I rented a Jeep last week, and let me tell you, this thing was a Jeep. It defiantly looked like a Jeep. I could tell it was a Jeep because it said “Jeep” in many places, including right on the hood, which is just so Jeep. It wasn’t a Wrangler or a Grand Cherokee but it was a Jeep, to be sure.
To read about all the cool, wondrous, amazing, and super things this Jeep did, click the Jeep.
This is a picture of the inside of my hat which was American-made just like this Jeep. At least I assume the Jeep is made in America just like all Chrysler products. It was amazing in so many Jeepy ways. First of all, it had a steering wheel, which was good because it meant I could turn both left and right. I loved the freedom that gave me. Just knowing that I could choose any direction I wanted at intersections was enough to make me want to buy this very Jeepy Jeep. Unfortunately I will have to write many more reviews like this one and also work another job to someday afford this iconic vehicle.
I also enjoyed the gas pedal, because when I pressed it, the car became very loud. This was exciting! I don’t know if it had a regular automatic or a CVT (which a Jeep engineer told me stands for “Continuously Variable Transmission”) but it was defiantly loud. Even though the Jeep wasn’t very fast this loud sound made it seem very fast. I would say it was slower than a Porsche but probably as fast as all other cars.
It was sunny that day so these pictures didn’t come out good. But I did notice in this picture that the Jeep did not have a USB port which made it difficult to charge my iPhone 4 that I normally use to take the pictures of cars. I did pair my phone with Bluetooth though, which is this amazing tech that lets you talk without holding your phone. It worked about half the time which was great. Pairing was an easy process that only took seven steps.
There were lots of little bits of black plastic throughout the interior where buttons normally are which I assume means that I could bring this new Jeep back to the dealership and get more cool buttons put in at a later time. I liked how simple the stereo was — I couldn’t even tell what song was playing from my phone, which helped me stay focused on the road and maybe only look at my video camera five or six times. That reminds me I did a video review but I accidentally deleted it from my SD card.
I took this picture in front of this rock because that’s how driving this Jeep makes me feel — like a fully erect man. Using the 4X4 to go the Whole Foods was great — it handled the speed bumps like a trail rated Jeep even though it didn’t have the badge that makes it trail rated so I guess it probably isn’t. Even so it felt just like driving a Wrangler Unlimited through the Sahara especially when I spilled my Wildberry Smoothie. The steel wheels made it look manly and tough and also Jeepish.
I accidentally took this picture while I was playing Pokemon GO.
This Jeep costs somewhere between $17,695 and $50,134. Whatever it costs it is a good value especially when it is delivered to your front door by a truck with a trailer.
So to sum up this Jeep is defiantly a Jeep that does Jeep things in Jeep ways. If you want a Jeep you defiantly either want this or maybe another Jeep. Tell us what you think of this Jeep in the comments below! Jeep!
Was it a Jeep?
Such an #iconic review
Baruth deathwatch?
There are two contributors to this site with the name Baruth. One is worth reading.
Bark has some good industry insight, and sometimes generates some good comment discussions. This? Not funny. The last ask Bark had similarly unsuccessful attempts at humor.
I defiantly thought this iconic review reviewed Jeep.
DeadWeight? Is that you? Oh gawd puh-leez let it be you …
Darn, that makes me want to put on my Kodiak boots, my Levis, my Eddie Bauer shirt and my Tilley hat and run right down to the JEEP store and buy one of these!
It sounds like you can literally take this Jeep to a store and then back again, using the iconic grille to show the front of the car and to tell you where to get in the car with the door which is provided at no extra charge. I can definitely tell I want to actually and literally purchase this Jeep once I can discover where to purchase something like this icon. I don’t like to disclose what I paid for something or how much my relatives have worked somewhere or won awards, but it was $19,922.24 and ten years and three awards which I made.
Could I use something like a car Google?
“Jeep Patriot Where To Buy Near Texas, Dallas, USA..?”:”
4 minutes of my life I will not get back, but perhaps you had a quota of stories for the week and this is the Friday mail in one. I would have thought a Hung over Doug article would have been better.
Not sureif you figured it out or not but he was mocking a particular social media car reviewer who obviously had a word count to reach. There was a ttac article on that one a while ago
It’s a bit overdone and a bit juvenile to continue bullying the bottom feeder, but the “picture I accidentally took while playing Pokemon GO” made me chuckle.
Chrysler paid a femme sex blogger to write about the then-new Dodge Dart at SXSW in Austin TX some years ago. Goddammit if I didn’t bookmark that travesty of language masquerading as a car review and now tragically can’t find it. They flew her in from L.A. and booked a suite at the Hilton. My blood boils now, years later thinking about Chrysler wasting money on it.
Bark’s review parody is qualitatively better though sadly doesn’t reference objects inserted into his vagina.
Doug DeMuro works for Autotrader now.
I assume Bark quit his job there out of protest.
Oddly enough I feel exactly the same way about the FWD Renegade that pulled up with the Uhaul to bring our new neighbors last evening.
I think that’s more offensive than this.
True, at least Patriot and Compass tractors have proven reliable for the families I serve who regularly drive down roads that would make mommybloggers weep into their chai-tea lattes.
They are going to feel funny in a few years when they see XJs and KJs passing them broke down on the side of the road.
“Honey, I thought we bought a Jeep?”
I know XJ love runs irrationally strong on the interwebz, but I haven’t seen one in a long time that didn’t look like it was being used as a residence by people who look like Bob Ross and Jane Goodall.
I thought being broke down on the side of the road IS the experience of Jeep ownership.
You guys arent wrong… this thing dates back to final salad days of the George W. Bush administration…. you know when all was right in the world.
Is this about the oldest model still in any company’s current lineup?
Lancer.
JK Wrangler, Impala Limited, this thing…
Haha, nope. That’d be the Expedition.
As someone who deals with it – you’re god damned right it is.
#designedduringtheclintonadministration
I *never* wondered why Fiat felt an affinity for Jeep.
Express/Savana vans are still kicking, since Clinton’s first term (1996). They claim a facelift in 2002, but that’s all it was, a new grille and a shift in engine lineup.
The Expedition is the same age but has had at least one major platform update (I’d argue two, but the latest could be just a very thorough refresh). The Lancer isn’t even close.
“I bought a Jeep once, most unreliable thing I’ve ever owned. From now on it’s Audi or noting!”
I once had a 5.9 Grand Cherokee, and I’m like – this thing is too big and too unreliable. And I don’t like how much fuel it uses.
So I got an XJS instead.
I’m really disappointed with the build quality, interior build, and serviceability of my Commander.
Coming from an S-Type, its a let-down.
You backed out of a 5.9 Limited?!
Lol, quit taking my sarcastic exaggerations seriously! I’ve never owned a Jeep product, nor anything British.
@Corey
Your career is still young, don’t give up.
I don’t even own an LS. I’m impoverished.
Maybe you need a black LS, because black Lexus matter ya know.
Navy, white, these are the large sedan colors for me.
@Tbird
The 5.9 had excellent green paint colors, gold striping and lace-type alloys which were also gold!
The other day I happened to see a 5.9 Grand Cherokee in forest green. It was in great shape. Mmmmm hood vents.
I initially thought you meant the original 1970s 2-door version of the Wagoneer. Too big? That was 184 inches long, a compact car today. And it got almost 11 MPG. But since you’ve never owned a Jeep, you might not know it and the Wagoneer were the original luxury SUVs, bought by the rich for evacuating to the cabin by the lake in the event of armageddon.
“Why is there no rear diff on this Explorer/Renegade/Edge?”
“Because it is a sad car doing sad things.”
“Why does it get probably 10 mpg + more than its solid axle predecessor with more power while being more useful to those who buy it most? Why does it drive like a heavy stable car and not a top heavy truck, yet retain its versatility and can stil be equipped to handle snow and muddy roads if need be?”
“So sad. You at least need a Wrangler, or more likely a Defender 90, to run to Walmart with the kids in August.”
I don’t like crossovers personally, but I see why people do. I feel the same about most station wagons.
Besides, Ford will gladly sell you a capable 4wd F-Series, Expedition/Navigator or, in the future, a Bronco or Ranger.
GM, Toyota/Lexus, Nissan/Infiniti, FCA, Land Rover and Mercedes-Benz all have excellent truck and/or truck-like SUVs for you to choose from as well.
Its not like real 4wds don’t exist, they’ve just thinned out a bit from their heyday as the mom/dad market switched over to something that fit their needs more efficiently and more comfortably.
Some (ahem, Pathfinder, Compatriot) are worse than others, but a fully loaded Edge Sport (for example) is just a nice vehicle more in tune with its actual intended purpose by those who bought first and second generation Explorer Limited or similar.
“Its not like real 4wds don’t exist, they’ve just thinned out a bit from their heyday as the mom/dad market switched over to something that fit their needs more efficiently and more comfortably.”
And (at least IMO) those true SUVs that are left (Wrangler, 4Runner, all the full-size truck-wagons, etc.) are as good as or better than they’ve ever been because most of their buyers are the “true” intended audience.
One of America’s least expensive vehicles to insure, per the sales website….
Oh and $4500 in incentives in the “Great Lakes” geographic area.
That is the most bland and depressing shifter column I have ever seen. Acres of plastic with a tiny “PRND” oasis in the middle. Also, great satire of some other sites’ car reviews.
Keep in mind this is the “improved” interior which has only been there since 2014 I think. Check out one prior to that.
the interior “upgrade” was 2009.
I stand corrected then!
Yeah? GM couldn’t even be bothered to label the gear selector positions on the W-body Impala, which is still sold as the Impala Limited. I mean, you had digital indicators on the instrument panel, but still…
http://image.automotive.com/f/2012_chevrolet_impala/41982105/gearshift.jpg
At least this PRNDL equipped car wont run you over like those damn FCA products. This is a Jeep after all.
Also this thing can be optioned to $50,000?
$50,000!
Does it come with a two pound gold bar in the glovebox?
“Also this thing can be optioned to $50,000?”
no, it can’t.
Wellll…that two-lb t bar in the glovebox would be worth about $32K on top of the value of the vehicle. Said “bar” would also be a 2.36 cubic inch lump. Gold is hella heavy.
If it was two “normal” avdp lbs., it would be $39K, and it would be 2.87 cubic inches.
$28960 is the highest I can get it in their configurator.
Which is still about $10k too much.
Don’t you pull that big lever to turn it on?
My 2012 Impala was designed without the gear indicator on the shifter bezel because it trains you to keep your eyes ahead, just briefly glancing at the instrument cluster to make sure you’re in the gear you wanted. Also, no video/touch screen to cause distracted driving, which, with my vision impairment is a godsend!
The kind folks at GM are brilliant, and I humbly thank them!
I thought this was a wonderful review – not a bad word anywhere, unless some think “FCA” is one! I do sometimes…
I appreciate the W-body Impala’s comfort and simplicity, but I think they could have condescended to label the gear selector. Not doing so was a bridge too far.
That would drive me crazy. I’d end up counting clicks rather than looking at the dash. That’s what I had to do when my the lights burned out on my wife’s Liberty gear selector.
Women and some men should be excited at the prospect of HOLD FOR D as indicated.
I was treated to an image of a Chrysler 200 when I loaded your website and thought, how ironic.
You have to admit not only a) that picture is gorgeous but b) that’s the first time in a long time you’ve seen a high-trim 200.
P.S. Check back in an hour so you can see the Sport Trac with a 5-speed that I bought since I love walking out in the heat and/or rain only to be met by a customer’s disappointment.
True, but I Feel like you’re soon going to become southwest Florida’s Chrysler 200 HQ.
P.S. You live for it.
That G37 just doesn’t work with silver matte trim. It looks desperate.
And did you see my site suggestion for arrows somewhere for pix scrolling? Need!
@Flybrian
Mid miles 1 series MY11 BMW for 14,9? People must hate these.
@Corey
I’m not a front end dev guy, but I might do it as a modal because I think there is markup for scrolling.
A what? What’s modal mean when referring to web dev? You’re all out of my depth here, lol.
That 1997 Cadillac is going to make someone very, very sad in 1-2 years.
I wasn’t gonna go there. Lol. Resisted viewing it.
@ajla
It should have really failed by now, so its either obviously on the path to coolant failure or perhaps it was replaced and has some new life in it.
@Corey
From W3Schools: The Modal plugin is a dialog box/popup window that is displayed on top of the current page.
http://www.w3schools.com/bootstrap/bootstrap_modal.asp
This is found in Twitter Bootstrap which is a whiz bang JS library which helps with shrinking websites for phones and tablets since you people just won’t use computers like normal users (see: Responsive Web Design).
Twitter Bootstrap is pretty much an industry standard these days. I use it on pretty much everything I build.
Another one is Zurb Foundation.
CoreyDL,
Yes, I did. I’m letting my web provider know.
28,
I don’t understand that 128. If it were a Cabrio, gone. I had a just a hard of time selling that car the first time; its back here on consignment a year later.
Ajla,
That’s my detailer’s D’Elegance. We bought it off the street from some guy closing out his mother’s estate and paid $650. It needed a starter, lower control arm, and an A/C compressor w/service. Never came close to overheating in a year he’s had it – I’ve got the coolant temp readout on the pictures to prove it!
I’ve read that story before – you posted that on The Brougham Society!
@Kyree
I can’t keep up with the front end stuff, JS is incredibly powerful and I’ve used some of it but I am a back end developer and these frameworks make me go hmm? The only reason I know about Twitter Bootstrap is because I had a few stories using it.
@FB
I don’t get it either, but in a stick such a thing might be fun for the BMW enthusiast. I would also consider export, I saw a few of those in Switzerland.
On the Cadillac, $650 is a good buy if it was running even if you only got a year out of it but its a big risk at $4K.
@28
I get it. I do a healthy mix of front-end design/development, backed by PHP scripts that act as APIs and pass information via JavaScript AJAX. To that end, I also work with NodeJS and AngularJS. And in my current capacity, I interact with Drupal on a daily basis.
But I’m really a designer at heart.
I think its the designer in you which gives you the interest to pursue all of those. Although Node is interesting to me because it is also a web server IIRC. There is a Node.js group meeting next Tuesday I might attend. I attended last year and felt quite dumb with all of the open sourcey lingo being tossed about by the children (under 28 in IT is a child to me).
I’m well under 28.
But I feel dumb, too, a lot of the time, like when I went to the local Drupal meetup. Those are some hardcore PHP programmers.
And, yes, NodeJS and its MongoDB (the whole MEAN stack, really) was a new one for me when I learned it.
“That G37 just doesn’t work with silver matte trim. It looks desperate.”
Forget that. WTF happened to the seat bolster and door trim?
Surely if you bought this thing and looked at the looted store they call an interior, you would have been the one that HELD FOR D courtesy of FCA.
Yes, but you always know when it’s in Park.
I knew phoning it in was a thing. Now I know there’s farting it in.
I had a couple of these as Hertz rentals. I was astonished by what a cheap, poor driving sell out of the Jeep name and heritage they were. I’ve driven worse..but banished them from my memory.
Hertz gets the bottom-of-the-barrel Patriots with zero options to speak of. The Patriot is no great automotive feat, but it is amongst the cheapest CUVs in its class which is why it sells in decent numbers. I have had several rental Patriots, none of which were notable BUT they were not the worst driving rental I have had. I have enjoyed worse-driving Darts, Fusions, and Fiestas from rental car lots.
Which is why I am no fan of rental car reviews. They are typically spec’d below what any sane person would buy or lease, and they have generally been beat to sh1t by the time said reviewer has a turn at the wheel.
That’s just not true. Maybe Hertz does that (I wouldn’t know, as I never rent from them), but National always has at least mid-level trim options, and very rarely do they keep a car past 15,000 miles.
It’s disgusting pictures like these that got Bertel kicked out of here. Have you no decency Bark?
I wondered about the possible autocorrect of “defiantly” until I did a Ctrl+F.
Defiantly the best part, yes.
One of my daughter’s friends drives a TJ Wrangler (his parents both drive Jeeps, as does his brother), and according to him, the only real Jeeps are Wranglers, along with their ancestors.
So the Willys pickup/wagon and the FSJ SUVs and pickups aren’t real Jeeps now?
The Patriot is, without a doubt, the worst vehicle I have ever driven.
You must not have driven very many vehicles!
Don’t think he’s ever been in a Daewoo.
My mom once owned a 1999 Mitsubishi Mirage, that’s gotta be worse than a Patriot.
I’ve been in that era Mirage, and owned a Lanos. I can safely tell you the Daewoo Lanos was worse.
Not only did she have a Mirage, she had a Mirage DE with scratchy gray cloth and gutless noisy 1.5 engine!
I just threw up, thanks.
That car getting totaled in an accident was a mercy killing.
Dodge Nitro? Or is that vehicle really the same as this Compass / Patriot thing but with a different grill?
The Nitro was related to the Liberty.
The Nitro was a rugged RWD-based unibody. This is a scaled-up Dodge Caliber. However, it’s a lot better than it was when it debuted in 2007.
The Nitro also got the optional 4.0 V-6 (related to the 3.5L), which was much better than the worthless pile 3.7L truck engine.
The Patriot is, without a doubt, not the worst vehicle I have driven. But its utter lack of anything exciting doesn’t make me want to drive another one anytime soon.
My initial impressions of these was fairly negative, I did field work as an undergraduate researcher in rural Central/Upstate NY and when our beloved USDA ’98 Explorer XL(?) crapped its transmission solenoid pack at 58k miles, a loaded up Patriot replaced it. I think this may have been related to the whole bailout thing? Anyways it was an AWD one with up-sized alloy wheels. Much less space than the explorer for both people and gear, a lot less impressive sounding with the CVT/ “world” engine combo making a racket up hills where the old Explorer barely needed to unlock the torque converter in overdrive.
Much later in their life cycle I have come to appreciate them as a window for those with little to spend into the world of CUV ownership. This, the Rogue Select, and Mitsubishi Outlander Sport operate on their own rock bottom level. Patriots are honest little trucklets, much more so than the Renegade IMO.
The Outlander Sport isn’t, it seems, available as commonly in basic trim. The ones I see are always upper level ones, and then they’re too costly.
Could be confusing as even the basic ES has alloy wheels! I just did a basic internet search and had no problem finding new ’15s for $14,500. AWDs seem to start at $16,5k.
The Patriot amazingly undercuts that price quite a bit, FWD stick shifts for under $12k new (no A/C), 5spd AWDs for $14,5k, FWD automatics for $14k and the cheapest AWD automatics go for $16,5k.
An automatic (CVT) Rogue Select can be had for right around $16-17k.
I think of those three, I might have to go with the Mitsubishi (I have never typed this phrase before.) I hate the interior on the Jeep, and the old Rogue just looks ancient.
That’s compelling as long as the used market stays the way it is right now. In a more normal used market I’d take a three-year-old CR-V over any of them.
Yep, as it stands I think most low mile ’13-ish CRVs are still in the close to 20k range.
The middle ground IMO is the current-gen Rogue in a basic trim, which can be found for $18,5k new. More room and comfort and refinement than the ‘basement dwellers’ but significantly undercuts the rest of the mainstream CUV segment. Used ’13ish Escapes can be had for very reasonable money btw, if you’re prepared to stomach potential future EB worries (and your doors flying open apparently).
That’s really what the stereo looks like? What decade is this?
I’m not used to getting such a bare-bones rental as this. Maybe Enterprise specs their vehicles a little higher?
Hell I’ll gladly take that easily replaceable double-DIN design over any number of monsterously-integrated headaches that others insist on!
Where’s DaveFromCalgary to join me in another round of “Patriot defense league vs the World?”
Only I can summon Dave of Canadia!
Watch.
Snow tires!
6.2 Sierra!
Veranooooo.
You forgot to mention Tim Horton’s or free health care.
Or poutine and Kokanee…
Is the “Bat Signal” for Dave a check engine light across the night sky?
LOL. I needed that laugh.
Sorry gtem! I am here!
The Patriot is great looking and reasonably robust. The locking center diff sets it apart from its peers! Its gas mileage is poor but thats ok! I’d take this over a Renegade any day!
We took a long weekend and got out of the city.
Sorry Corey, your summoning failed.
Just got the Verano back. They replaced the negative battery terminal. The tech was very proud, but many techs have had eureka moments on this car to no avail.
Use the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
Haha, on the Verano? Or to summon me.
My wife’s 2007 Durango has the exact same radio, switch gear on the arm rest, and gear shifter.
The gear shifter itself was also on my aunt’s Jeep Commander.
Went looking about two months ago for a (relatively) inexpensive used SUV. Keep in mind, I have owned two Jeeps…a 1995 GC and a 2003 Liberty. I sat for about 2.5 minutes in one 2015 Patriot and…just. Could. Not. I know Jeep is supposed to exude some semblance of “rugged,” but the Patriot fairly shouted bargain-basement to me. I know it has been improved since my last rental of one a few years ago (CVT), but nowhere near enough to buy. Wound up with a 2014 Escape instead. I think some of the Ladas and Yugos I am seeing here in Serbia this week are built better (just). It isn’t the manual transmission 320i my heart wanted, but the Escape does well in handling my weekend puppy rescue runs with the new daughter.
Since we are way off of topic, or rather discussing this topicless article, this seemed like a good point to note that this mother effing site crashed 6 times while I was trying to read the comments. Now, at my firm, we use by default all Microsoft products. So I am viewing this on internet explorer (I think), whatever browser came with the Microsoft office suite in this particular build, not sure what version I am even on to be honest. Chrome, firefox, etc not an option as admin prevents installation of programs. But everything is constantly updated so I would think we are using latest version of whatever browser we use.
Now I digress…… anyway….why is this site so GD buggy? I cannot view a single article without at least one crash. Is it the ads? They are trying to load while my computer is simultaneously trying to block them? I don’t have this problem on any other website.
Sorry, venting. I was so keen on reading more about this amazing Jeepy thing that parks next to large rocks, makes noise and can change direction seemingly at will that I became extremely annoyed when I could not read about it any faster than my computer can crash a website and recover it.
Yeah, it’s because you’re using IE. If your company is forcing you to only use IE, it’s probably because they have stuff that doesn’t work with newer browsers or newer versions of IE, so you could be on IE 6 through 10 for all we know.
I have no problems with Chrome and Adguard running on my work PC.
Ooh, IE6 (and most of the IE series in general) is the bane of my and other web developers’ existence. We hate having to design and do graceful degradation around its various idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies.
IE is the bane of everyone’s existence in IT. Its kind of going away though. Sort of.
Oh, that Edge BS? Microsoft should just throw in the towel.
I agree, I didn’t care for Edge. Chrome has pretty much won in North America.
Agreed. I do my development on Chrome for Mac, and then test in other browsers.
Chrome is a bloated, memory gobbling piece of junk. Google has basically turned it into an operating system which does a passable impression of a web browser.
And why in gods name are any of you doin anything to accommodate IE6?
I have the same problem at work. Some modified version of IE11. I find that this site works much better if I disable active scripting.
I switched to Chrome for this site from FF. Use IE for very little.
Bark, did you use the word “defiantly” instead of “definitely” for some reason? I get the impression you were posting a parody of the internet blogger that TTAC made fun of last week.
Just talked to a guy with a 2011 Wrangler with 110K miles on it with only regular maintenance and he uses it like a Wrangler. Any time I see a Jeep on the side of the road they are pulling a Hyundai, Honda, Toyota, Subaru out of a ditch or look under the hood of these cars to help the poor sucker out.
Why do these vehicles get so much disrespect?
I see many Patriots on the internet for sale with 100k+ miles that just keep their value. Something the competitors can’t say. Please help me understand as this is not a defensive post. I am just confused.
I’ll just say that I know the difference between “defiantly” and “definitely.” Some people don’t.
I figured you used it too many times for it to be anything but intentional.
“Any time I see a Jeep on the side of the road they are pulling a Hyundai, Honda, Toyota, Subaru out of a ditch or look under the hood of these cars to help the poor sucker out.”
I have literally never seen this, ever.
“I see many Patriots on the internet for sale with 100k+ miles that just keep their value.”
Time for those afternoon meds my man.
What a literally awesome reply, gtemnykh. I am sure there are definitely many people out there “ROTFLTAO” at such dynamically poignant humor. I will bet you spent quite some time coming up with that response…
Oh, and the meds comment was great, I mean like Jeep Great! Literally the most original response anyone has ever made in the history of sarcastic responses. The interweb would be a much sadder place with out the wit of people like yourself.
You talk about roadside breakdowns, when someone driving a Jeep doesn’t really have much of a leg to stand on. Even the 4.0L motors that Jeep guys worship had a spate of poorly cast heads that crack, and a lot of them seem to develop low oil pressure issues at high mileage. The cooling systems on those motors are a disaster as well (in XJ applications at least), let alone the vehicle built around this sacred lamb of a motor. Exhaust manifolds like to crack, rear main seals go out. Things only got worse from there.
Your buddy got a 5 year old truck to go 110k miles without issues with some offroad use, stop the presses everyone! Sounds like just about literally every Tacoma/4Runner I’ve ever seen. I’m willing to bet money that the front end on that Wrangler was shot by the end of the 110k miles, if he truly did ‘use it like a Wrangler.’
If you read above I’m actually quite a fan of the Patriot, but I recognize what it for what it is: a cheap little AWD wagon with some surprisingly decent offroad capabilities within the class when spec-d correctly, but the overall emphasis is on cheap. Cheap to buy, put together cheap. They have marginal resale, perhaps slightly better than the usual cliff-face depreciation of many other ChryCo stuff owing the presence of optional AWD. I wouldn’t touch an older Patriot/Compass/Caliber with a 10 foot pole. TIPM issues, rattling ball joints, water leaks, you name it.
Relax gtemnykh. It was all in the hyperbolic spirit of the article. Apparently, I am unique in that most the Jeep owners I know have had no problems their vehicles, Wrangler, Patriot, or Grand Cherokee.
The guy with the 110K+ Wrangler bought it new. It is his third Wrangler and he was just an example of my experience. I am considering a Jeep and doing research right now.
I apologize if what I intended as humor was offensive.
“I have literally never seen this, ever.”
So? In a country this large there is a ton of stuff you have literally never seen ever.
This is true. But given the factors at play, it is very unlikely.
From my personal experience, the stereotype of people with big SUVs and pickups zipping along in the left lane on slick winter roads and then ending up in the median/ditch spun out is very valid (hell, snow tires on my 4Runner have pushed me towards said behavior more than once). The plebs in their Hyundai sedans benignly trundling along in the right lane are if anything less likely to end up in the ditch. Likewise the claims of helping stranded motorists whilst driving one of the historically less reliable makes smacks of delusion.
Turns out it was all in jest anyhow, so no worries!
“Why do these vehicles get so much disrespect?”
Wranglers get respect.
Patriots don’t.
Just wait until Week 5 when an Angry Tom Brady returns.
This was such a great article. I had a great time reading about such a great car. It must be fun driving cars that make you feel so great.
This was brilliant, eye-watering satire. Thank you
I do hope a serious review will follow.
Last year I was picking up a car from the Emerald Aisle when a guy asked me whether he could take any car in the aisle – it looked like it was his first time renting from National – and I told him he could have any in the aisle we were standing in. He smiled a big, excited smile and pointed at his family, which was standing by a Patriot a couple of vehicles away. “Even that one? It’s a good car, right? It’s a Jeep!”
It’s because of people like that that vehicles like this keep getting made. I also blame these people for Nissan, generally.
Anyway, I politely suggested that he perhaps consider the loaded Fusion we were standing next to, got into my Taurus and drove off.
When I reviewed the McLaren 675LT in Los Angeles, I was limited to 200 miles so I needed a rental car for incidental driving. When I got to LA, my rental turned out to be a Patriot. So part of the time I was driving one of the greatest cars in the world and part of the time I was driving the closest thing to a vehicular appliance one could imagine.
It isn’t that the Patriot is bad, it’s that it’s got nothing to commend it. Everything about it is boring.
I know that they’ve sold a bunch of Patriots and Compasses, but imagine what kind of small car or CUV Chrysler could have made if the resources devoted to the Caliber, Patriot and Compass (they share a platform) were devoted to one vehicle?
Ronnie: Nitro?
Arrgh… Don’t remind us of the Caliber. Well, except the SRT version, that was the only one worth mentioning, and only because of the batsh!t crazy engine in it.
I never did understand the dynamic between the Compass/Patriot. It always seemed to me that the Patriot should have been the low-spec trim of the Compass, vis-a-vis the Custom Sedan to the Galaxie 500 sort of arrangement.
That said, if my G6 develops any more issues, I’ll be shopping at the C/D/J dealer for a SUV of some stripe for the wife. Maybe I can score a killer deal on a Compass…
If you read this to yourself in a valley girl voice, it makes total sense. Nice work, BMark. I can’t believe that’s still an available radio option when Chrysler makes Uconnect systems. Looks like something out of an old K-car.
Now that I’ve clicked, I must write.
TTAC: Don’t do that again.
I have to assume this was an attempt at some kind of inside-baseball humor and I just don’t get it.
I suppose I could try to figure out who he’s parodying and why but life’s to short for that.
You’re reading too much into my comment.
I simply thought this ‘review’ was a new low for TTAC.
You preferred Demuro?
Given that false choice… no.
I just want the original Bark back; snarky Bark can write for others.
Oh, come on. Have a sense of humor.
Bark, didn’t you write the same review of the Dodge Journey not too long ago?
How can you make a review of a Jeep and conclude that this is “a Jeep that does Jeep things in Jeep ways” without taking it offroad?
Did you not see where I took it to Whole Foods?
That’s hilarious, thanks! And so very, very Jeepy.
The pics are perfect in setting the tone of this piece.
They basically make the accompanying text superfluous.
A+.
I see plenty of Patriot’s as fleet vehicles for government agencies in the NYC area. Most are 4×4. When you buy them at the fleet rate they are less expensive than a pedestrian sedan and they do the job.
That was terrible.
Can I get the three minutes of my life back it took to read that drivel?
If you’re angry at this review, you didn’t get the joke.
Can we understand the joke and still think this kind of sucks? We get it, this is well-tread territory for TTAC, it’s an oasis of integrity, honesty, and useful advice in a sea of shoddy sellout hackery. This is so edgy, they’ve never covered this before, ad nauseum!
Is it just me, or is the steering wheel on this thing made of gray Play-Doh?
On that subject, steering wheels seem to be getting fatter and less like what steering wheels should be. So many have chrome inserts and look the same from brand to brand. They don’t say “Drive me!” any more, they look like they’re all designed to be soft and squishy and touchy-feely for the ladies.
Maybe it’s the years finally taking their toll, that I would rather things be as they used to be. There were a lot of crappy steering wheels before now, but they should be getting better instead of homogeneously weird.
A real steering wheel should be leather and black steel, or wood and chrome, or even plastic, with a horn button in the middle, and no compromises for the Takata deathbag in the middle.
Breathe. Slowly in. Slowly out. Replace Jeep with Ford. Breathe….. Better now, huh. Or is that the other Baruth. Damn. I just want a photo of Danger Girl….
4 stars. Would Jeep again.
…Hmmm…trying to figure this out; the difference between this “review” and Mark’s review of the Lotus Evora at Jalopnik.
Is it a case of you “get what you pay for”; or, “write to the level of your reader”…Weird.
Look, I am very late with this reply, but all I know is I ain’t gonna trade my Panther for one. No matter how much over KBB you give me.
Bark should be required to watch BIGTRUCKS reviews on youtube for a week straight for subjecting me to this nonsense.
Enterprise, home of the muddling choices, offered me one of these or a choice between a baby blue or red VW Beetle.