Danger, nudity, drugs and the long arm of the law. You’re not safe from any of those things while on the road. There’s Buicks out there, too.
In this edition of Freaky Friday, a young lady discovers that some things are best left to the intimate and discreet confines of one’s own home (or an airport bathroom), a crack aficionado wants everyone to know his favorite pastime, Portland residents are walking caricatures, and a Buick Verano returns excellent fuel economy on a 16-mile journey.
Gasoline and topless selfies don’t mix
Please, if you’re going to send photos of nude body parts via social media, do so after you pull the car over.
A 19-year-old Texas A&M University student recently learned that lesson after slamming into the back of a police cruiser while her top was down. She wasn’t driving a convertible.
According to Reuters, the shaken-up officer approached Miranda Rader’s vehicle and noticed her struggling to put her blouse on. An open bottle of wine reportedly sat in the cup holder next to her.
“I asked her why she was not dressed while driving and she stated she was taking a Snapchat photo to send to her boyfriend while she was at a red light,” the officer wrote in an affidavit.
Rader was busted for suspicion of driving while intoxicated. There’s no word on whether the Snapchat photo included a rapidly expanding airbag.
Detroit man gives cops a break, makes the whole thing too easy
A high-speed chase in Metro Detroit this morning ended when the male suspect bolted from his 2002 Mercedes-Benz, but he didn’t just leave a few bread crumbs for the pursuing officers. This guy left the whole loaf.
According to the Detroit Free Press, the pursuit started in Redford Township at 1 a.m. after police spotted the suspect’s vehicle wearing blank plates. The pursuit wasn’t long-lived, as the suspect ran off into a neighborhood after a few minutes of evasive maneuvers. Tracking him down and laying a charge might not require the help of Colombo.
“Fortunately, he was nice enough to leave his identification card and crack cocaine in the center console of the vehicle,” the force stated, wryly, in a news release.
While we can’t condone the trafficking of hard drugs, it should be known, this is what cargo shorts are for, people.
The spirit of cringing niceness is alive in Portland
This is the story of three ladies.
One lady owns a Subaru. Old and red, it is. The second lady owns a very similar model. The third seems to be a taken-for-granted individual who does nice things for other people when they ask, even though she probably resents it.
The first lady sent the third lady, with car key in hand, to pick up her Subaru from another neighborhood. Presumably, she parked it outside some hemp or quinoa outfit, maybe there were bikes involved, who knows.
As Oregon Live reports (h/t to Jalopnik), the second lady, Erin Hatzi, soon noticed her red Subaru Impreza missing. After uploading her security camera footage, she noticed a very nonchalant car thief making off with the vehicle so suited for life in Oregon. The hunt was on. You don’t just make off with someone’s quino- erm, Subaru in Portland.
Well gosh, wouldn’t you know it — it was the wrong damn Subaru that Lady No. 3 picked up. (We’re sure you’ve come to this conclusion by now). It turns out that ignition keys are interchangeable in many old Subarus. So, like the plot of almost all 172 episodes of Three’s Company, it was all just a big misunderstanding.
Hatzi found her stolen Subaru back at home the next day, sporting an apologetic note and $30 to compensate for the gas used the previous night.
Life then returned to normal on the avenues and byways of Portland, Oregon.
Fast Times in Tongren, China: Buick Verano Edition
The Buick Verano can’t catch a break. First, General Motors kills off the model in North America, then Chinese truck drivers try to abscond with overseas variants.
Five passengers of one Verano were attempting to enjoy the serene sights of Guizhou Province when the vehicle impacted the rear of a transport truck. Perhaps those sights were a little distracting.
According to UPI, the impact was so light, the truck driver didn’t notice anything amiss. He took off from a routine stop, dragging the Verano and the five much-less-serene passengers behind it. For 16 miles.
When both vehicles finally came to rest in a tunnel, the Verano had saved on gas and was significantly lighter, as four passengers jumped out earlier in the journey. No one was seriously injured in the incident, though the Verano has seen better days.
[Images: Ford Motor Company; Kat Rowland/Flickr (CC BY-NC 2.0); General Motors]
Pro Tip: If you make TTAC Not Safe For Work, it won’t do wonders for your hit rate.
Notice nobody else commented until now?
Everything is blurred out. Chill.
Still not ideal if my boss happens to walk in when a browser window is open. I second tonycd’s comment.
22 people are reading this piece right now. 4 people are reading about virtually everything else.
While I appreciate your taste in women, you are begging to get TTAC blocked on some servers when you post pictures like this.
These kinds of photos get people fired, you know. Looking at them at the office can be regarded as sexual harassment.
@Pch101 Thanks for that level-headed comment. I’ll change it momentarily.
Dal,
You are reading TTAC when you should be working?
First world problems.
And exactly why we are on our way to becoming a 3rd world nation.
One comment has been deleted, let’s see if we go 2-0.
Get a load of this guy. He thinks blurred out breasts on a topless woman are appropriate for this site. At least he’s not the editor or anything, amiright? And then he responds to criticism by telling people to “chill.” Stay classy Mark Stevenson!
The heebie-jeebies about this are as over-inflated as she isn’t.
@Mark Stevenson
We are now living in a pretty restrictive world. Playboy an almost innocuous publication, had to remove the nudes for online publication. We seem to be rushing back to the 1950’s as far as values go.What next cars without engines, because they pollute too much?
Somebody feed that poor girl.
Oh great…pixelated hottie. Now I have the urge to make a fembot out of legos. *
* I realize this will upset some of you. I should have said “Lego® branded building blocks. “
What upsets *me* is that she has starved herself well into the nothing-to-see-here-folks end of the secondary sexual characteristics spectrum. Almost East Asian, poor lamb.
@rentoben: You are correct sir! The aforementioned trademark should always be used as an adjective, and never as a noun. Also, the trademark should appear in the same typeface as the surrounding text and should not be isolated or set apart from the surrounding text.
You also failed to include a disclaimer. A disclaimer should be used when the LEGO trademark appears on a Web page. An appropriate disclaimer would be “LEGO®is a trademark of the LEGO Group of companies which does not sponsor, authorize or endorse this site”. However, a disclaimer will not serve to undo an improper trademark use. Therefore, use of the LEGO logo or improper use of the LEGO trademark cannot be made proper by including a disclaimer.
:^)
Off topic: Can’t wait for the autonomous vehicle industry and the legal industry finally meet up full force. It’s going to be a good one. I think the intellectual property battles are going to be even more epic than the personal injury claims.
I do NOT support NSFW images in my inbox. Bertel don’t work here no more, stop it.
Oh, nicely done. It’s hard to make Jalopnik look classy, but I do think you’ve managed it.
Stop using the dirty B word. We’re a classy site.
Buick?
So after safely making it home, I clicked on the attribution for the top pic. Apparently Nelfie wasn’t self-explanatory enough and there needed to be a helpful illustration.
Five passengers of one Verano were attempting to enjoy the serene sights of Guizhou Province when the vehicle impacted the rear of a transport truck. Perhaps those sights were a little distracting.
When both vehicles finally came to rest in a tunnel, the Verano had saved on gas and was significantly lighter, as four passengers jumped out earlier in the journey. No one was seriously injured in the incident, though the Verano has seen better days.
So what happened to the 5th passenger? Is this a horror story?
The 5th was the Portland babe. See, the stories all integrate.
Sheesh there are a lot of snowflakes around these days, how times have changed. You people are going to get fired anyway for using a Company computer for personal use, so don’t sweat the hardly or not at all racy thing, it won’t make you fired from your job any quicker.
Oh, wait. The topless girl was in the Verano with four passengers? Well, too bad GM cancelled the Verano, now that it’s been shown to be not only a chick car, but a topless chick car.
Oh, c’mon… I might believe 5 Indonesians or Thai cramming into a Verano, but 5 mainland Chinese from the China that grew Yao Ming?
Genders and professions weren’t mentioned. The Chinese have some pretty tiny anorexic Booth Babes. Put just one in the center rear seat and everybody else would probably fit just fine.
Southern Chinese as a sub-ethnicity tend to be short.
I’m from Hong Kong and every time I go back and stand in the crowded metro trains, I have an excellent 6’1″ view over the sea of black hair.
Sounds like that in China as everywhere else, norther is better.
I hear the hot chick may just get away with her slight infraction. It will be reported as a cover-up.
The only flashing I see is a police Explorer with its red and blue lights on.
Headline: Buick Verano goes 16 miles without using gas.
Norm: “I TOLD you guys! It was probably doing 120 MPH at the time as well. And hauling a 5000lb. trailer. Uphill.”
Good one, VoGo.
Huh? I don’t see anything pixeled out. I was late again, wasn’t I?