and you and I have to deal with the smell.”
Beyer has always had a sense of humor. The original Beyer franchise, Don Beyer Volvo, used to run radio spots consisting of nothing but really awful puns. I bought my Subaru from them and they seem like a decent business.
I’m sure that Don Beyer is now Northern Virginia’s CongressCritter had no bearing on him wanting to get out ahead of the issue. Trustiness and truthiness and such.
Although I grant he knows his constituents. Northern Va is perfect for his VW-Suburu-Volvo dealership.
“A few VW Audi engineers used poor judgement…”
This is the first thing that’s really offended me about the scandal and it wasn’t even done by Krauts.
I was tempted to do something like this…
Steve Lang VW – “We are pleased to welcome Hans Georg Schultz as the new Head of Public Relations for Volkswage AG. He has asked us to convey a brief response to today’s news regarding your vehicles. A news conference will follow in the next few hours at Stalag 13.”
Show a pic of this guy…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UmzsWxPLIOo
In the meantime, we will not only be guaranteeing all Volkswagen diesels at their clean wholesale prices BEFORE the scandal, but we will also be hosting the movie, “The Producers” (A.K.A Springtime for Hitler) at our customer lounge 8 P.M. this Friday. Free schnitzels, root beer, and schnapps will be served!
Now THAT’s how you keep your customers. That and a few well placed strippers.
I’m more inclined to use the famous Animal House clip: “you F’ed up; you trusted us!”
The real crime with that card is the needless double spacing after periods.
Oh, the burden of being a technician. Like the cobbler’s wife who has no shoes, the graphics person never misses a bad layout …
“A few VW Audi engineers used poor judgement…”
First, the blame has not been leveled yet.
My bet is the blame is on MANAGEMENT+EXECUTIVES.
How dare they call-out engineers.
Stupid dealers.
Now, how about those pinstripes and UV coating?
While I don’t deny that this fiasco was started in the C Suite. It was surely created and implemented by the folks who have the word engineer in their job title. They are just as complicit. So, yes a few VW Audi engineers used poor judgement.
Each and every company I’ve worked at (18 years as an engineer) required you to present how you did something. So if I’m a Diesel R&D engineer and the software unit solved the unsolvable, I would damn well expect this to be presented. And while you’re fingering the engineers, make note of the MBA-twit that they reported to, that AUTHORIZED this to take place. They were made to do this. To think otherwise is to ignore corporate dynamics.
Not arguing the fact that an MBA twit told them to do it.
The engineers by definition are guilty of what was implied, using poor judgement. Because, the indisputable fact is, they engineerd the cheat.
“Forever Remembered…forever temporarily disappointed.” What did I miss?
““Forever Remembered…forever temporarily disappointed.” What did I miss?”
The writer of this suffered the same brain fart as the VW engineers, but the Beyer higher-up said: “We’re behind schedule! Seems funny enough to me… send it to the printer!”
That’s awesome. I saw a jetta the other day that had the TDI badge pulled off sloppily.
But did it still have soot on the rear bumper?
NOX is not “soot”.
The dealership should have sent out one of those musical cards that sings “Springtime for Hitler” when it is opened.
Does the humor translate into German? I’ll bet there are no chuckles in Wolfsburg.
A German joke is no laughing matter.
VW executives particularly don’t like jokes about how their company has turned into a joke.
Wow, talk about perfect timing!
http://stevenlang.kinja.com/volkswagen-hires-new-director-of-pr-changes-model-name-1740876516?rev=1446767035418
teehee “gas mileage”
The funniest part of the whole thing.
This “snark card” was conceived in a bar and sent to the printer on a cocktail napkin.