Via the Detroit News, the Michigan State Police reported the death of a Detroit motorist early Sunday morning when he lost control of his car on a ramp between two city freeways, apparently distracted by the pornographic movie he was watching on his cellphone.
MSP reports that Clifford Ray Jones, age 58, was partially ejected through the sunroof when his 1996 Toyota Corolla overturned. He was wearing neither a seat belt nor his pants at the time of the accident.
The single car accident took place around 3:30 a.m. on Sunday morning, on the ramp between the southbound Lodge freeway and I-75 in Detroit. Jones was pronounced dead at the scene but police continue to investigate the incident. There is no word on whether or not Jones put on clean underwear before leaving the house as one presumes his mother taught him to do in order to avoid possible embarrassment should he be in an accident.
Lt. Mike Shaw of the Michigan State Police called it the strangest traffic incident he can recall, putting it in the context of current concerns about distracted driving.
“There’s so much technology out there a lot of people are paying more attention to what they’re doing other than driving their car.”
The DetNews drolly added, “The name of the movie wasn’t known.”
Remember folks, as Mr. Morrison sang, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.
Partially ejected through the sunroof, plus a rollover… That’s a crash scene no one wants to have to see…
I’m inclined to file this under “T.”
Which stands for That’s What You Get.
The blood’s gotta pool somewhere…
I would hate to have to be the state trooper who goes to his widow’s house to give her the news.
“You say he was watching ‘Big Black C0%ks 14’ on his phone in the car, and then WHAT happened?”
So it *doesn’t* always mean ‘British Broadcasting Corporation’? That explains so much.
Oh, it was was partially ejected through sunroof. At first read I though it said partially erected through sunroof. One is tragic, the other would be quite, ah, impressive!
Something must have snagged to prevent full ejection.
“keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel”
Must of grabbed one too many gears in the process.
Hmm 96 Corolla, I’m betting it’s automatic.
I believe we are talking about two different stick shifts.
You sure?
An interesting article to start my morning! His family is going to be so embarrassed, he was driving a Corolla after all!!
56 is past the last possible age where you should be using your phone and driving, even though you should never do it anyway. That age is 35. People who are 35 have had mobile phones for reasonably most of their adult life.
This figure will go up at a rate of +1 per year until this first group is ultimate age 40, where it will then be capped.
Anyone using a phone while driving is a potential killer.
Anyone talking to passengers while driving is a potential killer.
Phones aren’t specially deadly magic that makes one a danger.
(What you do with them makes them dangerous – like watching porn movies.)
Passengers are another set of eyes that are at least passively paying attention to what is happening around the car. Having a conversation with someone not present IS more distracting than having one with someone present. There are many studies proving this, and I find it to be so everytime I am in the car using the phone, so I limit my in-car phone use as much as I can. I agree whether you are holding the phone or using BT makes only a small difference. Holding the phone to your head certainly impedes your ability to look around you.
Now driving while someone (or yourself) is having sex in your car – THAT is distracting, and I have to admit, having spent far too many years in college I have direct experience of it both ways!
I do think that Corey is largely right about the younger folk though – I have seen my 17yo nephew send a text from his smart phone while still kicking my butt in a video game – one hand for each task! But that is a lot different than staring at a movie while driving.
Oh good, another recipient of the Darwin Award bites the dust! At least he only did himself in, there were no other fatalities in the process.
Unfortunately 97 was the last desirable Corolla, IMO.
http://bestsellingcarsblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/toyota-corolla-1992.jpg
Look at the clean lines! A nice, honest shape. Good amount of space (touch too close to Camry in size and looks, so they fixed that for 98), sedan and wagon, manual and automatic, lasts forever.
Bet the insurance won’t pay out on his life policy. An investigator from Equifax will be around to embarrass the family out of any claim.
Death by car accident is a valid reason for payout on a life insurance policy. As long as the life policy is out of the contestable period (2 years from issue), it won’t even be “investigated.” Even if it’s in the contestable period, it’s a car accident. The contestable period is there for suicide reasons, and for people who lie about their health history during underwriting. He didn’t intentionally crash, he was just being an idiot.
Equifax is a credit score company, and is not life insurance.
Have you any idea what you’re saying?
And since it’s in Michigan, where we have weird auto insurance, if the car was insured with at least state minimum coverages, the dependents of the decedent may receive survivor loss benefits for three years and funeral expenses between $1750 and $5000.
Which is also why you have expensive car insurance in Michigan.
Oh I am well aware. PIP is expensive. Regardless of policy type, every insured vehicle in the State of Michigan has to pay $150/year into the Michigan Catastrophic Claims Fund. Our PIP coverage isn’t that much more expensive than good MedPay or PIP coverages in other states. However, there is nothing on the low end for people that just want basic coverage.
Equifax has insurance investigators. They gain access to coroner’s reports and interview family members on behalf of insurance companies.
Accidental death life insurance is one of the hardest policies to claim, thus the ease in buying multi-million dollar coverage. If the driver was wearing a seat belt, and later died of shock, the cause of death according to the insurance company is that you died of blood loss, not the car accident. Claim denied.
People like this driving 96 Corollas don’t have ADB coverage, I bet. Maybe a basic group term through their employer or a small whole life. Our ADB is as a rider on a regular term policy (same for our WL and UL also), and has a max face of 200,000 of additional on top of your base face amount.
“If death results directly from accidental bodily injury within 180 days of an accident.”
I don’t think we’d deny it in that situation, as the blood loss was caused by the accident. The amount doubles if you die because of public transport crash.
“Remember folks, as Mr. Morrison sang, keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.”
Isn’t that Barry Hay?
EDIT: Sorry, you were referring to Roadhouse Blues.
Well, the car DID “roll, baby roll”…
…”I woke up this morning and I got my-self a bee-uh!” Just had to get that line in there somewhere, even though I personally think all beer tastes like cat pee.
I will, of course, defer to your far greater experience regarding the taste of cat pee.
#shotsfired
Would now be a good time to remind folks that self-driving cars will be a good thing?
I think people driving ’96 Corollas are still a long way off from self-driving cars.
Not necessarily. If a self-driving car cost an extra $10K over the alternative, then you could pay it off, with interest, in 700 hours at $15/hour. If a self-driving car enabled you an extra 1 hour per workday of additional earnings, you’d pay it off in 3 years.
Judging by dude’s life choices, I would not be surprised if he were still paying a note on that Corolla. That note could go to paying for an automated car ride share service, with limousine tints, a 1080p screen, lotion dispenser, wet wipes and a self-cleaning alcohol mister.
Is it OK to not care that he died because he didn’t either?
I’d hate to be thought insensitive.
Alas, the age of 58 is probably too late for this tragedy to prevent damage to the gene pool, so I’m afraid he probably doesn’t qualify for a Darwin Award.
No wonder he crashed… probably steering with his knees. ‘Cause, you know, if you are watching porn and one hand is holding the phone…
Annnnd…the jokes just write themselves.
As was said about Pee-Wee Herman’s infamous brush with the law, “he did it to himself.”
I guess sometimes the “little death” is not so little.
There is no indication excessive speed was a factor, so I guess he was in fact “stroking it.”
I’ll be here until Friday…tip your waitresses…
“There is no word on whether or not Jones put on clean underwear before leaving the house as one presumes his mother taught him to do in order to avoid possible embarrassment should he be in an accident.”
Since the body loses bowel control upon death, putting on clean underwear or not wouldn’t have mattered. This is why I only own one pair of underwear.
“This is why I only own one pair of underwear.”
Same here and it’s only for winter.
That’s right. Undercoating is a scam!
As Bill Co… I mean a famous comedian once said, “In a car accident, First you say it, then you do it.” So even if he didn’t die, his underwear would still be soiled.
The most surprising thing to me is that a 1996 Corolla had a sunroof.
Probably an aftermarket pop-up. Which is why it departed the proceedings allowing him to go through it.
My mom’s ’89 Corolla had a sunroof from the factory. I know this because 8-year-old me had to sit in the car for an hour while the salesman explained the operation of it to her.
i thought this shit only happened in florida?
Without heaving read this, I’m going to guess that the perpetrator / victim was male. That’s just one of those dumb things that a guy would do.
You ever watch ‘America’s Funniest Videos’? It’s enough to make me embarrassed to be male. There are still videos with women in them, but they’re usually getting caught out by circumstance; the ones with men you usually start thinking, “Dude, what are you – oh, no!” about ten seconds before anything bad happens. It’s terrible.
Yes, I have watched that show. I’m amazed at how few people think about the future children they want to have when they try and fail to perform ridiculous stunts.
Sometimes women do stupid things, too:
http://jalopnik.com/5961705/woman-wrecks-car-while-shaving-pubes-in-duh-florida
Sometimes women do stupid things while driving too:
http://jalopnik.com/5961705/woman-wrecks-car-while-shaving-pubes-in-duh-florida
Some people just aren’t good multitaskers…
We can only speculate, but had Mr. Jones been driving GM the lack of available sunroof from the manufacturer would have kept him in the car during the crash and instead have thrown him into the steering wheel where the airbag merely would have failed to deploy. Let this be a lesson to buy ‘murican.
Whatchu talkin? In 96 you could get a sunroof across most of the GM line!
GM hid such options in upper trims depending on the brand and if it was even available on the model. The Japanese in contrast seemed to offer it on base versions of nearly every model in the period.
That’s a good point. They’re not on the old people cars (Buick and Cadillac they were stand-alone options, I think) of that period because they didn’t want them.
B-body Fleetwood with Astroroof is super rare.
Not to mention the contemporary Geo Prism, which was derived from or heavily related to the Toyota Corolla.
Same car, made at NUMMI with the Corolla. I’m not sure ALL US Corollas were made there, but all Prizms were made there.
If it was a Ford, he would have just been burned in a fire. The safest product in this case would have been a Chrysler. He would have just pleasured himself at home or in the driveway because the transmission wouldn’t have worked and the engine would have been full of sludge.
I’m not sure this man has enough class for an LHS or Vision.
Neither of which would have succumb to sludge being 3.3L or 3.5L. Think Sebring.
To be fair to the Sebring. It did not have The Engine That Shall Not Be Named until 2001. In any case, a ’96 Corolla is probably more valuable than a ’01 Sebring.
Ugh, I have a mental block for the Cirrus and Breeze!
Yea, aside from maybe a Wrangler/Cherokee, good luck finding something ChryslerCo built in 1996 that still works properly.
Their products deserve an antique plate at the 10 year mark.
I’ve seen mid 90s LH product still running around recently and in 2014 saw a first gen Neon (I was so excited and my fiancée didn’t understand why in the least)
I haven’t seen one in awhile. They were roaching around in the late 00s, then they were gone. I see 90s W-bodies, GMT330s/360s, Explorers, oval Taurii, and lots of trucks though.
Ohh, plenty of rusty Ram 1500s still out and about.
So. Much. Rust.
A big ol GM probably wouldn’t have flipped, or the squeaks and rattles would give him something to keep him from…other more hand needing things.
Between this and a local one car crash crash with a Honda Accord “I was just reaching for my cigarettes”, I plan on avoiding Toyonda drivers. In that case the car ran through fences and nailed a fure hydrant before stopping.
What I find funny is that most of the news stories about this seems to be unusually emphazing the car, like that was the reason for any of it.
He died doing someone he loved.
And someTHING he loved…
“MSP reports that Clifford Ray Jones, age 58, was partially ejaculated through the sunroof when his 1996 Toyota Corolla overturned.”
Too easy.
Stories like this require a deft, er, hand.
The driver was also being extremely selfish: rather than having sex IN the car, why not be collaborative and have sex WITH the car?
In additional to the various therapeutic benefits, one also learns about the car’s responsiveness and handling.
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x359dd_mercury-mistress_fun
He may also be blind
Now I understand why all these jerk-offs want autonomous cars!
Definitely a sticky situation.
He was ejected while he was erected, how poetic!
That’s why he was only PARTIALLY ejected!
Surely there must be a way to blame Obama, the chicken tax or smog control regulations for this.
Increased smog controls have resulted in such clear air that Detroit’s Red Light District can be seen from miles away. It caused this man’s sexual excitation to happen much sooner than it would have before smog controls, resulting in his death.
If you call moving all factories to China smog control, then I guess you got a point.
If McCain had won, this jerk would have had neither gas money, car, or phone. #thanksobama.
The economy in Detroit has tanked so much thanks to Obama. that this guy could not afford a hooker, instead he had to resort to some porno there in a tablet or laptop and he died committing a sin.
Another death due to that communist Kenyan. Thanks a lot Obamacare!
Was this like a David Carradine type deal?
Ejected, or standing up through the sunroof on cruise control steering ala Tommy Lee?
Enough of this clickbate.
Lighten up, Francis!
I think you missed the pun.
What! He was ejaculated from the car!
He went out with a bang.
_Loving_ the comments =8-) .
Some years back I was driving up the Pasadena Freeway when a Jag with two well dressed middle aged men passed me wandering all over the lane , some time later I passed it , it was going about 50 in the fast lane and only the driver’s head was visible , he suddenly leaned sharply back and accelerated past me , smacked the curb in a sharp turn and flew straight up in the air….
Gee , I wonder what happened .
NO ONE is going to miss this fool , good thing he didn’t take anyone else with him.
-Nate
This is one of the many reasons that I will only buy a manual transmission vehicle.
The devil makes work of idle hands, b!tches.
Well, well, well, another carjacking in Detroit…
Best one yet!!